A Rainy Spring

I’m sitting here looking outside at the downpour. Lots of rain in our area of the NW lately. It definitely cramps our style, as it limits our neighborhood walks and family park visits. We are still trying to get out as much as possible, whenever the clouds part. 

So happy to report that Ellie is loving her part-time preschool! She’s always excited to go and likes running around, circle time, and reading - at least that’s all I can get out of her so far in terms of activities. :) She naps for an hour or hour-and-a-half usually (half the time she naps at home), but at least she is managing to sleep, which I was a little worried about. She talked about a friend she was playing with for the first time yesterday, and she brought home her first ever birthday party invitation. 🥰

Other recent Ellie developments: she LOVES listening to “Islands in the Stream,” knows all the words, and asks us to play it as soon as we get in the car. It’s adorable! It’s also hilarious hearing a toddler sing, “…makin’ love with each other, uh uh,” and have no idea what it means. She helps daddy make his protein shakes and oatmeal, and those are a couple of their special times. Daddy will also read to her endlessly, book after book after book. 

She really does love reading and songs, and I think/hope that has helped her. It was nice to hear her teacher say that she had a big vocabulary. She sure does talk a lot right now, and continues to like to describe things in increasing detail, and also report back what happened after the fact. She just recently said she was “disappointed” that her stuffie fell down - after chastising him for falling down.  lol She shows more and more independence but still likes to be Mama’s baby sometimes, thank goodness.

We all got colds here over the last few weeks; first Ellie, then me, then R. She had to stay home from preschool a few days, and it’s amazing how quickly a big life change (going to preschool) can become the norm. It felt like she was so cooped up and life was so limited. At least R was able to watch her half day Tuesday and all day Thursday, so I was could keep up with most of my work and meetings with clients.

Speaking of work, and continuing the theme of rain, I’m taking a 10-week, Wednesday morning class called, “Rainmaker,” which is focused on digital marketing (and making 💵💰💵💰) for entrepreneurs. I’m learning a lot about targeting clients, social media, how to get free marketing (I’ve contributed content to two media pieces so far, which will backlink to my website), and email campaigns. Several more weeks to go. 

The challenge will be following through and implementing more strategies, and continuing to implement them over time. I’m excited to report, though, that I doubled my client load last month!

I do love where I work at the Coworking space, and I’ve never felt as excited to go to work as I do right now  I genuinely look forward to the next day when I know I will be working. It’s so nice to focus and use my brain and talents, but I’m grateful I had the time and was able to wait for a couple years before Ellie went to daycare/preschool. Hoping I can keep it up to help us make our mortgage payments come November. 

Conundrum

Drive-by post to share about my conundrum...sooo, the damn university has STILL not made final decisions/offers. I continue to feel optimistic because one of my references said they contacted her yesterday afternoon, and she shared good things about me. My phone call with the big wig a week ago yesterday went well: the conversation flowed, I asked questions that showed I had researched the job and reflected on the specifics, and my answer to the one interview-type question he asked at the end was strong, I think (maybe a B as it could have been a little longer and better articulated, but the content was solid).

The conundrum emerges from the reality that I have interviewed and been offered a half-time job at the community college, and they have been moving the ball forward in processing hiring paperwork and even starting a little training yesterday. The big wig had said he thought the hiring committee at the university would come back with decisions/offers last week, so I hoped Friday was safe to schedule a meeting with the community college. I could just cancel it and bow out if I was were offered the other position. Not a great feeling or something I would relish doing, but manageable and understandable, I think, considering the university pays twice as much and is a full-time job.

Now, I'm in this crap situation where I am heading full bore into more intensive training next week, starting at 9:30am Monday morning. The head Arts & Communication Department counselor, for whom, and with whom, I would be working, has already created my schedule based on my availability Monday through Wednesday and is clearly really glad I'm starting there. Argh, I feel super guilty and disingenuous.

I talked with my brother today, and he thinks I need to keep going forward with the community college until I hear from the university. He made a good point that it's not really disingenuous because I WILL work for the community college if the university offer doesn't come through. It still feels yucky, though, and, because I'm optimistic about the university position, I am afraid that I'm wasting time and energy going forward. What do you think? I'm so tempted to develop an illness before Monday morning.

I'll end with a brief positive update on Ellie from our doctor check-up yesterday. She's still doing great! Same heart rate at 140 - 150s, and the nurse measured my belly for the first time, saying it looks perfect. I'm also *finally* gaining a little bit of weight and am now eight pounds above where I started. The top part of my belly seems to be popping out a little more, and I'm feeling her move quite often. It's so awesome!!!

Pregnancy and Life Update #8

Our trip to Bend was fun! More fun for me than RC, I think, but oh well. He struggles a bit, it seems, to sleep and feel grounded when he's away from home. I tend to enjoy the break, especially if we are in a beautiful place. RC, Zoey, and I did enjoy getting outside and walking along the river path, with a wonderful hill/mountain view; a view you can enjoy from many places in Bend. Exploring downtown was fun, too, and we ate at a yummy restaurant with great ambiance called, Zydeco.

We stayed at my family's house, which we both found a little over the top in terms of ceiling height in every room - seems like a waste of materials in some rooms to me, honestly - and it was interesting to me that the house lacked warmth and homey touches overall, considering they bought it when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, so they would have a place to get away that was closer to home than Tahoe. But she passed away before they truly and fully settled in and decorated it, so I think maybe the energy kind of stalled out because my Mom and Dad were leading the effort together. I don't think Dad even goes there much, if at all, and likely doesn't want to think about or invest in decorating. That's my theory, but I'm not sure. In any case, it's pretty stark and overly minimalist, but at the same time very nice.

The last day, I took a little hike by myself (RC's knee was bothering him) up a hill in the neighborhood and took these pictures of the mountain views.

In work news, RC finally landed a job! It's a "for now" job at the Eugene Airport working for a consultant company that staffs United Airlines. It's in customer service with a high level of responsibility, as he wanted, and in a couple weeks they are sending him to Chicago for a 3-week training (he gets sent home for weekends). We will likely get some sweet airline travel perks, though I may not use these for a while. Hopefully, his extended family might get some kind of benefit and his sons could use these to visit us.

I had what I feel was a good second interview with the university but am still waiting to hear back. The interview was nine days ago. I may check in on Monday or Tuesday to inquire where they are in the process. I also may have a new career counseling client...I'll hear back on that Monday.

I will end with a pregnancy update, but I will have an even bigger update after our developmental, second-trimester ultrasound on Tuesday. After this long slog through the desert, we are almost there. I'm honestly frustrated at this point that I still can't feel her in a clear and definitive way. If so many other people weren't already feeling their babies in my groups, I may not feel this way, but I just really want that connection with her and the ongoing reassurance it brings.

We have continued to use the home doppler every few days to hear the heartbeat, which is helpful. I wish the feeling would last but it fades within a day or two. I'm pretty sure I'm getting bigger, though, what do you think?

Yesterday, at my nieces t-ball game, when I picked up her little sister to help her onto the monkey bars, I felt a pull in my lower abdomen. Not painful, but I definitely think my time for picking up things over 25 pounds has come to an end for the next few months. I want to be cautious. Overall, I've been feeling good, though, and eating quite a bit. RC brought me home a Cinnabon the other day and it was gone in no time, whole thing, no problem. lol  I'm trying to get my salads and raw carrots in, lots of fruit, but still not feeling myself "drawn," shall we say, to cooked vegetable. Oh well, I think I'm still getting what I need. I've only gained four pounds so far.

