You are not pregnant. It was a pleasure to meet you.

I basically knew I wasn't pregnant yesterday, and I just grew more confident in this knowledge when the spotting turned red this morning.  So, when I called them at 9:30, I was not surprised to hear the word, "negative."  The automated message they then emailed was pretty funny:

"You are not pregnant. It was a pleasure to meet you. Please let me know, if I can help you with anything else."


Anyway, I've scheduled a WTF phone consult appointment with the doctor for Monday.  She said that a negative Beta means the egg did not even fertilize!  Who would have known I have even more to learn about this complicated process.  For some reason, I thought HCG only went up when it started to implant.  I want to know more precisely why an egg didn't even fertilize, considering the timing was supposedly good and there were three of them available.  

Do bad quality eggs not even fertilize?  Could the sperm somehow not find the egg?  

I've never covered all the bases that I covered this time AND it not worked, so my mind has to reach further for the reasons why.  I also want to know what, if any, adjustments he will make to the protocol, assuming I do another cycle at the end of July.

I also called Kai.ser Fremont, as their success rates are higher.  It's a 10 minute farther drive... but I've heard great things about Dr. She.n, and the prices are the same, so why not?  She wasn't available for the initial consultation until August 15th, so I may do another cycle with Kai.ser SF first; I'm not sure yet.

Thank you all so much for your kindness and supportive words.  It really does help to not go through this roller coaster alone.  Love and appreciation to you all.


Hanging Here in Limbo

Hanging here in limbo
Too scared to pee, on a stick...

I don't know why I can't rally the motivation to pee on a stick.  What is my problem?  I think I know it will be negative.  I just can't face, the mean white space!  I gave blood for the Beta, but the didn't call me back by the end of the day. :(  So, I guess I'm taking a couple more doses of progesterone for no reason.

Here's why I think it's over:

  • I've been lightly cramping and spotting (brown and light pink) all day.
  • Every other cycle I've spotted on, the spotting has turned to a full flow.
  • My boobs are not sore anymore.
  • I don't have any other major signs (except my temp staying up, but that's due to the progesterone, right?)

I should get a call by 9 or 9:30 tomorrow and will let you know as soon as I hear.

or maybe I'll pee on a stick...

but probably not.

p.s. A nurse was mean to me earlier today (not super mean but curt, and in my sad state it felt really mean), but it was good because it made me cry hard and I needed to cry hard.


Looks like this cycle is likely a bust.  Started spotting pink just now and, sorry for TMI, from progesterone suppository applicator I can see some red.  Feeling very sad.

Wondering if I should go in for my blood test anyway to see if there's any evidence that something started?  I think that I will because then I will also know whether I should definitely stop progesterone/estrogen.  This sucks.


12 dpo

This will likely be my last post before I know whether my IUI was successful.  I don't have much to report other than "symptoms" seem less today, for good or bad.

I had a mini freak-out in my mind yesterday that I have been eating too much sugar and maybe that ruined my chances.  Stupid party leftovers!  I've been craving carbs in the afternoon and indulging these cravings with bread pudding.  Also ate a half a snickers last night and immediately regretted it.  Silly stuff.  

My bbt was down this morning quite a bit.  Not a great sign, I guess.  I don't trust my thermometer at all now though, because it keeps settling on the same number: 98.34 every other time I take my temperature.  If I let it rest for a minute and shake it, then take it again, it comes out something else!  So I don't know if I even trust half the readouts for this cycle now!  I did get 98.17 two or three times this morning (in between 98.34s), so I think that's the right one.  

More shall be revealed soon, I guess.


11 dpo

I have a new sign to report:  headache.  Blech.  I've had a sinus-type headache over the weekend and heading into today.  I thought maybe the one on Saturday was related to my over-indulgence of cheese at the game night Friday.  But it continued on beyond the cheese explanation.

I've also been having vivid dreams and woke up a couple times in the early morning the last couple of mornings before, luckily, falling back to sleep.  I remember that happening to me in another cycle last year, when I was trying with S.  Last night, I dreamed I was caring for a cute little girl baby and my family was around.  I was very focused on her, though there were family dynamics going on.  In another, less pleasant dream, someone was caring for a dog and had left him on the changing table.  When I went over to check on him, I saw he had pooped and had it all over him.  As I tried to hold him still to clean it off, I had the thought that this was what it would be like sometimes with a baby. :)

Boobs have gotten more sore again, but not nipple pain, just sore.  All likely attributable to the progesterone supplements, I know.

