A Long-Awaited Celebration

I finally received my certificate of approval for the homestudy yesterday! It's currently on my mantle where I can see it, along with an official card for my wallet proving I'm a certified foster parent. I would post a picture, but I don't want to put my details on up on the blog...I promise it is a beautiful sight to see and includes placement parameters of gender, age, and ethnicity, etc. 😃

I sent the news to my closest friends and family, but it was one of those times I wished I lived close to someone with whom I could actually celebrate in person. It would've been wonderful to go out and have a drink and discuss and toast this significant achievement.

My aunt asked me if I'm on the waiting list now… I don't think I am until I meet with my placement social worker on the 22nd, but I'm not sure. Actually,  now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure because I haven't given them the three copies of my family book yet, which I will do when she visits.

Apparently, as I think I shared before,  they take these books to the meetings with the various counties and show them to the folks who are representing the children who need placement. So that will be another milestone, but these pieces of paper provide a sense of huge accomplishment and are something that can't be taken away from me.

I might go to my local Mexican restaurant to celebrate for an early dinner tonight… On Sunday I'm meeting with a local SMC who is also pursuing adoption.  I'm looking forward to hearing her perspective and experience so far.

Other than that, my current excitement is watching Game of Thrones. It is so incredibly violent! But I'm pretty addicted now, and the acting is excellent. I have waited to watch it for a long time but I am now finishing season three. Kind of interesting hearing about how the Notre Dame cathedral in France is apparently crumbling because of pollution, over use, and plain old time. It was built 800 years ago in medieval times, similar to Game of Thrones era – without the Science fiction and  magic.

Last Home Study Visit - Check!

The homestudy social worker came for her final visit this last Thursday…

I felt surprisingly nervous, but also excited. There was a flurry of activity and errands to run in the weeks leading up to her visit, including:

• Getting the right safety latches, which took a couple of tries, since my complex does not allow drilling into any part of the cabinets. 

• Procuring, then cleaning and setting up the crib and changing table.

• Hanging a mirror and two art pieces in the nursery room, plus finally hanging the last of my art in the rest of the house, including a beautiful but heavy mirror I inherited from my grandparents. 

• Buying a gray chevron crib sheet, that happens to match the gray chevron changing pad cover that came with the changing table. 😊

• Getting Zoey a new dog bed and throwing out her raggedy one.

• Unpacking the clothes and toys passed down to me from my brother and sister-in-law. It was so fun to hang the clothes on little hangers and put them away in drawers!

As I went through all these preparations,  I found myself imagining more and more my life with a little one; what I would be doing at various times that would be dramatically different than what I normally do. For example, playing on the floor with a little one instead of watching TV or going on a walk through the neighborhood after work with the stroller versus just Zoey.

At one point, I was standing in the nursery with Zoey, asking her if she was ready for a baby to be here, saying, "Pretty soon, there's going to be a little one here crying,"  then making crying noises. Lol  I guess I'm trying to get both Zoey and myself ready for a huge change.

The social worker visit itself was surprisingly anti-climactic. My as-mentioned very young social worker was friendly but down to business. I offered cookies and fresh strawberries, along with mineral water. I think she ate one, maybe two, strawberries, as she went down her required question list fairly rapid fire. She did seem a bit more enthusiastic about the nursery, and appeared to really like the hot air balloon wall decals I put up.

She said everything was fine, except I did forget a couple of safety items: first aid kit, fire extinguisher, and carbon monoxide detector. What would cause high levels of carbon monoxide, anyway? No idea… But I ordered these items on Amazon, and once they arrive I can send a picture to her and complete the checklist. Then, it will be likely around three weeks of writing up the report, sharing it with me in the supervisor, making edits, then issuing the certificate. Whew! I'm on the homestretch, though!

Next Step Considerations

After getting a white crib -  with all the pieces this time - and a nice, solid white changing table with drawers off of Next Door (I love that website!), I've pretty much got the nursery together now! I need to find a small, not too pricey glider and pick up some small clothes hangers.

In the rest of the house, I still need to get safety latches on a couple of the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen. I did get a safety mechanism for the front door knob and mats for the front door, kitchen, and bathroom. My bathroom is ridiculously small, y'all. It's sort of fitting because I'm definitely not a 'spend a lot of time in the bathroom' kind of a person. I do all my getting ready in my bedroom.  But I wonder how that will be with a kid… I guess I can make adjustments or add storage items later.