In the last couple days, I've started reading books to her, because I read she can hear me now and that if you read certain books to them in utero, they respond more to those books after they are born. Cool, right? Plus, it's a nice bonding time. 💗

One other fun thing I'll share: I'm getting little hairy blonde peach fuzz on my belly. LOL I noticed it when I was doing the home doppler. It sticks straight up and is luckily quite light at this point. Did this happen to anyone else? I've read it's not uncommon and has to do with increased estrogen levels. They say it goes away within 6-months after birth. Honestly, though, this symptom, as with all my others, I can't help but feel excited (or at least neutral) and grateful towards because it's all part of being pregnant and finally becoming a mother. I've been very lucky, so far, and symptoms have not been awful or unmanageable.

I'll post again in a few days with more news and pictures from my ultrasounds.

Rough Day...and Gratitude

Today is a rough day. I was extremely emotional this morning, overwhelmed and sobbing, triggered by RC being in a bad mood and responding with irritability when I asked what he was journaling about.

Something that might have made me feel somewhat sad and disappointed normally became much more intense and tied up in thoughts that he wasn't happy to see me, he didn't like being around me. My inner child said he was being mean and lacking sympathy and care when he didn't comfort me when I was crying. Ach, what a mess.

Yes, he could have risen to the occasion and been the adult with reason, but he was not in a grounded place or able to do that for whatever reason. And, bottom line, I was the one overreacting and losing it. In any case, he went upstairs and then ended up going out, which was honestly not a bad thing, as I needed space, as well. I know he'll be back later and is likely studying for his big personal trainer certification test on Tuesday (one reason why he's ungrounded).

I ate breakfast and am now resting and watching TV. Pregnancy hormones are no joke. I stopped progesterone and estrogen supplementation 2-3 days ago and thought that might lead to less emotionality, not more, but that has not been the case yet, unfortunately. The rain here in Oregon is unceasing right now, as well, which doesn't help my mood, and also prevents me from getting outside for nice, uplifting spring walks.

I recently read that a key to happiness is thinking of three things for which your grateful, every day, so I will end this downer post with that practice, in hopes it helps. Three things for which I'm grateful:

1. We heard Pudge's hearbeat on the home doppler for the second time on Friday; music to our ears.
2. I went to my oldest niece, J's, state book-reading competition (OBOB) yesterday, and it was wonderful to see her having fun and doing something she's passionate about, as well as to connect with my sister and other family members at the event.
3. Even though I'm currently in some limbo, I'm hopeful about my work situation. I completed three applications for new Career/Academic Advisor positions at the U of O, which correlate with 35 (!) total positions. Needless to say, they are dramatically increasing their advising resources, and my hiring odds simultaneously increase, as well. I also just officially applied and was accepted to a local business networking referral group that meets weekly, and I may have already landed my first client through the group - fingers crossed. I'll find out after a week or so, when she finishes the busy tax season.

Developments: Body, Business, Baby, Boyfriend

As I mentioned in my last post, I had been having off and on spotting but not a true cycle for over a month, so after a visit to the doctor, I was put on progesterone tablets to try and  reboot my cycle. My last day on these pills was yesterday, thank God.

It is an understatement to say my mood was affected.  At one point, I said to RC on the phone, "I'm just so angry!" lol  Several times, I've become bent out of shape about things that normally would be no big deal. Poor RC. And on top of that, I haven't had energy to do anything but go to work and come home and do a chore here and there when I have to.

The good news is, I am done with the pills, and they did work as far as stopping the bleeding immediately after I began taking them. I had an ultrasound yesterday, but I don't get to know the results until I talk to the doctor early next week. She measured a lot of things, including from what I could see pretty large follicles.

Hopefully I'll get a full cycle in a few days. Fingers crossed. I really hope I don't have fibroids redeveloping. Best case scenario, maybe it was a a cyst coupled with stress and some hormone imbalance causing the problems.

I do have some work developments to report. As background, when we started back this semester, I asked my program director what were the chances that I would have a counseling job in the program next fall. I asked her because last semester we found out that my college would no longer be paying for college counselors in the program. I had heard she was looking for other ways to pay for counseling, but these would likely involve high school district funding, not college.  She replied that there would be maybe a 35% chance of my employment in the fall.

Well, needless to say that was not reassuring, and I began talking to RC about some different options like considering a move to Oregon or to Austin where his family lives. It was actually kind of exciting to consider these possibilities, and I even applied for a couple of jobs in these cities.

But then suddenly life, as it can do, took a turn. I got a call from my college counseling department chair, and she proceeded to offer me three classes to teach in the fall! Two Introduction to Career Counseling courses and one College Survival Skills course. I had bid on a lot of classes, but considering I'm still fairly new to the college and hadn't had luck bidding before, I didn't expect to be offered anything. Then, to be offered three was shocking!

Of course, I.immediately said yes, knowing I could change my mind later. But I don't think that will happen unless I were offered a job somewhere else. Plus, it supports my continued adoption efforts in this area versus starting over.

Speaking of adoption efforts, I have received no further news of being submitted for a match, since my social worker submitted me for a an 18-month boy at the beginning of this month.  That was an exciting couple of days until I heard I was not chosen.

There are a couple events coming up, however, that I'm looking forward to. The first one is an adoption fair next Thursday in a town about an hour and a half south. My worker will be there and said she would bring the home study/family packets I can share with county representatives.

The second one is a training February 9th through my agency called, "Nurtured Heart Training."  I generally enjoy trainings and want to learn as much as I can, so I'm looking forward to it.

RC has completed and submitted all his paperwork, which means if a child was suddenly placed with me, he can stay in the same house and even watch the child if needed. We have ventured into talking about what it might be like if he moved up here this summer and stayed with me in my place for a while. It would be challenging for sure, and he would definitely need to put a lot of stuff in storage.

But talking through it, it would be possible I think, at least in the shorter term of a year or two.  If we didn't live several hours apart, we might wait a little longer, but all things considered, neither of us enjoy the long drives and a long distance relationship isn't sustainable. Yikes!  We'll see...

Veteran's Day Weekend 2017

Start of the three-day weekend. Sending gratitude to all the veterans out there.

I had a positive week, but today I had conversations with my department head and coworkers that kind of stressed me out. Now my neighbors are playing music and talking loudly...it's only 9:30pm, and I know it's their prerogative, but I sure wish the walls were more insulated!

Anyway, earlier my department head said that I will be getting the same assignment for spring, so that's good, but she said after that the college counseling department will not be providing counselors to my program. I had heard rumblings of this before and my program director said that counselors are necessary to run the program and they would find a way to pay for them. But what does that mean exactly? I started thinking more about possibilities and questions came up: Would we be paid at the same rate? Will the employment criteria be the same (i.e. if the high school district pays, would we need a high school counseling credential)?

I know a lot can happen in six months, but I appreciated my job in this program as the solid ground I could depend upon. If college counseling and teaching hours opened up at my campus or the other campus 20 minutes north, I might decide I prefer to work those hours and let go of the extra stress and complexity of dealing with a high school program. On the other hand, I have come to deeply care about my students and feel close to my colleagues. So I do enjoy it much more than when I started in February. I need to keep calm and find out more information before I jump to the alarmed phase. I will talk to my director when she returns from vacation next week.

My friend is coming tomorrow afternoon and I'm both excited and curious to see how I will feel spending time with him. The house is cleaned, and Zoey has had a bath. I look forward to walking around downtown, going out for meals, and helping him spread his parents ashes - that will be meaningful. I hope we get nice weather for that activity on Saturday. Even more so, I hope the winds of passion fuel a fire between us. lol

Turning the Corner

I finished my final day at the nonprofit yesterday. I felt sad when I worked on Tuesday and even the week prior, but yesterday, I felt a relief to be done and to not make that commute anymore. My supervisor was really sweet and gave me a beautiful orchid plant with bamboo. I'm looking at it now, and it's very peaceful. I also received a card from her and the director and a yummy pastry. Next Wednesday is the official staff send off at a local restaurant/bar, which has a lovely outdoor patio.

