Beta test yesterday came back at 221! I’m pregnant! Woo hoo!!
Waiting for the results was excruciating, not surprisingly. At three hours, when they said they would be done, I talked to the nurse and she said she had the result but couldn’t give them to me until the doctor reviewed them. Crazy!
About 45 minutes later, she called me back and told me the good news. I was out walking the dog, so as not to go completely insane waiting, so I called RC to tell him the news. He was pretty overwhelmed and even shed a few tears. Very sweet. As for me, I couldn’t wipe the huge grin off my face and felt super relieved, as well as overjoyed. Quite a memorable moment!
The second beta test is on Monday so we’re hoping the numbers rise appropriately. The nurse said 221 is a very strong number, and some folks have mentioned the possibility of twins; others say that they had high numbers with a singleton, and the number doesn’t matter that much. I guess we will have to wait and see.
As I shared before, we would prefer a singleton for the reason it would be an easier pregnancy (and it would be pretty intense caring for twins :-)), but we would be overjoyed with either outcome. I would love them to have a sibling, and there are fun and positive aspects to having two children.
Those of you who have gone through infertility can probably understand my impulse to want to see a second line on an HPT. Sooo, I had some old cheap pregnancy tests and used one today. Definitely a second line! But it was kind of lighter than we expected, so of course that brought up worry. It was my second urine of the day, and I drank coffee and water, so I hope that’s why. Damn HPTs, still managing to cause stress. 🤪
I had some more old blood spotting over the last couple days, as well as cramping. Boobs are getting increasingly sore, and insomnia at around 3am continues. But as of now, I’m pregnant!! First time I’ve been able to say that. ❤️
Showing posts with label FET. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FET. Show all posts
2/09/2019
2/05/2019
FET Update #5 - PUPO and signs
The transfer went well! When we arrived, we met with the embryologist who told us that, out of the two they thawed, one looked “perfect,” and the other was struggling a bit to fully expand. She said it was remodeling or rebounding, however, and she was optimistic about its chances once it was transferred to the uterine environment.
She said if we wanted two perfect ones, they would thaw another one, but she said she only recommended that route if we were sure we wanted twins. We decided we’d rather leave it up to God, and, if were meant to have twins, we will. Honestly, once I saw the two embryos, I was in love with both of them and wanted both to have a chance. After we made the decision and signed required paperwork, I had to drink more water and wait a bit for my bladder to fill, then the doctor came in and everything progressed without a hitch.
Traveling back that afternoon by air (using RC's miles, which required us to first travel to L.A. boo!) after the transfer wasn’t ideal, but I tried to take it easy and not rush or lift heavy items, etc.
In the last week, I’ve had some interesting signs that something might be happening in my uterus. I definitely felt light pulling cramps both on the left and the right side in the two days after transfer and, the day afterwards, I experienced two light episodes of spotting. One with darker blood at 5am, and one with pinkish blood at 4pm. It was very minimal; just on the tissue when I went to the bathroom. Then I had nothing for days until yesterday, when I experienced a squinter streak of old blood on the tissue at 11:30am. I do feel excited about this sign, because the timing, in all three cases, is right on for it to be implantation bleeding.
Additional signs include a bad sinus headache on the left side of my forehead, starting Sunday and going through yesterday. I also had some interesting brief headache feelings on the top of my head and towards the back, as well as additional pulsing or pang-like cramps here and there.
It may be attributed to the meds, but I've been quite moody at times, as well, both irritable or easily frustrated and sad. Bursts of emotion, after which you say, "Wow, that came out of nowhere!" Or you realize as you walk, alone and sobbing, down the street (after telling your partner, "Just go ahead! we’re not even talking anyway!" lol), that this is very likely fueled by hormones.
After the spotting, I almost reconsidered doing an HPT, but RC is against it. I think he's probably right because, last time, it was SO stressful for us, and I'd rather stay as calm as possible until the beta. My C & B meditations are totally helping right now, by the way. :)
The beta test is scheduled for Friday; everything crossed!!
She said if we wanted two perfect ones, they would thaw another one, but she said she only recommended that route if we were sure we wanted twins. We decided we’d rather leave it up to God, and, if were meant to have twins, we will. Honestly, once I saw the two embryos, I was in love with both of them and wanted both to have a chance. After we made the decision and signed required paperwork, I had to drink more water and wait a bit for my bladder to fill, then the doctor came in and everything progressed without a hitch.
