B-A-N-A-N-A-S

This cycle is driving me bananas.  I will try and post an image of my chart (please forgive my inconsistent temp taking early in this cycle).  The OPK positive is a guess, based on temps and fading out results on Sunday and Monday.




Basically, my temps have been really up and down.  I was pretty sure I ovulated last Friday or Saturday, even though my post-ovulation temps were a couple tenths lower than usual.  But then, today and yesterday they dropped down to around 97.2/97.3!  Crazy, I tell you.

Oh well, I blame the Vitex.  From what you guys are telling me and from what I read, Vitex can do a number on your cycle at first.  At this point, I plan to stay with it until we do an injectable medication cycle, then I plan to follow advice and stop taking it.  Of course, all this may change based on guidance from Pacific Fertility Center.  I have my phone consult at 2pm today, during which we will review the extensive ttc and medical history I had to submit, then we will schedule an in-person appointment.

On the other hand, my dip in temperature does happen to fall on day 6 or 7dpo, so it's pretty much perfect timing for implantation... Have I had dips around this time before, though?  Yep, I have.  And I was not pregnant.  And who knows what my hormones are doing, as mentioned above.  So, I'm trying not to read anything in to it, though I would really like to!  I do hope they go back up though.  If they don't go back up, does that mean I didn't ovulate?  When would AF likely show up then?  Aargh.

More concrete life happenings include a weekend workshop with the famous Joanna Macy, which will start tonight and go through Sunday at 3pm.  S and I are both attending.  JM's work is used a lot in our Transition Town groups, and on a romantic note, he and I first connected while doing a JM exercise.  It was this one where we held hands and, one at a time, looked at the other's hand and saw their ancient ancestry and current life.  We expressed appreciation for all the love and work that had already come and would eventually come through their hands.  It was moving to both of us, and I just remember looking at his smile and feeling a lot of radiance.  We hope this workshop will give us gifts for our personal relationship, as well as our activist work together.

This work is heating up, btw!  We're participating in an action on Earth Day, April 22, and will be joining many other activities during the summer, likely culminating in one huge day of mass action in San Francisco.  Climate change is S's biggest passion from an environmental devastation point of view (don't get him started talking about it unless you want to be there a while!).  Mine is more focused on living sustainably - both from a resource/climate change point of view, but also from the point of view of supporting one another relationally and in an interconnected community.

Work that Reconnects

I attended a workshop on Saturday called, "The Work that Reconnects," created by Joanna Macy. http://www.joannamacy.net/theworkthatreconnects/goals.html

My recent meeting with the local Transition Towns (TT) "Heart and Soul" group in Albany led me to this workshop, and I left feeling excited about potential of these exercises to empower and build local community. On a personal level, I feel excited about working with these people toward TT goals and that this collaboration might be really fun and fulfilling!

A little more about my experience: The exercises were really deep and engaging and led us into asking deep questions of one another. It was amazing to me what was revealed in such a short time in some of the partner activities, leaving you feeling like you really got a sense of who the person is, of their fundamental life experiences and what shapes them.

Some of the dialogue questions included asking about the person who most gave you a sense of your own worth, about a significant place from your childhood, what you love about nature/earth, and your feelings about what is happening now with the earth and other things - all very rich.

In one of the following exercises, we created a "Truth Mandala" with four corners: leaves representing grief, a bowl for emptiness, a sturdy stick for anger, and a stone for fear. We took turns visiting the corners and speaking to one or more of these emotions. I felt honored and amazed to witness others’ emotional expression, which I experienced as authentic, truthful, and without embellishment or prettying up.

I shared about grief about the current work situation in world: how limited it is and how people are expected to fit into little boxes/niches and are not nurtured and guided to express their true essence/gifts. How wounding shallow judgments can be, such as the judgment that not enough status or money=a meaningless life etc.

The grief started on a personal level stemming from recent conversations with my father and the subsequent emotional shift I've already talked about to fully claim my life and my own identity. . .but also expanded out to recognize the way our system fails so many people, fails to value and capture everyone's gifts, all of which are needed as we evolve to become a stronger, more sustainable (and humane) community/society. I felt safe to let go and openly express those things.

The final exercise we did was in triads, in which each group rotated roles with one person representing themselves and sharing their intention going forward, then alternately expressing their "voice of doubt". The second person spoke from the role of the first person's ancestor, and the third person spoke to them from the voice of a "future being".

Through this exercise, I was reassured that my gifts (counseling, training, creativity) are very much needed and was told the pill to relieve constipated creative expression is FAITH in my gifts. I need to nurture and water the seeds so they can continue to grow. The future being told me that a combination of my gifts is key and that they will be useful, especially counseling, in coming times.

Later, one of my group members, Eva, offered an idea that had really worked for her cousin about volunteering leading to a perfect wonderful job for them and also a networking opportunity with her son who teaches theatre at Berkeley high school. She said he’s gone in the schools and done some social change/socially relevant plays and explorative curriculum with the students, which sounds cool.

You never know where networking may lead. They invited me to a showing of the film, "The Economics of happiness," at their house, which I’m interested in attending and will likely have a chance to talk with their son then.

A last point: I am grateful for the facilitator, Anne, and the way she utilized her own relevant life stories and shared from her heart. She really created a sense of safety for the group.

*Side note: Synergistically, in sharing about this workshop with some ecstatic dance friends on Sunday, I think I may have found a volunteer opportunity providing career counseling services for parolees through a county mental health organization!