I thought about testing today but don't feel like facing that horrible white space again (seen in previous cycles last year).  It's 11 dpo... three more days before I can get a blood test if things hold out.  When it's this close, I'm tempted to wait.  So far, my bbt temperatures are holding strong, but no real triphasic pattern as of yet.  Somehow, when I attached my chart to this post, it keeps updating each day, as I add new temperatures.  So, you can follow the trends there.  lol

The fundraiser game night was a wonderful night, full of yummy food, great conversation, meaningful visioning activity and fun games, and even ending with a sort of blessing ritual.  I felt much love and care, and everyone seemed to get along great (there were women I knew from different circles, such as Interplay, Nonviolent Communication, and Transition Towns) and enjoy themselves.

But.  I did not accomplish the initial primary goal of the evening: to raise funds to offset some ttc debt.  Contributions did come in, but were significantly less than I'd imagined.  I think there might be a few reasons for this, including:  I wasn't as clear or articulate as I would have liked in asking for the donations, people just don't feel they have a lot to give right now, and, finally, it was a Friday night and only half the women invited were able to come.

In any case, I've decided to let that go and chalk it up to an experiment.  An experiment that did reap many blessings in the form of fun, connection, and bonding with and between some of my good women friends.  Here are a couple of pictures from the night.  The first couple are us doing the "now" and "ideal" visioning activity (these are my visions, but each person had a turn), and the last is of the poem we created at the end of the night, each choosing one word.


Friday, 8 dpo

I'll start out with a Symptom Check (all still likely related to the progesterone):
  • Cramping has actually calmed down a lot.  Did those of you who have taken progesterone experience a lessening of some symptoms as the luteal phase progressed?
  • My boobs were the sorest I have ever experienced them last night (when I took off my bra).  Wow, I finally understand some of the phrases other people used before, such as "needles shooting through my nipples."  But this morning, just slightly sore, no big deal.
  • Quite nauseous this morning.  Could have been digestion related, and progesterone apparently "relaxes the bowels."  Thank you for that phrase, doctor, it is a memorable one.  Anyway, really queasy, and it only went away when I ate a bowl of cereal.  Anyone else have this?
  • Mood stuff continues but I think I've just gotten used to being bitchy, and I'm making fun of myself now half the time.
  • My bbt has been up today and yesterday but I realized I slept in socks, whereas I normally don't, so that's probably why!
I spoke to the doctor Wednesday afternoon and he confirmed in-person that he thought everything went well, timing was on target etc.  He did not think that the 12.3 follicle would have made it into the mix, though. :-(  He said follicles grow 1-2 mm per day and need to be about 18 mm to reach maturity, and I guess poor little 12.3 wouldn't have had time to reach that level in two days.  I was thinking since they'd grown a bit faster than anticipated, maybe they would continue growing that fast, but maybe not.  

The cramping actually gave him slight pause, which is unusual for him.  He's an "old-timer" in the fertility world and tends to be quite jaded.  But he also said the "relaxing the bowels" thing.  At the end, he said, "We know you'll need some luck.  But why shouldn't you have that?"  Something like that.  

Tonight is my visioning and game night for fertility.  I'm excited about the visioning activity I'm going to facilitate.  I made bread pudding yesterday, which smelled so yummy, and will make a fresh berry topping sauce today from the berries in our garden.  I'm also going to attempt a homemade pizza.  We'll see how that turns out!  Hors d'oeuvres will include veggies and hummus dip and fruit.  Hopefully, I will raise a bit of money to cover some debt from this cycle.  If I need to cycle again, I want to be in the best position possible.  


6 dpo

Cruising along in the two-week wait at 6 dpo...

Question for those of you who have taken progesterone supplements:  What did the abdominal cramping feel like?  I'm assuming the cramping feelings I'm having are due to the progesterone, but the sensations vary.  Yesterday evening and another time or two I had pre-menstrual type cramps - not intense but somewhat uncomfortable.  Also, some backache.  This morning, I had more of the twinge type cramping - based in a specific spot and would come and go in shorter bursts.  It was mainly on the right side, but a couple on the left, as well.  I'm hoping to compare my feelings to what others felt.

Overall, I'm pretty much chalking any and all "symptoms" up to the progesterone.  My boobs have definitely been quite sore, actually a little less today than yesterday.  On that note, I wonder if your body "adapts" to the progesterone somewhat?  I've also been feeling nauseated in the morning, as well as in short waves during the day.  Bloated and constipated, check.

