I officially started this cycle today with BCPs, so here we go again! I began bleeding early Friday morning, as expected, and the nurse then sent over our new schedule. Lots going on this week with a final Beta blood test tomorrow to assure it's decreased, then a Baseline Ultrasound on Tuesday, and, assuming that's all clear, starting Lupron on Thursday. Our transfer is scheduled for October 23rd. We plan to transfer two again and look forward to talking to the embryologist about which of our remaining 15 (!) frozen embryos he would recommend.
Both RC and I have continued to feel some sadness here and there about our first try not working. He has been more deeply sad about it, I think, because I have gone through so many similar disappointments. Unfortunately, I have some callouses built up around my heart. That sounds strange to say, but hopefully that makes sense to some of you. I do know I'll be over the moon when we get a positive outcome... and it will probably take a while to sink in. I also think I had already started to accept that our cycle hadn't worked, first with the negative HPTs, and then with the super low beta, on top of just not feeling much those last few days.
Today, I'm actually excited to go into a new cycle and am feeling positive about it. I heard three different examples this week of second IVF tries (FETs) working for people, and that feels very encouraging. One was a blogging friend from the Cal IVF FB site who actually just got her positive on the second try with a frozen embryo transfer from her donor IVF cycle.
The second was on a television show I watch in which one of the main character just happened to be going through an IVF cycle. I really related to when she tried to "do everything right" and had her hopes up with a 70% chance of success. Her second try, she and her husband tried to mediate their expectations; she said she felt similarly to the first cycle in terms of symptoms... but it was a success!
When I went to a friend's house for dinner last night to catch up and share the experience, she gave me the third example. She told me about the daughter of a friend who had gone through a lot of infertility ups and downs and, after adopting two children, ended up pregnant with twins on her second IVF round with an FET.
We will be adding a couple new medical strategies to the protocol this time. Firstly, I started taking Trental, a type of Viagra or vasodialator to increase uterine blood flow. Secondly, as I hoped, I will be taking more estrogen from the start of that stage - both patches and pills - to hopefully increase my lining more gradually and fully. I would love it if I could reach at least an 11 or 12mm thickness with my lining. If you had success with an IVF or FET, do you remember what your lining reached prior to transfer?
This cycle, I also intend to meditate more from the beginning. Do you think it's worth spending $59 on a specific FET meditation program from Circle & B1oom? It includes 11 meditations corresponding with different stages of the FET process and sounds like it really focuses on relaxation, stress relief, and empowerment during the post-transfer wait, which was anxiety-provoking and challenging for me last time. I found a few meditations in my meditation app, but I'm not yet sure of their production quality.
Lastly, we talked about getting out of town during the two-week-really 9-day-wait... maybe going to the coast and staying at an air bnb location for two or three days. When we were in the Sacramento hotel for a day and a half after the transfer, I felt like we were in a nurturing bubble. I felt close to RC, relaxed and cozy. I hope all these changes will improve our chances and support our embabies to implant!
Showing posts with label two week wait. Show all posts
Showing posts with label two week wait. Show all posts
9/23/2018
9/19/2018
Cycle Update 5
And, just like that, despite our great odds, this cycle is a bust. Or more specifically, a "chemical" pregnancy - the most ridiculous name I've ever heard for a very early pregnancy that stops developing.
When the three home pregnancy tests we took came back negative, my anxiety shot through the roof. It was, as they say, not a good sign. But we held out hope that maybe one or both of our embryos were late implanters and looked towards the Beta test that Friday.
The Beta test came back at 12, which, if you are familiar with Betas, is extremely low. They (as in your doctor and nurses) like to see it at least 30, preferably 50. But I did feel excited for a little while, just knowing I was pregnant; that something had started after so many tries with IUI before where nothing started at all. So, we hoped upon hope that it would double properly for the second Beta test on Monday.
On Monday, we drove to the lab, where they told us that the results hadn't been finalized or something. It was very confusing, but when we called the processing center, they faxed over the required confirmation paperwork to my doctor. So they could confirm they are my doctor. Even though the order said the doctor's name and had their signature at the bottom. Argh!
When that happened, they finally sent the results to both my doctor and the lab, and my nurse beat the lab to the punch and called right away. My nurse, who has been super helpful along the way, did not have a positive tone so I guessed even before I heard that the Beta had only risen to a 17. Disappointment does not describe the feeling. It's like a punch to the chest.
RC was immediately super sad, whereas I think I just went kind of numb. I think, too, that what I read about Betas, had indicated that it was extremely uncertain that there would be a positive ending. We decided to drown our sorrows that evening. It was effective, but now we are picking up the pieces and regrouping for a Frozen Embryo Transfer. I have stopped all medication and am waiting to bleed. Once that starts, I let my nurse know and we create a calendar for the FET cycle. We are super fortunate to have great quality frozen embryos to use.
Apparently, my clinic has a committee that meets to discuss cases that did not succeed, so we will be on the agenda. I look forward to hearing how they might want to tweak my protocols and medication. I definitely think I should start with more estrogen, since my lining was thin in the initial check and then barely reached the minimum level before starting progesterone. I think it was close to 9mm. I'd also like to check my progesterone shortly after transfer to assure it's where it should be.
On the two-week (well really 8-9 days) side, RC and I talked about getting out of town for a few days to help mediate my anxiety. Especially on days he worked, it was super challenging for me to get through those last few hours of the afternoon/evening before he got home. He's going to take a day or two off work, and I'm also going to pre-plan some fun and uplifting activities on the days we are in town. I also want to do some hypnobabies meditations - have any of you used those?
I guess we've turned the corner and are looking ahead to the new cycle, but I still feel a little lost and empty at times. We both got attached to the "perfect" little embabies that were transferred this cycle.
When the three home pregnancy tests we took came back negative, my anxiety shot through the roof. It was, as they say, not a good sign. But we held out hope that maybe one or both of our embryos were late implanters and looked towards the Beta test that Friday.
The Beta test came back at 12, which, if you are familiar with Betas, is extremely low. They (as in your doctor and nurses) like to see it at least 30, preferably 50. But I did feel excited for a little while, just knowing I was pregnant; that something had started after so many tries with IUI before where nothing started at all. So, we hoped upon hope that it would double properly for the second Beta test on Monday.
On Monday, we drove to the lab, where they told us that the results hadn't been finalized or something. It was very confusing, but when we called the processing center, they faxed over the required confirmation paperwork to my doctor. So they could confirm they are my doctor. Even though the order said the doctor's name and had their signature at the bottom. Argh!
When that happened, they finally sent the results to both my doctor and the lab, and my nurse beat the lab to the punch and called right away. My nurse, who has been super helpful along the way, did not have a positive tone so I guessed even before I heard that the Beta had only risen to a 17. Disappointment does not describe the feeling. It's like a punch to the chest.
