I wrote this on Thursday evening but didn't finish the post:
I was reading a blog post while driving in slow, stop-and-go traffic today and gently tapped the car in front of me. Whoops! Lesson learned! No damage to either car, thank goodness.
I'm done with the school year, yay!!! Finished up our fourth and final school today. The kids gave presentations based on their career research paper. Or many of them did anyway. I was pleased overall with the level of participation. In only one class did I have to really work to cajole them to get up and speak. So much so that I was doing cartwheels. Actual cartwheels. I convinced two additional people to get up and speak with that reward. Not sure why it was so exciting. I guess you don't see a teacher do cartwheels in the classroom everyday. :-)
It's now Saturday.....
...and I'm so loving sitting in the sun on the deck right now. Feeling very happy. Just got off a super-fun Sk.ype call with a guy, T, who lives in the U.K. OMG, he's so cute. And not just in terms of looks, but his whole personality. We talked about all kinds of things, from international travel, to spirituality, to what makes up chemistry between people, to living in community, to alternative economies. It was awesome! And we both said that we found it unusually easy to talk to one another. We made arrangement to check in tomorrow and maybe talk before I go to bed, which would be 7 a.m. his time. He told me about the "Ringing Cedars" book series. Have any of you read this series? I want to get a hold of it.
Grateful to be done teaching and also to find out that I will have work through the college counseling office through the summer. At least enough to get by. I also applied for two other part-time jobs: SAT (and other) tutoring for Com.pass, which sounds like a good company, and International Student Coordinator with a local, private high school. I'm not sure how the hours work out for the latter one, as the ad said I would be paid $700 per student but detailed many different stages of working with them and their families. I hope I land one of these!
Regarding this cycle, I think I'll probably go ahead. Once again, dating is making me question my choices (what if it works out with him? what if we want a child together?), but I think I'll still take the leap. Many "signs" seems to be encouraging me, including all the donated medication I've received, and the support that has recently surfaced from a couple of women I know. One woman from my dance community actually wants to be a co-parent. I haven't quite wrapped my head around that, yet, but she also said she would love to be a "special aunt," so that's great. Another woman who collaborated with me on my recent Transition workshop asked me today whether I had "aunts" lined up, and also if I was interested in intentional community. She's a super cool lady, and I would love to have her in my and my child's life!
Finally, I had a fundraising idea to host a "Fun and Games Fertility Night," where I would facilitate theatre games (people could also watch), and we could also play board games, snack, and talk. I would ask a donation range. I put the idea out to some of my women friends. The one response was awesome, and I'm waiting to hear from the others. I could potentially raise a few hundred to a thousand dollars, which would definitely help.
After my injection refresher last week, I feel confident and ready to go on that front! My cycle is due to start in the next couple of days...
Showing posts with label teaching middle school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching middle school. Show all posts
5/18/2012
Pregnant with Possibilities
I'm so tired right now. Yesterday, career fair. Today, science and math conference. Both for middle school young'uns. Both actually fun, engaging, purposeful. But also high octane energy!
Then, tomorrow, I'm co-facilitating the Inner Transition workshop I mentioned. We have 20 participants! Woo hoo! But it feels a bit overwhelming at the moment. I think maybe some meditation, some TV chilling and a fairly early bedtime are in order this evening. First, however, I need to write out a few notes about what I will say at certain points tomorrow....
Other exciting happenings and potentialities:
p.s. I'm about to ovulate and I really wish I could do something about it!
Then, tomorrow, I'm co-facilitating the Inner Transition workshop I mentioned. We have 20 participants! Woo hoo! But it feels a bit overwhelming at the moment. I think maybe some meditation, some TV chilling and a fairly early bedtime are in order this evening. First, however, I need to write out a few notes about what I will say at certain points tomorrow....
Other exciting happenings and potentialities:
- At the conference today, one of the other counselors recommended to our Dean that I be switched to working with the high schools (involving college matriculation process and teaching some career and CTE - Career Tech.nical Education - classes). I could have kissed her! So very, very cool that she did this! The Dean apparently said, "What about N (my boss)?" and the counselor said, "She can submit a posting for the job." And the Dean said, "Oh, okay," or something relatively positive like that.