I will now have Tuesdays off, and since my scheduled college class did not go forward unfortunately (seems the concurrent enrollment process was not planned well), I plan to use Tuesdays to work on my business and sign a couple of clients in this area. Towards that end, I also scheduled a career transition meetup group for next month at a local restaurant. Fingers crossed I'll connect with a client that way, as well. It feels good to be putting energy into my business again; I've missed it and enjoy getting back to the creativity, planning, and writing skills it requires.

On the adoption front, I haven't heard anything from my placement social worker yet this month but wasn't expecting to until the next week. I feel like I'm in a void right now because, after a year of paperwork, action steps, and getting my home ready, there are no specific tasks I'm supposed to be completing.

I do have a training coming up in October through my agency, so I'm looking forward to that. Can you think of anything further I should be doing to prepare during this time? I'm remembering some video training links in the notebook the social worker gave me… Maybe I'll check a couple of those out. If you know of foster adoption blogs, I would appreciate hearing about them in comments.

I'm seeing all these people taking trips on Facebook. My summer was over a long time ago, even though it feels like we just turned the corner weather-wise. I'm actually in to working and making money right now, and as mentioned, building my business again. My boring weekend consists of doing some cleaning and laundry, and finishing a business newsletter to send out. As the temperatures drop, I do find myself looking forward to the holiday time, starting with Halloween.  Praying for a placement before Christmas.

Soundbite Updates (and please give a shout-out)

First I have a request - I know everyone's busy, but I would appreciate a shout-out in the comments if you read this blog. Comments make me feel happy, connected to other women, and inspired to keep posting. Thank you!

Soundbite updates:

• My first paid hours are scheduled at Santa Rosa! Two hours of training (equal to 5 hours of non-profit work!), but it's a start! Still waiting to hear back on the assignment in Petaluma...

• I bought my first nursery decor item; isn't it cute? Makes me so happy.

• My housemate moved out. Yep. Gave totally last minute notice, said it wasn't about me, and moved out on Saturday and Monday. I am angry but what is the point of dwelling on it? She took care of herself and did what she felt like doing. Boo. If I get hours at Santa Rosa, I can stay here by myself... Also, silver lining, she did say she will be paying February rent, since she just gave notice.

• Got one new client, but he is paying monthly. An extra couple hundred plus a month but not a significant impact in this moment.

• Met with an adoptive mom who lives not far from where I work in Marin. She and her husband let me hold their 7-month-old foster baby and feed him a bottle. So sweet! She clued me in to a foster infant furniture resource nearby, and I am waiting to hear back on whether and when I can visit.

• I have two phone interviews this week; one later today, and one on Wednesday morning. I'm not super excited about either one but on the good side, they pay well and are part-time to coordinate with my business work and hopefully time with a child. Also, the college near me FINALLY posted a part-time counseling position, which I applied for yesterday. Fingers crossed. This is back-up, and maybe in addition to, Santa Rosa.

• I marched in the Women's March on Saturday and felt inspired. Historical day that I know many people don't understand, but many clearly do. The recent health care vote and soon-to-happen Supreme Court nomination are two of many reasons to be uniting in our power as women (and men who love and support women) to take a stand for our well-being and rights. Hoping that we can make a difference together!

Continued Preparations as the Storm Rages

Feeling a bit blah today... After I write this post, I'm going to go watch the final available episode of  Pold@rk. Have any of you seen this series on PBS? Really engaging and fun to watch, at least for me.

It's storming out, as the weather forecasters promised. Lots of high winds and torrential rains. Supposedly, there has been a foot or more of rain in some areas. I am fortunate not to live near any large bodies of water, but I'm worried about the drive to work in Marin County tomorrow. We will see how it goes and what the reports say tomorrow morning. Even as I'm typing this, it's calmed down a little outside. In Oregon there has been snow, and my sister-in-law posted a video of my brother skate-sliding down their icy street, so I'm glad to not be up there right now.

In readiness for Tuesday's social worker visit, I ordered and received dozens of Family Book pages from a non-profit (in Oregon actually!) that supplies these. There are different themes and scrapbook-type decorations, as well as extra stickers, and you just arrange and add the pictures. I picked up around 40 prints from the drugstore a couple days ago, including pictures I took on this latest holiday trip, as well as many from family trips to Lake Tahoe, and pictures of me doing activities I enjoy. Several pictures of Zoey or me and Zoey together hiking or playing, etc. My three-ring memory book binder is due to arrive Tuesday, so I may not have it before the social worker comes. Maybe I'll try to assemble some pages anyway, prior to having a book to put them in.

I also ordered a lock box for medications from Best Buy, which should arrive by Monday, and my housemate put a lock on the laundry room door and bought some large storage shelving. I saw that she had an ulterior motive in then asking to put her (large) shoe rack and another storage item in there, but it's well worth it. :) We can lock any "toxic" items like cleaning products, etc., as required. I think I still need to child proof all the cupboards/drawers in the kitchen with dishes and silverware - definitely the drawers with knives! Some of them are still childproofed from my previous housemate for her grandson, but some have been removed.

I can't buy some of the children's room decor I would like yet, like a large rug, fabric to make the ceiling like a circus tent, and some really cool vintage circus posters I found. But my ex, S, has arranged for the large, uncomfortable bed to be picked up Monday morning and my smaller bed to be returned. He asked me to sell the frame, and I think I found a buyer to pick that up Tuesday evening. I will just have it disassembled and stacked against the entry way wall when the social worker comes. This will open up more space in the bedroom for a crib, changing table, dresser, etc.

There is still hope I will get counseling hours at Santa Rosa this semester. The department head said she will know more later this month. Fingers crossed!!! I would love to work one day a week up there, or I think I could coordinate hours to work on one or two of my non-profit job days, as well. That would mean a lot of driving on those days, but I would prefer that if I could keep one or two days for my business (and potentially spending time with a child). In the meanwhile, I heard back that I did not get the full-time Napa job that had the 9-person interview panel, and I still have two or three additional applications for which I'm waiting to hear back.

On the business-building front, I attended a local referral networking meeting that I hope to join in a couple of months. I can visit two more times before then, at which point I will have to pay several hundred dollars to join for a year. This is well worth it, as referrals are the best way to gain new clients. One new client would cover the fee, or I can make this payment when I receive the court case disbursement, which they say will finally go out in March (initially they said January). The people in this group were very nice, and it's held weekly at a Unity Church not too far away. I also have a Meetup scheduled for the 19th and sent out a recent message offering free consultations.

I met a guy online who seems interesting, but I'll know more if we ever meet up. lol  So far, we have had a couple of good phone conversation and are scheduled to talk this evening. More on that later...

Good News, Bad News, and a Silver Lining

I have some good news: I got the Santa Rosa adjunct counseling position! Felt so excited to get the call earlier today and am enjoying doing the onboarding paperwork to make things official. The bad news is that I was told not long after by the department chair that there were currently no assignments for me for spring semester. Here is her email below and I would love your perspective on how hopeful I should be that something might come up:

"Congratulations on getting into the counseling adjunct pool. I am sorry that we did not have an opportunity to meet during the interview process.

As of right now, we do not have an identified counseling assignment for the spring semester. However, I wanted to check in with you about your weekly availability should an assignment become available. I’d appreciate knowing this information as we move forward in determining our coverage needs."