After the drama with the agency I'm working with, as well as word-of-mouth warnings I've been reading from friends and online, I admit I'm feeling some worry about whether I'll actually get placed with an infant within a few months. I'm thinking about whether I can get comfortable with the idea that I may need to foster a child or two before I connect with my forever child. There is so much potential loss associated with that idea, but also the opportunity to be a loving and stable influence on other children going through a traumatic time.

Once my homestudy is complete, I plan to consider all my options – both new options and those I've considered before. Summer seems like a good time to do that. My thought is that all I can do is keep taking the next step and making the best decisions I can.

Final social worker visit is a week from tomorrow – wish me luck!

Home Study Drama

My spring semester at the college ended yesterday. Our program graduation on Thursday went well,  and the speeches the graduates made were extraordinary and moving. After some stress around budget changes, we were given the same continuing hours for fall, and it feels great to have that continuity. Additionally, I was given a few hours a week during the last half of June and all of July before we have a full week of retreat and orientation when fall semester ramps up at the beginning of August. With these hours, the court disbursement I finally received last week, the non-profit work, and my career counseling business, it looks like it may be a little tight this summer but OK.

In this present moment, I'm looking around my house and recognizing there is a lot of cleaning to be done. I  feel jealous when I hear people being struck with spring or summer cleaning fever. I must have a strong immune system when it comes to that illness. haha  I do get motivated by outside catalysts, and  yesterday I scheduled a big one –  my final social worker visit on June 15th. I intend to make a list today of all the actions I need to take and what I need to get in place before she comes.

I had a scare last week when my social worker sent a lengthy email about additional policy changes which shift their demographic to a higher number of older and special needs children. I understood this was always the case, but I guess they are expanding relative searches for infants, among other things. She then asked me to expand my per age and or special-needs parameters. I wrote back that I was not comfortable with that and reminded her of previous in-depth conversations we had last year about it. She wrote back that in that case they would be unable to work with me. What? I was freaked out, needless to say, after jumping through inumerable hoops and literally being on the threshold of completing the homestudy. I wasn't sure she knew I've been communicating the past two months with their agency coordinator and completing all the replacement forms based on my move. So I sent those to both her and her supervisor and also left a voicemail with the supervisor Friday late afternoon.

And in my worried state, I also started doing some research with the county I live in now to see which parts of the homestudy might transfer. I will say I really liked the two women I spoke with in this county, but they needed to do further research about it...and regardless, I would need to redo the intensive interviewing process. I was clear I wanted to complete the homestudy with my current agency, since I'm so close, then consider options about how to move forward. Once completed, the homestudy can travel with me to other counties, etc.

So, long story short, I finally heard back from the supervisor on Wednesday, and she said there was a miscommunication and she did not mean they wouldn't work with me. She just wanted to stress the policy changes and likely longer timeline for placement with an infant. I said I understood but still wanted to complete the homestudy, which she was fine with, thank God. I think my social worker may have expressed things more strongly than she was supposed to. In any case, I'm super relieved!

No big plans this weekend, but I'm looking forward to attending the new church I found tomorrow and hiking with a friend on Monday. I hope you have a fun and relaxing holiday weekend!

Lots happening and lots to do

I participated in my first Petaluma community event yesterday, which is called Butter and Eggs Day, in reference to Petaluma's farming roots.There was a parade and I rode on the decorated hay wagon truck as part of my college's entry. There were staff with their kids, as well as students mostly dressed in graduation caps and gowns. Everybody in Petaluma and many beyond Petaluma came out for the event and I had a great time. I got to know one of my students a little better who was riding next to me, and on the other side was my supervisor and her two young boys who were super cute and involved. I bought a small bucket of freshly cooked fried chicken (I shared!) to start the event off, then later got snowcones with my supervisor and her kids. Yum!

 As this event implies, I'm feeling more comfortable in my newer job and have an increased sense of competence and belonging. The bad news there is that there is current budgetary uncertainty for the summer, so I'm not sure what if any hours I'll get for June and July. Fingers crossed.

I have three pieces of good news to report, however: First, after being called in for an interview at the College of Marin – which is next-door to my nonprofit in Larkspur, about 30 minutes from my new home – I received the thrilling call that I was hired as an adjunct counselor! I don't know whether I'll have summer or fall hours yet, but it's wonderful to not just depend on one college for counseling hours. Also, the College of Marin is smaller and seems like a fun department, as well as having handy proximity to my nonprofit. Oh, and I can have eight more hours a week at the nonprofit this summer if I want… Of course they pay considerably less.