RC was immediately super sad, whereas I think I just went kind of numb. I think, too, that what I read about Betas, had indicated that it was extremely uncertain that there would be a positive ending. We decided to drown our sorrows that evening. It was effective, but now we are picking up the pieces and regrouping for a Frozen Embryo Transfer. I have stopped all medication and am waiting to bleed. Once that starts, I let my nurse know and we create a calendar for the FET cycle. We are super fortunate to have great quality frozen embryos to use.
Apparently, my clinic has a committee that meets to discuss cases that did not succeed, so we will be on the agenda. I look forward to hearing how they might want to tweak my protocols and medication. I definitely think I should start with more estrogen, since my lining was thin in the initial check and then barely reached the minimum level before starting progesterone. I think it was close to 9mm. I'd also like to check my progesterone shortly after transfer to assure it's where it should be.
On the two-week (well really 8-9 days) side, RC and I talked about getting out of town for a few days to help mediate my anxiety. Especially on days he worked, it was super challenging for me to get through those last few hours of the afternoon/evening before he got home. He's going to take a day or two off work, and I'm also going to pre-plan some fun and uplifting activities on the days we are in town. I also want to do some hypnobabies meditations - have any of you used those?
I guess we've turned the corner and are looking ahead to the new cycle, but I still feel a little lost and empty at times. We both got attached to the "perfect" little embabies that were transferred this cycle.
10/15/2013
Join Me in a Mind Game?
I know it's all a big mind game, but for funsies, I thought I would share a couple new signs.
As mentioned in this morning's post, I am currently at 11 dpo. Driving home from my acupuncture appointment early this afternoon, I reached a bit and felt an unmistakable stabbing pain in my underarm. This is not usual for me, even on progesterone (at least not the last few cycles... I'll have to look back a ways to double check).
As the day has progressed, it's become a continual soreness, more on my left than right. Oddly my breasts themselves are hardly feeling sore today.
The other sign - now don't laugh! - is feeling more sexual than usual at this time. I usually feel pretty un-enthused during the last week of my cycle, but then often experience a little wave the day before, or as my period is starting. This is two or three days before, so not my usual pattern. I heard that it's possible you can feel more sexual in early pregnancy, due to increased blood flow.
Sooo, again, fully admitting it's a mindgame, I would love to hear any thoughts or feedback from you all!
As mentioned in this morning's post, I am currently at 11 dpo. Driving home from my acupuncture appointment early this afternoon, I reached a bit and felt an unmistakable stabbing pain in my underarm. This is not usual for me, even on progesterone (at least not the last few cycles... I'll have to look back a ways to double check).
As the day has progressed, it's become a continual soreness, more on my left than right. Oddly my breasts themselves are hardly feeling sore today.
The other sign - now don't laugh! - is feeling more sexual than usual at this time. I usually feel pretty un-enthused during the last week of my cycle, but then often experience a little wave the day before, or as my period is starting. This is two or three days before, so not my usual pattern. I heard that it's possible you can feel more sexual in early pregnancy, due to increased blood flow.
Sooo, again, fully admitting it's a mindgame, I would love to hear any thoughts or feedback from you all!
10/14/2013
Killer Convergence and more...
Back from the Convergence last night... It went smashingly! Over three hundred people, kickass keynote speakers - the best of them our founder, Rob Hopkins - and my opening circle exercises Saturday morning went really well. Practicing does pay off! I must have run through those activities 20 times in the few days before the event. lol Not everyone was up and ready to go at 9am but we had over a third of the people there or more, and I'm glad to have the facilitation experience with a larger crowd and with using a headset mic and collaborating with others who did an activity after me, as well.
S's panel on Climate Change activism went great, too, and he was very pleased with the number of folks who showed up. He's a total picture guy and is always posting on FB, so he was frustrated with me for not thinking to take a picture during his panel... especially since he took an awesome picture of me during my opening circle. Whoops. Oh well, I think he forgave me.
We did get into another fight on Saturday evening but were able to take a timeout and not escalate. We are continuing to figure things out with expectations/resentment/conflict/judgment, etc. I guess things don't turn on a dime, just because you become more clear you have a problem. Looking forward to going together to a movie Wednesday and having drinks afterwards, though I suppose I should stick to a Shirley Temple!
By the end of the weekend, my introvert side was ready to chill out and recoup, and luckily I was able to have that space when I got back. I did go shopping and run some errands in the afternoon but have been mostly home. Oh, and one organization represented at the Convergence does what they called "The Ecology of Leadership" training, and I completed their application today. I really want to do it! I feel blocked around pursuing a couple of my biggest goals - co-forming a Social Change Performing Arts Troupe, and joining an intentional community - plus I can see how I sabotage my professional reputation and relationships sometimes by letting anxiety control my decisions. This training emphasizes learning in community and mutually supporting one another, and we would be meeting one weekend a month for the next six months. I'm working on getting sponsorship assistance with the fee, so fingers crossed!
About ttc... no big signs. Maybe a little breast soreness. I'm at 10 dpo. Yesterday, my temperature took a three-tenths dip but was back up today at 98.04. It was a bit colder there, even in the hotel room, so that may have contributed. I do think we timed the IUI perfectly, and S and a BD'd the night following to fully cover our bases. I will keep you posted. I have another acupuncture appointment tomorrow and need to get some more Chinese herb supplements.
S's panel on Climate Change activism went great, too, and he was very pleased with the number of folks who showed up. He's a total picture guy and is always posting on FB, so he was frustrated with me for not thinking to take a picture during his panel... especially since he took an awesome picture of me during my opening circle. Whoops. Oh well, I think he forgave me.
We did get into another fight on Saturday evening but were able to take a timeout and not escalate. We are continuing to figure things out with expectations/resentment/conflict/judgment, etc. I guess things don't turn on a dime, just because you become more clear you have a problem. Looking forward to going together to a movie Wednesday and having drinks afterwards, though I suppose I should stick to a Shirley Temple!
By the end of the weekend, my introvert side was ready to chill out and recoup, and luckily I was able to have that space when I got back. I did go shopping and run some errands in the afternoon but have been mostly home. Oh, and one organization represented at the Convergence does what they called "The Ecology of Leadership" training, and I completed their application today. I really want to do it! I feel blocked around pursuing a couple of my biggest goals - co-forming a Social Change Performing Arts Troupe, and joining an intentional community - plus I can see how I sabotage my professional reputation and relationships sometimes by letting anxiety control my decisions. This training emphasizes learning in community and mutually supporting one another, and we would be meeting one weekend a month for the next six months. I'm working on getting sponsorship assistance with the fee, so fingers crossed!
About ttc... no big signs. Maybe a little breast soreness. I'm at 10 dpo. Yesterday, my temperature took a three-tenths dip but was back up today at 98.04. It was a bit colder there, even in the hotel room, so that may have contributed. I do think we timed the IUI perfectly, and S and a BD'd the night following to fully cover our bases. I will keep you posted. I have another acupuncture appointment tomorrow and need to get some more Chinese herb supplements.