Oh, and honey, the mood swings!  ha!  A friend mentioned she was a "weepy mess" on progesterone, and I definitely flashed back to that comment yesterday!  I've been Sky.ping for a couple weeks with a guy from Great Britain (I met him on the dating site Spir.itual Sin.gles), and yesterday I broke down in the middle of our call.  Everything. just. seemed. so. awful.  It was like there was this pool of sadness just under the surface, ready to come out, whether I wanted it to or not!  After sobbing for a bit, I took a few deep breaths and felt relatively fine.  Luckily, he knows - and surprisingly accepts - what's going on with me, so I didn't have to try and cover it up.

I do wonder if there is any symptom, beyond a positive HPT, that could be trusted to mean something when on progesterone.  Probably not!

Good news on the additional work search front:  I got the "International Coordinator" position!  I'm not sure I mentioned it here... basically there's a company that facilitates international students coming to the U.S. to attend High School, and many of them hope to go on to American colleges.  I would help the students and their families move through the application process, recruit host families, support the students with monthly meetings and/or phone calls, and put out any fires such as needing to change host families, etc.

The potential downside is that it's on a commission basis, according to how many students you place and have on your roster, but it seems that they help quite a bit with host family recruitment.  There is a regional coordinator who I interviewed with, and she is very positive and supportive.  So, fingers crossed!

I'm also waiting to hear back on a part-time counseling position at a different community college quite close to where I live.  I called the career center contact a week or two ago, and, after talking to me for a while, she suggested there might be an opportunity and that I email the woman who oversees counseling.  I did this at the end of last week.  Not sure why I haven't heard back yet, but I'm still hoping.


Weekend, 3 DPO

My weekend was a good one.  I attended the performance of an Inter.play theatre troupe, called Wing It, Friday night.  The title of the show was, "God, Sex, and Power," so you know there were some juicy stories.  One of the troupe members recently moved back to Africa after getting married and shared a story about homophobia and prejudice in his community, and how he wants to work to change that.  And one piece in which people were sharing about their questions and relationship with God really resonated.  Trying to make meaning and believe that there is a plan for me...

Yesterday, I attended an SMC brunch and met a bunch of interesting, cool women, many with babies in tow.  You should have heard the savvy language we were rocking in that room.  We could have been doctors!  The women responded positively when they heard the number of eggs I had, though a couple of them did go to donor eggs at younger ages than mine.  They encouraged me to just "keep trying," which is easier said than done financially, but it did bolster me to try again a time or two if needed (knock on wood).

I'm particularly excited about a conversation I had with a couple women who live near me and are about to begin trying.  We talked about child care options like nanny care and cooperative child care and also good neighborhoods for school districts and raising kids.  At the end, we said we would get together again soon and continue the conversation.

Another highlight was holding a little red-haired guy, about six months old, who was so mellow and sweet.  Is there any better smell than baby? (assuming their diaper has been changed recently. hehe)  I would love it if my baby had red hair, though this mom was a bit concerned he might get picked on.  I would never have thought of that possibility.

On the IUI front, I've been taking vaginal progesterone two times a day since Friday evening.  I'm definitely noticing some effects.  My breasts are quite sore, and I've had a bit of abdominal cramping.  At first, of course, I thought, "ooh, maybe it's implantation!"  But first of all, it's too early, and second, I read online that progesterone can cause this symptom, as well.  I've been more hungry I would say, too, and a little more crabby.  Nothing too bad, yet. 

I'm going to try and include my chart.  To me it looks like I may have just ovulated on Thursday before the IUI, but I'm not sure I can trust the temps, with medication and all things considered.  I still feel hopeful about the timing.  Any thoughts?



After a harrowing start to the morning. my IUI yesterday went off swimmingly.

I left over 20 minutes before when I normally would, so as to give myself some extra time.  As I began driving, the radio DJ said that there had been a fire in our rapid transit system and there was no service across the Bay to day.  That we were experiencing the worst traffic possible.  Great.  Sure enough, it took me two hours to make a 45 minute trip!  

I was worried about missing my appointment but eventually had the added stress of having to "pee like a racehorce," as they say.  As we crept like snails through the toll booth, I actually considered jumping out and peeing behind a barrier.  Luckily for me and everyone in the surrounding area, I made it to a gas station off the first exit after the bridge. 

Once I arrived, I was imagining being whisked in to a room to immediately get things underway, considering the few hour window.  Instead, I waited almost 45 minutes.  At one point, I snuck threw the doors and talked to a less-than-friendly nurse who informed me that they were preparing and that they usually call people back a half hour or more after they check-in.  I tried to share my opinion that they should inform people of this timeline, but I think it fell on deaf ears.