- Anyway, this counselor recommending me is a big deal because she is well-loved there and has a close relationship with the Dean. Please think good thoughts! Though I've come to love my little pre-teensters, teaching 40 of them in this set curriculum, with all the behavior management involved, is not playing to my strengths. I can do it for a while longer but would so like to shift to older youth, who are more ready to be thinking seriously about their lives and careers.
- On the ttc front, my two test results both came back negative, which I guess is a good thing. They were: Lup.us Coagulant and Cardio.lipin Antibody (Cardio.lipin AB, serum). Anybody know much about these tests? I guess they have to do with immunological and clotting issues.
- I can't believe I might be doing another donor IUI soon. But that seems to be where my path is leading at the moment. And, though I don't prefer it, I will go forward with it if possible, at the same time I continue to explore other avenues. Speaking of which, nothing much happening on the co-parent front. The L.A. guy is still coming Memorial Day, and there is one decent-seeming guy (graduate degree, attractive, sounds sane) in Sacramento who wants to meet, so we'll see.
- Meanwhile, I have a huge crush on a Latino gentleman in my theatre class who is studying to become a Jesuit priest. What? Yep, that's right. Ridiculous, people, my love life is currently ridiculous.
p.s. I'm about to ovulate and I really wish I could do something about it!
1/12/2012
Strange Days
It feels like more time has passed than actually has since Christmas. Still a little freaky that S and I actually broke up. I did not see that coming (before finding out about the ex living with him for a month, that is).
Never expected to be back on the ridiculous site known as matc.h.c.om. Ridiculous, yet so enticing for us introverts. You mean I don't have to go out and actually meet and make small talk with people? Awesome. Of course, eventually you do need to meet the person and take things offline.
Which is precisely where I am with the former officer of the law: just prior to meeting. Honestly, I'm not sure I really should. We are sooo different, and he's way less open and self-aware at this point. He says he wants to grow and learn in that area. On the other hand, he is quite spiritual and analytical: I think I mentioned he was a hostage negotiator and also led a youth mentoring program for quite a while.
So he's got some depth but he's also a pretty well-constructed external shell, as you might imagine he would, thinking of a stereotypical person in law enforcement. Also, though he's been broken up with his ex-wife for a year, their final papers are just now going through and he's still feeling some pain.
One more facet of our connection: we've had these crazy "energetic exchanges," I guess you would call them, where we're on the phone not talking but feeling as though we are physically connected in a yummy cuddly type way. It feels really amazing and kinda trips me out. . . We're supposed to get together Sunday, so we'll see.
On other fronts, teaching the little hellions two days a week is okay so far, knock on wood. My supervisor is interviewing and should hire someone soon. I'm planning to ask the head of our department if there are any other grants on which I might assist, in addition to this one. Funding is always uncertain but they have a big variety of grants, and I understand they may need some help.
And then I have my Transition Heart and Soul meeting tomorrow night. A group called "Green Sangha" will be coming to lead meditation and discuss consciousness / meditation / sustainability / green principles. Fun stuff!
Saturday, I'm planning to attend the opening of a local Peace and Justice Center here in Oak.land and a Non-Violent Communication Workshop on navigating interpersonal conflict in the afternoon. I see on Fac.ebook that S is signed up to attend the opening, as well. It may be our first community "run in," which is a bit scary.
I actually wrote him an email yesterday asking if he would be willing to have a more closure-type relationship talk, now that some time has passed.
Waves of sadness and missing him come and go now, but they're smaller and a lot farther between (I can't say the cop hasn't been a distraction). Anger still colors my view of our demise. I'm not sure how I'll feel if I run into him at this event. Imagining it will be awkward.
12/03/2011
Cussing. Love. Christmas.