Traveling back that afternoon by air (using RC's miles, which required us to first travel to L.A. boo!) after the transfer wasn’t ideal, but I tried to take it easy and not rush or lift heavy items, etc.
In the last week, I’ve had some interesting signs that something might be happening in my uterus. I definitely felt light pulling cramps both on the left and the right side in the two days after transfer and, the day afterwards, I experienced two light episodes of spotting. One with darker blood at 5am, and one with pinkish blood at 4pm. It was very minimal; just on the tissue when I went to the bathroom. Then I had nothing for days until yesterday, when I experienced a squinter streak of old blood on the tissue at 11:30am. I do feel excited about this sign, because the timing, in all three cases, is right on for it to be implantation bleeding.
Additional signs include a bad sinus headache on the left side of my forehead, starting Sunday and going through yesterday. I also had some interesting brief headache feelings on the top of my head and towards the back, as well as additional pulsing or pang-like cramps here and there.
It may be attributed to the meds, but I've been quite moody at times, as well, both irritable or easily frustrated and sad. Bursts of emotion, after which you say, "Wow, that came out of nowhere!" Or you realize as you walk, alone and sobbing, down the street (after telling your partner, "Just go ahead! we’re not even talking anyway!" lol), that this is very likely fueled by hormones.
After the spotting, I almost reconsidered doing an HPT, but RC is against it. I think he's probably right because, last time, it was SO stressful for us, and I'd rather stay as calm as possible until the beta. My C & B meditations are totally helping right now, by the way. :)
The beta test is scheduled for Friday; everything crossed!!
1/28/2019
Microblog Monday - FET Update #4
We are sitting in the SF Airport, making our way through a five-hour layover. Because of my delayed start to the progesterone, we have a full day in Sacramento tomorrow with absolutely nothing planned. If only we were in Paris with the same problem. lol We did bring our computers so we are able to get some work done.
Then, we head to the clinic on Wednesday at 11am for the transfer. I’m starting to feel excited! And am feeling hopeful that the lovenox will be the necessary component for a sticky bean. Taking meds this time has a familiarity to it, like, “Oh yeah, I’m more sleepy again, that’s probably the estrogen,” and, “Oh wow, who woke up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning, must be the progesterone.” The FET meditation tracks have definitely been helpful in providing a touchstone and nurturing aspect to the process.
On another note, RC had three recent interviews, the latest on this morning, and should hear back in the next week. I’m applying for postings outside my normal career trajectory, as well, as we want to get some more money coming in ASAP. Then, we can continue to work towards our true job goals; which for me is advising/ counseling work at the U of O, as well as several career counseling clients.
Back to playing the waiting game at the airport...I’m going to try and find a book or magazine. La te da. Please send good thoughts for Wednesday morning! 💕
Then, we head to the clinic on Wednesday at 11am for the transfer. I’m starting to feel excited! And am feeling hopeful that the lovenox will be the necessary component for a sticky bean. Taking meds this time has a familiarity to it, like, “Oh yeah, I’m more sleepy again, that’s probably the estrogen,” and, “Oh wow, who woke up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning, must be the progesterone.” The FET meditation tracks have definitely been helpful in providing a touchstone and nurturing aspect to the process.
On another note, RC had three recent interviews, the latest on this morning, and should hear back in the next week. I’m applying for postings outside my normal career trajectory, as well, as we want to get some more money coming in ASAP. Then, we can continue to work towards our true job goals; which for me is advising/ counseling work at the U of O, as well as several career counseling clients.
Back to playing the waiting game at the airport...I’m going to try and find a book or magazine. La te da. Please send good thoughts for Wednesday morning! 💕
1/22/2019
FET Update #3 plus family disappointment
I have been just trucking along the last week-and-a-half, doing my lovenox and lupron injections in the morning, and taking estrogen in both through patches (two patches, changed every other day) and pills (two a day).
Unfortunately, we don't have a window in to my uterus, so we have been hoping and praying that the lining is building up to the level they want at this point, which is a minimum of 8mm, though I understand they are okay with 7.5. I've been doing the Circle & Bloom meditations on most days, which include visualizing the uterus filled with light or circulating at the perfect temperature with the perfect amount of oxygen and blood flow, etc.
