Creative Catalyst

The prompt for today is about whether you commemorate or celebrate a divorce or significant breakup. I don't do that sooo, I'll share that I led a mini-workshop this evening about conquering fears and doubts and creating your dream career. Extremely small, like one person, lol.  I had three but one had a friend pass away and another got stuck at work. 

I'm glad I went through with it, though, because it catalyzed me to synthesize and better articulate some of the guidance and activities I've been sharing with clients over the last year. I have three or four solid tools or processes I recommend for when people get emotionally triggered, when they get stuck in cycles of judgment and negative self-talk, and when they are in conflict with part of themselves or with others. I've learned and collected these tools over many years of my own self and career development and then work with clients. 

I'm excited because I can see this content expanding and solidifying into substantial curriculum for a group program. So, even though I did not gain clients from this workshop, it was super valuable in other ways. 

I'm also happy heading into tomorrow because it's a holiday and I'm going to do some business catch-up and apply for an interesting part-time job close to home, but mostly putter around, walk the dog, read my book, and take it easy. 

Good News and Bad News

These last few days have been full of good news and pretty darn bad news. The good news includes the success of my, "Career Exploration for Introverts," workshop on Friday, with seven attendees and four free half-hour career consultations scheduled. I will let you know how many new clients come out of the consults (I recently signed two new clients separately, as well!). I also learned a lot in this first round of offering this workshop, and I plan to continue refining and offering the content in the future. And the participants really connected with one another; so much so that I had to ask them to leave. For Introverts, as you might imagine, this is definitely unusual and a real accomplishment. :)

In other good news, my campaign to become a mother through California Conceptions just passed the $600 mark or 10% of the goal! I know a few folks who intend to make donations and a couple of them are close friends and family. If you would like to contribute, I would really be grateful. I am also offering "perks" of career counseling and/or resume review for various levels of contribution, which you can give to friends if you don't need it. If you write a blog and are willing to support me by posting about the campaign, that would be wonderful and sooo appreciated! If you contact me here or on my campaign page, I will gladly share a pre-written blog post that you could change and edit. Or you can introduce it however you like. I also am glad for all positive wishes!

I had fun and informative conversations with both the California Conceptions program coordinator and one of the doctors, and wanted to share a few interesting tidbits from those conversations:

• They confirmed that they offer a refund if you don't achieve a successful pregnancy after three tries, assuming you meet the requirements of 28% BMI and a clear saline sonogram. I meet the weight requirement but am a little too close to the line for comfort, so plan to eat more carefully and continue exercising. I'll get the sonogram with them probably in a month or so.
• My next steps - in addition to continuing to work on financing - are to get a physical and complete the list of blood tests. I can also move forward on seeing an approved therapist for one appointment to discuss the psychological/emotional aspects of donor embryos.
• The doctor said there is a 65% chance of success each try, using one embryo, and 75% using two embryos. The chance of twins, while in a typical pregnancy is one in a thousand or so, with this process (due to using 5-day blastocysts) is 1 - 1.5% chance. So using two embryos, there is a 3% chance of having triplets. I think I got that right, but any math majors, please feel free to correct me! In any case, there is a much higher rate of multiples, which makes me reconsider my original intention to use two embryos each try. What would you do?

Last bit of good news...had a great "coaching circle" meet up with a few folks from my EOL program yesterday. A guy from the program developed this curriculum, so we are acting as guinea pigs but reaping the benefits of the Theory U material he is using and enjoying having a reunion with one another. We will meet two additional times virtually and possibly once more in person.

Ending with the bad news, which as I think about is actually good and bad news in itself. Good news is I'm alive. Bad news is that when I got my oil changed yesterday, the automotive place did not fasten my wonky hood correctly and it flew up on the freeway, shattering my windshield and blinding me for a few seconds. The policeman and tow truck operator both said I was very lucky, and that most people swerve or slam on the brakes when that happens. For whatever reason, I didn't do that, but instead kept driving praying I was in the lane, slowed down, realized I could peek through a crack where hood connects to the car and work my way over to the next lane and then onto the shoulder, at which point I burst into hysterical tears that lasted a good 10 minutes. It was pretty traumatizing - just the shock of it and knowing the danger. I was fortunate that the glass did not break out of the windshield frame, but instead cracked into thousands of pieces and send little shards of glass onto the seat and onto my clothing; the rear view mirror also flew off. I walked away unhurt. Thank God. I'm having the car towed from my house to a shop tomorrow and it looks like my insurance will cover most of repair, minus deductible, and give me a rent-a-car.

Thanks for hearing all my news. I hope your weekend had as much or more good, and way less bad than mine did!

p.s. I have had a couple positive conversations (all things considered) with S and will share about these in my next post...

Hitting the Ground Running

My mom received wonderful news yesterday - the three lymph nodes they removed, which were apparently "involved," were all benign.  At first my brother just told me that the three they removed were "involved," and I was quite worried thinking the doctor randomly removed three, all cancerous.  But no, apparently, they use dye in the surgery to see which are "involved" and remove them, and clearly involved doesn't mean what I thought (I still don't know exactly what it means, but I guess somehow connected).  Whew!  Relief.  Now praying the chemotherapy she starts this week goes well.

In other news, I have been stressed off my a$$ about my class, which starts Tuesday.  Not so much about the teaching part, but the preparation, or the "finally-receive-the-book-at-the-very-last-minute, cram-the-planning-process" aspect of the whole thing.  But last night, I finally took a big chunk out of creating my syllabus.  After another several-hour session tonight, I should be in tolerable shape with content.  Then, shine it up and get it printed by Monday.  I also still need to be entered as the instructor for the course so I can access student roster and other needed information, but I am choosing to trust all that will fall into place.  Basically, I won't leave campus on Monday until I have it figured out!

Oh, and I'm also giving a workshop tomorrow at the local bookstore on MBTI and career choice.  Why did I choose to do this right before my class started?  Honestly, I was NOT thinking clearly.  But luckily, I now have all the planning done for that, the workshop is only an hour and a half, and I'm facilitating with a friend which takes some of the pressure off.  I'll try to take a picture if I think of it.

It's just so shocking coming out of the lull of the holiday break into madcap action.  Is anyone else feeling this way?

I can also share that the joys of dating are alive and well... initial nervousness, looking for that spark of attraction, not really finding it, trying to be present for what IS there... which in the case of the second person I went out with in the last couple weeks, was that we had a LOT in common in terms of our education and work.  He was finishing a graduate psychology program with a cohort of folks (I did this a decade or more ago) and had done a lot of growth work, including counseling and 12-$tep, as well as gone through fertility treatments with his ex-wife at the same place S and I last went.

We went out twice, the second time down at Fisherman's Wharf (near the fertility place), which brought up a lot of feelings!  It should have been no shocker, but I just didn't think of it.  S and I going down there several times together - mainly to the Piers but once to the Wharf - and processing the treatments.  Getting in fights.  Or feeling excitement and hope.  In any case, for that reason plus the lack of attraction thing, I decided that would be end of the road for me and this guy.

S and I are supposed to get together now and finally exchange the presents we have for each other.  We haven't communicated at all since texting when I was in Oregon around Christmas.  I feel a little nervous and want to stay grounded in my vision for what I want in a relationship.  In knowing that it will never work with S unless there were a DRAMATIC shift in how we are together, which is unlikely.  I have no idea what, if anything, he has been going through mentally or emotionally.  I just know that he saw the counselor yesterday, and we agreed to get together around this time.  I will keep you posted.

Thank you to everyone for another year of connecting through this blog and through many of yours.  I hope this year brings many dreams to fruition. 

Finally, sending much care to those of you going through difficult times.