Flowing Along

This cycle is definitely in full flow now, excuse the pun.  I left two messages for the doctor yesterday, at different times, on different lines.  Nervous much, Kristina?  I couldn't remember the policy on returning calls on Saturdays.  Hopefully, they will call first thing tomorrow morning.

I'm worried about scheduling my initial monitoring appointment because at this point I have two appointments for my International Coordinator job Monday afternoon, and my first day teaching school on Tuesday.  

A less than kind nurse answered the phone when I called Friday and informed me that others who had already started their cycles were in front of me (I was only spotting which does not count), and she was running out of appointments for Monday.  I don't know what I'll do if they demand that I come in on Tuesday before 4 p.m.  I can reschedule the Monday appointments, but Tuesday is not so much a flexible situation. 

I've started the doxycycline, and I guess it's okay if I start the Femara on Day 3 or 4?  She said she'd give me the prescription at my first monitoring appointment.  

Plan is in place to purchase the donor vial tomorrow... t'will be nice to avoid walking around the bustling streets of San Fran.cisco with a huge cryo tank!  This clinic is in the more mellow hamlet of Fre.mont.  A bit longer drive but less traffic and an available parking lot.

On another note, I love the references to "The Red Thread" that have been going around the IF blog world lately.  The novel has to do with infertility and adoption stories, but I'm not sure of the plot.  I just love the thought of my baby and I being connected by a red thread, and the thread growing shorter and shorter, until the baby is in my arms and the thread is just a dot.  Here is what I believe is the related Chinese proverb: 

“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.” – Chinese Proverb

Please help me decide!

I know, I know, it's my decision and no one can make it for me.  But I really need your opinions!

As I mentioned before, I currently have an appointment with a new doctor at Kai.ser Fremont on August 15th.  They told me I may be able to get in earlier if there were a cancellation, but that hasn't happened.  I do have some blood tests I'm doing on Day 2 of my next cycle, so as to not delay things further. 

But I'm feeling uncertain about waiting out another whole month.  The waiting this month was already challenging, though I have to admit that my body feels a lot better without all the hormonal jacking up!

One weird sidenote:  I think my ovulation was totally delayed this cycle.  It normally falls on Day 15 at the latest, but today is Day 21, and it's the first day above coverline.  The last two days were slightly raised (like from 97.6 to 97.73) so that it looks like a stairstep pattern.  We'll see when the next cycle actually starts, since the luteal phase is not supposed to vary much. 

Regardless, the big question I have for you is:  Should I try this coming cycle?

Reasons to try:  One, I have all the medications needed in my hot little hands, thanks in part to an awesomely generous donation from Kara - if you're reading, thank you, Kara!!!  Two, I am feeling excited about trying and this seems like a good sign.  Three, every month counts at this point, right?  And, even though I would have the same protocol, I did get three mature eggs, which is not bad.

Reasons not to try:  One, my savings is still somewhat depleted and it would be a stretch financially.  Once my teaching starts back up and my income starts coming in from the new job in a few weeks, I will be in a better place.  Two, I'm irritated with this doctor, which is why I'm switching to the new one.  Nothing will change in my protocol, and he'll still be Dr. Jaded Jim.

So, what do you think?

6 dpo

Cruising along in the two-week wait at 6 dpo...

Question for those of you who have taken progesterone supplements:  What did the abdominal cramping feel like?  I'm assuming the cramping feelings I'm having are due to the progesterone, but the sensations vary.  Yesterday evening and another time or two I had pre-menstrual type cramps - not intense but somewhat uncomfortable.  Also, some backache.  This morning, I had more of the twinge type cramping - based in a specific spot and would come and go in shorter bursts.  It was mainly on the right side, but a couple on the left, as well.  I'm hoping to compare my feelings to what others felt.

Overall, I'm pretty much chalking any and all "symptoms" up to the progesterone.  My boobs have definitely been quite sore, actually a little less today than yesterday.  On that note, I wonder if your body "adapts" to the progesterone somewhat?  I've also been feeling nauseated in the morning, as well as in short waves during the day.  Bloated and constipated, check.