6/16/2013
11 dpo: All Quiet on the Uterine Front
This is the hardest part of a two-week wait, at least for me. You are trying to sense any pregnancy signs, even when you tell yourself ten times not too, that it's a futile endeavor. You know that if something's going to happen, it has likely started, but there's no way to know until a few more days pass (unless your taking an HPT, which I'm not).
I wish I had more encouraging news to report. I've felt nothing of consequence in the uterine region. The only clear signs I've felt so far are all common complaints of progesterone supplementation:
If my cycle doesn't start by Wednesday, I've been instructed to go in for a blood test. If this cycle is a no go, then we'll see if I'm cyst-free for the next cycle. If so, then S and I will go forward with injectable medication plus IUI.
I wish I had more encouraging news to report. I've felt nothing of consequence in the uterine region. The only clear signs I've felt so far are all common complaints of progesterone supplementation:
- Breast soreness
- Headaches
- Irritable/emotional moods
If my cycle doesn't start by Wednesday, I've been instructed to go in for a blood test. If this cycle is a no go, then we'll see if I'm cyst-free for the next cycle. If so, then S and I will go forward with injectable medication plus IUI.
5/10/2013
Fertility Appointment News
It's almost mid-May! And here we are in the middle of another cycle. I have to admit the last one really threw me for a loop. I was pretty deflated and sad after that BFN... and mad too! Not mad at anyone, just generally mad at getting jerked around by all those deceptive signs and symptoms.
In retrospect, it was totally the Vitex, and I totally ovulated on Cycle Day 19 - four days after S and last tried. And we really thought we covered our bases, too, trying a couple of times after I thought I had ovulated. Then, everything just *looked different* than a normal cycle, so it made me get more and more hopeful... just to crash back down to earth. I guess I kind of hibernated after that for a while.
But I'm back in the driver's seat and feeling some hope again. On Tuesday, S and I went to the fertility doc at PFC in San Francisco. He obviously knew his stuff. I had to sit through another "Your chances are so low, they are barely on the chart" speeches. I know they have to give them, so there's no use fighting it. Afterwards, it did feel good to see him get surprised and excited about the two fat follicles growing on my right ovary (remember how my last doc said I had an awesome right ovary?). Apparently, I responded quite well to the higher dose of Femara I put myself on (7.5). I have a smaller one on the left side that he didn't think would likely ovulate. My total AFC remains similar at around eight.
My next steps are getting a couple blood tests (D and Prolactin) that they want done. If this cycle doesn't work, then we decided to do one more on that dose of Femara, since the response was so good. I will add in a trigger shot and an IUI, though. The following cycle, should we get there, would be an injectable/Menopur cycle. I just entered the two-week wait for this cycle, though, so I'll keep you posted.
Oh, and I forgot to mention one of the most significant findings: His ultrasound machine was quite powerful, and he saw that my cervix is like a little obstacle course for S's swimmers. The fibroid may be pulling/altering it, but basically it is shaped a bit like a corkscrew. Okay, that just sounds odd and makes one picture a water park slide! Anyway, that's the word he used, and he also said that there is a right angle to enter the uterus. Though still possible to navigate, this could be contributing to difficulty in conceiving AND is bypassed by doing an IUI. Yay to a tiny modicum of control!
I'm running out to do some errands, then S and I are going to our swing dance class tonight. Tomorrow I have to work registering HS students at my community college - boo! - but only until 2pm. We plan to take a bike ride in the evening. I love that the days are getting so much longer! Hope you all are well. I've been reading along with those of you who have blogs and commenting when I can.
In retrospect, it was totally the Vitex, and I totally ovulated on Cycle Day 19 - four days after S and last tried. And we really thought we covered our bases, too, trying a couple of times after I thought I had ovulated. Then, everything just *looked different* than a normal cycle, so it made me get more and more hopeful... just to crash back down to earth. I guess I kind of hibernated after that for a while.
But I'm back in the driver's seat and feeling some hope again. On Tuesday, S and I went to the fertility doc at PFC in San Francisco. He obviously knew his stuff. I had to sit through another "Your chances are so low, they are barely on the chart" speeches. I know they have to give them, so there's no use fighting it. Afterwards, it did feel good to see him get surprised and excited about the two fat follicles growing on my right ovary (remember how my last doc said I had an awesome right ovary?). Apparently, I responded quite well to the higher dose of Femara I put myself on (7.5). I have a smaller one on the left side that he didn't think would likely ovulate. My total AFC remains similar at around eight.
My next steps are getting a couple blood tests (D and Prolactin) that they want done. If this cycle doesn't work, then we decided to do one more on that dose of Femara, since the response was so good. I will add in a trigger shot and an IUI, though. The following cycle, should we get there, would be an injectable/Menopur cycle. I just entered the two-week wait for this cycle, though, so I'll keep you posted.
Oh, and I forgot to mention one of the most significant findings: His ultrasound machine was quite powerful, and he saw that my cervix is like a little obstacle course for S's swimmers. The fibroid may be pulling/altering it, but basically it is shaped a bit like a corkscrew. Okay, that just sounds odd and makes one picture a water park slide! Anyway, that's the word he used, and he also said that there is a right angle to enter the uterus. Though still possible to navigate, this could be contributing to difficulty in conceiving AND is bypassed by doing an IUI. Yay to a tiny modicum of control!
I'm running out to do some errands, then S and I are going to our swing dance class tonight. Tomorrow I have to work registering HS students at my community college - boo! - but only until 2pm. We plan to take a bike ride in the evening. I love that the days are getting so much longer! Hope you all are well. I've been reading along with those of you who have blogs and commenting when I can.
3/24/2013
Surgery Follow-Up
I went for my surgery follow-up on Friday. Dr. H said everything looked good and that I had a large follicle on my right ovary. I'm pretty sure what she saw was an empty follicle from ovulation last weekend... Does anyone know if you can ovulate twice in a cycle? She said sometimes older women can, which I knew, but what I read said that both eggs ovulate within a 24-hour period.
I do have a strange pattern to my bbt chart this month. I'll try and paste it in later, but basically I have the first rise Saturday/Sunday, then a big dip (could be estrogen fall-back pattern), then up again and then two descending temps (from 98 to 97.7 to 97.6), then back up again to 97.96 and holding. The lowest temp, 97.6, was taken an hour earlier than I normally get up, so maybe that impacted things, but not the 97.7. So looking at that, if it's possible to ovulate twice (NOT within a 24-hour period), maybe I did? The first ovulation was so early, by several days.
Other issues the doc and I discussed:
In other news, I attended a community college conference last week from Wednesday to Friday and had some co-worker bonding time, in addition to learning some new assessments and counseling tools, etc. Everyone is kind of mad at one of our co-workers/counselors. I'm not, as it doesn't really affect me, but I guess he's been complaining a lot and has not been thinking of impacts on other people. I don't love gossip, but it does make you feel included when someone confides in you. Also, it's nice to go to dinner and talk about things other than work and get to know people on a deeper level.
Apparently when I'm in one of these events, I'm pretty "immersed" and find it hard to focus on other things. S felt a little neglected and scratchy about it, especially coming out of our romantic wine-tasting weekend. We went to a fun Stop Key.stone XL activist training in SF yesterday, though, and reconnected.
