This post will be about wrapping up a loose end, than talk about fertility procedures and upcoming appointments...
So, first of all, something has been on my mind for a long time and I want to put it out there, even though I feel nervous and awkward about it. I feel I owe it to my supporters.
A couple of years ago, when I was really excited about a donor embryo program (which happens to be under the umbrella of the same organization where RC and I are currently getting treatments), I launched a fundraising campaign to raise money to make up the difference between the loan for which I qualified and the cost of the program. Despite the generosity of many online friends, and although I raised a respectable amount, I was not able to raise the amount needed to move forward. And then time passed, and through no action on my part, I no longer qualified for the secured loan. Then, I decided to pursue adoption again. Then, I got a job in another county. Then, I moved. Then I met RC, etc. Life kept rolling on, and I didn't have the presence of mind to stop and acknowledge that I never moved forward with the donor embryo program for which I had raised money.
Sooo, I want to acknowledge that now, and once again thank all the kind, generous people who donated to my campaign and supported me in my dream. I appreciate you so much. Those monies were used up in initial testing procedures, the efforts towards adoption and qualifying for my home study, buying items for the nursery, and in the moving transition. But I did not cross the finish line and they did not go towards the bulk of the program cost. Now that RC and I are moving forward again with fertility procedures, I feel that all the support people gave me along the way have brought me to this point, and I'm extremely grateful. I also feel I should offer to give donations back if anyone is uncomfortable with the money not being used directly for the program I was pursuing at that time.
Will you please write me individually if you feel this way, and I will make an effort to return your donation? Thank you, and thank you very much to everyone for the support you've given me on this very long journey.
With regard to the donor egg IVF program RC and I are currently pursuing, we have the first round of treatments coming up next week! He is having a sperm extraction procedure - I can't spell the name of it at this moment - which is making him feel pretty nervous. From what the doctor told us, we are confident we will end up with more than enough healthy sperm to move forward with the donor egg IVF at the end of August or beginning of September.
When we go in next week for his procedure, I will also get another saline sonogram, since too much time has passed since my last one. Since I had polyps removed in February, I'm hopeful my uterus will look good, fingers crossed. Then, at the beginning of August, our chosen donor will start her medication protocol in preparation for extracting eggs for both us and another couple who is sharing the donation with us. I will also start a medication protocol (mainly estrogen and progesterone I think?) at some point. So that's the plan so far.
I have had some interesting concerns and questions come up around using a donor egg that I didn't necessarily expect. In part, I think it's different using a donor egg and my partner's sperm versus a donor embryo, which to me felt like adoption, but having more control and early connection. In this case, RC WILL have a genetic connection to the child and I will not, which feels unfair in a way. I'm feeling some sadness again about not having the chance to look for my own features in my child and compare similarities with RC.
But then I think about being pregnant and holding MY baby, my child, and the excitement far outweighs the sadness or concern. We were fortunate to be able to choose the donor from their database... our first two choices were not available, but our third choice was, and now I feel like it was the right choice for us. She has a childhood picture in her profile that looks a little like me as a child, she's short and muscular like me, she has short grandmothers like me, she's introverted, smart, kind, and plans to study neuropsychiatry. She has English and Irish heritage, like me, and Scottish like RC, but also has a little Greek and Cherokee, which I've been wrapping my mind around. I'm at the point now where I think that's pretty cool and look forward to exploring that with the child down the road.
I'll probably write more on this later but want to get this post published for now. This is getting really real, and it's giving me butterflies even as I type this!
7/12/2018
Tahoe 2018
We returned from Tahoe last Sunday. As usual with my family on vacation, there was a lot of alcohol, so we became a little weary of that, but overall, it was a fun, bonding time. We went out on the boat twice, ate some delicious grilled hamburgers and smoked ribs for the Fourth, played a lot on and around our dock, and had a rockin' dance party with the kids. A few other specific highlights I want to remember:
- Making pie filling and decorating for Fourth of July with my oldest niece J. She is 10 now and tends to be very independent, so it was nice to have some time with her.
- Getting up early and kayaking one morning with RC. The water was fairly smooth, the air was cool, and the view of the lake and mountains was expansive. I love kayaking because it brings you down onto the surface of the lake, and it's really fun and easy to paddle and move through the water.
- My sister and brother-in-law brought these huge inflatable lake toys: a big, pink flamingo, which J enjoyed paddling around, and a huge, several-person raft-type inflatable with an area to lie on adjacent to a circular seating area with room for several people and round open area in the middle so your feet could dangle in the water. We tied the big inflatable to the dock and had several dock chairs, as well, so we had a great place to hang out. The kids (and adults) loved jumping off the end of the dock when they got hot or needed some excitement.
- Chatting to my nephew, E, since he tended to be up earlier than anyone else and would hang out and eat breakfast while R and I made coffee.
- Seeing the changes in my littlest niece, D, and what a happy, engaged, and adventurous little girl she is becoming. Loved holding her hand and playing with her in the sand on the hotel beach where we went to visit my sisters friends one day.
- Sipping bloody mary's and watching a world cup game at a nearby resort with my sister and her family. They got us into it, and we are looking forward to watching the finals this weekend.
- RC and I being a team and getting along throughout the trip. He supported me at one point when I had some family "less than" stuff come up, was great with the kids, and generally fit in great with my family. At one point my sister asked me about marriage (which we've talked about a little lately!) and looking at me in a meaningful way, communicating her approval. Very cool and moving to me.
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