To follow up on a couple of things:
The field trip last Wednesday went great! For me, at least. . . apparently one of the groups (the kids were divided into several groups that rotated through the different campus sessions such as Dental Assisting, and Health and Human Resources, etc.) had a few kids who were terrors. They treated the Biotech professor so poorly that apparently she may not work with our program again. And on one of the buses - not mine thank God - on the way back to the middle school, one of the girls told a very kind and helpful chaperone (a kid on the trip's parent no less) to "F$@k off!" So, yeah, a few kids were suspended post-trip. But my group was generally well-behaved, and I had a good day, so that's what matters, no?
I referred to a dark and confusing email from sh/cm in my last post. Basically, he was upset because I didn't respond to a text he sent late Tuesday afternoon. I was laid out on the couch at that point, nearly comatose, after teaching, but also I have to admit I was angry at him. I had expressed some deep sadness in a phone call with him on Monday, the energy of which likely came from my past as well as the present situation, and he had not shown much if any compassion for me (granted, he was driving, but I still expected some mutterings of concern).
So, I didn't write him back right away and frankly forgot about it until we talked after my Interplay Theatre group later that night. This triggered some old stuff in him, in turn - aren't relationships fun? - and he said in his email that he needed to "decouple." Decouple? Does anyone else think that sounds like "break up"? He said in the next sentence that he wants to remain in a relationship but be less demanding of one another in communication.
In retrospect, I look at this email as a strategy he was using to get reassurance that I value him and love him. But it was horrible for me to read. So, long story short, there was some talking and crying on the phone yesterday, then he came over and we watched the Oregon Duck football game (Go Ducks!), ate pizza, spent some needed lovey/cuddly time, and talked through some stuff in-person, in a casual-type way (sometimes we get too intense!). It was good, and I'm feeling a lot of love for him right now.
Going forward, he is going to try and tune in more when I express sadness and show his care and love. And I am going to try and respond to his communication, even if it's not a "nice" response. He stressed he would much prefer any response than none at all. I also told him, though, that if I don't respond, I want "a pathway out" of the doghouse, or a way to be forgiven. Sometimes, he gets stuck in making me wrong - or from his perspective get understanding and therefore achieve safety - and it feels horrible to be stuck there with him, being raked over the coals. I'm feeling hopeful, now, that we've reached more clarity about our patterns and ways we can improve.
Side note: In other relationships, I've experienced the pain and fighting but not the working through, understanding, becoming more intimate part. So even though this may sound really hard, to me it's a good thing!
Christmasy! Weekend! First of a few, hopefully. I'm heading out to a couple of holiday craft fairs and to pick up cookie ingredients and plan to spend the rest of the day getting my festive on at home. I'll be digging out and sorting through the tree decorations for the tree we're getting tomorrow, then just puttering around making cookies. A walk must be had somewhere in there, as well, because this day is too damn gorgeous to waste!
Hope you are enjoying your weekend, too. Anyone else jumping into Christmas stuff yet?
p.s. No pregnancy signs to speak of yet at 9 days post-ovulation. I've dropped and broken two things which seems odd. Is clumsiness a sign? And have been eating a lot, but, well, 'tis the season!
The field trip last Wednesday went great! For me, at least. . . apparently one of the groups (the kids were divided into several groups that rotated through the different campus sessions such as Dental Assisting, and Health and Human Resources, etc.) had a few kids who were terrors. They treated the Biotech professor so poorly that apparently she may not work with our program again. And on one of the buses - not mine thank God - on the way back to the middle school, one of the girls told a very kind and helpful chaperone (a kid on the trip's parent no less) to "F$@k off!" So, yeah, a few kids were suspended post-trip. But my group was generally well-behaved, and I had a good day, so that's what matters, no?
I referred to a dark and confusing email from sh/cm in my last post. Basically, he was upset because I didn't respond to a text he sent late Tuesday afternoon. I was laid out on the couch at that point, nearly comatose, after teaching, but also I have to admit I was angry at him. I had expressed some deep sadness in a phone call with him on Monday, the energy of which likely came from my past as well as the present situation, and he had not shown much if any compassion for me (granted, he was driving, but I still expected some mutterings of concern).
