Pregnancy Update #1 - sneaky beta and symptoms; wedding progress

Sooo, I kind of cheated last week and snuck in for a third beta. The wait for the ultrasound seemed to stretch out forever, and I was feeling some anxiety and doubts, despite the strong first two betas.

I got the idea from friends on the private FB page for folks going through my clinic's program. They said that they found the wait excruciating, also, and went in for another "reassurance" beta. I still had the order from my clinic, which doesn't have a limitation to number of times or any specific dates, and went down to a nearby Quest lab. Results came back "very" reassuring at 17,368 (5 weeks 2 days)!

That reassurance carried me a few more days; now, the anxiety is creeping back in, despite having increasing symptoms. I guess this must be emotional repercussions (PTSD?) from my years of many failed attempts, or even the last cycle, which ended in a chemical. I don't think I'll fully believe I'm pregnant until I see Popo and Budge (or Pudge :) on the ultrasound.

Speaking of which, the ultrasound is still scheduled for March 6th, 12 long days away. If a spot opens up, the doctor said I could come in sooner, but that's doubtful because both an ultrasound and Obgyn workup appointment would need to open up on the same day.

For funsies, I will share the symptoms I've been having. Please share what symptoms you had in your pregnancy, if you've been pregnant and are willing to share. Thanks!

Symptoms:

1. Breast soreness: initially off and on, as of the last couple of days, some level of consistent soreness, but not too intense.
2. Insomnia: wake up most every night around 3 or 4am and am awake for some period of time.
3. Napping: Due to the above, often take a nap after doing my daily pregnancy meditation (I'm not a napper).
4. Mood changes: more emotional and reactive; have responded quite harshly to RC several times and had to apologize. Saying things I would never normally say. Also, increased anxiety at times, and my mind is swirling or overly active.
5. Communication: perhaps related to above, I find myself more "chatty" than I've ever been. I just seem to talk more, in streams of chattiness that is unlike me. Unless I'm in an exhausted place, where I zone out in a semi-stupor. :)
6. Brain fog: pretty self-explanatory...I feel unfocused and fumble around trying to get organized or out the door, at times.
7. Food: smoked salmon, salmon in general really, has never sounded more disgusting. Often, the healthy, veggie-heavy dinners RC cooks, sound awful unfortunately. Cooked veggies, in general, sound bad, except for potatoes or french fries. Salads are okay, raw celery. Fruit is great, and hamburgers - or the other day a delicious gyro - are cravings at times. Spicy foods often sound appealing, oddly.
8. Nausea: I had one wierd incident yesterday, when I was out walking Zoey, where I suddenly felt overheated and BLECH. Not like I was about to throw-up but just gross and I guess you could say somewhat nauseated. I felt like I couldn't make all the way back down our street and home, lol. But, overall, no morning sickness or nausea, which has been a concern because so many women feel this. I just reached 6 weeks today, so maybe I have that to look forward to.

Lastly, despite my foggy brain, wedding planning has progressed, and all the major pieces are in place. Venue and food, check; DJ, check; rehearsal dinner venue, check; decorations and centerpieces, check (found more antique-style table clocks, yay!); officiant, check; wedding party confirmed, check (RC had some struggles around this when one son cancelled last minute, but my uncle stepped in :); flowers, check.

We are super excited for our honeymoon, now, as well. Even though my Dad declined to pay for the wedding, or any part of the wedding, up front, he and the rest of my immediate family went in on the lodging for our honeymoon in Victoria, BC - amazing! Lots of gratitude and some warming towards my Dad around that one, which we just found out about yesterday. We will be staying in a 17-suite Bed and Breakfast downtown, across from a lovely park (Beacon Park?) and near all the sights and activities along the Bay. Yay!

FET Update #7 - 2nd Beta Results

Second beta results came back at 1116! We could hardly believe our ears. I was hoping for the 600s or 700s maybe, since they said they wanted them to triple, but this exceeded expectations. Such a relief and so encouraging that this actually might be happening.