Once I was finally called back, however, the IUI process unfolded like a charm.  The nurse was warm and reassuring, wanting to make sure I was comfortable.  The nurse practitioner seemed in a great mood and let me know that the sample was great.  She said they like to see a count of five to six million and mine had 16 million.  Also, the motility or speed was ranked threes and fours, and they consider ones and twos "okay."  So, this measure was exceeded, as well.  I mentioned that I'd felt some pangs around the ovaries the day prior and was worried I might be ovulating early, but she said no, that the hormones changing can cause feelings like that.  She's confident everything is on target, and that helped me relax more about it.  

I don't know if I would go so far as to say the actual IUI was a pleasure but it was as close to that as an IUI can get!  I don't know if the medication or the trigger shot makes this predictably happen, but she said my cervix was open, so I didn't even feel the catheter.  The whole thing took maybe a couple of minutes.  

Thinking back to previous IUIs with an OBGYN I had in San Luis Obis.po, I think he must have had less expertise.  Several times, he had to use a tenaculum, which she said she's used maybe once in all the IUIs she's ever done.  In any case, I was very happy.  

Afterwards, I lay there for 20 or 25 minutes and chilled out.  At the end, it occurred to me to sing a few songs to my potential child, which was fun.  Then, I bought myself a cinnamon roll reward and headed home, where I proceeded to lay around for a few more hours.  I felt some bloating and cramping but not too bad.  

I ventured out for dinner with a friend from my Nonviol.ent Communication group later on.  At the end of dinner, I felt kind of full and slightly crampy again and it was nice to get home and go to bed fairly early.  

Thus commences the two-week wait!



I did the trigger shot about 9:30 tonight. It felt really real as I was doing that.  I dropped off the donor vial at the doctor's today, as well.  I'm all set for the IUI Thursday morning.

I read an interesting RE blog article today that talked about follicle size and when to trigger, and it validated my plan. Basically said that if the lead follicle is 16 or 17mm and there are smaller ones to keep doing the medication for another day or two and then trigger.  Here is a direct quote:

"What if instead of the average 11-12 days it takes to grow the follicles, they are of the right size after only 6 days or 8 days?
If the size is good, but it seems early, we usually go at least one more day that we normally would, maybe 2. If it’s day 9 and the follicles are 19-20 mm, it really sounds ok to give hCG. If it’s day 7 (so 5-6 days of FSH injections), and the follicles are 17-18 mm, more time would probably be a good idea."


UPDATE:  I wanted to add that my doctor also felt this plan was the right one and concurred that synching up referred to maturing follicles.  Apparently he said he thought my response was pretty good.  But this was relayed through the nurse, and I look forward to touching base with him later today on the phone.


Monitoring Results! What in God's name is "synching up"?

My monitoring appointment this morning was mostly good, I think.  The one thing that bothered me was that the nurse practitioner I saw for the monitoring said I responded very quickly to the medication.  Apparently, this tends to happen more with older women and isn't necessarily a good thing because of  sometimes not "synching up" or something?  Do any of you know about this?  

I'm calling in tomorrow morning to schedule a time to drop of the sp.erm and plan to have the nurses ask the doctor what this mysterious "synching up" means and whether he approves of the plan we came up with.  

Anyway, first things first, the numbers:

3 Follicles on the Right side:  15.6 mm, 17.2 mm, 15.4 mm
2 Follicles on the Left side:  12.3 mm, 9.3 mm
Endometrium thickness:  9.5 mm

She said that she didn't think the two follicles on the left side would catch up, and thus said I have three follicles.  They like to see three to five, so that's not bad.  The lining thickness is great, she said.  

When to trigger:  At first, she suggested I should trigger tomorrow tomorrow night and come in for the IUI Wednesday.  Yikes!  This is way faster than they initially indicated things would go, and I was expecting at least one or two more monitoring appointments.  That's good news in some ways, less expense for example, but puts things on the fast track and has the potential (confusing) downside mentioned above.  

At that point, I asked her if there were any downside to waiting one more day to trigger, and she said, "No."  So, I said that I didn't mind doing another day of meds, and we agreed I will trigger on Tuesday and come in for the IUI Thursday.  I'm secretly hoping that 12.3 follicle will jump on board. Is that even possible?

Apparently they don't monitor you the day of the IUI because you can't necessarily tell if someone has ovulated due to fluid accumulation.  A bit disappointing since I was looking forward to that absolute, "Yes! You ovulated and this is how many eggs!" confirmation.