Yesterday was the lining check, through which we are finally able to learn whether all the effort has paid off. Drumroll, please.................the ultrasound showed that my lining was at.................a little over 8mm!!! Hallelujah! And there were no issues of concern like activity in the ovaries. We were given the official go-ahead to transfer on January 29th. We had already booked our airline tickets and hotel stay on faith, so, after scheduling a pet sitter yesterday, our trip to Sacramento is planned.
After going back and forth a little, further discussing the decision about one or two embryos, we are back to a clear choice on two. With all that we are putting into this effort - time, energy, drugs into my system, money, emotional involvement - we want to give it the best chance of success. We are open to twins, and we would love to come home with either one or two babies. We are afraid of the work and overwhelm - who wouldn't be? - but we are going into it with our eyes open.
I have a lot more to share about life, family, wedding planning, etc., but time seems shorter lately, and it's moving at a rapid pace. I will share that we are figuring out wedding details, despite the fact my dad unexpectedly and sadly refused to contribute anything. He said I'm too old, and he doesn't agree with decisions I've made; that I have no real accomplishments in my life. Great Dad, thanks, you're the best. What he said about me hurt a lot more than him choosing not to contribute.
I guess all my creative accomplishments in acting (completing a conservatory and perfoming in local theater in Seattle), dance (studying and performing in jazz and modern over many years, then learning swing dance and auditioning/performing with a swing dance team), in addition to my masters degree and many years working as an academic and career counselor in high schools and community colleges don't count for anything in your book? I wouldn't expect him to understand or validate all the counseling and self-development work I've done, but I do have measurable successes.
His viewpoint seems extremely limited and clouded by judgment about several financial mistakes I made in my 20s. He did catch me off guard mention receiving creditor calls, which on reflection, I believe were related to my wallet and identity being stolen in 2012, a fact I didn't discover and work to resolve until 2015. I will follow up about this. The strange thing is that RC and I have hung out with he and his partner several times, and I felt pretty good about our relationship since I've moved back.
Where I'm at now with it is that I love my Dad and will continue to love him, but I also need to take care of myself. I'm not buying into his judgments about me, as I might have in earlier years. RC and I will figure out more simple wedding plans. I hope at some point my Dad will change and see things differently, but I'm not counting on it. Onward and upward!
Unfortunately, we don't have a window in to my uterus, so we have been hoping and praying that the lining is building up to the level they want at this point, which is a minimum of 8mm, though I understand they are okay with 7.5. I've been doing the Circle & Bloom meditations on most days, which include visualizing the uterus filled with light or circulating at the perfect temperature with the perfect amount of oxygen and blood flow, etc.
Yesterday was the lining check, through which we are finally able to learn whether all the effort has paid off. Drumroll, please.................the ultrasound showed that my lining was at.................a little over 8mm!!! Hallelujah! And there were no issues of concern like activity in the ovaries. We were given the official go-ahead to transfer on January 29th. We had already booked our airline tickets and hotel stay on faith, so, after scheduling a pet sitter yesterday, our trip to Sacramento is planned.
After going back and forth a little, further discussing the decision about one or two embryos, we are back to a clear choice on two. With all that we are putting into this effort - time, energy, drugs into my system, money, emotional involvement - we want to give it the best chance of success. We are open to twins, and we would love to come home with either one or two babies. We are afraid of the work and overwhelm - who wouldn't be? - but we are going into it with our eyes open.
I have a lot more to share about life, family, wedding planning, etc., but time seems shorter lately, and it's moving at a rapid pace. I will share that we are figuring out wedding details, despite the fact my dad unexpectedly and sadly refused to contribute anything. He said I'm too old, and he doesn't agree with decisions I've made; that I have no real accomplishments in my life. Great Dad, thanks, you're the best. What he said about me hurt a lot more than him choosing not to contribute.
I guess all my creative accomplishments in acting (completing a conservatory and perfoming in local theater in Seattle), dance (studying and performing in jazz and modern over many years, then learning swing dance and auditioning/performing with a swing dance team), in addition to my masters degree and many years working as an academic and career counselor in high schools and community colleges don't count for anything in your book? I wouldn't expect him to understand or validate all the counseling and self-development work I've done, but I do have measurable successes.
His viewpoint seems extremely limited and clouded by judgment about several financial mistakes I made in my 20s. He did catch me off guard mention receiving creditor calls, which on reflection, I believe were related to my wallet and identity being stolen in 2012, a fact I didn't discover and work to resolve until 2015. I will follow up about this. The strange thing is that RC and I have hung out with he and his partner several times, and I felt pretty good about our relationship since I've moved back.