What do you think? On the one hand, she says they do not have an identified counseling assignment. On the other hand, why would she say, "...should an assignment become available," and, "...as we move forward in determining our coverage needs." It seems like there must be a chance or why would she even bring it up? I am still hoping. 

I wrote back that I currently had self employment hours on Tuesday from 3-7pm and am working 15 hours at a non-profit, but that I have flexibility about when I work those hours. Please send good thoughts!

In other not-so-good news, my drive to Oregon has been delayed by a snow storm over the Siskyou mountains coming through tomorrow. I do not have a snow-friendly car, nor do I have (or want to wrestle with) snow chains. It looks like Saturday clears up, so my intention is to leave very early Saturday to get up there and be part of Christmas eve dinner. The silver lining is that my sister, brother-in-law, and oldest niece and nephew are driving down to see my bro-in-law's family here in Northern California, so I will see them and go to a nice dinner with everyone tomorrow evening. I would have been sad to have missed J and E.

I got my nieces and nephew toys/gifts but I made candles for the adults. I'm happy with how they turned out and even added different layers of color. I forgot to take pictures but will try and remember when they are unwrapped.

Off to bed now. Tomorrow will be about getting my expired license renewed, going to the store to get various beans for a Christmas eve veggie dish and a couple cookie ingredients, then see if I have time to make said cookies before the dinner tomorrow night. If not, I'll just make them in Oregon.

I also plan to look at and possibly buy a crib - white in color, in very good condition according to owner, and has good reviews (though is discontinued) - as I move towards making my house "placement ready." Yay!  I'm also planning to pick up a few items from my brother while in Oregon, though he gave the crib they had to their house cleaner who had a baby last year. Oh well. In my crib research, it seems they range in price from around 160 to 500, and this one is offered for 100 complete with mattress and cute bedding. And most now convert to a toddler bed, as does the one I'm seeing tomorrow, which is especially helpful since the child may be a newborn up to two-years.

Sending you all love and blessings for the holiday and New Year!

I Survived the Mucho Loco Week

My birthday yesterday was a fun and fairly mellow day, which is how I wanted it after such a c-r-a-z-y week. My co-workers did get me a cake and give me a nice key chain made by our clients.

The craziness started on Tuesday when, after seeing two clients in Oakland, I drove up to Albany to lead a career transition meet-up... which had only one attendee! Boo. So tired of meet-up bailouts, even though I do it myself. lol FOUR other people failed to show up; one of them was nice enough to change their response on the website. Double boo. But. It ended up being really worthwhile!

The one guy who showed up runs the one-stop career center in San Pablo (where I worked for several years at the community college) and graciously offered the space to me for workshops and career groups. He also used to work at the Concord one-stop, which is close to where I live and where I'm wanting more clients! I intend to follow up with him on both the SP workshop and Concord networking fronts. Even though we have some differences in our background and perspective and the conversation started a bit stilted, we warmed into a lively dialogue about our clients and career development philosophies, and knowing some of same people at the college, etc. Great introvert networking experience!

I returned home around 8:30pm and after a half hour or so of necessary down time, jumped into preparing for my first of two interviews the next morning. Went to bed around 1am, but had insomnia and probably got about four hours sleep before the wretched alarm went off. This first interview was the one with a *NINE* person interview panel, which was as nerve-wracking and intimidating as it sounds. Everyone was really quiet, too, and not very responsive, which made me all the more nervous. My answer to the key diversity question was not great, but overall I would say I did okay. Came back home for a couple of hours before heading out to work at the non-profit.

That evening, I tweaked my PP presentation for the second interview the next morning, reviewed interview responses - especially the one about diversity! - and got to bed around 1am again. This interview started a bit later (the first was at the godawful time of 7:45am) but it was in Santa Rosa so I theoretically had about an hour and quarter drive to get there. I awoke at the same early hour of 6:30am, at which time I might add, it is still dark outside, and getting about 5 hours of sleep. *As a side note, I admire and have compassion for those of you that get up at this time or earlier every day.

Despite the rocky start of getting there late due to torrential rains and initially going to the wrong location, this interview, as a whole, was the best it could have been. I liked and felt connected with the (reasonable number of) four interviewers, gave what I felt were strong answers to their questions and a good presentation. This latter job is the one that would require moving, at least eventually. It would be a part-time position, so initially I could commute a couple of days a week. But considering the non-profit job location, it would make sense that I re-locate long-term to a town in-between the two jobs, which would mean about a half hour drive to each. On the positive side, it's a nice area.

Part of the reason I would wait to re-locate on the latter job, is because of my adoption process in this county. I need to research whether I could re-locate when a child is placed with me but not yet officially adopted. This could happen within a few months.

Regarding this adoption process, I took another step forward this week when I met with the adoption social worker Thursday afternoon. We had the house cleaned Monday, and I tidied everything up prior to her arrival. She was quite young! Like maybe 24 or 25? We first went through signing a lot of paperwork in rapid-fire fashion, before she began asking me questions about myself and what I was hoping for in this process.

Early on in the question-asking, I said I hoped for two-years-old and under but was a little torn and might want to consider a little older. At this point, she asked me, "Have you thought of other options?" Head slap, huge groan!!! Um, no, I'm just coming to you guys out of the blue, completely unaware and definitely not having gone through over 10 years off and on of trying to have a biological child, and three adoption training programs in three different counties, not to mention many blogs read, conversations had, books and articles consumed, experts consulted, etc., etc.! Do you agree that's a pretty harsh and clueless question, or am I just overly sensitive? It frustrated me but also hurt my feelings, as I am excited about moving forward and was thinking that she was there to help me and be "on my side."

She also followed up the question with a couple disparaging, negative comments about how there aren't nearly as many babies/infants that come up needing homes. I of course know this already as they stress it in every training and you hear it anyway, just through the media. I feel terrible about the older youth that get stuck in the system and have a harder time finding their forever families. It totally sucks. And, I am who I am and am where I am in life. I've worked with older youth for many years as part of my career. I love them, but I long for the experience of motherhood and am especially longing for the baby/infant experience and supporting them through the developmental milestones. As I think I've shared, part of my motivation for adopting through foster care is financial, but it is also that I want to provide a loving, safe home for a little one who was dealt a very harsh hand in life. So yes, ma'am, I have thought of other options. Grrr

Sorry for the rant. The interview did dramatically improve from there, after I said that her question kind of hurt my feelings and disrupted the process of beginning to get to know each other and work together. She apologized. I know her perspective is very different than mine. In any case, she then focused and began asking me the questions I thought she would ask about my strengths and interests, my neighborhood, my goals for next year, what ethnicity and gender in a child that I was open to, etc. She didn't get into asking about disabilities or special needs, but she gave me quite a bit of additional paperwork to complete, including a questionnaire with those types of questions.

Oh, and before she left, she had me complete this sad and somewhat disturbing questionnaire about what I or those in my family had experienced in terms of various forms of abuse, pornography, use of firearms, drugs, and more. It was a bit strange to answer, "I don't know" for some of them regarding family, and I felt a bit "hardened" answering yes to several drugs (from my college days in the late '80s lol). She said that having experienced these things would not rule someone out but instead will guide our conversation next time when we talk more deeply about my history.

We scheduled our next meeting for January 10th, which gives me time to try and make some fixes (lock box for medications, all cleaners stored in a place that's inaccessible to children, outlets and cords protected - how do you secure cords? - and any less than child-friendly items removed from the yard, and other requirements) and complete the homework. I realized that I should see what items my siblings in Oregon might have to pass along when I have my car to carry them back. Feeling excited about making preparations and things feeling more and more real!

