The Cute and the Weird

Posting the final post of October 2011.  I'm still deciding whether to join NaBloPoMo for November, the biggest month.  I haven't seemed to get much increased traffic from participating, but maybe I'm not as active as I would need to be to really reap the benefits?

Part of the challenge is that there doesn't seem to be a "good fit" category for my non-Niche blog.  It would probably best fit in a "trying to conceive" category right now.  Either that, or a dating/relationship category, but neither of those seem to exist.  Just "Family" and "General" and "Niche," but Niches seems to Nichey for my blog.  lol

Anyway, on to this final October post.

So I ended up giving some candy out tonight, though I hadn't planned on it, because my housemate got back earlier than I expected and sort of encouraged me (encouraged me and then left to go out to dinner, but it still worked).  And also I ended up being home during the prime hours and happened to find a bag of Hershey's kisses and some other candy and pencils left over from teaching to add to the mix.

We don't get many trick-or-treaters anyway, so my measly loot lasted until a little after 8 p.m., at which time I turned off the porch light and blew out the pumpkin.

The smaller kids who came early on were the cutest: little princesses and animal babies with shy, barely heard, "trick or treat"s.  Because they hadn't yet learned procedure, some of them said it in tandem with knocking, which was too cute.

In other (ttc) news - sorry for TMI and I won't be offended if you stop reading here - I saw some tannish color on the tissue earlier this evening.  It's only 2-3 dpo so it can't possibly be implantation bleeding, right?  Has anyone else experienced this?  I've never had this happen so early in my cycle.  So I'm somewhat befuddled, but trying to just forget about it and chalk it up to hormones or stress or something.

I teach tomorrow so will be going to bed at the semi-ridiculously early hour of 10 or 10:30 p.m. tonight.  I hope the little devils are kind to me again this week!  At least I have an hour and a half lunch this cycle, so I have a Vietnamese lunch with my Teaching Assistant to look forward to, in between periods of cramming in a career interest assessment that should really take twice as long as the timeframe we are given.


Ups and Downs

Brief ttc report:  several tenth temperature rise this morning, so it looks likely that ovulation occurred yesterday.  I saw a light line on the OPK (you know, the one I wasn't going to use?) on Friday and an even lighter one yesterday morning, so the LH "surge" likely happened late in the day Friday.  I only tested in the morning, though, so I'm not sure.

Bad news report:  my car was towed from the BART parking lot yesterday afternoon because of an event held there.  There were definitely no signs there as warning, and from talking with other people during the ordeal of getting our cars out of the towing lot to the tune of $400 (extortion!), there were no signs until an hour or two prior to when they started towing.  This sounds illegal to me!

Anyway, one of the unlucky folks in our predicament gathered all our names and says she will be filing some sort of legal action.  I'm definitely going to follow up as this is beyond unjust.  If sh/cm hadn't been there to help me, I would not have had the resources to bail my poor car out of the pokey and would then have continued to be charged a fee each day until I could do so!


Halloween Weekend

I'm writing this post from the couch, where I can periodically look up and through the French doors to where my candle-lit pumpkin sits grinning at me slyly from the back deck.

Weekend plans include:

  • Eat dinner with sh/cm's brother and his brother's wife (and his step-brother), in town for their two boys' water polo tournament (done).
  • Make yummy breakfast tomorrow morning, including blueberry pancakes and eggs with kale from the garden.
  • Go running and color my hair.
  • Sunday morning Farmer's Market and dance/workout, followed by, later that afternoon, a movie on the Keystone XL Pipeline situation (big action in DC on November 6th!).  
  • Then, finally, a pumpkin carving party at a friend's house that evening.

Looks like my LH surge is barely beginning this morning, so my plans may need to incorporate a bit of "trying" in that arena, as well!


I cheated. . . and other news

I cheated.

Without much forethought, I noticed the day of my cycle yesterday, and this morning took an OPK.  Remember when I said I wasn't going to do that this cycle?  ha!

Oh well.  I guess I'm still mildly interested in tracking ovulation and timing our efforts this month.

It was negative, btw.  But tomorrow, I imagine you just may find me testing again.

And now, for some random ttc reports:

On the supplement front, I am noticing some increased acne, mainly on my chin, and more hair falling out - both of which were listed in the potential side effects of taking DHEA.  Overall, it's tolerable.

Wondering if I would be wise to start taking progesterone.  I saw the Mariah Carey interview with Barbara Walters the other night, and she mentioned that progesterone can reduce miscarriage by 50 percent.  I have been thinking that since my temperature has a nice, high, sustained rise after ovulation, that indicates my levels are good.  But maybe I'm wrong?

