The Time Rage Got the Best of Me

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone! I hope you enjoy the day whatever you're doing and whomever you are, or are not, with. Special shout out to the single ladies away from family today; may the day be fun for you in non-traditional ways!

NaBloPoMo prompt for today: Have you ever rage-quit a job?

Not exactly. Well, not in a dramatic, say something rageful and inappropriate, then storm out the door kind of way.  But I did have a rage moment a few weeks back at a meet-up group I host... As background, I didn't advertise it well or early enough, plus a few people didn't show up. Sidenote: why do we do this? because I do this too, sometimes, i.e. sign up for an event, then bail shortly before it happens. I try to remember to change my r.s.v.p. but admit I don't always do so. So frustrating for the event planner. In any case, this led to meeting with just one person that night.

As fate had it, the restaurant we normally meet in had a band playing that night, so it was loud and I had to advocate and follow-up with the manager to get a table. While I was waiting, I had a glass of wine. So, I wasn't in the best mood, and I'd been drinking. I'd like to think that's why I became emotionally reactive. It WAS annoying and tiresome, but not worth the reaction I had.

What happened? Well, the one person who came jumped right into telling me her entire career story and talked non-stop for about 15 minutes (fine and even welcomed for a counseling appointment but a free meet-up event at a restaurant, not so welcome), until I finally interjected and said I wanted to suggest an activity, as well as explain my role in leading the meet-up and get business stuff out of the way, such as a sign-up sheet and collecting a small donation to cover costs of the meet-up.

I had barely finished my sentence, when she went into a tirade about how it didn't say anything about the meet-up costing anything (I double-checked later to confirm that I did in fact mention a donation would be requested to cover costs) and that maybe she would understand it if we were meeting in a rented space, or something, but in this case she didn't understand what she's paying for, that it wasn't worth it.

At this point, to put it lightly, my temperature rose. My thoughts were that I have a graduate degree and over 12 years experience in the career counseling field, and it takes effort and time to plan and facilitate these monthly events, plus paying monthly dues. I do benefit by sometimes connecting with a new client but not always. So, the fact that she felt entitled to waltz in and get free career counseling and take advantage of meet-up benefits without contributing at all really made me mad, and at some level maybe offended me or hurt my feelings. And not only not contributing - we've all been short on money at times and I would have totally given her a pass - but she lamented that the experience was not "worth" even a few dollars.

I think part of my anger was because I've made huge strides in my business over the last year or two in valuing my time, and other coaches and professionals time, as well. I guess I do believe in that value now, which is the silver lining on this story - recognizing that I really do value my time and counseling skills and believe I should be paid fairly.

To finish the story, I said that yes, it was in the event description, then told her I actually felt offended that she said the only value was in renting a space, and not the content, time, and effort, etc. She continued to argue. I stopped her and said I did not want to argue, that I wished her lots of good luck in her career and hoped that sharing her story tonight was helpful for her, and excused myself.

In retrospect, I think I did not need to take it personally and it wasn't a huge deal in the big picture, but I'm not sorry I left versus spending another hour listening to and helping a woman who wasn't appreciative.

Returning to gratitude...I'm thankful that experience is over and I learned from it and thankful for all the good things in my life right now: my sweet dog, Zoey; my health; my great work environment and ability to contribute at the non-profit; doing interesting, fun, and meaningful work with my clients; my planned trip to Oregon to see family over Christmas; my family and nieces and nephew; and my excitement and hope for building a family in the near future. Now off to have a Thanksgiving cocktail!

Thanksgiving Memories

In my family of origin, Thanksgiving generally included really good food and not so good connections. Dinner conversation would either be stilted or one extroverted person would be putting on a comedy show. One dare not ask or share anything at a deeper level for fear of being ridiculed. It never felt safe to share about challenges or be vulnerable.

In later years, after my siblings got married, more alcohol was mixed in, and people became "jolly" as the night wore on; sometimes overly so! I remember one time my brother-in-law was quite intoxicated at the end of the night and he was carrying my nephew home who had fallen asleep. I was truly afraid he might trip and fall with the baby, but thankfully he made it.