That's my crazy week! Today, I'm going to have a late birthday celebration by meeting a couple of friends to check out a local holiday street fair and have drinks. It's a beautiful day, after getting tons of rain, so it should be a fun time. Then holiday cookie and candle making this evening and tomorrow.

Frenetic! and Festive

Next week is one of those weeks where multiple significant and stressful events pile on in succession... I'm not feeling too overwhelmed, but looking ahead resignedly and starting to gear up - while at the same time holding on to my holiday cheer.

After my post about wanting to settle in for a while and not continue to put effort into applying and interviewing for better-paying jobs, two colleges simultaneously managed to motivate themselves at the very last minute to schedule interviews before the holidays. So, I find myself committed to two early morning interviews on Wednesday and Thursday next week; one way up in Santa Rosa and the second one in Napa.

I am trying to feel hopeful and excited about these opportunities but honestly, I just don't. I do not even want to prepare, though I'm sure I will make myself, if not this weekend, then Tuesday, spend some time doing so. They are both, of course, stupid panel interviews, and one has NINE people attending. Ridiculous. How many people does it take to make a decision? Apparently nine.

If I had to choose, I would choose Napa, as it is only a half hour drive and would not require me to move. The Napa job, however, would require me to quit my non-profit job and dramatically scale back on my business for now. The Santa Rosa job is a part-time position, so theoretically, I could work two days there, two days at the non-profit, and a few hours in my business and make a good living - but both the non-profit and SR jobs are located such that I would need to move, likely to Petaluma, a town between the two locations. Am I really willing to move when I have so many good things happening where I live now, including my adoption process?

My finances are such that I can't, in good conscience, cancel either of these interviews, so I guess I will just take it a step at a time. But excited about them? No.

Additionally, I am committed to leading my career transition meet-up Tuesday evening, which has quite a few sign-ups (potential clients) this month. And, Thursday afternoon I'm scheduled for my first home interview with the adoption social worker. I'm looking forward to this but definitely have a few nerves about it. In a generous act that relieves some stress, however, my housemate gave me an early Christmas present and hired a cleaner to come the Monday before, so the house will be polished up for her visit!

Sounds like enough for the week, right? Nope, my birthday is Friday! No big plans, though, maybe a drink with friends. Despite the stress and busyness this week, I refuse to lose my holiday spirit. I attended our small and joyful staff holiday party last night for the non-profit, made peppermint cookie dough last week, have been enjoying the Christmas lights going up, and we plan to decorate a tree this weekend. ho ho ho!

The Time Rage Got the Best of Me

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone! I hope you enjoy the day whatever you're doing and whomever you are, or are not, with. Special shout out to the single ladies away from family today; may the day be fun for you in non-traditional ways!

NaBloPoMo prompt for today: Have you ever rage-quit a job?

Not exactly. Well, not in a dramatic, say something rageful and inappropriate, then storm out the door kind of way.  But I did have a rage moment a few weeks back at a meet-up group I host... As background, I didn't advertise it well or early enough, plus a few people didn't show up. Sidenote: why do we do this? because I do this too, sometimes, i.e. sign up for an event, then bail shortly before it happens. I try to remember to change my r.s.v.p. but admit I don't always do so. So frustrating for the event planner. In any case, this led to meeting with just one person that night.

As fate had it, the restaurant we normally meet in had a band playing that night, so it was loud and I had to advocate and follow-up with the manager to get a table. While I was waiting, I had a glass of wine. So, I wasn't in the best mood, and I'd been drinking. I'd like to think that's why I became emotionally reactive. It WAS annoying and tiresome, but not worth the reaction I had.

What happened? Well, the one person who came jumped right into telling me her entire career story and talked non-stop for about 15 minutes (fine and even welcomed for a counseling appointment but a free meet-up event at a restaurant, not so welcome), until I finally interjected and said I wanted to suggest an activity, as well as explain my role in leading the meet-up and get business stuff out of the way, such as a sign-up sheet and collecting a small donation to cover costs of the meet-up.

I had barely finished my sentence, when she went into a tirade about how it didn't say anything about the meet-up costing anything (I double-checked later to confirm that I did in fact mention a donation would be requested to cover costs) and that maybe she would understand it if we were meeting in a rented space, or something, but in this case she didn't understand what she's paying for, that it wasn't worth it.

At this point, to put it lightly, my temperature rose. My thoughts were that I have a graduate degree and over 12 years experience in the career counseling field, and it takes effort and time to plan and facilitate these monthly events, plus paying monthly dues. I do benefit by sometimes connecting with a new client but not always. So, the fact that she felt entitled to waltz in and get free career counseling and take advantage of meet-up benefits without contributing at all really made me mad, and at some level maybe offended me or hurt my feelings. And not only not contributing - we've all been short on money at times and I would have totally given her a pass - but she lamented that the experience was not "worth" even a few dollars.

I think part of my anger was because I've made huge strides in my business over the last year or two in valuing my time, and other coaches and professionals time, as well. I guess I do believe in that value now, which is the silver lining on this story - recognizing that I really do value my time and counseling skills and believe I should be paid fairly.

To finish the story, I said that yes, it was in the event description, then told her I actually felt offended that she said the only value was in renting a space, and not the content, time, and effort, etc. She continued to argue. I stopped her and said I did not want to argue, that I wished her lots of good luck in her career and hoped that sharing her story tonight was helpful for her, and excused myself.

In retrospect, I think I did not need to take it personally and it wasn't a huge deal in the big picture, but I'm not sorry I left versus spending another hour listening to and helping a woman who wasn't appreciative.

Returning to gratitude...I'm thankful that experience is over and I learned from it and thankful for all the good things in my life right now: my sweet dog, Zoey; my health; my great work environment and ability to contribute at the non-profit; doing interesting, fun, and meaningful work with my clients; my planned trip to Oregon to see family over Christmas; my family and nieces and nephew; and my excitement and hope for building a family in the near future. Now off to have a Thanksgiving cocktail!

Me in 2016

NaBloPoMo prompt for today: "What was it like to be you in 2016?"

Let's see... in the first part of the year, it was stressful, lonely, and painful as my relationship with S hit the rocks again.

In early Spring, it was surviving another breakup, my car being totaled, buying a new-to-me car and beginning a housemate search.



Spring/Early Summer, feeling renewed energy and focus on becoming a mom and raising funds towards that end. Experiencing great relief as my bitter, caustic housemate moved out, leaving me on my own in the house for a couple of months. Ahhhh


July and August, finding a fabulous new dog-loving housemate (yay!) and having fun reconnecting at a reunion with high school chums in Oregon. Then, finally experiencing a true sense of belonging, acceptance, and support at work in a new non-profit job.


 Late Summer/Fall, growing weary interviewing for higher-paying part-time positions, learning lessons and continuing to work with clients and build my career counseling business. Wrapping my head around pursuing adoption and completing more paperwork and yet another training. Halloween hoopla with housemate...

November, swept up in NaBloPoMo, expanding my blogroll and developing my writing muscles and discipline. Haven't missed a day yet! Looking forward to the holidays, even though I don't have any plans for Thanksgiving. Envisioning another Oregon Christmas!

Pursuits in Parallel

First, a few brief work updates... Still no word from Oregon! I emailed the HR person and heard back that the committee is "still at the interview stage" and "there hasn't been a job offer yet." I imagine they have moved forward with a second interview round but are not closing the door until they get a definite "yes" from one of these candidates. I keep procrastinating finishing the Napa college application for some reason. It's so arduous and repetitive. The deadline is the 20th, so I still have time.