And sh/cm's sp.erm analysis came back yesterday.  All looks well:  the count was 40 million with about 50 percent motility, which I guess is pretty good.  They didn't test morphology, though, and I'm wondering how big a role that can play.  I did read that morphology is connected to count and motility, so that would indicate it might be decent, as well.

One final note:  I started a new 8-week school session yesterday, and I love the teacher with whom I'll be working!  He seems to have a great relationship with the kids and an active classroom management style.  And the kids are more advanced and engaged with learning than the last school too!


Surfing the Future

It's getting real.

Talk of my future with sh/cm that is.

My dreams last night had huge waves and people trying to surf them.  I was watching from a ledge a bit off the beach and scanning for those that managed to "catch the wave."  Then, it gets fuzzy: there was some kind of danger and a guy carried me up to another place on the ledge (higher level) where it was safer.

Psychologically, as many of you may know, water often represents our emotions and/or sub-conscious, so, yeah, I think I was a little stirred up last night.

The day had started with a great morning together, waking up at my place and then heading over to his neighborhood Farmer's Market and one of the most delicious cups of coffee I've ever had.  Then off to my dance/his workout, followed by walking up to bookstores - and a sidewalk sale - in his neighborhood to pick up a relationship journal (yes we are so geeky as to be starting a relationship journal), and a few used books and CDs.

Back at his house, I guess I was the culprit who took the first dive into the deep end of the pool by asking if he thought we would actually, somehow/some way, end up with a baby.  And we were off!

He said yes, he had, and we went back and forth exploring much more detail than we ever had before about next steps and creating a foundation either for the biological child we create or one that we might adopt through the foster care system.  We had never really talked about adoption before, but he must have been thinking about it on his own because he had lots of concrete ideas!

Details discussed included:

  • The idea of us moving in together in a few months; choosing a place that would be good for a child and consider the school system, etc.
  • What age child we would be open to in the adoption process and whether it would benefit us to be married or not (I said I wasn't sure since the Bay Area is progressive and less discriminating than some places, but maybe because it is one factor out of many that might indicate to an agency that we are "stable").  Yeah, the "M" word was thrown out there.  It has been touched on before but not this directly.
  • The idea of a child who may have some adjustment issues needing lots of love and his feeling that he could fill that role well.

Later, we continued the foray into deep waters by talking further about his new health insurance potentially covering me as his "partner," different health plans offered, and some specifics around IVF procedures and costs (I would appreciate prayers or positive thoughts that I get coverage because this might allow me to go forward with IVF in the next couple months).

Much of the day was fun and relaxing, including a yummy steak and potato barbeque (a side salad and coffee frozen yogurt for desert too!), but it sure does seem we jumped into some big topics!

When I think about moving forward with him in these ways, I feel excited and hopeful, as well as a little anxiety.  The anxiety is connected to the marriage part, I think, because I can't say things are perfect.  I know I love him a lot and feel closer to him than anyone I've ever been with.  But part of me believes it should be perfect, or close to it anyway.

We have worked through a lot of challenging issues that have proven to be game stoppers for me in the past.  I do see that we are growing and developing what I would consider "true" intimacy.



Before Bed

I'm going to use a NaBloPoMo prompt from last week.  Maybe that's cheating, but please forgive me!

"What do you like to do between coming home and going to bed?"

Since I'm not working full-time, I'm going to translate that into what do I like to do in the evenings during the week.

My typical evening activities might include:

  • Making and eating a yummy recipe, while sipping wine.
  • Reading blogs, commenting, and writing a blog entry.
  • Watching favorite TV shows (Modern Family, Parenthood, Private Practice, The Biggest Loser, Parks and Recreation, The Office, etc.) or a movie.
  • If sh/cm is with me: talking about our shared goals and concerns; sometimes playing a game; or working on our computers together.
  • Doing yoga and stretching.

The question specified the start point being after I come home.  If not, my evenings include other outside activities, such as Interplay, Non-Violent Communication, and Transition Town Heart and Soul Groups.

When on my own at home in the evenings, though, my activities tend to be fairly introverted and mellow.  I think I have mentioned before on this blog feeling frustrated that I seem to need an external catalyst to jump start into productive "getting things done" mode.  But I also am coming to the point of acceptance of my personality and natural tendencies.

Plus, many times I'm tired by the end of the day!