I do have a strange pattern to my bbt chart this month. I'll try and paste it in later, but basically I have the first rise Saturday/Sunday, then a big dip (could be estrogen fall-back pattern), then up again and then two descending temps (from 98 to 97.7 to 97.6), then back up again to 97.96 and holding. The lowest temp, 97.6, was taken an hour earlier than I normally get up, so maybe that impacted things, but not the 97.7. So looking at that, if it's possible to ovulate twice (NOT within a 24-hour period), maybe I did? The first ovulation was so early, by several days.
Other issues the doc and I discussed:
- She had her last child when she was 44! How cool is that? Her advice to me is to get fit and relax - hmm, I never heard that before! I feel pretty fit for me, but maybe I'll amp up my health habits and try to lose a few more pounds.
- Regarding the fibroid, I asked her what she would do if she were me (someone recently suggested asking this question and I thought it was a good idea). She said if I want to pursue donor eggs, she would go forward with the fibroid surgery. But if I want to try with my own eggs, she would forgo the surgery at this time, which would cause me to lose three months of trying.
- She said she took out several polyps. I was under the impression there were just two or three! She wasn't sure how many exactly, but definitely more than three. She said my uterus is now "perfect." :)
- I asked about protocol considering my past responses. She said she would definitely not have me take lup.ron, as I did in my first medicated try, as that shuts down my system (at least for older women). She would also not recommend using Fem.ara first, since last time I was only able to fit in one day of stims after taking several days of Fem.ara. She would also increase the dosage of Meno.pur.
- She reiterated that no one had gotten pregnant at my age on a medicated IUI cycle... But. They had gotten pregnant on the cycle FOLLOWING a medicated IUI cycle, trying naturally (and also with IVF of course). Isn't that interesting? They don't know why but there seems to be a positive boost gained from doing the meds but not until the following month. So, we still plan to do a medicated IUI. She told me about two lower cost IVF programs, which I intend to look into. I'm not holding my breath, however.
- Our Cobra was unfortunately just discontinued. We signed up for plans which allow us to stay with the same doctor, though. We'll just be paying more out of pocket for the fertility-specific procedures. S is making a good salary now, though, and says we can afford it (my increase in hours helps too). We will either be going forward with injectables this coming cycle or the one following, depending when this cycle starts.
In other news, I attended a community college conference last week from Wednesday to Friday and had some co-worker bonding time, in addition to learning some new assessments and counseling tools, etc. Everyone is kind of mad at one of our co-workers/counselors. I'm not, as it doesn't really affect me, but I guess he's been complaining a lot and has not been thinking of impacts on other people. I don't love gossip, but it does make you feel included when someone confides in you. Also, it's nice to go to dinner and talk about things other than work and get to know people on a deeper level.
Apparently when I'm in one of these events, I'm pretty "immersed" and find it hard to focus on other things. S felt a little neglected and scratchy about it, especially coming out of our romantic wine-tasting weekend. We went to a fun Stop Key.stone XL activist training in SF yesterday, though, and reconnected.
9/14/2012
Twinge City
Feel free to skip this part if you're not into ttc symptom watching... So, I felt what seemed like uterine "twinges" today, 8 or 9 dpo, in the lower left side of my abdomen. :-) This point "twinged," or sort of pulsed, three or four times in about a minute. Who knows what's going on in there, but I do feel happy to have felt it.
In addition, my temperature also took a second jump up today from 98.2 to 98.5. And, lastly, when I inserted my progesterone this morning, I noticed my cervix was decidedly lower. I never noticed this before. I'm thinking it's a "neutral" sign (and that's what Fertil.ity Friend tells me). Any thoughts on this state of events?
No huge plans this weekend, but my housemate is around and I'm spending time with a friend tomorrow at her moving sale. I normally go to dance on Sundays, then out to eat. Because I was specifically told "no vigorous exercise," I chose not to go last week and will miss this week, as well. Missing last week reminded me what a big part of my weekend my dancing is! I would rather play it safe, though.
Speaking of my housemate, I wanted to share with you all that I think I cursed him by talking about his relationship in glowing terms on this blog recently. I held him up as an example of glorious companionship, and then, this week, they break up! I knew they were still somewhat in limbo about moving forward to the next step, which logically would have been engagement, but I didn't expect a break up!
Right before he took this action, I asked him how he would feel if they broke up, and he said both sad and relieved. I guess that was an indicator. Plus, he started talking about how he didn't feel a strong desire to move forward; that he really wanted to feel excited and compelled to move to the next level. I understand what he's saying... but now he gets to rejoin me back in "The Land of Singledom," which equals, "The Land of No Sex or Intimate Companionship." lol Anyway, just thought I'd share the weird timing, immediately following my sunny blog post about the two of them.
In addition, my temperature also took a second jump up today from 98.2 to 98.5. And, lastly, when I inserted my progesterone this morning, I noticed my cervix was decidedly lower. I never noticed this before. I'm thinking it's a "neutral" sign (and that's what Fertil.ity Friend tells me). Any thoughts on this state of events?
No huge plans this weekend, but my housemate is around and I'm spending time with a friend tomorrow at her moving sale. I normally go to dance on Sundays, then out to eat. Because I was specifically told "no vigorous exercise," I chose not to go last week and will miss this week, as well. Missing last week reminded me what a big part of my weekend my dancing is! I would rather play it safe, though.
Speaking of my housemate, I wanted to share with you all that I think I cursed him by talking about his relationship in glowing terms on this blog recently. I held him up as an example of glorious companionship, and then, this week, they break up! I knew they were still somewhat in limbo about moving forward to the next step, which logically would have been engagement, but I didn't expect a break up!
Right before he took this action, I asked him how he would feel if they broke up, and he said both sad and relieved. I guess that was an indicator. Plus, he started talking about how he didn't feel a strong desire to move forward; that he really wanted to feel excited and compelled to move to the next level. I understand what he's saying... but now he gets to rejoin me back in "The Land of Singledom," which equals, "The Land of No Sex or Intimate Companionship." lol Anyway, just thought I'd share the weird timing, immediately following my sunny blog post about the two of them.
6/20/2012
6 dpo
Cruising along in the two-week wait at 6 dpo...
Question for those of you who have taken progesterone supplements: What did the abdominal cramping feel like? I'm assuming the cramping feelings I'm having are due to the progesterone, but the sensations vary. Yesterday evening and another time or two I had pre-menstrual type cramps - not intense but somewhat uncomfortable. Also, some backache. This morning, I had more of the twinge type cramping - based in a specific spot and would come and go in shorter bursts. It was mainly on the right side, but a couple on the left, as well. I'm hoping to compare my feelings to what others felt.
Overall, I'm pretty much chalking any and all "symptoms" up to the progesterone. My boobs have definitely been quite sore, actually a little less today than yesterday. On that note, I wonder if your body "adapts" to the progesterone somewhat? I've also been feeling nauseated in the morning, as well as in short waves during the day. Bloated and constipated, check.