And my potential client decided to go with someone else who specialized in "mid-life career change," which is ironic because all my clients but one younger woman are in a mid-life career change. Apparently, I didn't emphasize that well enough in my consultation. He said he really liked me and ended up speaking with 7 potential career counselors. I suppose I should feel good that I came in second, but there is no reward for second place! :( I do have three consultations in the next week or two from my meetup group. I would love to work with two of them and think we would be a great fit.

My most exciting news is that I finally attended an orientation with the organization in charge of foster care placements and adoptions in my county. As you might remember, I completed a several-week training at the beginning of last year when I lived in Oakland. Once I moved to another county last summer, I began research the process in this area. I attended a social services orientation at the end of last year, found out about this organization, and have been wanting to attend a monthly orientation ever since. The challenges were that there are two alternating locations, only one fairly close to me, the coordinator was disorganized and not a good communicator, and the dates changed at one point, as well.

I finally made it three nights ago. The gals leading it were very young; one was fresh out of college. They pulled the rookie move of not having any food or refreshments for a meeting that was at dinnertime. Boo. The presentation was pretty crappy, as well, and I've been to a few of these. They basically just read the wordy slides, not offering any personal anecdotes or opinions along the way, plus their language was harsh and discouraging. To cut them a bit of slack, the rules and policies have "just" changed in California and everyone is adjusting and learning, including developing new materials and presentations for interested foster/adopt families.

The main policy change is basically that *everyone* is now considered a "concurrent" family, meaning they are not differentiating between families interested in fostering children and families interested in adopting. After the strident, authoritative language in the presentation that seemed to say, "Get with the program; you are not allowed feelings or preferences!" I was a little stunned, and I could tell others in the room were, as well. I broke the ice and said, "Well, I am interested in adopting - I've never been a mom before and I want my own child. I'm willing to take some level of risk and support the process, but where does that leave me?"

The facilitator was fairly positive in her response and said that in that case, the social worker would likely refer kids to me who were farther along in the process. I absolutely am ready to work with the system and put the kid's needs above my own (including doing what I can to maintain relationships with bio-family members, when possible and positive for the child), but at the same time, while I admire so much people that have a heart to foster kids and work closely with the agency and the bio parents towards reunification, I am not in that place and need to be honest about it for the good everyone, including the kids. After my share, a couple other people in the room share something similar, indicating they really hoped to adopt, and it felt good to know I was not alone. I was also excited to hear that this agency has connections with kids statewide, not just in my county.

We filled out interest forms, and the next step is to meet for an individual consultation with the social workers. They already contacted me and we are working to get something on the calendar. I wish that my career/job piece could be in place first, but I will go ahead and meet regardless to get clear on what is required and what I need to be working towards. I am still most excited about CA Conceptions, but I don't think it can hurt to pursue these two paths in parallel, at this time.

Still in limbo but turning a corner...

I heard back yesterday from the memorial trust and it's a big, "NO." :-(  I could not have felt any better about the interview, but I guess either someone else had more experience or there was an insider candidate. Moving on... I plan to finish my Napa college application this weekend. The application has tons of "extra" questions, which is so annoying. Sorry for the kvetching, but I get so tired of answering the same darn questions over and over and over. At least I can cut and paste some of my previous answers, but these guys went the extra mile and doubled the number of questions asked. boo.

I haven't heard back from Oregon, but since they said they were moving forward quickly, I don't think that is a good sign. I just sent an inquiry and imagine I'll hear back by Tuesday, if not sooner. That interview kind of sucked, so I'm not holding my breath. Moving to Oregon right now would be a HUGE deal, obviously, so I feel mixed emotions about not getting this one, one emotion being content with it. Maybe down the road.

I had a client consultation last week and will likely know if they're a new client on Tuesday. Fingers crossed!! He was shopping Career Counselors though, and said he would be talking to two or three other folks, as well. He did say he liked me, and he's an Introvert so my expertise fits him. I am also leading a meetup group on the 6th and hope to get a few more consultations from that. My budget definitely needs an influx of income, so I appreciate any good thoughts.

Still feeling kind of in limbo. Continuing to enjoy my "for now" part-time resource job with the brain injury support organization. I don't enjoy the paperwork part of it, but the people are so friendly and kind and I feel useful. It's quite refreshing following my last college job where I felt I didn't really belong. The long, stressful commute there and back I will not miss when I leave, which I still hope will be sooner rather than later.

I got motivated last night to find one or two local fun and enriching activities, where I could grow and learn, as well as potentially meet interesting people (especially ones I might want to date). I found a Unity church in the city 15-20 minutes from me that offers a lot of classes, which break the ice in getting to know people as an Introvert. I'm thinking about a Monday night spiritual principles class. I also put out a couple of feelers on local dance classes but haven't found the right fit yet. There are regular dances around here, but again, I need the structure of a class to engage and meet people, at least at first. My favorite is swing dance, so I'm hoping to find a good choice in that arena. Internet dating is so limited, and I'm not connecting with people I really resonate with that way. Plus, I'm feeling the urge for some personal growth.

I still hope to find a regular networking group to meet referral partners for my business, since the one I was attending in the Spring crashed and burned when we didn't get enough members to officially launch the group. We will see. I need to up my current income before I could invest in something else, though.

I'm starting to feel the turn into fall, and I'm ready for it. I guess it's bringing energy to expand and explore new things. Beginning to look forward to Halloween - my second favorite holiday - as well.

Weekend Updates

Thank you so much to those of you who weighed in on the job opportunity analysis in my last post. It was really helpful! Most of you leaned towards the job with the healthcare trust because it's local, pays well, and offers the opportunity to work remotely. Those of you that favored the university job in Oregon mentioned the positives of living near family and having summers off.

After interviewing for both positions, I have an update on the details of each job, as well as my feelings towards them now...

First of all, the Oregon job interview did not go very well. It was a panel interview on a conference call, which I have never experienced and I can now report is super. awkward. I could not see anyone and received very little feedback on my responses, even non-verbal. They were not a warm and friendly crowd. The main interviewer was kind of formal and unhelpful in communicating the expectations and framework of the interview. In "normal" interviews, it is not uncommon to ask to add something at the end that did not come up in the interview, but when I did this, instead of clearly saying, "I'm sorry, we have to stop now due to time," or something like that, she kind of withdrew and begrudgingly said to go ahead, which totally threw me off.

Also, during the interview, I asked about collaborating between the career and advising departments and an idea I had for that, and got a very strange, stilted response about referring students to career counseling, which did not really answer the question. This also threw me off a little, as I had been told by my friend who works there that this is a great idea and they are really looking for innovation. I realized later that I likely stepped into some political sensitivities, because there was a representative from the career services department in the interview, along with the advising representative, who was leading the interview. This whole separation is foreign and non-intuitive to me, as here in California, we simply have college Counselors that do both academic and career counseling, versus dividing out these functions. What is weird is that it seems that advising helps students choose a major/career, my favorite part of the job. I am still a little confused, and not optimistic they will call me back, even though I feel I did very well on the first half to three-fourths of the interview. Oh, and I did re-read the job description and discover it's a 12-month assignment, so no summers off.

In contrast, I felt like I totally rocked the interview with the healthcare trust for a career counseling position. The whole interview felt as comfortable as an interview can feel, even though this one was also over the phone (only one interviewer though). She and I had a lot in common and seemed to totally click. We had moments of understanding and laughter, having both worked for community colleges and for workforce programs. And the core of why we like career counseling seemed to be similar. I am knocking on wood, but I feel I will likely be moved on to the next stage of interviewing, which will indeed be with a panel/committee. Ugh. In any case, she said I should hear back by next week on the details of this. One potential negative I discovered during the interview is that my position is located in Oakland, which is the one location that has a physical office where other Trust staff work. So, I likely would be working from that office part of the time versus fully remotely, although she indicated I would also work from home to some extent, as well as travel out to various healthcare center locations.