Oh, and honey, the mood swings!  ha!  A friend mentioned she was a "weepy mess" on progesterone, and I definitely flashed back to that comment yesterday!  I've been Sky.ping for a couple weeks with a guy from Great Britain (I met him on the dating site Spir.itual Sin.gles), and yesterday I broke down in the middle of our call.  Everything. just. seemed. so. awful.  It was like there was this pool of sadness just under the surface, ready to come out, whether I wanted it to or not!  After sobbing for a bit, I took a few deep breaths and felt relatively fine.  Luckily, he knows - and surprisingly accepts - what's going on with me, so I didn't have to try and cover it up.

I do wonder if there is any symptom, beyond a positive HPT, that could be trusted to mean something when on progesterone.  Probably not!

Good news on the additional work search front:  I got the "International Coordinator" position!  I'm not sure I mentioned it here... basically there's a company that facilitates international students coming to the U.S. to attend High School, and many of them hope to go on to American colleges.  I would help the students and their families move through the application process, recruit host families, support the students with monthly meetings and/or phone calls, and put out any fires such as needing to change host families, etc.

The potential downside is that it's on a commission basis, according to how many students you place and have on your roster, but it seems that they help quite a bit with host family recruitment.  There is a regional coordinator who I interviewed with, and she is very positive and supportive.  So, fingers crossed!

I'm also waiting to hear back on a part-time counseling position at a different community college quite close to where I live.  I called the career center contact a week or two ago, and, after talking to me for a while, she suggested there might be an opportunity and that I email the woman who oversees counseling.  I did this at the end of last week.  Not sure why I haven't heard back yet, but I'm still hoping.

Weekend, 3 DPO

My weekend was a good one.  I attended the performance of an Inter.play theatre troupe, called Wing It, Friday night.  The title of the show was, "God, Sex, and Power," so you know there were some juicy stories.  One of the troupe members recently moved back to Africa after getting married and shared a story about homophobia and prejudice in his community, and how he wants to work to change that.  And one piece in which people were sharing about their questions and relationship with God really resonated.  Trying to make meaning and believe that there is a plan for me...

Yesterday, I attended an SMC brunch and met a bunch of interesting, cool women, many with babies in tow.  You should have heard the savvy language we were rocking in that room.  We could have been doctors!  The women responded positively when they heard the number of eggs I had, though a couple of them did go to donor eggs at younger ages than mine.  They encouraged me to just "keep trying," which is easier said than done financially, but it did bolster me to try again a time or two if needed (knock on wood).

I'm particularly excited about a conversation I had with a couple women who live near me and are about to begin trying.  We talked about child care options like nanny care and cooperative child care and also good neighborhoods for school districts and raising kids.  At the end, we said we would get together again soon and continue the conversation.

Another highlight was holding a little red-haired guy, about six months old, who was so mellow and sweet.  Is there any better smell than baby? (assuming their diaper has been changed recently. hehe)  I would love it if my baby had red hair, though this mom was a bit concerned he might get picked on.  I would never have thought of that possibility.

On the IUI front, I've been taking vaginal progesterone two times a day since Friday evening.  I'm definitely noticing some effects.  My breasts are quite sore, and I've had a bit of abdominal cramping.  At first, of course, I thought, "ooh, maybe it's implantation!"  But first of all, it's too early, and second, I read online that progesterone can cause this symptom, as well.  I've been more hungry I would say, too, and a little more crabby.  Nothing too bad, yet. 

I'm going to try and include my chart.  To me it looks like I may have just ovulated on Thursday before the IUI, but I'm not sure I can trust the temps, with medication and all things considered.  I still feel hopeful about the timing.  Any thoughts?

Ready

I did the trigger shot about 9:30 tonight. It felt really real as I was doing that.  I dropped off the donor vial at the doctor's today, as well.  I'm all set for the IUI Thursday morning.

I read an interesting RE blog article today that talked about follicle size and when to trigger, and it validated my plan. Basically said that if the lead follicle is 16 or 17mm and there are smaller ones to keep doing the medication for another day or two and then trigger.  Here is a direct quote:

"What if instead of the average 11-12 days it takes to grow the follicles, they are of the right size after only 6 days or 8 days?
If the size is good, but it seems early, we usually go at least one more day that we normally would, maybe 2. If it’s day 9 and the follicles are 19-20 mm, it really sounds ok to give hCG. If it’s day 7 (so 5-6 days of FSH injections), and the follicles are 17-18 mm, more time would probably be a good idea."

Yay!

UPDATE:  I wanted to add that my doctor also felt this plan was the right one and concurred that synching up referred to maturing follicles.  Apparently he said he thought my response was pretty good.  But this was relayed through the nurse, and I look forward to touching base with him later today on the phone.

