I'm doing remarkably well, all things considered. I think it's because a line has been crossed in my deepest core. One can't necessarily predict where that line will be, but they know when it's been breached.
I can't say that I didn't try, because I most definitely did. And I gave him the benefit of the doubt many times over (my sworn statement not to try again with him until he had worked on himself taunts me now).
I will say that after he said the words about breaking up again, I did have thoughts of killing him. I was in shock. I was enraged. I got some answers out of him that I may talk about at some point.
But today, instead of despair or longing, I guess I would say I feel a real clarity that I do not want to be with him. He shot so many holes in my trust that it couldn't hold water now if I wanted it to. And honestly, I just don't respect him at this point. He's deceived me, jerked me around, made agreements he didn't keep. One too many times.
I'm still going to my doctor's appointment this week. I'm not sure what I'll do with the information, but I want to find out what I can.