Oh, and honey, the mood swings! ha! A friend mentioned she was a "weepy mess" on progesterone, and I definitely flashed back to that comment yesterday! I've been Sky.ping for a couple weeks with a guy from Great Britain (I met him on the dating site Spir.itual Sin.gles), and yesterday I broke down in the middle of our call. Everything. just. seemed. so. awful. It was like there was this pool of sadness just under the surface, ready to come out, whether I wanted it to or not! After sobbing for a bit, I took a few deep breaths and felt relatively fine. Luckily, he knows - and surprisingly accepts - what's going on with me, so I didn't have to try and cover it up.
I do wonder if there is any symptom, beyond a positive HPT, that could be trusted to mean something when on progesterone. Probably not!
Good news on the additional work search front: I got the "International Coordinator" position! I'm not sure I mentioned it here... basically there's a company that facilitates international students coming to the U.S. to attend High School, and many of them hope to go on to American colleges. I would help the students and their families move through the application process, recruit host families, support the students with monthly meetings and/or phone calls, and put out any fires such as needing to change host families, etc.
The potential downside is that it's on a commission basis, according to how many students you place and have on your roster, but it seems that they help quite a bit with host family recruitment. There is a regional coordinator who I interviewed with, and she is very positive and supportive. So, fingers crossed!
I'm also waiting to hear back on a part-time counseling position at a different community college quite close to where I live. I called the career center contact a week or two ago, and, after talking to me for a while, she suggested there might be an opportunity and that I email the woman who oversees counseling. I did this at the end of last week. Not sure why I haven't heard back yet, but I'm still hoping.
Question for those of you who have taken progesterone supplements: What did the abdominal cramping feel like? I'm assuming the cramping feelings I'm having are due to the progesterone, but the sensations vary. Yesterday evening and another time or two I had pre-menstrual type cramps - not intense but somewhat uncomfortable. Also, some backache. This morning, I had more of the twinge type cramping - based in a specific spot and would come and go in shorter bursts. It was mainly on the right side, but a couple on the left, as well. I'm hoping to compare my feelings to what others felt.
Overall, I'm pretty much chalking any and all "symptoms" up to the progesterone. My boobs have definitely been quite sore, actually a little less today than yesterday. On that note, I wonder if your body "adapts" to the progesterone somewhat? I've also been feeling nauseated in the morning, as well as in short waves during the day. Bloated and constipated, check.
Oh, and honey, the mood swings! ha! A friend mentioned she was a "weepy mess" on progesterone, and I definitely flashed back to that comment yesterday! I've been Sky.ping for a couple weeks with a guy from Great Britain (I met him on the dating site Spir.itual Sin.gles), and yesterday I broke down in the middle of our call. Everything. just. seemed. so. awful. It was like there was this pool of sadness just under the surface, ready to come out, whether I wanted it to or not! After sobbing for a bit, I took a few deep breaths and felt relatively fine. Luckily, he knows - and surprisingly accepts - what's going on with me, so I didn't have to try and cover it up.
I do wonder if there is any symptom, beyond a positive HPT, that could be trusted to mean something when on progesterone. Probably not!
Good news on the additional work search front: I got the "International Coordinator" position! I'm not sure I mentioned it here... basically there's a company that facilitates international students coming to the U.S. to attend High School, and many of them hope to go on to American colleges. I would help the students and their families move through the application process, recruit host families, support the students with monthly meetings and/or phone calls, and put out any fires such as needing to change host families, etc.
The potential downside is that it's on a commission basis, according to how many students you place and have on your roster, but it seems that they help quite a bit with host family recruitment. There is a regional coordinator who I interviewed with, and she is very positive and supportive. So, fingers crossed!
I'm also waiting to hear back on a part-time counseling position at a different community college quite close to where I live. I called the career center contact a week or two ago, and, after talking to me for a while, she suggested there might be an opportunity and that I email the woman who oversees counseling. I did this at the end of last week. Not sure why I haven't heard back yet, but I'm still hoping.
12/07/2011
TWW and Test Results (not the test you're thinking)
I am nearing the end of this two-week-wait. I wanted to share signs, which are likely all in my head or about my period coming (ah, the cynicism of so many months of BFNs) and also talk about the fertility test results I just received from Kai.ser.
With regard to signs, I had little to report until yesterday. I dropped and broke a couple of things a few days ago, which seemed odd but probably unrelated. I had a slight wave of nausea while out on a walk Sunday with sh/cm. Usually - sorry for TMI - when I think I have nausea, I burp shortly thereafter, which explains it. But nope, no burp this time.
Also, remember the implantation-type temperature dip I've had a couple of times now? Well, I had that again on 10 dpo, but seeing as it's the third time and the first two times led to zilch, I wasn't so excited.
Then, yesterday, I had lower abdominal pulling/slight cramping feelings in the afternoon. I told sh/cm that I feel like my period is coming and this cycle is likely coming to an end. But this morning my temperature is still up, and I haven't had any spotting yet. My cycle is due today or tomorrow.
On to the tests. So I am now on sh/cm's insurance with Kai.ser, so I am starting up the process again with their reproductive endocrinology folks. The first step is always a battery of tests, and I'm working my way through those.
The first round of prolactin/progesterone/thyroid came back yesterday. Not what I expected. My thyroid is too high (5.8 - indicating hypothyroid) and my progesterone is too low (5). My progesterone has tended on the low side before but not this low. There is a chance that it was really day 24 vs. 23 - you're supposed to test on days 21-23 - but it still shouldn't be that low, right?
Anyway, just in case, I started supplementing with progesterone cream until I can see the doctor who will likely recommend suppositories or shots. I also took matters into my own hands with my thyroid medicine and started taking an extra quarter pill.
I'm so frustrated because earlier this year, I had thyroid testing done, and after first raising the dose when it came back a bit high, the doctor retested and lowered it again after deciding it was then a little low. The problem is, I felt great on the first dosage adjustment, after she had raised it: I lost a little weight (probably also due to running), my energy felt right, and I just intuitively felt in a good place with it. So I think I probably should have stayed on that dose.
I guess there's no use crying over spilt milk, as they say. I'm just worried that my hypothyroidism has affected my fertility these past few months. Also, I wonder if my fertility supplements could have affected my thyroid levels. Has anyone heard of that? Perhaps a google search is in order.
At least these two issues can be theoretically "fixed." The next round of testing in a few days (assuming I'm not pregnant) will include FSH, fasting glucose, and estradiol. Here's hoping. . .
With regard to signs, I had little to report until yesterday. I dropped and broke a couple of things a few days ago, which seemed odd but probably unrelated. I had a slight wave of nausea while out on a walk Sunday with sh/cm. Usually - sorry for TMI - when I think I have nausea, I burp shortly thereafter, which explains it. But nope, no burp this time.
Also, remember the implantation-type temperature dip I've had a couple of times now? Well, I had that again on 10 dpo, but seeing as it's the third time and the first two times led to zilch, I wasn't so excited.