Second, I landed a new (phone) client for 1000 bucks! This gets me partway there to covering less hours or time off in summer. I also changed my Meetup group location to Petaluma and plan to have a Meetup sometime in the next month, in hopes of landing another client or two. There is reasonably-priced office space to rent here, too, like I was doing previously.

Third, my townhome complex manager, after I assertively reminded her of her promise, was able to schedule my washer/dryer enclosure to be built next week. Woo hoo! The weather has turned nice and sunny finally, but  I was still worried about my washer and dryer being out in the elements. 

In addition to landing summer work, my plate is chock-full of to-do's, it seems. Feel free to skip this next action step section, but I find it helpful to list intended actions on my blog to reference and, in a way, hold me accountable. My current to-do's or action steps:

Adoption action steps 

1. Research child care in Petaluma
2. Put together crib and hang decals/art on the wall
3. Purchase a changing table or use the table I have with a changing pad
4. Find a small children's dresser in white or red
5. Complete CPR class Second Saturday in May 
6. Fill out replacement forms for Homestudy
7. Make a visitation appointment with the social worker for end of May
8. Prior to the appointment, make sure safety latches on necessary drawers and cabinets and medicine lockbox is working  

Home actions. Except for unpacking, which I'd like to finish up in the next week or two, none of these have a set timeline 

1. Finish unpacking few boxes downstairs
2. Unpack bags and suitcases in my room
3. Hang art
4. Buy bathroom rug, towel bar, and hooks for bathroom and bedroom
5. Re-finish blue end tables or paint myself - new handles
6. Get a vanity table and chair for bedroom
7. New mattress for me
8. Buy new dog bed for Zoey

Per last post, actions to get involved in meaningful activities locally: 

1. Start going to farmers market Saturday afternoons
2. Attend swing dance workshop and dance in May
3. Try out a new church every first Sunday of the month until find one that clicks
4. Attend upcoming local activism fair/tabling event -  contact and attend meeting for local political organization or closest transition town group

Spoke too soon

Well, I might have spoken too soon about that pulling the Winnebago back from the cliff thing. I really thought that once I started this new position – I was okay.  Now, I'm not so sure. Instead of depositing my rent check the normal way, my landlord decided to drive up to my credit union branch. I was short a little bit and depending on overdraft protection for checks, which of course didn't kick in when he went to the branch. Getting a flat tire the week before last didn't help things. When I took the car in, they said two additional tires needed replacement as well.  With the brutal commute I have, I just couldn't take the risk. My landlord is freaking out and wanting total payment immediately.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel on April 10, when I receive my first full paycheck from the new job. I'm talking with a potential new roommate this afternoon… I said in the ad it would just be for a few months. I also hope to get legal advice on Monday.  I reached out to my landlord to talk, once to explain the bank situation and once to ask to sit down with him and see if we might find something that works, but he's not responded. I am getting a small paycheck from the new job on March 10 and my nonprofit payment the 15th. I'm looking at other options to pay two months rent… If I do get a new roommate and she gives one month deposit that would go a long way.

Considering all possibilities, if I do have to move,  I found out the majority of my homestudy paper work would still be valid, she would just need to do a walk-through at the new place and ensure child safety measures in place. My new home also needs to be within one hour of their office, and the three places I'm considering – Petaluma, Larkspur, and San Rafael - are all within 50 miles. I really don't want an eviction on my record, however, and if I'm focused on paying my landlord with that first check, I won't have enough for a full deposit.

There are just some significant unknowns at this point… I'll check in again after my conversation with the potential tenant this afternoon and after I talk to the legal counsel on Monday. I feel foolish for buying that rug now. Although, realistically, $100 would not have made a bit of difference in this scenario.

As a sidenote, I have been having some difficulty picturing myself raising a child at this house. It's older, kind of drafty, I don't like the bathroom, and the two bedrooms are separated by the bathroom so not super close to hear a kid.  I think the child would be in my bedroom for at least the first few months to a year, but then the kids room almost seems extraneous. It seems like we would be hanging out in the front room where the TV is and there's room to play and lots of light.  I am really excited about decorating a space for a child, but the room that's here just doesn't seem like a great fit or location in the house. Maybe it would be different once I got curtains up, the rug laid out, decorations up etc. The  over an hour commute each way to work is also not child friendly.

Please send good thoughts that this situation unfolds in the best manner for all involved.

