Valentine's Visit - Part2

 Sorry, that was more of a delay between posts than I intended… Things have been a little hectic, but overall I'm feeling good.

To finish sharing about RC's visit,  we had a wonderful Valentines dinner at the same place we went for my birthday. We were seated in the back room so it felt a little more intimate, and we both ordered surf and turf with steak and scallops. Amazing! I think we both ate nearly all of it.

Backing up a little, I had to work during Valentine's Day. When I got home, RC had red roses, a balloon saying I love you, chocolate and red wine waiting for me. All the traditional romantic stuff; very sweet. We spent a few hours before our late dinner – we made our reservation last minute, oops - enjoying our own private party at my place. We lit candles, played music and danced, and did some creative stuff like drawing animals on cards, then picking one and looking up its symbolism.

We also had some deeper conversation about tension that's come up a couple times during the transition into going to sleep. In part, it was because we have developed our own nightly rituals and they weren't fitting together well. He has insomnia and is currently smoking a little pot before bed to help. I don't have a problem with that except for that then we are on different wavelengths and he has diminished communication skills. I like to take my melatonin, then look at my phone for a while until I feel sleepy...but then he was waiting for me so that we could cuddle a little and kiss good night, which was just not working for either of us. Anyway we talked this out and came up with some good strategies, so that was positive. We had a fun time dressing up for dinner, too.

My procedure was rescheduled for the following Tuesday. He planned to leave Wednesday morning, so, after Valentine's Day, we had a few days through the weekend to spend together. Our activities included:

• Going to the DMV together to get some paperwork I needed. So nice to have a partner in these practical things. Grocery shopping was also fun, though it would be more fun if he wasn't so restricted on his diet! 
• Taking a walk around the lake at the sanctuary we visited before. I love this. It's so beautiful, and we end up having some really meaningful conversation while walking with Zoey. 
• Watching our show together at night. We have developed a ritual of watching a Netflix series together and texting comments during it when we are apart, so it was fun to watch and comment in person. 
• Enjoying a yummy brunch of blueberry pancakes (gluten-free for him), bacon, and fruit. He ends up doing more of the dinner cooking, in large part because he makes things he knows he can eat. I usually help out by making a salad or prepping the veggies or something, but he often does the majority. I love making breakfast and desserts, so I feel good to be able to cook for him in those ways. 
• Taking Zoey for her daily walks together, often late at night when she has free run of the park. It feels romantic holding hands and looking at the stars, although we have to pay attention to navigating her leash and uneven surfaces in the dark. I may not have mentioned but RC is not the most coordinated person…He has fallen several times over the years, so I feel like I need to look out for him sometimes in that way. 
• Envisioning our lives with a child and what decisions and activities may be part of the journey. 
• Drinking a little too much wine one night and laughing hysterically. I don't think the jokes would translate LOL but boy were they funny at the time.  
• Part of the reason we got so tipsy that evening was because we started in the afternoon with some winetasting. Winetasting is so fun! It was a sunny day, we were out on the patio, and we took the opportunity to review and revise the goal cards we initially created on New Year's. Then we walked around downtown and ended up making an appointment to get a collaboratively-designed tattoo over spring break. Eek
• The day before my procedure, we went to get some lunch, during which we also looked at an anxiety/phobia workbook (more on that later). I started feeling really crabby and unsettled for no real reason. We had talked before about how we are both introverts and need to set boundaries and take alone time, but had so far not managed to follow through. This day, after walking out to the car, I just blurted out, "I need some alone time!" He said he could walk home, but I said, "Well, that's about 15-20 minutes; I need an hour." So, he decided to walk around downtown, and I went home. You would not believe what a difference it made! Within a half hour, I was thinking of him and missing him a little, and when he got home, we shared an emotional embrace, feeling a lot of love and warmth towards one another. Interesting.

The last experience I want to share is getting the hysteroscopy done to remove my uterine polyp. The doctor was so awesome. He explained the details thoroughly and also added some humor, putting us at ease. I was really nervous the day before and when I woke up that morning, but taking the hydrocodone and anti-anxiety medication they gave me an hour before we went really helped. I thought the two fibroids would be removed also, but he explained that they were in the outer lining of the uterus and weren't causing any problems. Also, they can only be removed through more invasive laparoscopy. Best of all, the procedure was not painful, and he was obviously very skilled; it seems like it was done in no time.