Successfully completed my fifth round of injections tonight, and, as some of you said, it has definitely gotten easier!  I bled a couple drops last night and was a bit sore, but no big deal. 

I hope to hear more about this "synching up" idea tomorrow morning...

And I'm hoping those follies keep on growing, even little number 12.3.  "Go follicles, Go!!!"  :-)


Donor Decision

I've been meaning to write a post about my donor plan, so.... here it is!

As you know, I was fervently hoping that the perfect co-parent situation would manifest for me, but no such luck.  I learned a lot in this most-recent exploration process!  Attraction does matter!  At least for me.   And it was eye opening to realize that many of us SMCs do choose our donors based on whether we would be attracted to them or date them (or have sex with them to be more explicit :) in real life.

The co-parent from L.A. to whom I WAS attracted physically ended up being a dud in other important areas like communication.  Case in point. we were supposed to meet when he came into town over Memorial Day.  I asked a couple of times for a time frame of when he wanted to meet up on Monday, which is when he said he would be available.  He never got back to me.  And he seemed generally evasive that week.  Then, on Monday, just before we were supposed to meet, I get a text saying traffic was bad and he won't have enough time to get together.  Grrrr

I kind of had a feeling it was going to happen, but still, it was frustrating.  I wouldn't want to be in a co-parent situation with someone who communicates like that.  Clearly, he was having doubts but, rather than say that or just cancel our plans ahead of time, he did what he did.

Anyway, if I had more time, I could continue the process: research another round of co-parents, contact them and start communicating, get down the the serious stuff, meet up a few times, etc.  But realistically, this does take at least a couple or months, ideally several.  So, I've let go of that option for this immediate round of trying.

What am I doing instead?  Donor insemination.  I've been down that road before, so I knew where I wanted to go and moved through the decision process very quickly.  The bank I chose, TSBC, has less choices than some of the other ones but has a lot of positives, including a nearby location that will allow me to pick up the sample myself.

The donor I selected is ID-release, and I felt a definite connection with him through his profile.  He has a large build, freckles, and is very creative. His baby picture looked a little bit like my nephew and was so cute to me.

This cycle continues to progress, and I have my first monitoring appointment tomorrow.  I hope I have several good follicles going.  I think I already said this, but I'm so grateful to have the monitoring as I go along to see how things are progressing, as well as the HCG trigger shot to assure the IUI is timed properly.  I've never had either of those things before, and it just felt like a stab in the dark.  I'll write a post after my appointment tomorrow.  Fingers crossed!


Paging Doctor K

I've done it twice now.  As with most things, the first time was ridiculously awkward and, really, a semi-epic fail.  But the second time was better, if slow as molasses.  Yes, I've been initiated into the self-injection club, and I'm proud!

It's actually been kind of exciting.  The build to doing an injectable cycle has been sooooo long for me that it feels so right and strong to have forward momentum.  Several years ago, I did a few unsuccessful IUIs and probably would have gone to injectables next had my organization (that I'd been employed with for several years) not closed it's doors and had to let everyone go.  

Then, I moved to the Bay Area, and I think I shared when I first started blogging that I intended to do an injectable cycle two years ago - had actually done the tests, seen the RE, taken the injectable class and been given my protocol - and  then was laid off from my job again.  Aaaargh.  

Jump forward to last year, when S and I tried naturally for several months and were talking about bumping things up to doing an injectable cycle in January.  Well, we all know how that ended.  So, yeah, it's been a long time coming!

I know the odds are that it would take several injectable cycles to be successful and may not be successful at all, but I'm so grateful to be trying.  To be giving ttc this final push (final meaning this year not this cycle).  I may be able to do another injectable cycle or two before the end of the year but would need a couple months after this one to gear up again.  So, I'm praying fervently for success... and am aware of the realities.  That doesn't mean I won't be emotional! ha!  But in the big picture, I'm aware, if that makes sense.

Back to the present... so the first night, I got all my supplies out and my instruction sheet and dove in.  If I thought too much about it, I would have become paralyzed by fear and self-doubt, so I just jumped.  I did my best, but, dang, it was awkward!  I totally felt like I was playing doctor.  A very, very incompetent doctor.  I went through all the steps (you have to liquefy and transfer three vials of meno.pur on a flare protocol before injecting), and when I got to the final vial, drew up the liquid and... had only 60 units!  Hell!  I was supposed to have at least 90!  Well, there was no turning back.  The nurse who gave me my refresher injectable instructions covered this scenario.  Inject anyway!  So that's what I did.  I did manage to salvage 5 units from another vial that had escaped.  Some may have leaked a bit with my lame-ass withdrawal technique or I didn't draw up enough saline solution at the beginning.  But, onward and upward!