Then, yesterday, I had lower abdominal pulling/slight cramping feelings in the afternoon. I told sh/cm that I feel like my period is coming and this cycle is likely coming to an end. But this morning my temperature is still up, and I haven't had any spotting yet. My cycle is due today or tomorrow.
On to the tests. So I am now on sh/cm's insurance with Kai.ser, so I am starting up the process again with their reproductive endocrinology folks. The first step is always a battery of tests, and I'm working my way through those.
The first round of prolactin/progesterone/thyroid came back yesterday. Not what I expected. My thyroid is too high (5.8 - indicating hypothyroid) and my progesterone is too low (5). My progesterone has tended on the low side before but not this low. There is a chance that it was really day 24 vs. 23 - you're supposed to test on days 21-23 - but it still shouldn't be that low, right?
Anyway, just in case, I started supplementing with progesterone cream until I can see the doctor who will likely recommend suppositories or shots. I also took matters into my own hands with my thyroid medicine and started taking an extra quarter pill.
I'm so frustrated because earlier this year, I had thyroid testing done, and after first raising the dose when it came back a bit high, the doctor retested and lowered it again after deciding it was then a little low. The problem is, I felt great on the first dosage adjustment, after she had raised it: I lost a little weight (probably also due to running), my energy felt right, and I just intuitively felt in a good place with it. So I think I probably should have stayed on that dose.
I guess there's no use crying over spilt milk, as they say. I'm just worried that my hypothyroidism has affected my fertility these past few months. Also, I wonder if my fertility supplements could have affected my thyroid levels. Has anyone heard of that? Perhaps a google search is in order.
At least these two issues can be theoretically "fixed." The next round of testing in a few days (assuming I'm not pregnant) will include FSH, fasting glucose, and estradiol. Here's hoping. . .
12/03/2011
Cussing. Love. Christmas.
To follow up on a couple of things:
The field trip last Wednesday went great! For me, at least. . . apparently one of the groups (the kids were divided into several groups that rotated through the different campus sessions such as Dental Assisting, and Health and Human Resources, etc.) had a few kids who were terrors. They treated the Biotech professor so poorly that apparently she may not work with our program again. And on one of the buses - not mine thank God - on the way back to the middle school, one of the girls told a very kind and helpful chaperone (a kid on the trip's parent no less) to "F$@k off!" So, yeah, a few kids were suspended post-trip. But my group was generally well-behaved, and I had a good day, so that's what matters, no?
I referred to a dark and confusing email from sh/cm in my last post. Basically, he was upset because I didn't respond to a text he sent late Tuesday afternoon. I was laid out on the couch at that point, nearly comatose, after teaching, but also I have to admit I was angry at him. I had expressed some deep sadness in a phone call with him on Monday, the energy of which likely came from my past as well as the present situation, and he had not shown much if any compassion for me (granted, he was driving, but I still expected some mutterings of concern).
So, I didn't write him back right away and frankly forgot about it until we talked after my Interplay Theatre group later that night. This triggered some old stuff in him, in turn - aren't relationships fun? - and he said in his email that he needed to "decouple." Decouple? Does anyone else think that sounds like "break up"? He said in the next sentence that he wants to remain in a relationship but be less demanding of one another in communication.
In retrospect, I look at this email as a strategy he was using to get reassurance that I value him and love him. But it was horrible for me to read. So, long story short, there was some talking and crying on the phone yesterday, then he came over and we watched the Oregon Duck football game (Go Ducks!), ate pizza, spent some needed lovey/cuddly time, and talked through some stuff in-person, in a casual-type way (sometimes we get too intense!). It was good, and I'm feeling a lot of love for him right now.
Going forward, he is going to try and tune in more when I express sadness and show his care and love. And I am going to try and respond to his communication, even if it's not a "nice" response. He stressed he would much prefer any response than none at all. I also told him, though, that if I don't respond, I want "a pathway out" of the doghouse, or a way to be forgiven. Sometimes, he gets stuck in making me wrong - or from his perspective get understanding and therefore achieve safety - and it feels horrible to be stuck there with him, being raked over the coals. I'm feeling hopeful, now, that we've reached more clarity about our patterns and ways we can improve.
Side note: In other relationships, I've experienced the pain and fighting but not the working through, understanding, becoming more intimate part. So even though this may sound really hard, to me it's a good thing!
Christmasy! Weekend! First of a few, hopefully. I'm heading out to a couple of holiday craft fairs and to pick up cookie ingredients and plan to spend the rest of the day getting my festive on at home. I'll be digging out and sorting through the tree decorations for the tree we're getting tomorrow, then just puttering around making cookies. A walk must be had somewhere in there, as well, because this day is too damn gorgeous to waste!
Hope you are enjoying your weekend, too. Anyone else jumping into Christmas stuff yet?
p.s. No pregnancy signs to speak of yet at 9 days post-ovulation. I've dropped and broken two things which seems odd. Is clumsiness a sign? And have been eating a lot, but, well, 'tis the season!
The field trip last Wednesday went great! For me, at least. . . apparently one of the groups (the kids were divided into several groups that rotated through the different campus sessions such as Dental Assisting, and Health and Human Resources, etc.) had a few kids who were terrors. They treated the Biotech professor so poorly that apparently she may not work with our program again. And on one of the buses - not mine thank God - on the way back to the middle school, one of the girls told a very kind and helpful chaperone (a kid on the trip's parent no less) to "F$@k off!" So, yeah, a few kids were suspended post-trip. But my group was generally well-behaved, and I had a good day, so that's what matters, no?
I referred to a dark and confusing email from sh/cm in my last post. Basically, he was upset because I didn't respond to a text he sent late Tuesday afternoon. I was laid out on the couch at that point, nearly comatose, after teaching, but also I have to admit I was angry at him. I had expressed some deep sadness in a phone call with him on Monday, the energy of which likely came from my past as well as the present situation, and he had not shown much if any compassion for me (granted, he was driving, but I still expected some mutterings of concern).
So, I didn't write him back right away and frankly forgot about it until we talked after my Interplay Theatre group later that night. This triggered some old stuff in him, in turn - aren't relationships fun? - and he said in his email that he needed to "decouple." Decouple? Does anyone else think that sounds like "break up"? He said in the next sentence that he wants to remain in a relationship but be less demanding of one another in communication.
In retrospect, I look at this email as a strategy he was using to get reassurance that I value him and love him. But it was horrible for me to read. So, long story short, there was some talking and crying on the phone yesterday, then he came over and we watched the Oregon Duck football game (Go Ducks!), ate pizza, spent some needed lovey/cuddly time, and talked through some stuff in-person, in a casual-type way (sometimes we get too intense!). It was good, and I'm feeling a lot of love for him right now.
