6/29/2018

Holiday Trip! And sleep struggles...

First, some fabulous news: I got a new (used) MacBook!! I didn't realize how much I missed having a laptop computer until I didn't have one for a month, when I had to return the other one to my school. It's my precious and I love it. lol

In other good news, we leave for Tahoe early Tuesday morning. I'm starting to look forward to it. We have our meals and snacks mapped out and are going shopping on Monday. It's a longer drive from here - about six hours - but it will be worth it. Looking forward to seeing my nieces and nephew, playing on the water, and going out on our dock and out on the boat. We usually go out on the boat at least a couple of times and anchor it in a nice spot so we can go swimming, listen to music, eat lunch, etc. Really looking forward to kayaking this year, too, with both my oldest niece and with RC. We will watch the fireworks off the dock again, which is always fun. Hopefully we can get the radio station tuned to the right channel from the get-go this time and not be scrambling. Fireworks are definitely enhanced with the choreographed music.

In relation to this holiday, I want to mention that I am aware that our government is currently engaging in acts and creating policies that I am very much against. I don't associate Fourth of July with all that; I think of it as an opportunity to gather with family. But I am talking to friends, signing petitions and looking for ways to take further action to express my deep disapproval. I'm also starting to look forward to Michael Moore's movie about our current president...

I also wanted to bring up a topic and hope to hear feedback from some of you who are currently in relationships or have dealt with this in the past. So RC and I have been navigating blending our lives and daily routines. I have mentioned my frustrations with not currently having much going on in terms of my own activities. I'm noticing how much I need to feel a sense of purpose and meaning in my life or I start to get depressed or sometimes feel a lot of anxiety. I have taken this out on RC at times, which isn't really fair, but we are talking about it and working through it together. Additionally, he sometimes gets attached to his routines, so he is looking at that and trying to be a little more flexible. This comes up around cooking and eating, but especially around sleep patterns, as sleep is something he seems to have struggled with ever since we started dating and beforehand, as well.

Yesterday, I got mad because it seemed like he was blaming me or our relationship for his getting less sleep, when, in fact, I know it's been a constant issue for him from long before I came along. I think my anger really stemmed from the fact that I have adjusted my own sleep and tv-watching patterns quite a lot to meet his needs around bedtime and sleep (in general, I'm watching way less tv, which is good, but has also been a source of relaxation for me). I am usually a night owl, going to bed around 11:30pm or midnight. Now, we start getting ready for bed at 10:30 or 10:45 and are in bed or asleep by 11. I usually ask him about his sleep and sympathize with his struggles, as well. So when he sounds critical of me or like he's blaming me at some level, it hurts my feelings and frustrates me.

Have you gone through the process of integrating different sleep patterns in a relationship? How did you do it, or what did you find helpful?

2 comments:

  1. This may not be what you want to hear, but my husband and I have realized that we sleep better in separate rooms. We both have sleep issues, but we have very different sleep needs. He needs to have the tv on in order to sleep; I need silence. He likes a cool room; I need to be warm. He's a night owl; I'm not. He's a bed hog, leaving me hanging off the edge of the bed most of the night. I snore, which disturbs his sleep. So, separate rooms for sleeping is our happiest solution. (Note: this does not affect our sex life.)

    I'm curious as to why you both need to go to bed at the same time. Would it disturb him too much if you were to come to bed an hour later?

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  2. I wish I had a suggestion for the sleep struggles but to be completely honest three years into living with my partner sleep is still a struggle for me. Like RC I'm a very sensitive sleeper so every toss, turn, adjustment by my partner wakes me slightly. I also hate being touched while I'm sleeping so a quick cuddle or arm wrapped around me ruins my whole night. I have no idea why I'm such a sensitive sleeper but my mom claims I was one from day one, her "uncuddly baby". My best advice is get a big bed and stay on your own sides during sleep time. One of you should be willing to sleep on the couch or on a guest bed too. I pretty frequently start the night in bed but end up sleeping on the couch. I know that sounds terrible but it's really not. Spending a night on the couch getting some quality sleep has probably saved our relationship more than once. Good luck to you both on this challenging sleep frontier and have a wonderful few days with your family!!

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