RC drove me through the McDonald's drive-through on the way home as a reward, and I spent much of the day resting with him, but honestly I didn't feel too bad. I just took the pain medication on the schedule they suggested and didn't really feel much cramping at all. Here's to not having ongoing random bleeding!

p.s. We cheated and tried some "modified" sexual activity. It didn't seem to create any negative effects, and it was a connected way to end our trip. :) 

Labor and Love

Ach! Going crazy with the roommate over here. She is a Diva with the space; flouncing into the living room or kitchen at her convenience expecting me to jump up and move. Now, I'm working at my desk and she's in the living room just next door with the TV on. Ach! Thank God she's leaving midday for a couple of days. And thank God for headphones and calming Youtube recordings.

In other news, S had a bump in the road with his surgery recovery. His largest laparoscopic wound (not sure what to call it) got infected and broke open. He had to go back into the hospital for a couple days. It understandably freaked him out as it happened in the middle of the night and he had to call an ambulance to take him in. He's doing okay now so, fingers crossed, recovery will go as planned from here on out.

We have our couples NVC class this evening. There are only two couples in the class, which creates an almost uncomfortable intimacy between all of us in the small meeting room. We are being asked to share a lot of vulnerable feelings and experiences around our relationship communication, which is good and leading to some insights, but I admit I wish there one more couple at least. We learn from other couples sharing, as well. It's an 8-week class, so a few more to go. S and I have talked about how the class is refreshing the NVC concepts and principles in our minds, which positively affects our relationship in subtle ways. Overall, feeling grateful about it.

On the work front, I found a federally-funded career one-stop center (I recommend that those of you job searching check these out!) a short drive away and have decided this will be my "home base" for business work and job search activities when my roommate is home or I need to access their printing resources, etc. Yay! I completed the required equivalency application for the college district in which I'd like to work, and plan to submit another application today.

With my own business, I'm enjoying working with my clients and organically discovering various business systems to make things easier, such as a scheduling system, a note-tracking system, and a client contract template. My clients are generally awesome and fun to work with. And on the heels of last months poorly attended Meetup - one person! - last night I had four women attend and all of them signed up for free half-hour career consultations! Please send good thoughts that a couple of these lead to them becoming new clients.

Thank you so much for your kind wishes about S's surgery; they are really appreciated. We have plans for a lovely and scrumptious Valentine's Day dinner at an amazing restaurant, where we went a couple years ago for S's birthday. So looking forward to it! We decided we needed a romantic and fun night out after all the recent challenges.

 
Hope your Valentine's Day is full of love; be it romantic or with close friends and family.

Valentine's Day 2013

I'm not feeling very writerly this morning, having just eaten a huge breakfast and nursing a bit of a hangover and a cold, but I did want to share some of the lovely happenings from S and my Valentine's evening, as well as give a brief update on "what comes next" with ttc.

So after forgetting on Wednesday that Valentine's was the next day (I said to S, "Well, I guess I'll see  you Friday then?" and he said, "Well, I guess I need to take out an ad for a Valentine's Day date then."  haha), I redeemed myself by staying up late making a lovely accordian card and luscious cutout heart brownie treats for him.  I also gave him a book on dreams, since sharing dreams has been a bit of a deal with us - he doesn't have much familiarity with dream interpretation, and I love sharing dreams but not when the person takes them literally!  This can "literally" be a nightmare!  So the book was recognizing his desire for me to keep sharing dreams with him and giving us a bridge to do such communicating more successfully.

Anyway, my gifts went over very well (he ate a brownie before we left for dinner) and, for his part, he gave me a lovely thin but largish, light lavender crystal pendant on a silver chain, flowers, and chocolates.  I love the necklace and immediately put it on for dinner. 

And ahhh, dinner.  We all know how much I enjoy going out to a good dinner, which hasn't been happening much due to S leaving his corporate gig and working to establish himself in freelance.  But, wow, last night's dinner was over. the. top.  We had several courses with subtle and complex flavors and sauces, including lobster soup, the most lovely little raviolis, duck with delicious potato cake accompaniment, lobster (oddly my least favorite - the claw part was good but the rest was kind of tough), THREE desserts... well, here is the menu I found, which does it better justice:

Stuzzichino: Kushi oyster with American sturgeon caviar and Prosecco gelatina

♥

Vellutata of Maine lobster with vanilla crema
~or~
Carpaccio of Piedmontese beef filet with Perigord truffles

♥

Carnaroli risotto with Perigord truffle butter
~or~
Tortelloni of Castelmagno cheese and house-made ricotta with candied
walnuts and honey

♥

Pan-roasted Liberty Farms duck breast with potato-duck leg hash
~or~
Butter-poached Maine lobster with celeriac purée, green apples, and young
celery rémoulade

♥

Sorbetto pre-dessert

♥

Dessert: to be announced

♥♥♥

The other two desserts were a light lemon cheese cake type thing and rich chocolate brownie with berry sauce.  We shared everything and they were in quite small portions, so we weren't stuffed at the end.  So so good.  The restaurant had a corkage fee, so S brought up a yummy bottle from the market nearby; add in some dessert wine, and I was more than a bit tipsy at the end.  We then ambled about the local neighborhood, stopping periodically for affectionate exchanges, and visited a couple bookstores.  The perfect activity to match our mood.