Hanging on

The past couple of days were super stressful, but I'm feeling better and more hopeful today. The stress is related to finances. I told a friend yesterday that I feel like I'm hanging on, trying to plug up leaks in my life raft until I can get to safety.

I feel I have done everything I can do in terms of applying for jobs in my field (after losing my part-time college hours a year ago). I applied for two more recently. And I actually landed another part-time job! But it feels like it's taking FOREVER to find out if I have an assignment this semester or not. I'm trying to keep grounded and calm but when those leaks keep springing up, it's hard.

Then my battery died at work last Wednesday - I think I left my overhead light on - and, after getting help jumping it and driving it home, it was dead again the next morning. I might have left the light on again? That would be so so embarrassing. I'm not sure if I did, though. In any case, I had to get two more jumps yesterday, the second from my insurance roadside assistance. After that one, I drove the car around for a looong time to make sure I had done everything I could to charge it. The guy told me my hybrid only charges when driving 25 mph or faster. I had no clue!

I have yet to try and start it today, but I'm going to do it right before I need to leave for my SMC adopt meeting; fingers crossed. The meeting is not in any way official, just three or four of us local SMCs who plan to adopt getting together again for mutual support and learning from one another, but I really hope I can go! If not, I'm stranded at home until I can have the car towed to the shop to get a new battery installed.

I have done everything I can to apply for college jobs, but I have NOT done everything I can to find new clients. The holidays were a super busy time (I could have tried harder though), and it seems few people are receptive to marketing during that time, anyway. Also, another of my clients graduated. Sooo, less income coming in recently. Please think good thoughts for me on Monday at 1pm. I have a phone call with a potential client who actually already said yes in November but then went into rehab. and is just now available. I think it would be great to work with him and feel I can offer beneficial support in his career (and life) transition. I am also getting back into attending networking groups and setting up appointments to meet with people one-on-one who might become referral partners. Longing again for a virtual assistant to help me keep up with the ongoing marketing/outreach cycle...

A couple of updates:

Dating: Turns out the guy I was talking on the phone with is not in any way ready to date. He is underemployed, struggling financially, and I am pretty sure depressed. Put it that way, maybe I'm not ready to date either! (not depressed, though)

Adoption: My second social worker meeting went very well. She asked me the tough psychological questions about my childhood and life experiences. At the end, she said she thought I had experiences that would make me understand and be a good parent for an adopted child, and that I was very self-aware. I felt encouraged! The third meeting, which we scheduled for next Thursday, will be the last interview segment about parenting and discipline, then we will make one more appointment to do the final house review. Before then, I need to figure out my damn finances and get a crib and a couple of other items. I do feel happy about items I've checked off the list, such as the trac phone, medicine lockbox, laundry room lock with toxics inside, family book almost complete, paperwork in, etc.

Continued Preparations as the Storm Rages

Feeling a bit blah today... After I write this post, I'm going to go watch the final available episode of  Pold@rk. Have any of you seen this series on PBS? Really engaging and fun to watch, at least for me.

It's storming out, as the weather forecasters promised. Lots of high winds and torrential rains. Supposedly, there has been a foot or more of rain in some areas. I am fortunate not to live near any large bodies of water, but I'm worried about the drive to work in Marin County tomorrow. We will see how it goes and what the reports say tomorrow morning. Even as I'm typing this, it's calmed down a little outside. In Oregon there has been snow, and my sister-in-law posted a video of my brother skate-sliding down their icy street, so I'm glad to not be up there right now.

In readiness for Tuesday's social worker visit, I ordered and received dozens of Family Book pages from a non-profit (in Oregon actually!) that supplies these. There are different themes and scrapbook-type decorations, as well as extra stickers, and you just arrange and add the pictures. I picked up around 40 prints from the drugstore a couple days ago, including pictures I took on this latest holiday trip, as well as many from family trips to Lake Tahoe, and pictures of me doing activities I enjoy. Several pictures of Zoey or me and Zoey together hiking or playing, etc. My three-ring memory book binder is due to arrive Tuesday, so I may not have it before the social worker comes. Maybe I'll try to assemble some pages anyway, prior to having a book to put them in.

I also ordered a lock box for medications from Best Buy, which should arrive by Monday, and my housemate put a lock on the laundry room door and bought some large storage shelving. I saw that she had an ulterior motive in then asking to put her (large) shoe rack and another storage item in there, but it's well worth it. :) We can lock any "toxic" items like cleaning products, etc., as required. I think I still need to child proof all the cupboards/drawers in the kitchen with dishes and silverware - definitely the drawers with knives! Some of them are still childproofed from my previous housemate for her grandson, but some have been removed.