I would have a bit deeper introvert-friendly one-on-one side conversations sometimes but most family members seemed compelled to track the whole group focus, story, or comedy routine. I'm not a great storyteller or comedian in group situations, especially when the culture is not supportive, so this meant I didn't end up speaking much.

For as long as I can remember, my Dad has retired early, regardless of who may still be present. He makes no apologies for this, just states he's done, says goodnight, and walks out of the room. My (step) mom would stay up later on holidays. She enjoyed having people around, even if she didn't venture into very deep waters, would ask questions, and we had some good conversations later at night when I was staying at my parents' house.

This year, I won't be with family, or even with friends, which I guess I sort of chose by not reaching out to procure an invitation or inviting people to my house. I'm going to get a newsletter and marketing piece done by end of tomorrow, as well as take a long hike with my dog and watch a movie.  I may make some rolls or get some turkey and cranberry from the store. Leftovers are the best, and I'll miss them if I don't end up cooking.

One of my favorite memories of Thanksgiving, is one I celebrated with a close friend in Central California. We are both INFP personalities and tend to live and communicate in deep waters. We wrote out what we were thankful for and what we wanted to release and shared it with one another. Maybe I'll do an activity like that tomorrow...

Thanksgiving and Money

 I missed my first day of NaBloPoMo posting in November. I didn't meant to. I was in bed late last night looking for a meme that spoke about money and it's role in life, but I got distracted, then so tired I forgot I hadn't posted yet. Ah well. I'm getting back on the horse.

I don't have plans for Thanksgiving. This makes me feel really Lame, with a capital L. I do have some plans for the holiday weekend. My friend and former housemate, K, will be in the East Bay (he lives in Sacramento) with his wife and new baby, and we plan to get together Friday afternoon. I may connect with another single friend, and my housemate may be around. We'll see. Us single ladies can have an awkward time around these holidays, as I've lamented before. It's like you have a feeling about what you "should" be doing but there's no one to do it with; basically, no family to do it for. Especially us single lady introverts who don't have armies of friends jockeying to have us over. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. If I really felt strongly,  I would have made more of an effort to find a place to go or created an "orphans gathering" myself, but I didn't feel like doing that kind of marketing and outreach. I'm doing plenty of marketing and outreach right now for my business!

This Saturday, S invited me to go to dinner and a choral performance to watch one of his co-workers sing in his choral group. We went together last year and had a good time. We had an interesting conversation a couple of days ago, continuing to discuss whether we can be "just friends" and what that would look like, considering he's dating another one of his exes already. I mentioned before that I feel okay about that, mainly because I'm so very clear about us not being right for each other in the long term. But I don't want to be sketchy and enable his less than forthright activities, i.e. seeing who he wants to see, knowing she wouldn't like it but not telling her. I asked him if he felt okay doing this in the context of his relationship, and he said yes. He piqued my interest by saying he wanted to "explain one probably puzzling aspect of our time together." No idea to what he is referring, but I'm curious. This may be the last time we see each other, at least for a while, but I admit to looking forward to it for the fun and conversation.

I want to end by sharing a crazy thing that happened to me today, something that felt like God or fate smiling down on me in a most unexpected and abundant way. So, I'm not proud to admit I overdrew my account and then had some mistakes cause an accumulation of several fees. These included two Am@zon charges for services I didn't order, S forgetting to switch a credit card at the gym, and then a couple auto payments coming through with bad timing. In any case, I called to plead my case about the mistakes a couple of days ago and was treated rudely. It drives me crazy when customer service folks don't treat you like a human being and genuinely listen, but instead robotically recite policies at you, repeating them as if you were a child. In any case, I got really frustrated and posted a negative comment on the bank's FB page. Well, within minutes, I got a comment and a voicemail from someone at the bank asking to talk with me about my concerns. Today, we talked and I felt like I was strolling down the yellow brick road. It was surreal. She was super understanding, listened and empathized, and, in the end reversed ALL the fees I had received, including several from earlier in the year. It was like getting a new client, but I didn't have to do any work. Feeling lots of amazement and gratitude for that one.