Going forward, he is going to try and tune in more when I express sadness and show his care and love. And I am going to try and respond to his communication, even if it's not a "nice" response. He stressed he would much prefer any response than none at all. I also told him, though, that if I don't respond, I want "a pathway out" of the doghouse, or a way to be forgiven. Sometimes, he gets stuck in making me wrong - or from his perspective get understanding and therefore achieve safety - and it feels horrible to be stuck there with him, being raked over the coals. I'm feeling hopeful, now, that we've reached more clarity about our patterns and ways we can improve.
Side note: In other relationships, I've experienced the pain and fighting but not the working through, understanding, becoming more intimate part. So even though this may sound really hard, to me it's a good thing!
Christmasy! Weekend! First of a few, hopefully. I'm heading out to a couple of holiday craft fairs and to pick up cookie ingredients and plan to spend the rest of the day getting my festive on at home. I'll be digging out and sorting through the tree decorations for the tree we're getting tomorrow, then just puttering around making cookies. A walk must be had somewhere in there, as well, because this day is too damn gorgeous to waste!
Hope you are enjoying your weekend, too. Anyone else jumping into Christmas stuff yet?
p.s. No pregnancy signs to speak of yet at 9 days post-ovulation. I've dropped and broken two things which seems odd. Is clumsiness a sign? And have been eating a lot, but, well, 'tis the season!
11/13/2011
Party's Over
It was also a particularly brutal PMS month, which as some of you likely know, adds to the emotional intensity of any experience. That particular fog is lifting, at least, thank God.
My family was in town from Oregon, so the extra cycle day took place out and about, mainly at the Oregon-Stanford game (which Oregon won handily, Go Ducks!). Every trip to the bathroom, I would come back and whisper to sh/cm, "Nothing yet."
At the end of the day, hope was definitely building, but then some different type of cramping started and then light spotting and a temperature drop, so I knew that was it. I admit it, there was crying. But I'm doing okay now.
I do wonder if that up down, up down bounce at the beginning of my cycle meant I ovulated late or ovulated twice, which may have affected my luteal phase length?
In related news, I am cutting back my DHEA supplementation to 50 mg from 75 after noticing slight facial hair increase. It was blonde and very light, but still, yikes! *I also wonder whether it affected my mood and plan to research that a bit further.
If I doctor recommends it, I will tough it out, but for now, I'm going with 50, as I've seen this dosage recommended, as well. And it will hopefully keep me recognizably female.
Now that we've had insurance approval, I'm also calling Kaiser tomorrow and recruiting a real doctor back into the mix.
11/11/2011
Interesting
So I've been having very light cramping off and on today but no spotting yet at almost midnight, as I head to bed.
The past several months, I've consistently started spotting on 13 dpo, which is my cycle day today.
Hmm, I dare not hope, and yet it is very interesting, no?
The past several months, I've consistently started spotting on 13 dpo, which is my cycle day today.
Hmm, I dare not hope, and yet it is very interesting, no?
11/10/2011
An Upward Trend
Excited about the Oregon - Stanford game on Saturday. Family dinner scheduled for tomorrow night, too, including niece and nephew (yay!).
Today was an okay day. Work wasn't horrible, and I had a productive talk with sh/cm tonight. I'm pretty sure part of the tension relates to thinking about long term plans together and the scrutiny and perfectionist-driven fear that stimulates.
My temperature was up several tenths this morning, which was a bit surprising. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Also have had a minor headache since this afternoon.
Hope you all have a happy Friday! I will be attending a community non-profit event on resilience and climate change with sh/cm. Looking forward to it actually.
11/09/2011
Uneventful
Most. uneventful. cycle. ever.
It's the weirdest thing. Every other cycle, since starting to ttc a few months ago has at least included breast soreness. Most have involved fabulous and varied symptoms such as skin breakouts, cramping, back pain, and others I will spare you all from in this moment.
This cycle? Not so much.
I have super bad PMS (mood-wise), so if that counts, then I'm covered.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had the never-before-seen bbt temperature fallback/rise pattern, along with another up/down bounce for good measure. The first dip happened on 4 dpo, and the second on 6 dpo. But this is likely hormonal fluctuation, even on 6 dpo, since it's typically too early in the cycle for implantation.
AF is due in two days, so not much longer to wait.
I'm working a full middle school day again tomorrow and feeling so not up for it.
Sh/cm and I are still not sympatico, adding sadness to the mix.
Maybe the world will look better after a good night's sleep?
It's the weirdest thing. Every other cycle, since starting to ttc a few months ago has at least included breast soreness. Most have involved fabulous and varied symptoms such as skin breakouts, cramping, back pain, and others I will spare you all from in this moment.
This cycle? Not so much.
I have super bad PMS (mood-wise), so if that counts, then I'm covered.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had the never-before-seen bbt temperature fallback/rise pattern, along with another up/down bounce for good measure. The first dip happened on 4 dpo, and the second on 6 dpo. But this is likely hormonal fluctuation, even on 6 dpo, since it's typically too early in the cycle for implantation.
AF is due in two days, so not much longer to wait.
I'm working a full middle school day again tomorrow and feeling so not up for it.
Sh/cm and I are still not sympatico, adding sadness to the mix.
Maybe the world will look better after a good night's sleep?
11/05/2011
Jellyfish are Creepy: Trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium
Did you know that Jelly Fish have no brain to speak of? Yet they move around like other living creatures or animals, seeming to navigate through space with purpose. It's creepy. Apparently the cells just react to certain stimuli and also in accordance to the cells around them, like a domino effect. Weird.
The trip overall was a good one. We also saw amazing sea horses. I'm sure you all know the males carry the young for a nice change of pace. The way they dance and use their tails to wrap around and hold onto things is pretty nifty.
My friend seems very happy to be reunited and going strong with her now fiance, and they got along well with sh/cm.
We all went out to a decadent dinner afterwards, which began with this delightful watermelon/tomato drink (it sounds gross but it was surprisingly delicious) and ending with lavender creme brulee (yum!).
In the car on the way down and back, sh/cm and I talked energetically about collaborating on a climate change workshop with similar information content to the one he did this week, but instead of non-violent communication exercises in-between the four sections to help people process, I would facilitate embodied movement exercises or creative activities. Each "between" section would be about 10 minutes or so.
We will offer these educational workshops free initially to community members and non-profit folks, adapting the material to make it most relevant to the concerns and potential action steps of each particular audience. Once we have the curriculum smoothed out, the thought is that we will offer the workshop to local non-profit organizations for a sliding-scale fee and also give "train the trainer" workshops, so that other's can give these types of workshops, as well.
Our energy around this project is exactly the type of energy I've been longing for related to collaboration, and I'm feeling both excited and hopeful.
Still no two-week-wait signs to speak of. My bbt has been bouncing around high, low, high, low, medium, so I'm not sure what that means. I'm supposedly on 7 days post-ovulation.
11/04/2011
Weekend Connections
This is going to have to be a quick one before I fall asleep right here on the couch. . .
Thanks for supportive comments recently about tension around sh/cm and exes. We had a good talk tonight and truly felt deeper empathy for the first time around situations that had triggered/upset one another.
Tomorrow morning, he is attending an annual fundraiser brunch with me for my Interplay Theatre organization, during which I may get up and do a little impromptu theatre.