So, I didn't write him back right away and frankly forgot about it until we talked after my Interplay Theatre group later that night. This triggered some old stuff in him, in turn - aren't relationships fun? - and he said in his email that he needed to "decouple." Decouple? Does anyone else think that sounds like "break up"? He said in the next sentence that he wants to remain in a relationship but be less demanding of one another in communication.
In retrospect, I look at this email as a strategy he was using to get reassurance that I value him and love him. But it was horrible for me to read. So, long story short, there was some talking and crying on the phone yesterday, then he came over and we watched the Oregon Duck football game (Go Ducks!), ate pizza, spent some needed lovey/cuddly time, and talked through some stuff in-person, in a casual-type way (sometimes we get too intense!). It was good, and I'm feeling a lot of love for him right now.
Going forward, he is going to try and tune in more when I express sadness and show his care and love. And I am going to try and respond to his communication, even if it's not a "nice" response. He stressed he would much prefer any response than none at all. I also told him, though, that if I don't respond, I want "a pathway out" of the doghouse, or a way to be forgiven. Sometimes, he gets stuck in making me wrong - or from his perspective get understanding and therefore achieve safety - and it feels horrible to be stuck there with him, being raked over the coals. I'm feeling hopeful, now, that we've reached more clarity about our patterns and ways we can improve.
Side note: In other relationships, I've experienced the pain and fighting but not the working through, understanding, becoming more intimate part. So even though this may sound really hard, to me it's a good thing!
Christmasy! Weekend! First of a few, hopefully. I'm heading out to a couple of holiday craft fairs and to pick up cookie ingredients and plan to spend the rest of the day getting my festive on at home. I'll be digging out and sorting through the tree decorations for the tree we're getting tomorrow, then just puttering around making cookies. A walk must be had somewhere in there, as well, because this day is too damn gorgeous to waste!
Hope you are enjoying your weekend, too. Anyone else jumping into Christmas stuff yet?
p.s. No pregnancy signs to speak of yet at 9 days post-ovulation. I've dropped and broken two things which seems odd. Is clumsiness a sign? And have been eating a lot, but, well, 'tis the season!
12/02/2011
Mixed Bag
The hardest week down! Yay, me! And the girls in the my after school program are the sweetest thing ever (and not just because they love my theatre games).
On the other hand, a dark and confusing email from sh/cm. More tomorrow. . .
On the other hand, a dark and confusing email from sh/cm. More tomorrow. . .
11/30/2011
Halfway Through
The wind is whipping away outside, creating a "dark and stormy night" kind of feel to the evening. I'm halfway through my first intense week.
Tomorrow, I teach again, but I'm going to spend most of the period on an art project. Do any of you remember making "Coat of Arms" Shields in Middle School? I still remember this project to this day and can envision it hanging on the teacher's wall during parent night. I can even remember a couple of the pictures of me at my house and another of me doing gymnastics. I hope the kids in my classes will share some of my enthusiasm.
Then, I have a couple hours off before going to lead the after-school program at another middle school. God help me to rally the energy to lead a few games for those unfortunate (to have me as their leader) souls!
Final day of NaBloPoMo. What did I learn? That I have trouble with strict discipline. Yes, most definitely.
Also, that I'm going to keep doing it until I participate fully, including visiting and commenting more on other blogs. I may not participate next month but will again in the near future. As mentioned before, I like (and need) the kick in the butt to write frequently!
p.s. Sh/cm and I had a productive conversation tonight and were able to speak and hear each other with more love and less defensiveness/fear. I look forward to this weekend and getting a tree, as well as taking part in my Interplay Theatre group's Christmas gathering. We're going to eat yummy food, play games, and watch the video of our last performance.
Tomorrow, I teach again, but I'm going to spend most of the period on an art project. Do any of you remember making "Coat of Arms" Shields in Middle School? I still remember this project to this day and can envision it hanging on the teacher's wall during parent night. I can even remember a couple of the pictures of me at my house and another of me doing gymnastics. I hope the kids in my classes will share some of my enthusiasm.