I do still feel positive about the Oregon location - central Oregon, which has waaay better weather than where I grew up - and living near family. My brother said he thought we would likely see each other every few weeks and our families could be more in each other's lives. But traveling for CA Conceptions treatments would be costly and less convenient, and I am really appreciating my friendly, healthy housemate situation, especially in comparison to the stress of my last housemate. In addition, she loves Zoey and plays with her regularly. Yay! She generously offers to let her out when she's home and I'm not, and hangs out with her outside or in her room, truly enjoying Zoey's company. I really feel like she adds to the joy in Z's life, which in turn makes me so happy.

Maybe Oregon does make more sense later, if I do decide to go that route... what do you guys think, hearing how things went?

So now I am playing the waiting game and working on getting new clients to make my budget this month. I plan on making outreach phone calls, which I don't enjoy but which sometimes brings referrals. There is an Art in the P@rk festival nearby that I also may check out today. My housemate and I are going to go in on a big nature photo hanging for the living room. Hope you have a great weekend!

Figuring stuff out...Please share feedback!

This post is going to be a "figure my shit out" post because I feel a little all over the map career-wise right now. I would appreciate feedback or words of wisdom from your own experience. It seems I'm in that situation where, even though I am excellent at coaching others and helping them make career decisions, I'm struggling to coach myself. Like the painter whose own house paint is cracked and peeling. ha

The context is that my career counseling business is in a "valley" within the journey of peaks and valleys that is self-employment as a counselor/coach, at least until you build enough passive income sources online. My college counseling unemployment ended, and I replaced it for the most part with a part-time, 15 hour a week (3-day), Resource Specialist job with a local brain injury support organization. Unfortunately I spend 2.5 hours per day, 7.5 hours per week commuting, so it ends up being at least 22-24 hours per week. Still okay, though the commute is stressful, but it limits my client and business building time. I still have 10 clients, three fairly new, though several are vacationing right now.

As I may have mentioned before, my clients often pay for a complete career counseling package up front, which is great in that moment! But not so great over the long term when I'm working with them but not receiving regular payments. To rely only on my business through one-on-one counseling work, I would need to bring in at least three or four new clients a month, and regardless, I need to bring in 1-2 new clients a month right now to supplement my other income. It doesn't sound like much, but that translates to doing a certain level of outreach and conducting at least 2-3 free career consultations per week. I haven't been marketing/networking as I should, though I did send out my third information-packed newsletter last week.

I also have drifted in my connection with my business marketing program. I'm officially finished with the weekend intensives that come with the program I signed up for. I want to enroll in the next-level program, but I didn't feel ready to do that a few months ago when my other program ended. I'm scheduled to assist at another introductory summit weekend in September, which will bring in several hundred dollars and another lower-rate opportunity to sign up. I have realized that being part of this program and actively developing myself and my business within a group of other committed, like-minded folks - many of whom were inspiring in that they were several steps ahead of me - really did push me and generate momentum in my business. As I think this through, I believe my next step will be assisting in the program I completed myself, Mastery, in Oct/Nov of this year and/or Feb/March of next and then moving forward with more money socked away towards the payments and hopefully receiving a higher income at that time.

Regarding the higher income piece, which is core to the desire to "figure my shit out," I have been applying for both full and part-time counseling positions with colleges and within other contexts. These positions generally pay more than twice what I make hourly at my current part-time position (my independent career counseling work pays four times as much per hour but as mentioned is difficult for me to predict and manage right now). I have two interviews next week, one as a career counselor with a memorial trust organization working with the region's largest health care system, and the other as an Advisor (career and academic counselor) at a state university in Bend, Oregon. The thing is, I'm not sure I want either of these jobs. As I have mentioned, I have thought that my ideal would be to find a part-time college counseling position close to where I live, which allows me to continue to put a lot of time into my business.

BUT And this is a big BUT, as you know, I am super excited to move forward with the CA Conceptions program and become a mom in the next year. To take the next step and begin receiving donor profiles, I need to take out a loan for the required up-front payment, and I believe I will have a higher chance of receiving this loan if I am making a consistent, higher salary. Not to mention, preparing for and supporting a baby down the road requires a good salary, as well.

Please bear with me as I analyze these two opportunities. It would really help if you share your opinions on these!

Pros and cons of the memorial trust position... Pros: located in Oakland which is where I see many of my clients and where I have friends; pays quite well - a little higher than a full-time college counseling position; seems to allow working remotely or virtual commuting; and uses many of my strengths while allowing me to develop skills I want for my business such as hosting webinars. Cons: full-time; requires some marketing and detail-oriented program management which doesn't fit me as well; limits my client contact to folks working within this health care system, though the system is large and requires many types of positions, not just medical practitioners.

Pros and cons of the Oregon state university position... Pros: located in Oregon, near family and in the same city where my family now has a vacation house and travels regularly (could be a big plus when I have a child); great weather and recreation in Bend; located near friends from my hometown who I recently loved reconnecting with at my reunion, including two living in the same city and one who works at the same university; and I am excited about the opportunity to work at a four-year university and see how that differs from community colleges. Cons: would require me to break my lease and move after having found a great roommate; pays significantly less than university advising/counseling jobs in N. California (10-15K less), though the cost of living is considerably less, too; full-time and would require me to put my business on hold for a while, though I believe I could rebuild it there; I would need to travel for CA Conceptions procedures; and relocating is stressful. One point worth mentioning is that "full-time" usually means 32-35 hours in a college/university setting and you often get part or all of summer off.

It's not as though I have been offered these positions yet, but I would like to go into the interviews with clarity about whether and how much I want the job. Another iron in the fire is having a full-time application in at the college near where I live, which I should hear back on in September. I guess I want to focus more on what I want and need in a job right now, and these parameters feel like they necessarily now include financially supporting my dream to become a mom in the near future. Please share your thoughts and experiences...What would you do career-wise, or how would you be thinking, if you were me?

Turning Over New Leaves

Just wanted to share a few (fairly) quick updates:

• I am running my first crowd funding campaign and am inching closer to my goal of covering half of tuition for the Ecology of Leadership program.  I don't know if I have shared a lot on this blog about it, but I feel stuck in a certain unproductive pattern in my life (dealing with time and reclusivity).  It has felt protective, but I see it does not serve me, as is.  So, I am hoping to shift that pattern and also accomplish my goals to increase my Green/Transition career counseling clients and to be part of a social change performing arts troupe.  The first weekend of the training actually just happened (on a check and a prayer).  It was so intense!  Brought up some of my awkward, insecure feelings in groups - mainly at the end when I was exhausted - but also introduced some awesome tools and structures, such as a support buddy and a several-person "pod" of people who will meet in between monthly training weekends and offer mutual support and accountability.

• S and I are continuing to vacillate back and forth from getting along to having painful conflict.  My family was in town for the Oregon/Stanford game, and we went out for dinner and drinks.  It went well overall but ended in conflict about how I was "not letting him speak."  Then, we had the best intentions for my weekend training - even though every weekend event in the past has brought up difficulty - but we ended up fighting on the phone as I drove back yesterday.  I know I contributed.  I was so exhausted and intolerant of his questions and what I felt was a lack of trust and effort to control me.  To be transparent, I'm ashamed to admit I may have smoked for a few days back when we were in our most stressful time of recent fighting.  Well, remnants of this time were still on the deck, and when S came over to care for Zoey yesterday, he saw these and thought I was still partaking in this behavior.  I told him no, these were from before (which I'd told him about), but he continued to question me on the exact timeline.  I sort of blew up.  I am so wanting love and acceptance right now - my ability to weather judgment and anger is at an all-time low.  So I'm trying something new... since saying what I "don't" want has not worked so far, I decided to come up with an affirmation of what I "do" want.  What do you think?:  "My relationship is stable and relatively calm, and is filled with love, compassion, and understanding."