One thing I've noticed will catalyze me into action in the evenings is having a creative project (such as choreographing a routine or writing something) that has a deadline. . . I'd like more of these projects coming into my life.

What about you?  What do you like to do between coming home and going to bed?



I kind of crashed out emotionally today.

Had a crying jag in the middle of the afternoon.

Sh/cm and I staying out late for a catch-up dinner with one of my friends from college - and drinking vodka - probably didn't help (bonus invite to visit him in Hong Kong though!)  And then I didn't sleep that well or that long.

In fact, I probably should be in bed right now.

I'm chaperoning a green jobs fieldtrip tomorrow so that should be fun.  Not.  My attitude stinks.

On the phone with sh/cm tonight, I asked him what fun plans we could make for the weekend, so I would have something to look forward to.  We came up with pumpkin carving and a movie, after attending a Non-Violent Communication community cocktail party Saturday evening.

It's something anyway.

Taking a Breather

As I imagined, I am out for this month.  I started my cycle yesterday, making last month's timeline a perfect 28-days.  Which would be great if I were going for a perfect cycle, but since I'm going for pregnancy, I'm not so thrilled.

I think I'm going to take this month off from "trying."  I'm not going to "not try," just not "try," if that makes any sense at all.  I'm not going to take Femara or use OPKs.  I am going to keep taking my temperature - and hopefully there will be some baby dancing in there - but taking a breather sounds positive at this point.  

Some exciting news:  sh/cm and I are partners!  Well, at least for the purposes of his work insurance.  He thinks he can get me covered through his new job, which would put me back online with Kaiser and their nice reproductive center.  I'm looking forward to taking this game up a notch.  

And sh/cm will be testing his swimmers next week too.  Stay tuned.


Coming to an End

This two-week-wait is coming to an end.

I'm at 13 dpo.  My cycle starts religiously on 14 dpo.  Today and yesterday, my temperature was 98.2, after dipping to 97.9 on Saturday.  This is a similar patterns to last month, however, but the dip was bigger.

Anyway, I've been emotional the last couple of days and tired, getting more tired by the minute.  I'm worried about teaching career exploration tomorrow - wish me luck!

And today, I had a bit of period-like cramping in the lower left side of my abdomen, and a bit of tan spotting when I went on my walk.  It seems too late for this to be implantation-related.

I'm thinking these signs come to a sum total of PMS and the beginnings of my period.  I'll let you know when things become more clear.  Testing will not be on my agenda unless I make it through tomorrow. . .



The Occupy Movement rocks!

Yesterday, I went downtown with several hundred other folks to the Occupy Oakland march and rally and witnessed Danny Glover go OFF.

He talked about the need to think of the planet 7 generations from now in terms of the repercussions of our actions.  To consider what will happen to our children and our children's children.  

And he encouraged everyone to persevere in the days ahead to, "Remake and transform our Democracy,"  take it back from the corporations and make something better, and then to institutionalize this change.

He said we need to take back our humanity, and that we need nothing short of a "revolution, evolution, and transformation."

Danny Glover said, "People have to matter more than things."  Amen


Success and Enlightenment

OMG!  Blogger just ate a long post with several links.  Aaaaargh!

Maybe the universe is telling me something.

In brief: great day yesterday, which included a successfully facilitated Transition Heart and Soul meeting at my house and an enlightening conversation with sh/cm.

In my meeting, I facilitated a Theatre of the Oppressed exercise in which we created images or tableaus of the Transition movement.

And in my conversation with sh/cm, we came to a couple of key understandings, including that I wanted us to be on the same page when we came out of family gatherings.  I wanted us to be supportive of one another, share humor and commentary, and just generally have a feeling of togetherness.

This may sound like a tall order, but he was actually relieved, because he thought I wanted him to be some sort of family therapist for me. lol

p.s. On the two-week-wait front, nothing much is happening.  My temperature dropped several tenths to 97.9 today, 11 dpo, but it was chilly and I was partially covered.  Boobs are still sore but not feeling much of anything else.


Ho Hum

So I definitely don't know if this cycle was successful.  Honestly, I'm thinking, "No."

I know it's early, but I have had no real signs or cramping or whatever.  My boobs are sore, but they seem to be sore every cycle around this time now.

The funny thing is, I haven't been focusing on it that much or feeling amped up about it.

Maybe the trip to Oregon and challenges with sh/cm have stolen my focus up to now.

Today is actually 9 dpo, not yesterday, as initially reported.  But I think Fertility Friend may be off by a day on ovulation.