I can't buy some of the children's room decor I would like yet, like a large rug, fabric to make the ceiling like a circus tent, and some really cool vintage circus posters I found. But my ex, S, has arranged for the large, uncomfortable bed to be picked up Monday morning and my smaller bed to be returned. He asked me to sell the frame, and I think I found a buyer to pick that up Tuesday evening. I will just have it disassembled and stacked against the entry way wall when the social worker comes. This will open up more space in the bedroom for a crib, changing table, dresser, etc.

There is still hope I will get counseling hours at Santa Rosa this semester. The department head said she will know more later this month. Fingers crossed!!! I would love to work one day a week up there, or I think I could coordinate hours to work on one or two of my non-profit job days, as well. That would mean a lot of driving on those days, but I would prefer that if I could keep one or two days for my business (and potentially spending time with a child). In the meanwhile, I heard back that I did not get the full-time Napa job that had the 9-person interview panel, and I still have two or three additional applications for which I'm waiting to hear back.

On the business-building front, I attended a local referral networking meeting that I hope to join in a couple of months. I can visit two more times before then, at which point I will have to pay several hundred dollars to join for a year. This is well worth it, as referrals are the best way to gain new clients. One new client would cover the fee, or I can make this payment when I receive the court case disbursement, which they say will finally go out in March (initially they said January). The people in this group were very nice, and it's held weekly at a Unity Church not too far away. I also have a Meetup scheduled for the 19th and sent out a recent message offering free consultations.

I met a guy online who seems interesting, but I'll know more if we ever meet up. lol  So far, we have had a couple of good phone conversation and are scheduled to talk this evening. More on that later...

Good News, Bad News, and a Silver Lining

I have some good news: I got the Santa Rosa adjunct counseling position! Felt so excited to get the call earlier today and am enjoying doing the onboarding paperwork to make things official. The bad news is that I was told not long after by the department chair that there were currently no assignments for me for spring semester. Here is her email below and I would love your perspective on how hopeful I should be that something might come up:

"Congratulations on getting into the counseling adjunct pool. I am sorry that we did not have an opportunity to meet during the interview process.

As of right now, we do not have an identified counseling assignment for the spring semester. However, I wanted to check in with you about your weekly availability should an assignment become available. I’d appreciate knowing this information as we move forward in determining our coverage needs."

What do you think? On the one hand, she says they do not have an identified counseling assignment. On the other hand, why would she say, "...should an assignment become available," and, "...as we move forward in determining our coverage needs." It seems like there must be a chance or why would she even bring it up? I am still hoping. 

I wrote back that I currently had self employment hours on Tuesday from 3-7pm and am working 15 hours at a non-profit, but that I have flexibility about when I work those hours. Please send good thoughts!

In other not-so-good news, my drive to Oregon has been delayed by a snow storm over the Siskyou mountains coming through tomorrow. I do not have a snow-friendly car, nor do I have (or want to wrestle with) snow chains. It looks like Saturday clears up, so my intention is to leave very early Saturday to get up there and be part of Christmas eve dinner. The silver lining is that my sister, brother-in-law, and oldest niece and nephew are driving down to see my bro-in-law's family here in Northern California, so I will see them and go to a nice dinner with everyone tomorrow evening. I would have been sad to have missed J and E.

I got my nieces and nephew toys/gifts but I made candles for the adults. I'm happy with how they turned out and even added different layers of color. I forgot to take pictures but will try and remember when they are unwrapped.

Off to bed now. Tomorrow will be about getting my expired license renewed, going to the store to get various beans for a Christmas eve veggie dish and a couple cookie ingredients, then see if I have time to make said cookies before the dinner tomorrow night. If not, I'll just make them in Oregon.

I also plan to look at and possibly buy a crib - white in color, in very good condition according to owner, and has good reviews (though is discontinued) - as I move towards making my house "placement ready." Yay!  I'm also planning to pick up a few items from my brother while in Oregon, though he gave the crib they had to their house cleaner who had a baby last year. Oh well. In my crib research, it seems they range in price from around 160 to 500, and this one is offered for 100 complete with mattress and cute bedding. And most now convert to a toddler bed, as does the one I'm seeing tomorrow, which is especially helpful since the child may be a newborn up to two-years.

Sending you all love and blessings for the holiday and New Year!