• My surgery to remove the large fibroid behind my uturus, scheduled for December 6th, conflicts with one of the EOL monthly training weekends.  I am checking to see if there is any way to reschedule for early January.  If not, I feel I need to suck it up and miss a weekend of training.  It will be difficult, but I have waited so long and am so wanting to move forward and get this problem resolved.  The program leaders said it was okay for us to miss a weekend but strongly suggested we try and make them if at all possible.  They are all about "creating the village," which I understand - and which may meet my long-held desire for community - but which can also be very intense!

Guess that's all for now.  Still looking forward to the holidays, despite having a lot on my plate.

p.s. Oh, and Zoey's bumps above her eyebrow went away.  Yay!

Coming Out - plus TTC Update

Before I get to my ttc update, I wanted to share what's been going on in another area of my life...

Sooo, the last few months I've been working with a Coach, who is helping me reach out to potential clients as an independent Career Counselor.  My idea is that I will continue working with a community college or colleges, and have a few independent clients, as well.

Working independently versus under the umbrella of a school or an organization, feels newly liberating.  I had three independent clients at the end of last year/beginning of this year and worked with a few people when I lived in San Luis Obispo, as well.  When I met with them in independent counseling sessions, it allowed me to truly focus on the their current needs and allow the trajectory of their process to guide us in our work.

The only hitch to doing more of this work is that I needed to actually generate more of this work!  Marketing is not my forte, nor something I enjoy doing.  I am a bit shy with people I don't know, and I prefer deeper conversation to making small talk - a label which I think applies to most efforts to sell yourself or promote your business.  Handing out my business card to everyone I meet?  Ack, sounds incredibly awkward.  Can't people just find me by telepathy or osmosis or something?

Anyway, I've been working on developing confidence and overcoming my anxiety, which tends to block forward momentum.  In the last three months, I have scheduled meetings with my coach every couple of weeks.  My experience has been that in between our meetings, things tend to get done, even if I end up cramming and getting them done the day before.  Accumulating these successes had helped to build confidence.

Today, for example, I put the finishing touches on my "Coming Out Letter."  I hope I don't insult anyone referring to the process this way.  I know it's not nearly as life altering and potentially terrifying as coming out as gay (I saw a couple of my friends go through this and it was a huge life event), but it does feel vulnerable and like I'm exposing this new part of myself that is raw and sensitive.

We also did a visualization exercise, in which I connected with my "Captain," the part of me that is unconditionally loving, compassionate, clear, confident, and supportive.  Not surprisingly, another part of me that I call my "Sabateur" came up and tried to figuratively shank my Captain with negativity and judgments lol, but some significant insights and guidance came out of the process.  *As a side note, my Captain looked like a non-blue female Avatar, wearing animal pelts.  She was pretty cool.

In any case, I committed to send my letter out to at least a dozen friends, and I thought I might share my letter here with this community, as well (see below).  I would love to hear your thoughts before sending it out later this weekend.  Please also feel free to pass it on to anyone you know who needs career counseling.  I work over the phone, as well as in-person, and can be reached through this blog.  I have a website I can then share with people, too.  Thank you for your help!

Dear Friends,

I am writing to let you know that I’m doing it: I am hanging out my shingle as a Career Counselor!  I’m excited to announce that I’m accepting new clients. I would like to offer you - and anyone that you refer - half off your first session.

As many of you know, my background includes over a decade of working in community colleges and non-profits as a Career and Academic Counselor.  My favorite part of the job has always been working with people to figure out what they most love to do and then helping them focus and use these passions (and package their related skills) in the work they do in the world. 

I wanted to share a little about what turns me on most about working independently... Working with people on my own allows me more freedom and creativity than when I work under the umbrella of a college or organization!  When I work with clients through my business, I feel that “magic” can happen as I follow insights and their inspiration to the next step, and the next, as they pursue their dreams.  Also, we are not held back by any government or grant requirements, and can set goals together based on their priorities and needs.

The clients I’m looking for include:

• Recent Graduates
• People in career transition needing guidance and someone “on their team.”
• People wanting more independence or inspiration in their work life

In a bit more detail, my services include:

• Providing assessments like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and the True Colors assessment to help my clients see and appreciate their strengths . . . which are then integrated into a dynamic counseling process connecting them, not just to their next job, but to their calling.
• Experienced guidance repackaging and adding to a client’s work experience in order to launch them in a new, more inspiring direction.
• Job search tips and strategies to save time and increase employer responses.  Includes resume review and editing.
• Increasing client’s personal resiliency through building multiple income streams and a broad awareness of diverse skills and talents... as well as how these skills and talents can be combined to meet market/community needs.
• Green career counseling:  Providing information and guidance on careers that help people and our planet thrive.

My session fees are reasonable and include a sliding scale fee structure.  In addition to the introductory offer mentioned above, for the next three months, I will also offer 20% off the total if clients sign up for three or more sessions.  Due to the cumulative effect of our work together, and depending on a client’s goals, I suggest a minimum of three sessions, and up to 10 or more for longer-term transitions and support.  I’m also happy to meet with someone one time, as well. 

If you need support and direction in a career transition, or if you want to feel more inspired in your work, please contact me.  Also, will you consider sending this note on to anyone you know who might be interested?  I really appreciate your support. 

Heartfully,


Kristina B., MA
Career Counselor


TTC UPDATE:
I'm on Day 9 of my current cycle, in which I took Femara again Days 3-7.  As mentioned in a previous post, S and I decided to try Femara again because I had such a good response to this dose last time.  I have purchased the Ovidrel trigger and the progesterone supplements, as well.

I was going to go out of town this weekend for S's nephew's graduation in San Diego, but if I would have gotten my LH surge on Saturday or Sunday, I would have had to go to a random fertility clinic in So. Cal.  Doable but awkward.  Also, we decided we wanted to save our money for ttc and a trip we're taking to DC to see his daughter at the end of July.  So, I'm on my own this weekend, with plans to meet a friend Saturday for lunch and go dancing Sunday morning, but the rest of the time plans to work on creative projects, read, and lay in the sun.

Starting today (Friday), I am testing every morning with my new digital OPK.  Wow, I will say it IS a lot easier with that little circle or smiley face reading.  Very clear.  When I get the positive, then I call Pac.ific Fertility Center and go in for an ultrasound.  If I don't get a positive until Monday (or later), I definitely go in mid-day Monday for my scheduled ultrasound.  I will likely do the trigger shot that day, with IUI to follow on Tuesday.  S is nervous about the IUI.  He's trying to follow all the rules to prepare and asking me about timing etc.; it's cute.

Finishing this post up on Saturday, Day 10.  No smiley face this morning, which is a good thing.  The earliest we would do the IUI is Monday, so S will not be at risk of cutting his family visit short.  I hope tomorrow is a negative, as well, so I don't have to go in for a monitoring appointment tomorrow morning by myself. 

We are definitely excited to be trying some new things this time.  I don't think I mentioned, however, that I went in for the first monitoring appointment last weekend and the doctor saw what he thought was a cyst on my left ovary.  Damn left ovary.  But he thought it would likely resolve, and that there was no health risk to going forward, so we decided to keep on keeping on.  I hope the risk pays off, but there is a chance the IUI will be cancelled if the cyst interfered with ovarian stimulation.  Fingers crossed!