Tomorrow will bring more activities to steal my attention in the form of an NVC workshop in the late afternoon, and a Transition Town Heart and Soul potluck and meeting at my house in the evening.

I'm also kind of excited to develop a website showcasing my career counseling services.

But the two-week-wait, whereas usually it's doing high kicks on center stage, right now it's just. . . ho hum.


Am I Crazy?

I want to write about something I'm struggling with regarding sh/cm.  I've mentioned it in prior posts, but I want to talk about it in a little more detail.

As those of you who have been reading for a while know, the beginning of our relationship was a bit complicated due to a trip he took to London.  On this trip, he spent some time with his ex-wife and they discussed her coming to California a few months later to stay for a month or two and see if they might want to try a relationship again.

Well, as the story continued to unfold: I agreed to date him (and theoretically other people too) even though that door was open with her; we spent more time together and became closer; and he decided to commit to a relationship with me.  She lives in England and this hasn't been a problem. . . until I found out recently that he had talked to her a couple times recently and not told me, and that she was coming out to California in January to complete part of a book project they had agreed to complete together.

I was upset to learn these things and felt he'd been deceptive.  He admitted as much, and said it was because it was easier.  He justified it to himself by thinking he owed it to her since he had already committed to helping her in this way, and that he'd "dumped" her romantically and if he "dumped" this project, as well, it would be like saying she was worthless (I didn't exactly understand this logic).

So, we had some difficult conversation around this, and, as I shared in a previous post, I came to believe this train had travelled too far down the track and - considering he said this would be closure on his working with her and he would be transparent about communication going forward - I let it go.

But.  Then another thing came up around his communication with an ex-girlfriend, with whom he meets with weekly (along with several others) as part of a local Non-Violent Communication project.  He dated her for several months until the end of last year.  I noticed he had some energy when talking about her a few times, as if he was carrying some unresolved feelings about their relationship (resentment/anger mainly).

I didn't think much of it or worry about it until recently, when I found out about the communication with his ex-wife.  I looked back and remembered he had some emotional connection to Burning Man happening this year (he went with this ex-girlfriend last year) and then her birthday party a week or two ago (which he'd planned and orchestrated last year).

I don't feel a huge threat from either of these women, as far as him cheating on me or leaving me.  But I do feel a lot of fear and upset around them.  The ex-wife was a lot harder, I think because of our history and also because we had conversations about it, and he knew I wasn't comfortable with him communicating with her.

I guess when I think he doesn't care how I feel about something and just does it anyway, that feels scary.  And what seems to be an ongoing strong attachment (caring, feeling of loyalty and wanting to help them) to these women is worrisome to me, as well.  Maybe I'm cold-hearted, and this is the "healthy" way to feel about exes?

I should mention that he has a strong jealous streak and has expressed fears and upset around MY interaction with other men, so it's interesting to me that he seems to struggle with being sensitive and considerate to me around this area.

Tonight, he emailed me and told me after the fact that he called his ex-girlfriend to ask her about a webinar she gave and whether he might use the same channel to give a webinar on a climate talk he's putting together.  Really?  A phone call in the evening, was that necessary?  I emailed back that I didn't like hearing that, and (immaturely) told him that maybe I would call ex-boyfriends in the coming evenings and discuss project collaboration, then report back to him about it.

Perhaps I'm overreacting, and I should be glad he told me?  We just came through a tough weekend (more on that later), and I'm not appreciating additional stress and strain.

p.s. The ttc report:  my bbt is at 98.3, and I'm on 9 dpo.  I had acupuncture today.  Not feeling any noticeable signs, other than a headache which was likely related to fatigue.


Thank God it's (almost) Wednesday

Weathered another exhausting day with the middle school malcontents.  The Kaiser medical career video was above their heads; some classes more than others.  Sixth period was just a pain in my you know what and took every ounce of energy I had left after the trip and feeling under the weather.

Managed to make it to Interplay and a birthday party for our Interplay leader afterwards.  These are "good people": when I lay down on the floor to stretch when my head/neck was hurting, two peeps commented I could lay in a space over near the group, and the host brought me a neck massager!

Off to bed now.  Will try for a longer post tomorrow. . .


Way up in the sky, the little birds fly. . .

I sang the song below for my niece and nephew a few times over the past couple days.  It met my need to be seen, and their need for entertainment.  

Today's agenda:  strolling around downtown Eugene and eating breakfast at the 5th Street Market; matinee showing of "Powerball"; walking along the Willamette River and heavy discussion of personality differences/comfort levels with one another in different contexts; pizza parlor replete with carousel ride for the kiddies and lots of pineapple on my salad and pizza ;-).