Where I'm at now with it is that I love my Dad and will continue to love him, but I also need to take care of myself. I'm not buying into his judgments about me, as I might have in earlier years. RC and I will figure out more simple wedding plans. I hope at some point my Dad will change and see things differently, but I'm not counting on it. Onward and upward!
1/11/2019
Drive by post - Green Light! Here we go!
We finally got the go-ahead yesterday to start estrogen and lovenox for our FET cycle. Whoopee!!! Cyst had shrunk again to 1.7cm, and I guess that was small enough.
The doctor directed us to start meds immediately, as in last night, so we jumped on the train in lightning-quick time. The lovenox shot was not too bad, but it definitely involves injecting a lot more liquid than the lupron, so I felt a little soreness as it was going in. It faded pretty quickly, though.
Our new calendar says lining check on the 21st and transfer on the 29th, so we're still in January! As a bonus, I get to start my new Circle @nd Bloom meditations for the stim part of the cycle. Just in time, as I was growing quite weary of the suppression sessions. Feeling very excited and hopeful!
The doctor directed us to start meds immediately, as in last night, so we jumped on the train in lightning-quick time. The lovenox shot was not too bad, but it definitely involves injecting a lot more liquid than the lupron, so I felt a little soreness as it was going in. It faded pretty quickly, though.
Our new calendar says lining check on the 21st and transfer on the 29th, so we're still in January! As a bonus, I get to start my new Circle @nd Bloom meditations for the stim part of the cycle. Just in time, as I was growing quite weary of the suppression sessions. Feeling very excited and hopeful!
1/07/2019
FET Update #2 - a speed bump
A speed bump, or more accurately, a most-unwelcome cyst. When I went for my baseline ultrasound a week and a half ago, there it was: a 3.6cm ugly ol' cyst on my left ovary.
Sooo, they gave me a choice to delay the cycle to go ahead and start on my Lupron that next Saturday. I chose the Lupron, then tested again last Thursday. The cyst had shrunk to 2.8cm, and I was initially elated, but later found out that wasn't enough for the doctor. Doing some research online, I think that under 2.5cm becomes "clinically insignificant," so I was close, but no cigar.
Thus, per doctor's orders, I am continuing to take Lupron at 10 units (hello crotchety mood) until this Thursday when I test again and, God willing, the pesky little cyst shrinks further or disappears. Everything crossed! Once that happens, I can start my estrogen and get this ball rolling. As of now, the transfer is now delayed at least until January 31st, but likely the beginning of February.
In other news... RC proposed on NYE!!! I am very excited and, since we are going for a March 9th wedding, I am immediately entering planning mode. We already know our reception venue, my family's downtown athletic club ballroom, and we think we found our ceremony venue, a Unity Church we attended yesterday and liked a lot. Waiting to hear back on availability.
Here is a picture of what, for now, I'm referring to as "my precious" because I love it so much and don't want to take it off. ❤️
Sooo, they gave me a choice to delay the cycle to go ahead and start on my Lupron that next Saturday. I chose the Lupron, then tested again last Thursday. The cyst had shrunk to 2.8cm, and I was initially elated, but later found out that wasn't enough for the doctor. Doing some research online, I think that under 2.5cm becomes "clinically insignificant," so I was close, but no cigar.
Thus, per doctor's orders, I am continuing to take Lupron at 10 units (hello crotchety mood) until this Thursday when I test again and, God willing, the pesky little cyst shrinks further or disappears. Everything crossed! Once that happens, I can start my estrogen and get this ball rolling. As of now, the transfer is now delayed at least until January 31st, but likely the beginning of February.
In other news... RC proposed on NYE!!! I am very excited and, since we are going for a March 9th wedding, I am immediately entering planning mode. We already know our reception venue, my family's downtown athletic club ballroom, and we think we found our ceremony venue, a Unity Church we attended yesterday and liked a lot. Waiting to hear back on availability.
Here is a picture of what, for now, I'm referring to as "my precious" because I love it so much and don't want to take it off. ❤️
12/19/2018
FET Update #1 (finally!) and holiday events
Okaaaay, I just did the awesome thing where I type the whole post almost, then hit the wrong button and it's deleted. Argh! Okay, I will try a bulleted post to capture main points...