I’ve downloaded a couple of apps and am following Budge and Popo’s development. Those are the names we gave our embryos. If we find out only one stuck, we will call him/her “Pudge.” 😊

I’m very happy but in and out of a state of disbelief, as well. Our first ultrasound is scheduled for March 1st, at 7 weeks. Hang in there, guys! ❤️

FET Update #6: Results are in

Beta test yesterday came back at 221! I’m pregnant! Woo hoo!!

Waiting for the results was excruciating, not surprisingly. At three hours, when they said they would be done, I talked to the nurse and she said she had the result but couldn’t give them to me until the doctor reviewed them. Crazy!

About 45 minutes later, she called me back and told me the good news. I was out walking the dog, so as not to go completely insane waiting, so I called RC to tell him the news. He was pretty overwhelmed and even shed a few tears. Very sweet. As for me, I couldn’t wipe the huge grin off my face and felt super relieved, as well as overjoyed. Quite a memorable moment!

The second beta test is on Monday so we’re hoping the numbers rise appropriately. The nurse said 221 is a very strong number, and some folks have mentioned the possibility of twins; others say that they had high numbers with a singleton, and the number doesn’t matter that much. I guess we will have to wait and see.

As I shared before, we would prefer a singleton for the reason it would be an easier pregnancy (and it would be pretty intense caring for twins :-)), but we would be overjoyed with either outcome. I would love them to have a sibling, and there are fun and positive aspects to having two children.

Those of you who have gone through infertility can probably understand my impulse to want to see a second line on an HPT. Sooo, I had some old cheap pregnancy tests and used one today. Definitely a second line! But it was kind of lighter than we expected, so of course that brought up worry. It was my second urine of the day, and I drank coffee and water, so I hope that’s why. Damn HPTs, still managing to cause stress. 🤪

I had some more old blood spotting over the last couple days, as well as cramping. Boobs are getting increasingly sore, and insomnia at around 3am continues. But as of now, I’m pregnant!! First time I’ve been able to say that. ❤️

Updates from Limbo-land

Update on beta hell: The week following was, again, exactly the same as the prior week, around 45.

Cue getting more serious and investigating possibility of getting a D&C, which I would have to get locally, since my several-hours-away clinic isn't covered by my insurance. We talked to a local doctor, RC's friend who works out of a local medical center, who agreed to do the procedure.

I talked to the doctor at the clinic again and he explained again why he was against using methotrex@te, the timeline of recovery for that or a D&C, and how he has come to believe in the wisdom of letting things resolve naturally when possible. This makes sense, but it's sooo hard being in limbo and waiting, waiting, then waiting some more.

But... guess what? In the midst of these considerations, I had another beta this last Friday and... Halle-frickin-lujah, the numbers *finally* started moving in the right direction. It came back at 24.6!! I felt incredibly relieved. I really don't want to get the surgery or take toxic medication if I can avoid it, even though I know many women (including myself) have gone through these and been fine. It's stressful and uncomfortable, and, if I can avoid it and also avoid further delays in starting the next cycle, then that would be much preferred.

Without going into too much detail, after calming and almost stopping, my body has picked up it's efforts of final healing. I had some increased old blood, then some new blood yesterday and today, along with very slight cramping/pulling feelings here and there. I'll go in for another beta next Friday, fingers crossed!

And happening in parallel: a little less than two weeks now until we caravan with all our stuff and animals up to Oregon. Wowza! More about that in another post, but needless to say, this is a huge commitment on both our parts and is bringing up some stuff to work through.

Waiting...and Moving

Soooo, we have given up on starting the next cycle quickly or before we move to Oregon. It looks like my next transfer won't be until December.

This is because, instead of going down, my HCG beta went up last Monday to 45! Argh. The doctor then ordered an ultrasound, which I did on Thursday, and which showed there was nothing in my uterus or tubes. Therefore, no ectopic or retained tissue in my uterus or anything like that. I am having a little ongoing spotting and even a little very mild cramping the last couple of days, so I guess my body is still working through healing.