Then, last night, I made a bit of a costly error.  When I put the 5 units of lup.ron into the first vial of Meno.pur, I looked at the vial and there was no powder!  I hadn't rolled the vial to mix it at all.  So, I thought I had somehow received an empty vial.  But no, in further reflection, the cap was on, so how could it have escaped!  It really does reconstitute that easily and quickly.  By the time I realized this, however, I had started on a new vial with the lu.pron.  Real doctors, please tell me if I'm wrong, but I cannot use that reconstituted Meno.pur vial in my injections tonight, correct?  I think I read that's a no-no.

Anyway, exciting stuff!  ha!  I have to admit, I felt kind of badass doing all these medical preparations, then sticking a needle in myself and self-injecting.  I hope it continues to get easier.

Oh and I had a godawful headache yesterday and almost felt like I had the flu.  Apparently, Meno.pur can give you these side effects.  But today, I feel pretty good.

My next steps are to call the RE office Friday morning and schedule monitoring appointment for Sunday, then see where we go from there.  Likely into several more days of injections.  Woo hoo!

Side note:  I'm picking up some more lower-cost Meno-pur tonight from two lovely ladies who live not far from me.  I love that there is this whole underground network of med sharing on email lists, Crag.slist, etc.  I know there are risks, but I do some up-front vetting and feel comfortable so far.


School Endings and Cycle Beginnings

I wrote this on Thursday evening but didn't finish the post:

I was reading a blog post while driving in slow, stop-and-go traffic today and gently tapped the car in front of me.  Whoops!  Lesson learned!  No damage to either car, thank goodness.

I'm done with the school year, yay!!!  Finished up our fourth and final school today.  The kids gave presentations based on their career research paper.  Or many of them did anyway.  I was pleased overall with the level of participation.  In only one class did I have to really work to cajole them to get up and speak.  So much so that I was doing cartwheels.  Actual cartwheels.  I convinced two additional people to get up and speak with that reward.  Not sure why it was so exciting.  I guess you don't see a teacher do cartwheels in the classroom everyday. :-)

It's now Saturday.....

...and I'm so loving sitting in the sun on the deck right now.  Feeling very happy.  Just got off a super-fun Sk.ype call with a guy, T, who lives in the U.K.  OMG, he's so cute.  And not just in terms of looks, but his whole personality.  We talked about all kinds of things, from international travel, to spirituality, to what makes up chemistry between people, to living in community, to alternative economies.  It was awesome!  And we both said that we found it unusually easy to talk to one another.  We made arrangement to check in tomorrow and maybe talk before I go to bed, which would be 7 a.m. his time.  He told me about the "Ringing Cedars" book series.  Have any of you read this series?  I want to get a hold of it.

Grateful to be done teaching and also to find out that I will have work through the college counseling office through the summer.  At least enough to get by.  I also applied for two other part-time jobs: SAT (and other) tutoring for Com.pass, which sounds like a good company, and International Student Coordinator with a local, private high school.  I'm not sure how the hours work out for the latter one, as the ad said I would be paid $700 per student but detailed many different stages of working with them and their families.  I hope I land one of these!

Regarding this cycle, I think I'll probably go ahead.  Once again, dating is making me question my choices (what if it works out with him?  what if we want a child together?), but I think I'll still take the leap.  Many "signs" seems to be encouraging me, including all the donated medication I've received, and the support that has recently surfaced from a couple of women I know.  One woman from my dance community actually wants to be a co-parent.  I haven't quite wrapped my head around that, yet, but she also said she would love to be a "special aunt," so that's great.  Another woman who collaborated with me on my recent Transition workshop asked me today whether I had "aunts" lined up, and also if I was interested in intentional community.  She's a super cool lady, and I would love to have her in my and my child's life! 

Finally, I had a fundraising idea to host a "Fun and Games Fertility Night," where I would facilitate theatre games (people could also watch), and we could also play board games, snack, and talk.  I would ask a donation range.  I put the idea out to some of my women friends.  The one response was awesome, and I'm waiting to hear from the others.  I could potentially raise a few hundred to a thousand dollars, which would definitely help. 

After my injection refresher last week, I feel confident and ready to go on that front!  My cycle is due to start in the next couple of days...