Significant and thrilling developments towards my FET cycle:
Having the dates to look forward to on the calendar for this cycle definitely adds to my holiday cheer. We are having conversations about one embryo or two again, after the discovery of my clotting mutation (heterozygous for prothrombin), but since I'll be on lovenox, I hope it's a minimal risk. More on that later.
Happy Holidays to Everyone!
p.s. RC and I have had some productive conversations, since I wrote the post on feeling challenged with some of his moods/behaviors. We solved our financial crunch for now, and have moved forward with ring design/selection. :) We are also reading a great book together about how to handle emotions/anger in ways that align with your values and goals. It's about the ACT process. Very helpful and hopeful.
Significant and thrilling developments towards my FET cycle:
- Started my period last Saturday!
- With my period starting, I was able to resume my supplements, including pre-natals and Pentoxifylline (blood flow related). Yay for pills!
- Began taking birth control pills on Monday.
- Received my FET schedule yesterday... baseline ultrasound on the calendar for next week, likely after Christmas, and my embryo transfer scheduled for January 24th!!! Woo hoo!
- I'm 50 now and would never have guessed when I was young that I would be trying to have a baby now. Life is surely unpredictable.
- RC planned awesome activities for Saturday starting with brunch and moving into a scavenger hunt/amazing race type activity in our new hometown downtown area. Even having grown up here, I learned some things (i.e. Senator Morse! Cool guy!).
- Then we went to a UO basketball game that evening, and he had arranged a super sweet message to appear on the reader board at halftime. ❤️
- Sunday evening with family was okay. Mostly the same chaotic, everyone talking, loud family dynamic that often happens when we all get together. Not so fun for an introvert. But I received some great presents, including double-date night dinner/concert tickets with my brother and sis-in-law to see Big Head Todd and the Monsters, a band popular in Colorado when I went to school there. Awesome! Then we just opened Xmas presents from/for my sister and her family, since they're going out of town, and ended the evening eating some cake.
- No karaoke. :( But I did practice the Molly Shannon monologue from SNL, "I'm 50!" and shared it with people several times. You're welcome, family. "...And I can KICK, streeeeetch, and KICK!" lol
Having the dates to look forward to on the calendar for this cycle definitely adds to my holiday cheer. We are having conversations about one embryo or two again, after the discovery of my clotting mutation (heterozygous for prothrombin), but since I'll be on lovenox, I hope it's a minimal risk. More on that later.
Happy Holidays to Everyone!
p.s. RC and I have had some productive conversations, since I wrote the post on feeling challenged with some of his moods/behaviors. We solved our financial crunch for now, and have moved forward with ring design/selection. :) We are also reading a great book together about how to handle emotions/anger in ways that align with your values and goals. It's about the ACT process. Very helpful and hopeful.
10/05/2018
FET Update #3
Still in limbo land... the Beta number was, wait for it, *exactly the same* last Monday. Argh!! It was around 20. I told my nurse that I needed to have some reason why this was the case and not just, "It's a mystery, wait another week." So, the doctor ended up calling me and talking about how, since the level started and has remained low, it indicates there are slight remaining pregnancy/placental cells somewhere and it can take time for them to clear.
He said to stop the BCP and Trental, which I did right away. Since then, I started bleeding. Definitely an unusual-type cycle - less intense but starting with (TMI Warning) a couple days of old blood and now some red blood with tissue in it. It's all sort of sad, but at the same time, I welcome it because I really want to get back to ground zero and start the new cycle.
I do question why they started me on BCP on cycle day 3 after a chemical pregnancy? Doesn't it make sense that my body go through a whole cycle, and let it run it's course? I guess they were doing it because our initial plan was to go right into an FET cycle, but it needs to make sense with the healing process, too!
A positive development is that we are now clear about moving to Oregon at the start of November, then coming down for the transfer later on. We need to get on with our plans, plus we have a place now! It's in a perfect location, a few blocks from my sister's house and walking distance from my dad and brother's house, as well as a nice outdoor/indoor mall with restaurants, coffee shops, stores, and even a Trader Joe's. We want to get up there and don't want to pay two rents for longer than necessary.
Lastly, I bit the bullet and bought the Circle @nd Bloom meditation program. Yay! I'm excited about the modules specifically corresponding to each phase in the FET cycle and really feel it will help me manage my anxiety this time around. Now, if we can only get started! Fingers crossed for next Wednesday's blood test showing a *ZERO* Beta result!
