Go with Your Gut

Sorry for my absence.  I have felt stuck around the job situation, and in a way not wanted to hold the situation up to the public light.

It seems like I've been incubating it, rolling it around in my mind, as I keep inching forward on multiple fronts.

As of now, I am scheduled to begin the job with the Career Center on Wednesday and have even gone so far as getting my fingerprints taken, TB test done, and HR paperwork signed.  But I'm still not on board.

You see, I was also called for a second interview with a green jobs training/employment program in Berkeley (which would mean no commute!).

During the first interview, I loved the feeling of the organization; it was my kind of place.  And I really liked the people, too.  Looking at their bios, it's no wonder, as we seem to have much in common and, perhaps most importantly, similar values.

This job, too, is federally funded, but it has less than half of the caseload the other one does and seems smaller scale, more team-oriented, less bureaucratic.

I would be doing similar work with the clients, but they all would be part of the green jobs training program, which I'm thinking would be: more centralized and easily managed in terms of connecting with clients; AND an inroad into green career counseling (which is the wave of the future, don't you know).

The problem - and ironically an aspect that makes it a better fit due to caseload - is that it's half-time.

I interviewed for another part-time position, and with the two combined incomes, I could create a sustainable living.  But I haven't heard back from that interview yet.  And I do have more doubts about that job in terms of fit.  Career exploration classes with junior high school students; can you say "scary"?

Every day, I've been scouring the job sites hoping to snag another part-time opportunity, but no luck yet.

Talking to my brother tonight, I asked him if he had been in a similar position - feeling you should do something, yet feeling strong fear - and how he handled it.  He said in situations like that, he tends to "go with his gut."  When he said that, I felt a "yes" inside, and I know that is what I need to do, as well.

But, then, that is scary too!

Making the Most of Freedom

I was thinking today about how I may have one month left of unemployment until I potentially start working full time in July.  This is assuming the best case scenario that I will be hired by the cool manager of the One Stop Career Center I interviewed with last Tuesday.  It's funny how having a limited quantity of something can somehow make you appreciate it more and become more conscious with how you are using it.

When I first became unemployed, I did have that sense of freedom that can come with a rare block of open time, like a vacation.  But those of you who have been unemployed or not worked for a longer period of time can perhaps attest - I hope I'm not the only one! - that something shifts after a while, and you naturally tend toward creating a somewhat regular (less than exciting) routine.

My routine has generally looked like:

8 a.m. - 10 a.m. - Awaken, morning routine (dressed, take medicine, make coffee), read and respond to email, write in journal and map out specifics of day, eat light breakfast and talk to housemate.

10 a.m. - 1 p.m. - Go running or go walk the dog I walk three days a week.  Sometimes volunteer for a couple of hours at the local Interplay office (in exchange for free classes).  Shower and make lunch.

1 p.m. - 2 p.m. - Watch my soap opera.  lol  A guilty, inane pleasure that breaks up the day. . .

2 p.m. - 5 p.m. - If it's nice out, read a book/look at email and blogs on the deck for a while.  Do job search and apply for jobs.  Make necessary phone calls.  Run errands.

5 - 8 p.m. - Cook dinner, eat dinner, talk to housemate, computer stuff.  If have evening activity, attend that (community meeting, Interplay theatre, NVC group, etc.)

8 - 11 p.m. - Watch movie and or TV, computer stuff, stretching/yoga, sometimes reading.

Zzzzzzzzz.  Wake up!  Yeah, it's pretty boring stuff.  Of course, there is the occasional interview in there, or a walk around the lake/happy hour with a friend, maybe a hike.  I have done quite a few self and career exploration/personal growth activities.  But generally, that's the weekday flow.  My need for external motivation haunts me.

Yes, I've had a few specific accomplishments about which I feel good:

• Several coaching sessions and greater clarity about my career path 
• Three trips to Oregon to see family and meaningfully participate in my brother's wedding and grandma's memorial
• Starting and maintaining this blog
• Initiating a running routine and losing weight 
• Reconnecting with an old flame, processing the past, and having a short relationship, which demonstrated we should not be in relationship 
• Obtaining a really excellent tan. . .

Yet, I can't help but question:  Why haven't I been more motivated to take more full advantage of this time?

Which bring me to the present and the sudden possibility of this phase of abundant freedom coming to an end.  What more can I do in this next month to take full advantage of this gift before it runs out?

Maybe. . . . I could:

• Take a beginning drawing class - low cost or for trade
• Spend a lot of time with sound healing/chocolate man doing interesting, fun dating stuff
• Actually break out all my new paper crafting tools my mom gifted me for Christmas and make something fabulous.  Any ideas?  Again the curse of needing external motivation. . .
• Choreograph a dance because I love to choreograph.  Offer to teach it to some friends for fun.
• Go on at least one "Artist Date" (from the Artist's Way) a week, like visiting local galleries and museums, painting pottery, or seeing a dance/theatre show.
• Go up to Oregon yet again to spend a few days with family, most especially my brother, niece and nephew, and grandpa. 
• Commit to finish all the development-focused books I started on: career assessment, emotional health/intimacy in relationship, and non-violent communication.
• Choose to master a skill that will help me in my career and find resources to help me master it.  Possibilities include basic website design, graphic design, time management, learning about a couple of new career assessment tools, or ?.  Btw, would you be willing to share your time management system or program/resource, if it is working well for you?

What do you vote for?  Anything not on the list that should be?