After reviewing the ultrasound results, the doctor gave us three options going forward:

1. Continue waiting for the beta to drop (and of course hoping my period arrives in three weeks). My next blood test is scheduled for next Friday. 
2. Get a saline sonogram and potentially have a DNC or hysteroscopy. 
3. Take methotrexate, which the doctor does not advise.

As hard as it is to just keep waiting, we’re leaning towards doctor-preferred option one. We will, however, reevaluate depending on the beta results next week.

The earliest we could start the next cycle would be around the first of November. Since a cycle takes about a month leading up to transfer, that brings us to the beginning of December. Cycling and transferring over the holidays - wow, not necessarily what I would choose, but we will move forward as soon as possible.

Our move to Oregon will be around the end of the first week of November. Our plans are starting to come together. We have a budget, which includes, in addition to paying for a POD to be moved from the Bay Area to Oregon, one of us driving a U-haul up and towing one of our cars behind, while the other person drives the second car. Sounds stressful! We will be breaking up the trip with a hotel stay, though, so that should help.

Life is rolling along, not as we had envisioned, but we are looking forward to moving to Oregon and feeling hopeful about the next cycle... which I pray starts sooner rather than later!

FET Update #3

Still in limbo land... the Beta number was, wait for it, *exactly the same* last Monday. Argh!! It was around 20. I told my nurse that I needed to have some reason why this was the case and not just, "It's a mystery, wait another week." So, the doctor ended up calling me and talking about how, since the level started and has remained low, it indicates there are slight remaining pregnancy/placental cells somewhere and it can take time for them to clear.

He said to stop the BCP and Trental, which I did right away. Since then, I started bleeding. Definitely an unusual-type cycle - less intense but starting with (TMI Warning) a couple days of old blood and now some red blood with tissue in it. It's all sort of sad, but at the same time, I welcome it because I really want to get back to ground zero and start the new cycle.

I do question why they started me on BCP on cycle day 3 after a chemical pregnancy? Doesn't it make sense that my body go through a whole cycle, and let it run it's course? I guess they were doing it because our initial plan was to go right into an FET cycle, but it needs to make sense with the healing process, too!

A positive development is that we are now clear about moving to Oregon at the start of November, then coming down for the transfer later on. We need to get on with our plans, plus we have a place now! It's in a perfect location, a few blocks from my sister's house and walking distance from my dad and brother's house, as well as a nice outdoor/indoor mall with restaurants, coffee shops, stores, and even a Trader Joe's. We want to get up there and don't want to pay two rents for longer than necessary.

Lastly, I bit the bullet and bought the Circle @nd Bloom meditation program. Yay! I'm excited about the modules specifically corresponding to each phase in the FET cycle and really feel it will help me manage my anxiety this time around. Now, if we can only get started! Fingers crossed for next Wednesday's blood test showing a *ZERO* Beta result!

FET Update #2

We are in limbo-land this week because the Beta did not drop. It was around 20 on Monday, so we re-test this Monday, fingers crossed.

It's so frustrating because we had a tentative cycle calendar which had us transfer at the end of October. Now, from what the nurse told me previously, the earliest we could transfer would be November 12th. :( This is an issue not just because it's so hard to be in limbo, but also because we are trying to make a move to my hometown in Oregon, and were planning on the beginning of November. We still may do that, but would then need to make a seven-and-a-half hour drive to the clinic for the transfer.

The good news is that we could get all the testing and ultrasounds done locally, but that's a tough drive to make and not ideal to do shortly after transferring. We will see how things unfold. The first hurdle is getting my d@mn Beta to drop, so please send good thoughts for us on Monday.

I have been feeling okay; a little occasional very light cramping and old blood spotting. I have continued taking the birth control pills, per doctor's orders, as well as the Trental medication for uterine blood flow. My mood has been okay generally, but it seems like I have less patience and tolerance than usual; RC and I have had some frustrating conversations.

I've been trying to meditate daily, however, and today we are going on a big food shopping trip to stock up with healthy items for the cycle. Yay. I'm back up to four career counseling clients, and am enjoying having that to take some positive attention and time. Fingers crossed we can move forward next week!