He said to stop the BCP and Trental, which I did right away. Since then, I started bleeding. Definitely an unusual-type cycle - less intense but starting with (TMI Warning) a couple days of old blood and now some red blood with tissue in it. It's all sort of sad, but at the same time, I welcome it because I really want to get back to ground zero and start the new cycle.
I do question why they started me on BCP on cycle day 3 after a chemical pregnancy? Doesn't it make sense that my body go through a whole cycle, and let it run it's course? I guess they were doing it because our initial plan was to go right into an FET cycle, but it needs to make sense with the healing process, too!
A positive development is that we are now clear about moving to Oregon at the start of November, then coming down for the transfer later on. We need to get on with our plans, plus we have a place now! It's in a perfect location, a few blocks from my sister's house and walking distance from my dad and brother's house, as well as a nice outdoor/indoor mall with restaurants, coffee shops, stores, and even a Trader Joe's. We want to get up there and don't want to pay two rents for longer than necessary.
Lastly, I bit the bullet and bought the Circle @nd Bloom meditation program. Yay! I'm excited about the modules specifically corresponding to each phase in the FET cycle and really feel it will help me manage my anxiety this time around. Now, if we can only get started! Fingers crossed for next Wednesday's blood test showing a *ZERO* Beta result!
9/28/2018
FET Update #2
We are in limbo-land this week because the Beta did not drop. It was around 20 on Monday, so we re-test this Monday, fingers crossed.
It's so frustrating because we had a tentative cycle calendar which had us transfer at the end of October. Now, from what the nurse told me previously, the earliest we could transfer would be November 12th. :( This is an issue not just because it's so hard to be in limbo, but also because we are trying to make a move to my hometown in Oregon, and were planning on the beginning of November. We still may do that, but would then need to make a seven-and-a-half hour drive to the clinic for the transfer.
The good news is that we could get all the testing and ultrasounds done locally, but that's a tough drive to make and not ideal to do shortly after transferring. We will see how things unfold. The first hurdle is getting my d@mn Beta to drop, so please send good thoughts for us on Monday.
I have been feeling okay; a little occasional very light cramping and old blood spotting. I have continued taking the birth control pills, per doctor's orders, as well as the Trental medication for uterine blood flow. My mood has been okay generally, but it seems like I have less patience and tolerance than usual; RC and I have had some frustrating conversations.
I've been trying to meditate daily, however, and today we are going on a big food shopping trip to stock up with healthy items for the cycle. Yay. I'm back up to four career counseling clients, and am enjoying having that to take some positive attention and time. Fingers crossed we can move forward next week!
It's so frustrating because we had a tentative cycle calendar which had us transfer at the end of October. Now, from what the nurse told me previously, the earliest we could transfer would be November 12th. :( This is an issue not just because it's so hard to be in limbo, but also because we are trying to make a move to my hometown in Oregon, and were planning on the beginning of November. We still may do that, but would then need to make a seven-and-a-half hour drive to the clinic for the transfer.
The good news is that we could get all the testing and ultrasounds done locally, but that's a tough drive to make and not ideal to do shortly after transferring. We will see how things unfold. The first hurdle is getting my d@mn Beta to drop, so please send good thoughts for us on Monday.
I have been feeling okay; a little occasional very light cramping and old blood spotting. I have continued taking the birth control pills, per doctor's orders, as well as the Trental medication for uterine blood flow. My mood has been okay generally, but it seems like I have less patience and tolerance than usual; RC and I have had some frustrating conversations.
I've been trying to meditate daily, however, and today we are going on a big food shopping trip to stock up with healthy items for the cycle. Yay. I'm back up to four career counseling clients, and am enjoying having that to take some positive attention and time. Fingers crossed we can move forward next week!
9/23/2018
FET Update #1
I officially started this cycle today with BCPs, so here we go again! I began bleeding early Friday morning, as expected, and the nurse then sent over our new schedule. Lots going on this week with a final Beta blood test tomorrow to assure it's decreased, then a Baseline Ultrasound on Tuesday, and, assuming that's all clear, starting Lupron on Thursday. Our transfer is scheduled for October 23rd. We plan to transfer two again and look forward to talking to the embryologist about which of our remaining 15 (!) frozen embryos he would recommend.