Emotional Ride

Today was split between stress and pleasure, tension and ease.

It started nicely enough at the "Hole in the Wall" restaurant for an early breakfast with sh/cm, my 91-year-old Grandpa, cousin, cousin's husband, and two little kids.

Afterwards, though, sh/cm and I had tension come up around this trip and expectations around roles and support.  He was wanting more appreciation and ease, and I was wanting more support and understanding (I wish spending time with family was nothing but sunshine and roses but that's not the case.).

The hike we took - a great workout and set among old growth trees, lush ferns, moss. and creeks - left me annoyed by sh/cm trying too hard to engage and be funny, in my opinion.  I didn't want to feel that way, but I did.

But, we actually had a conversation about it and tonight's participant-created sushi dinner at my sister's house was easeful, warm, and joyous.  Good food and a feeling of support and being "on the same wavelength" with sh/cm.



We've landed in Duckville

Wah, wah, wah. . . back to luke warm.  Oh well.  My Mom seemed about as happy to see me as if I were from the IRS.  She did seem to appreciate the cookies I made and the eggplants and tomatoes I brought her from our garden.

Sh/cm seemed to get along with everyone well.  My brother-in-law talked to him a lot (and loudly! as he is apt to do)  I played with my niece and nephew: they loved the gifts I brought (the trick emptying baby bottle was a hit), and we had a fun dance party - my nephew has some sweet moves!

We are exhausted now.  Breakfast in the morning at the "Hole in the Wall" cafe with my cousin's family and my Grandpa and his new girlfriend.

p.s. My sister-in-law just went off the pill and they are trying to get pregnant.  We had a whispered conversation about it, and she said, "Maybe we'll be pregnant at the same time!"  Here's hoping. . .



I will truly be "Between" two places tomorrow, as sh/cm and I drive from the Bay Area up to Eugene, Oregon where my entire family resides.  The Ducks won their football game against Cal tonight, so the weekend is getting off to a fabulous start!

I ran around doing tons of errands today: volunteered at Interplay; bought fun gifts for the niece/nephew and little cousins; picked up snacks and chocolate chips for the cookies I made tonight for the trip.  Oh yeah, and I also bought fresh pineapple! ;-)

Just a bit more packing in the morning, pick up some bottles of California wine with sh/cm, and we'll be off!

As a side note, my mother wrote me the warmest email she's ever written, inviting us to their place for dinner when we get into town tomorrow evening and asking if that is the way I would like to start the weekend, introducing sh/cm to my family and to Eugene.

I'm not explaining adequately, but it was sweet. . . and quite unusual for my generally luke-warm mother (I don't know if I've shared this here, but my birth mom passed away when I was four, and my Dad remarried my current Mom the following year. We've never had what I would consider a typical or close mother/daughter relationship.).


Ovulation: Check!

Temperature rise this morning to 97.9.  Negative OPK later last night, so the surge was definitely night before last into yesterday morning.

Sh/cm and I covered the fertile days, and I feel optimistic about this cycle for a few reasons: the longer follicular phase is a positive, clocking in at 13 days; it was my first month taking Femara again; and it's been almost three months since I started taking DHEA and COQ10, which they say take three months to work their magic on egg quality.

I will be distracted for the first part of this two-week-wait with our trip to Oregon, beginning Friday morning.  Our ritual visit to the pizza parlor fell by the wayside last cycle, so I'm excited to pick that up again next week when we return.  lol

Curious who else out there might be navigating the luteal phase, between ovulation and the end of your cycle, or, God-willing, a positive pregnancy test?  How are you feeling?  What are your survival plans?


Another Day in the Trenches

Drive-by post to say that I survived another day with the monsters (otherwise know as middle school kids)!

I threw in a couple more engaging teaching techniques and felt good that they finally learned my name.

A blessing and a curse, as for much of the period, I proceeded to hear, "Ms. B!  Ms. B!"  :)  I have to say, it did feel good that they wanted my guidance.

And my Interplay class tonight was fabulous.  We invented an exercise last week called "3-2-1," and this week gave it another go.  I will explain more about it soon.

Good night for now. . .

p.s.  Also participated in a protest against the Keystone XL Pipeline at Obama HQ in Oakland.  What a nightmare of a project; talk about dirty energy!


The line! The line!

Please excuse the cheesy 80's reference to Fantasy Island!  

But I am excited to report that there was an official, strong second-line sighting on the OPK (ovulation predictor kit) this evening, so I'm right back on track with follicular phase length.  