Backtracking a bit, dinner was not solely about stuffing our faces with yumminess!  We had several meaningful conversations, lubricated a bit by the wine, including talking about our levels of openness to personal/relationship growth in both the emotional/spiritual and physical realms.  I think both of us want to feel like we're learning and growing, but what that looks like to each of us varies a bit.  But I think we are both open to the other's ideas.  I also shared that I feel most close and affectionate towards him when we are being "real" with each other, in terms of revealing our deeper thoughts and feelings.  Even when those things are "difficult," I feel closer to him through talking about them.  He requested I push him a bit to share more deeply at times, to which I agreed.

The night ended with a lovely, yet odd, pairing of sex and last week's episode of Down.ton Abb.ey (not simultaneously!).  haha  A night to remember!

* Update on ttc:  Finally talked in person to my doctor, and she indicated my type of fibroid was not as likely a problem as other types, but it might possibly grow with a pregnancy (it's already quite large) and cause some pain.  The polyps might not cause problems, but then again they might, and considering I've been trying and failing for some time now, I like the idea of doing some corrective action.  Which unfortunately means another month delay in a medicated IUI, though we still can try without the medication.  I so wish she could have taken those out when we did the hysteroscopy!  I think she was nervous about the fibroid location and also the one polyp with the thicker base.  She told me on the phone that we will remove the polyps in the operating room, though it is still the same type procedure.  Regarding the fibroid, I'm still not sure.  I'm scheduled for a consult with an expert in a week or two to get more input, but as of now I'm thinking I will likely not remove it and lose another three months of ttc.

Bullets and Blue Sky

I think I will indulge in my first "bulleted list" post, as that is my mood.  A few updates:

1. Valentine's Day was pleasant and relatively uneventful.  Went on a walk, then ate pizza with my platonic male housemate, watched some TV, then talked to R until 1a.m.  Really fun and relaxed conversation, which left me feeling closer to him.
2. One other Valentine's activity: making cut out Valentine for my Interplay theatre teacher.  I let my inner child come out and play and had a fabulous time with the decorative paper, fancy scissors, and glue stick. Yay!  Need to do this more often.  Had everyone in class sign it last night and delivered to her at closing circle.  She said she hadn't gotten a Valentine in a long time, which made it all the more fun.
3. Conversations between R and I have definitely shifted from majority processing to majority getting to know each other and sharing feelings.  In one conversation when I suggested we share our intentions for the visit, he busted out with, "Well, I hope that everything goes well and we end up finding a way to be together."  or something like that.  Intense!  One the one hand, I like knowing he wants that outcome, and on the other hand it's a little scary.  Over time, I have come to mistrust immediate intensity (and he is part of that mistrust!), so even though we have years of previous history, I am really trying to keep to the "one step at a time" approach.  But I can't deny that feelings are growing on both sides the more we talk.
4. His visit has fueled my motivation to get in better shape.  I would like to lose 15-20 pounds.  Do you think this is possible in two weeks?  haha  But I figure I can make a bit of headway and feel a little more toned.  So I have been doing sit-ups and stretching every day and went running for the fourth time yesterday.  I already feel a difference, though a girl at my Sunday dance group said she couldn't see any change. :(
5. Received relief-giving news yesterday when I FINALLY got ahold of the Employment Development Department and a lovely man informed me I am eligible for unemployment extensions until July, at which point I need to reapply. . .and would then likely receive continuing benefits.  Now believe me, unemployment compensation is not cushy income (I don't think it should be), and I am barely getting by.  I definitely intend to find a new job asap, both for the purpose of feeling productive and purposeful and for the more adequate income/health benefits, but it is a relief to know my safety net will not give way when this extension ends in a couple of weeks.

That's all the excitement for now.  That and we just had a huge hailstorm, leading to sun and blue sky.  Hoping that this week does not drag on and on and on. . .