Then, we are going to meet my friend M and her boyfriend, with whom she recently reunited, and check out the Monterey Bay Aquarium, then have dinner. M's the one we met at the Gilroy Garlic Festival a couple of months ago, and she shocked me when she said she and the boyfriend had broken up. Now it looks like they're heading for marriage, which should have been the case all along.
Having no two-week-wait signs whatsoever, unfortunately. I can't believe it's November already. The psychic said I might get a positive pregnancy test in December so that could be next cycle. . .
Thanks for supportive comments recently about tension around sh/cm and exes. We had a good talk tonight and truly felt deeper empathy for the first time around situations that had triggered/upset one another.
Tomorrow morning, he is attending an annual fundraiser brunch with me for my Interplay Theatre organization, during which I may get up and do a little impromptu theatre.
Then, we are going to meet my friend M and her boyfriend, with whom she recently reunited, and check out the Monterey Bay Aquarium, then have dinner. M's the one we met at the Gilroy Garlic Festival a couple of months ago, and she shocked me when she said she and the boyfriend had broken up. Now it looks like they're heading for marriage, which should have been the case all along.
Having no two-week-wait signs whatsoever, unfortunately. I can't believe it's November already. The psychic said I might get a positive pregnancy test in December so that could be next cycle. . .
11/02/2011
Seriously?
Nothing much going on here, except some tension with sh/cm. Our jealousy with one another's exes knows no bounds.
I think I'm going to ask your opinion on this difference in viewpoint we have, because it keeps coming up for us: do you think interactions with an ex-girlfriend and those with a guy I dated are in the same ballpark?
Additional information: the guy I dated a few times is currently my housemate and we have a mutual support-type relationship in which we share with one another our feelings about dating/relationships and our desires to have a child (his marriage broke up because she didn't end up wanting to have a child and he's one of those men who really wants to be a father). I have zero feelings of attraction for him and we had some flirtation when we first moved in together (I was feeling sexual and he happened to be there so I flirted with him) but haven't had any energy like that for over a year.
Sh/cm has been meeting with the ex-girlfriend weekly the whole time we've been dating because they are both part of an activist group that she co-leads. He's had emotional "triggers" come up around his relationship with her at the time of Burning Man and at her birthday, which last year apparently was the beginning of the end of their relationship.
As I write all this, it sounds so juvenile! But seriously, can you compare an ex-girlfriend relationship (who you were in love with and intimate with over several months and had trouble getting over) with a platonic housemate who you had a few dates with a year-and-a-half ago (with whom you are now friends)?
p.s. Nothing stirring on the two-week-wait front. I'm eating pineapple.
I think I'm going to ask your opinion on this difference in viewpoint we have, because it keeps coming up for us: do you think interactions with an ex-girlfriend and those with a guy I dated are in the same ballpark?
Additional information: the guy I dated a few times is currently my housemate and we have a mutual support-type relationship in which we share with one another our feelings about dating/relationships and our desires to have a child (his marriage broke up because she didn't end up wanting to have a child and he's one of those men who really wants to be a father). I have zero feelings of attraction for him and we had some flirtation when we first moved in together (I was feeling sexual and he happened to be there so I flirted with him) but haven't had any energy like that for over a year.
Sh/cm has been meeting with the ex-girlfriend weekly the whole time we've been dating because they are both part of an activist group that she co-leads. He's had emotional "triggers" come up around his relationship with her at the time of Burning Man and at her birthday, which last year apparently was the beginning of the end of their relationship.
As I write all this, it sounds so juvenile! But seriously, can you compare an ex-girlfriend relationship (who you were in love with and intimate with over several months and had trouble getting over) with a platonic housemate who you had a few dates with a year-and-a-half ago (with whom you are now friends)?
p.s. Nothing stirring on the two-week-wait front. I'm eating pineapple.
10/17/2011
Coming to an End
This two-week-wait is coming to an end.
I'm at 13 dpo. My cycle starts religiously on 14 dpo. Today and yesterday, my temperature was 98.2, after dipping to 97.9 on Saturday. This is a similar patterns to last month, however, but the dip was bigger.
Anyway, I've been emotional the last couple of days and tired, getting more tired by the minute. I'm worried about teaching career exploration tomorrow - wish me luck!
And today, I had a bit of period-like cramping in the lower left side of my abdomen, and a bit of tan spotting when I went on my walk. It seems too late for this to be implantation-related.
I'm thinking these signs come to a sum total of PMS and the beginnings of my period. I'll let you know when things become more clear. Testing will not be on my agenda unless I make it through tomorrow. . .
I'm at 13 dpo. My cycle starts religiously on 14 dpo. Today and yesterday, my temperature was 98.2, after dipping to 97.9 on Saturday. This is a similar patterns to last month, however, but the dip was bigger.
Anyway, I've been emotional the last couple of days and tired, getting more tired by the minute. I'm worried about teaching career exploration tomorrow - wish me luck!
And today, I had a bit of period-like cramping in the lower left side of my abdomen, and a bit of tan spotting when I went on my walk. It seems too late for this to be implantation-related.
I'm thinking these signs come to a sum total of PMS and the beginnings of my period. I'll let you know when things become more clear. Testing will not be on my agenda unless I make it through tomorrow. . .
10/15/2011
Success and Enlightenment
OMG! Blogger just ate a long post with several links. Aaaaargh!
Maybe the universe is telling me something.
In brief: great day yesterday, which included a successfully facilitated Transition Heart and Soul meeting at my house and an enlightening conversation with sh/cm.
In my meeting, I facilitated a Theatre of the Oppressed exercise in which we created images or tableaus of the Transition movement.
And in my conversation with sh/cm, we came to a couple of key understandings, including that I wanted us to be on the same page when we came out of family gatherings. I wanted us to be supportive of one another, share humor and commentary, and just generally have a feeling of togetherness.
This may sound like a tall order, but he was actually relieved, because he thought I wanted him to be some sort of family therapist for me. lol
p.s. On the two-week-wait front, nothing much is happening. My temperature dropped several tenths to 97.9 today, 11 dpo, but it was chilly and I was partially covered. Boobs are still sore but not feeling much of anything else.
Maybe the universe is telling me something.
In brief: great day yesterday, which included a successfully facilitated Transition Heart and Soul meeting at my house and an enlightening conversation with sh/cm.
In my meeting, I facilitated a Theatre of the Oppressed exercise in which we created images or tableaus of the Transition movement.
And in my conversation with sh/cm, we came to a couple of key understandings, including that I wanted us to be on the same page when we came out of family gatherings. I wanted us to be supportive of one another, share humor and commentary, and just generally have a feeling of togetherness.
This may sound like a tall order, but he was actually relieved, because he thought I wanted him to be some sort of family therapist for me. lol
p.s. On the two-week-wait front, nothing much is happening. My temperature dropped several tenths to 97.9 today, 11 dpo, but it was chilly and I was partially covered. Boobs are still sore but not feeling much of anything else.
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