Sh/cm and I, ahem, baby danced, or whatever the kids are calling it these days, this morning, so the "window of peak fertility" as they say is off to a good start. :)

p.s. I'm chagrined to admit that I paid $5 for one of those conception prediction websites: 

And she predicted I would conceive this coming December or January, or give birth in December or January of next year, and that she sees a girl.  I did it mainly for fun, but I'm posting this for tracking purposes, just in case . . .


Between Exes

Today, sh/cm and I were stuck between exes.

We started the day with a long conversation about his ex-wife, who is coming for two weeks in January for work.  Before we were together, he promised to help her with an audio aspect of her accent book, creating a recording of an American accent.  I guess.

Then we spent the afternoon at his ex-girlfriend's birthday party - the relationship he had prior to me.  We emerged from both these experiences in a remarkably positive place, though this morning's conversation was especially difficult.

I agreed to "let" him work with her, with the agreement that he will tell her this will be his final project assisting her.  Apparently, helping her in this way was a big part of their relationship, and he wanted to honor this final commitment (in part, out of guilt for abruptly closing the door on romantic possibilities with her in order to commit to me, which I talked about in a post back in June).

For a while in our process around this, I felt like he was choosing his friendship/loyalty to her over his relationship with me.  I wanted him to let go of his attachment to doing it so that we could openly discuss our feelings and needs before making a decision.  In the end, it does seem like this train has travelled too far down the track, and I agreed to go along with it.  But only after he had shared in a vulnerable way how he had developed this pattern of making solo decisions and talked about how he knew he needed and wanted to change this pattern for the benefit of our relationship going forward.

Anyway, after we worked our way through that maze, we went to Farmer's Market then jaunted off to his other ex's house for a lovely party.  It was surprisingly meaningful and enjoyable.  A lot of the folks there were from the local Non-Violent Communication community, and I knew a few of them and liked all the rest.

We participated in a "Giving Circle," in which each of us shared needs with the group, as well as things we wanted to offer to others.  I came away with a Life/Career Coaching Session, massage, and a Sand Tray Therapy Session.  Cool, no?  In return, I'm giving a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment, an empathy session, and help with organizing a studio apartment.

After the party, we raced over to the Art in Nature festival, which was potentially awesome but in the throes of wrapping up.  There, we ran into the guy who caused strife between sh/cm and I a while back when he got the hots for me at my friend K's party and proceeded to talk about these feelings in his men's group, of which sh/cm was a member.  Random.

An overall kickin' day considering we spent much of it bouncing between exes and ghosts from the past.  For dinner, I made delicious Eggplant Almond Enchiladas from the Moosewood Cookbook using tomatoes and eggplants from our garden.  Yummy.

For those of you on the ttc track, I still haven't gotten a positive on the OPK, here now on Cycle Day 12.  

And I wanted to ask:  have any of you taken Femara?  If so, did it raise your basal body temperature, if you temp?  My temperature today was 97.7 and yesterday 97.9, several tenths above what it normally is at this time.  I'm thinking it has to be the Femara. . .


NaBloPoMo: Between

National Blog Posting Month

Welcome to National Blog Posting Month!  I have been meaning to sign on for a second month (after my trial run a few months ago, in which my performance was fair to middlin'), so as to plug into that external motivation, kick-in-the-butt energy of a commitment to post daily.  So here we go!

I like the theme for this month, and the picture too for that matter.  In this moment, I can think of several "Betweens" in my life.  It especially feels like I'm at a "Between" place in my career. . . even though I have a part-time job, it doesn't take much of my time, and I still feel stalled out in my life purpose.  Looking for that meaningful, creative project to sink my teeth in to, in addition to more professional counseling/assessment work.

Secondly, as you can see from reading my blog lately, I'm engaged in efforts toward trying to conceive, which feels like a "Between" place, as well: not yet a mother, but wanting it deeply, in my bones.

And finally, my relationship with sh/cm is "Between" the states of "seriously committed," and "we're in it for the long haul."  Which again, may sound crazy considering we're trying to have a child, but it makes sense to us.

Makes sense in that we both long for a child, and we would clearly be committed co-parents no matter what happens.  I'm hopeful we will eventually be more seriously committed romantic partners, as well.  But at this time, we are working through some things (including his ex coming in to town for two weeks of work, part of which he plans to assist her with, at the beginning of January grrrr).

So, I think I have lots of grist for the "Between" mill this month, in addition to my regular life and cycle updates.  I look forward to exploring with you all!