Then, I have a couple hours off before going to lead the after-school program at another middle school. God help me to rally the energy to lead a few games for those unfortunate (to have me as their leader) souls!
Final day of NaBloPoMo. What did I learn? That I have trouble with strict discipline. Yes, most definitely.
Also, that I'm going to keep doing it until I participate fully, including visiting and commenting more on other blogs. I may not participate next month but will again in the near future. As mentioned before, I like (and need) the kick in the butt to write frequently!
p.s. Sh/cm and I had a productive conversation tonight and were able to speak and hear each other with more love and less defensiveness/fear. I look forward to this weekend and getting a tree, as well as taking part in my Interplay Theatre group's Christmas gathering. We're going to eat yummy food, play games, and watch the video of our last performance.
11/27/2011
Premature Exhaustion
I. am. so. tired.
Reacclimating to normal life has been hard for some reason, even though we were only gone for a couple of days. It might be premature exhaustion, in anticipation of my intense work week, I guess. It's going to be all middle schoolers, all the time.
I don't think I mentioned it, but my teaching counterpart who teaches Thursdays is not getting along with the current 8th-grade English teacher with whom we're working. So, my supervisor asked me to teach her remaining sessions, in addition to my own. Plus, this week and next include one field trip day.
The positive side to this story is that I'm off after December 16th (my birthday!) for the rest of the month. It will be nice holiday preparation-wise, but also working extra for the next two weeks will help balance the lost hours.
I know I'm a wuss compared to some of y'all, but as I've shared, this teaching (especially this age kids) really takes it out of me. Thus, I'm mentally preparing to be tough and muscle through the next couple of weeks. Wish me luck!
Next weekend will be all about Christmas stuff like buying and decorating a tree, so that will be a reward. . .
Reacclimating to normal life has been hard for some reason, even though we were only gone for a couple of days. It might be premature exhaustion, in anticipation of my intense work week, I guess. It's going to be all middle schoolers, all the time.
I don't think I mentioned it, but my teaching counterpart who teaches Thursdays is not getting along with the current 8th-grade English teacher with whom we're working. So, my supervisor asked me to teach her remaining sessions, in addition to my own. Plus, this week and next include one field trip day.
The positive side to this story is that I'm off after December 16th (my birthday!) for the rest of the month. It will be nice holiday preparation-wise, but also working extra for the next two weeks will help balance the lost hours.
I know I'm a wuss compared to some of y'all, but as I've shared, this teaching (especially this age kids) really takes it out of me. Thus, I'm mentally preparing to be tough and muscle through the next couple of weeks. Wish me luck!
Next weekend will be all about Christmas stuff like buying and decorating a tree, so that will be a reward. . .
11/09/2011
Uneventful
Most. uneventful. cycle. ever.
It's the weirdest thing. Every other cycle, since starting to ttc a few months ago has at least included breast soreness. Most have involved fabulous and varied symptoms such as skin breakouts, cramping, back pain, and others I will spare you all from in this moment.
This cycle? Not so much.
I have super bad PMS (mood-wise), so if that counts, then I'm covered.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had the never-before-seen bbt temperature fallback/rise pattern, along with another up/down bounce for good measure. The first dip happened on 4 dpo, and the second on 6 dpo. But this is likely hormonal fluctuation, even on 6 dpo, since it's typically too early in the cycle for implantation.
AF is due in two days, so not much longer to wait.
I'm working a full middle school day again tomorrow and feeling so not up for it.
Sh/cm and I are still not sympatico, adding sadness to the mix.
Maybe the world will look better after a good night's sleep?
It's the weirdest thing. Every other cycle, since starting to ttc a few months ago has at least included breast soreness. Most have involved fabulous and varied symptoms such as skin breakouts, cramping, back pain, and others I will spare you all from in this moment.
This cycle? Not so much.
I have super bad PMS (mood-wise), so if that counts, then I'm covered.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had the never-before-seen bbt temperature fallback/rise pattern, along with another up/down bounce for good measure. The first dip happened on 4 dpo, and the second on 6 dpo. But this is likely hormonal fluctuation, even on 6 dpo, since it's typically too early in the cycle for implantation.