Monitoring Results! What in God's name is "synching up"?

My monitoring appointment this morning was mostly good, I think.  The one thing that bothered me was that the nurse practitioner I saw for the monitoring said I responded very quickly to the medication.  Apparently, this tends to happen more with older women and isn't necessarily a good thing because of  sometimes not "synching up" or something?  Do any of you know about this?  

I'm calling in tomorrow morning to schedule a time to drop of the sp.erm and plan to have the nurses ask the doctor what this mysterious "synching up" means and whether he approves of the plan we came up with.  

Anyway, first things first, the numbers:

3 Follicles on the Right side:  15.6 mm, 17.2 mm, 15.4 mm

2 Follicles on the Left side:  12.3 mm, 9.3 mm

Endometrium thickness:  9.5 mm

She said that she didn't think the two follicles on the left side would catch up, and thus said I have three follicles.  They like to see three to five, so that's not bad.  The lining thickness is great, she said.  

When to trigger:  At first, she suggested I should trigger tomorrow tomorrow night and come in for the IUI Wednesday.  Yikes!  This is way faster than they initially indicated things would go, and I was expecting at least one or two more monitoring appointments.  That's good news in some ways, less expense for example, but puts things on the fast track and has the potential (confusing) downside mentioned above.  

At that point, I asked her if there were any downside to waiting one more day to trigger, and she said, "No."  So, I said that I didn't mind doing another day of meds, and we agreed I will trigger on Tuesday and come in for the IUI Thursday.  I'm secretly hoping that 12.3 follicle will jump on board. Is that even possible?

Apparently they don't monitor you the day of the IUI because you can't necessarily tell if someone has ovulated due to fluid accumulation.  A bit disappointing since I was looking forward to that absolute, "Yes! You ovulated and this is how many eggs!" confirmation.

Successfully completed my fifth round of injections tonight, and, as some of you said, it has definitely gotten easier!  I bled a couple drops last night and was a bit sore, but no big deal. 

I hope to hear more about this "synching up" idea tomorrow morning...

And I'm hoping those follies keep on growing, even little number 12.3.  "Go follicles, Go!!!"  :-)

Donor Decision

I've been meaning to write a post about my donor plan, so.... here it is!

As you know, I was fervently hoping that the perfect co-parent situation would manifest for me, but no such luck.  I learned a lot in this most-recent exploration process!  Attraction does matter!  At least for me.   And it was eye opening to realize that many of us SMCs do choose our donors based on whether we would be attracted to them or date them (or have sex with them to be more explicit :) in real life.

The co-parent from L.A. to whom I WAS attracted physically ended up being a dud in other important areas like communication.  Case in point. we were supposed to meet when he came into town over Memorial Day.  I asked a couple of times for a time frame of when he wanted to meet up on Monday, which is when he said he would be available.  He never got back to me.  And he seemed generally evasive that week.  Then, on Monday, just before we were supposed to meet, I get a text saying traffic was bad and he won't have enough time to get together.  Grrrr

I kind of had a feeling it was going to happen, but still, it was frustrating.  I wouldn't want to be in a co-parent situation with someone who communicates like that.  Clearly, he was having doubts but, rather than say that or just cancel our plans ahead of time, he did what he did.

Anyway, if I had more time, I could continue the process: research another round of co-parents, contact them and start communicating, get down the the serious stuff, meet up a few times, etc.  But realistically, this does take at least a couple or months, ideally several.  So, I've let go of that option for this immediate round of trying.

What am I doing instead?  Donor insemination.  I've been down that road before, so I knew where I wanted to go and moved through the decision process very quickly.  The bank I chose, TSBC, has less choices than some of the other ones but has a lot of positives, including a nearby location that will allow me to pick up the sample myself.

The donor I selected is ID-release, and I felt a definite connection with him through his profile.  He has a large build, freckles, and is very creative. His baby picture looked a little bit like my nephew and was so cute to me.

This cycle continues to progress, and I have my first monitoring appointment tomorrow.  I hope I have several good follicles going.  I think I already said this, but I'm so grateful to have the monitoring as I go along to see how things are progressing, as well as the HCG trigger shot to assure the IUI is timed properly.  I've never had either of those things before, and it just felt like a stab in the dark.  I'll write a post after my appointment tomorrow.  Fingers crossed!