FET Update #5 - PUPO and signs

The transfer went well! When we arrived, we met with the embryologist who told us that, out of the two they thawed, one looked “perfect,” and the other was struggling a bit to fully expand. She said it was remodeling or rebounding, however, and she was optimistic about its chances once it was transferred to the uterine environment.

She said if we wanted two perfect ones, they would thaw another one, but she said she only recommended that route if we were sure we wanted twins. We decided we’d rather leave it up to God, and, if were meant to have twins, we will. Honestly, once I saw the two embryos, I was in love with both of them and wanted both to have a chance. After we made the decision and signed required paperwork, I had to drink more water and wait a bit for my bladder to fill, then the doctor came in and everything progressed without a hitch.

Traveling back that afternoon by air (using RC's miles, which required us to first travel to L.A. boo!) after the transfer wasn’t ideal, but I tried to take it easy and not rush or lift heavy items, etc.

In the last week, I’ve had some interesting signs that something might be happening in my uterus. I definitely felt light pulling cramps both on the left and the right side in the two days after transfer and, the day afterwards, I experienced two light episodes of spotting. One with darker blood at 5am, and one with pinkish blood at 4pm.  It was very minimal; just on the tissue when I went to the bathroom. Then I had nothing for days until yesterday, when I experienced a squinter streak of old blood on the tissue at 11:30am. I do feel excited about this sign, because the timing, in all three cases, is right on for it to be implantation bleeding.

Additional signs include a bad sinus headache on the left side of my forehead, starting Sunday and going through yesterday.  I also had some interesting brief headache feelings on the top of my head and towards the back, as well as additional pulsing or pang-like cramps here and there.

It may be attributed to the meds, but  I've been quite moody at times, as well, both irritable or easily frustrated and sad. Bursts of emotion, after which you say, "Wow, that came out of nowhere!" Or you realize as you walk, alone and sobbing, down the street (after telling your partner, "Just go ahead! we’re not even talking anyway!" lol), that this is very likely fueled by hormones.

After the spotting, I almost reconsidered doing an HPT, but RC is against it. I think he's probably right because, last time, it was SO stressful for us, and I'd rather stay as calm as possible until the beta. My C & B meditations are totally helping right now, by the way. :) 

The beta test is scheduled for Friday; everything crossed!!

Waiting...and Moving

Soooo, we have given up on starting the next cycle quickly or before we move to Oregon. It looks like my next transfer won't be until December.

This is because, instead of going down, my HCG beta went up last Monday to 45! Argh. The doctor then ordered an ultrasound, which I did on Thursday, and which showed there was nothing in my uterus or tubes. Therefore, no ectopic or retained tissue in my uterus or anything like that. I am having a little ongoing spotting and even a little very mild cramping the last couple of days, so I guess my body is still working through healing.

After reviewing the ultrasound results, the doctor gave us three options going forward:

1. Continue waiting for the beta to drop (and of course hoping my period arrives in three weeks). My next blood test is scheduled for next Friday. 
2. Get a saline sonogram and potentially have a DNC or hysteroscopy. 
3. Take methotrexate, which the doctor does not advise.

As hard as it is to just keep waiting, we’re leaning towards doctor-preferred option one. We will, however, reevaluate depending on the beta results next week.

The earliest we could start the next cycle would be around the first of November. Since a cycle takes about a month leading up to transfer, that brings us to the beginning of December. Cycling and transferring over the holidays - wow, not necessarily what I would choose, but we will move forward as soon as possible.

Our move to Oregon will be around the end of the first week of November. Our plans are starting to come together. We have a budget, which includes, in addition to paying for a POD to be moved from the Bay Area to Oregon, one of us driving a U-haul up and towing one of our cars behind, while the other person drives the second car. Sounds stressful! We will be breaking up the trip with a hotel stay, though, so that should help.

Life is rolling along, not as we had envisioned, but we are looking forward to moving to Oregon and feeling hopeful about the next cycle... which I pray starts sooner rather than later!

FET Update #1

I officially started this cycle today with BCPs, so here we go again! I began bleeding early Friday morning, as expected, and the nurse then sent over our new schedule. Lots going on this week with a final Beta blood test tomorrow to assure it's decreased, then a Baseline Ultrasound on Tuesday, and, assuming that's all clear, starting Lupron on Thursday. Our transfer is scheduled for October 23rd. We plan to transfer two again and look forward to talking to the embryologist about which of our remaining 15 (!) frozen embryos he would recommend.

Both RC and I have continued to feel some sadness here and there about our first try not working. He has been more deeply sad about it, I think, because I have gone through so many similar disappointments. Unfortunately, I have some callouses built up around my heart. That sounds strange to say, but hopefully that makes sense to some of you. I do know I'll be over the moon when we get a positive outcome... and it will probably take a while to sink in. I also think I had already started to accept that our cycle hadn't worked, first with the negative HPTs, and then with the super low beta, on top of just not feeling much those last few days.

Today, I'm actually excited to go into a new cycle and am feeling positive about it. I heard three different examples this week of second IVF tries (FETs) working for people, and that feels very encouraging. One was a blogging friend from the Cal IVF FB site who actually just got her positive on the second try with a frozen embryo transfer from her donor IVF cycle.

The second was on a television show I watch in which one of the main character just happened to be going through an IVF cycle. I really related to when she tried to "do everything right" and had her hopes up with a 70% chance of success. Her second try, she and her husband tried to mediate their expectations; she said she felt similarly to the first cycle in terms of symptoms... but it was a success!

When I went to a friend's house for dinner last night to catch up and share the experience, she gave me the third example. She told me about the daughter of a friend who had gone through a lot of infertility ups and downs and, after adopting two children, ended up pregnant with twins on her second IVF round with an FET.

We will be adding a couple new medical strategies to the protocol this time. Firstly, I started taking Trental, a type of Viagra or vasodialator to increase uterine blood flow. Secondly, as I hoped, I will be taking more estrogen from the start of that stage - both patches and pills - to hopefully increase my lining more gradually and fully. I would love it if I could reach at least an 11 or 12mm thickness with my lining. If you had success with an IVF or FET, do you remember what your lining reached prior to transfer?

This cycle, I also intend to meditate more from the beginning. Do you think it's worth spending $59 on a specific FET meditation program from Circle & B1oom? It includes 11 meditations corresponding with different stages of the FET process and sounds like it really focuses on relaxation, stress relief, and empowerment during the post-transfer wait, which was anxiety-provoking and challenging for me last time. I found a few meditations in my meditation app, but I'm not yet sure of their production quality.

Lastly, we talked about getting out of town during the two-week-really 9-day-wait... maybe going to the coast and staying at an air bnb location for two or three days. When we were in the Sacramento hotel for a day and a half after the transfer, I felt like we were in a nurturing bubble. I felt close to RC, relaxed and cozy. I hope all these changes will improve our chances and support our embabies to implant!