AF is due in two days, so not much longer to wait.
I'm working a full middle school day again tomorrow and feeling so not up for it.
Sh/cm and I are still not sympatico, adding sadness to the mix.
Maybe the world will look better after a good night's sleep?
10/11/2011
Thank God it's (almost) Wednesday
Weathered another exhausting day with the middle school malcontents. The Kaiser medical career video was above their heads; some classes more than others. Sixth period was just a pain in my you know what and took every ounce of energy I had left after the trip and feeling under the weather.
Managed to make it to Interplay and a birthday party for our Interplay leader afterwards. These are "good people": when I lay down on the floor to stretch when my head/neck was hurting, two peeps commented I could lay in a space over near the group, and the host brought me a neck massager!
Off to bed now. Will try for a longer post tomorrow. . .
Managed to make it to Interplay and a birthday party for our Interplay leader afterwards. These are "good people": when I lay down on the floor to stretch when my head/neck was hurting, two peeps commented I could lay in a space over near the group, and the host brought me a neck massager!
Off to bed now. Will try for a longer post tomorrow. . .
9/14/2011
Second Day Down
Another school day down. Only one truly torturous period - 6TH (BOO, HISS). Several little trouble makers whose sole purpose is to make my life difficult!
I'm somewhat powerless in that the teacher in this class has indicated she wants to deal with any bad behavior, due to the fact that we are not certified teachers. Her "dealing with it" has looked like talking with them and the behavior starting back up again within a few minutes.
The other teacher we are working with is quite the opposite and is supporting and tag teaming us very successfully to manage her classes.
I've communicated with my supervisor about the situation in Period 6, which yesterday included talking and disruption the entire period, including inappropriate sexual innuendo remarks. I'm hoping she will have some solution but if not, I've committed to soldiering through.
The classes are such a lesson in contrast! Period 4 are complete and total angels, and I sail through that class on a cloud. The others are on a range in-between, but most are productive and fairly well engaged overall. Some of the students truly are incredibly endearing and sweet. When things get tough, I continue to repeat the mantra of my hourly wage. lol
To give you a sense of how drained I feel when I get done with the day: yesterday I bought a diet coke and chocolate hostess donettes to soothe myself immediately after, then proceeded to come home and lie on the couch the rest of the late afternoon/evening, except for taking a neighborhood walk. Fell asleep for over an hour during that time, as well.
Again, kudos to the teachers out there. I know now that you have to be very special and strong to be a teacher. I literally would not have it in me to teach full-time. You deserve much more money and many more accolades!!!
p.s. I will post separately on my current two-week wait in the next day or two. Right now, off to acupuncture. . .
I'm somewhat powerless in that the teacher in this class has indicated she wants to deal with any bad behavior, due to the fact that we are not certified teachers. Her "dealing with it" has looked like talking with them and the behavior starting back up again within a few minutes.
The other teacher we are working with is quite the opposite and is supporting and tag teaming us very successfully to manage her classes.
I've communicated with my supervisor about the situation in Period 6, which yesterday included talking and disruption the entire period, including inappropriate sexual innuendo remarks. I'm hoping she will have some solution but if not, I've committed to soldiering through.
The classes are such a lesson in contrast! Period 4 are complete and total angels, and I sail through that class on a cloud. The others are on a range in-between, but most are productive and fairly well engaged overall. Some of the students truly are incredibly endearing and sweet. When things get tough, I continue to repeat the mantra of my hourly wage. lol
To give you a sense of how drained I feel when I get done with the day: yesterday I bought a diet coke and chocolate hostess donettes to soothe myself immediately after, then proceeded to come home and lie on the couch the rest of the late afternoon/evening, except for taking a neighborhood walk. Fell asleep for over an hour during that time, as well.
Again, kudos to the teachers out there. I know now that you have to be very special and strong to be a teacher. I literally would not have it in me to teach full-time. You deserve much more money and many more accolades!!!
p.s. I will post separately on my current two-week wait in the next day or two. Right now, off to acupuncture. . .
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