Both RC and I have continued to feel some sadness here and there about our first try not working. He has been more deeply sad about it, I think, because I have gone through so many similar disappointments. Unfortunately, I have some callouses built up around my heart. That sounds strange to say, but hopefully that makes sense to some of you. I do know I'll be over the moon when we get a positive outcome... and it will probably take a while to sink in. I also think I had already started to accept that our cycle hadn't worked, first with the negative HPTs, and then with the super low beta, on top of just not feeling much those last few days.
Today, I'm actually excited to go into a new cycle and am feeling positive about it. I heard three different examples this week of second IVF tries (FETs) working for people, and that feels very encouraging. One was a blogging friend from the Cal IVF FB site who actually just got her positive on the second try with a frozen embryo transfer from her donor IVF cycle.
The second was on a television show I watch in which one of the main character just happened to be going through an IVF cycle. I really related to when she tried to "do everything right" and had her hopes up with a 70% chance of success. Her second try, she and her husband tried to mediate their expectations; she said she felt similarly to the first cycle in terms of symptoms... but it was a success!
When I went to a friend's house for dinner last night to catch up and share the experience, she gave me the third example. She told me about the daughter of a friend who had gone through a lot of infertility ups and downs and, after adopting two children, ended up pregnant with twins on her second IVF round with an FET.
We will be adding a couple new medical strategies to the protocol this time. Firstly, I started taking Trental, a type of Viagra or vasodialator to increase uterine blood flow. Secondly, as I hoped, I will be taking more estrogen from the start of that stage - both patches and pills - to hopefully increase my lining more gradually and fully. I would love it if I could reach at least an 11 or 12mm thickness with my lining. If you had success with an IVF or FET, do you remember what your lining reached prior to transfer?
This cycle, I also intend to meditate more from the beginning. Do you think it's worth spending $59 on a specific FET meditation program from Circle & B1oom? It includes 11 meditations corresponding with different stages of the FET process and sounds like it really focuses on relaxation, stress relief, and empowerment during the post-transfer wait, which was anxiety-provoking and challenging for me last time. I found a few meditations in my meditation app, but I'm not yet sure of their production quality.
Lastly, we talked about getting out of town during the two-week-really 9-day-wait... maybe going to the coast and staying at an air bnb location for two or three days. When we were in the Sacramento hotel for a day and a half after the transfer, I felt like we were in a nurturing bubble. I felt close to RC, relaxed and cozy. I hope all these changes will improve our chances and support our embabies to implant!
Both RC and I have continued to feel some sadness here and there about our first try not working. He has been more deeply sad about it, I think, because I have gone through so many similar disappointments. Unfortunately, I have some callouses built up around my heart. That sounds strange to say, but hopefully that makes sense to some of you. I do know I'll be over the moon when we get a positive outcome... and it will probably take a while to sink in. I also think I had already started to accept that our cycle hadn't worked, first with the negative HPTs, and then with the super low beta, on top of just not feeling much those last few days.
Today, I'm actually excited to go into a new cycle and am feeling positive about it. I heard three different examples this week of second IVF tries (FETs) working for people, and that feels very encouraging. One was a blogging friend from the Cal IVF FB site who actually just got her positive on the second try with a frozen embryo transfer from her donor IVF cycle.
The second was on a television show I watch in which one of the main character just happened to be going through an IVF cycle. I really related to when she tried to "do everything right" and had her hopes up with a 70% chance of success. Her second try, she and her husband tried to mediate their expectations; she said she felt similarly to the first cycle in terms of symptoms... but it was a success!
When I went to a friend's house for dinner last night to catch up and share the experience, she gave me the third example. She told me about the daughter of a friend who had gone through a lot of infertility ups and downs and, after adopting two children, ended up pregnant with twins on her second IVF round with an FET.
We will be adding a couple new medical strategies to the protocol this time. Firstly, I started taking Trental, a type of Viagra or vasodialator to increase uterine blood flow. Secondly, as I hoped, I will be taking more estrogen from the start of that stage - both patches and pills - to hopefully increase my lining more gradually and fully. I would love it if I could reach at least an 11 or 12mm thickness with my lining. If you had success with an IVF or FET, do you remember what your lining reached prior to transfer?
This cycle, I also intend to meditate more from the beginning. Do you think it's worth spending $59 on a specific FET meditation program from Circle & B1oom? It includes 11 meditations corresponding with different stages of the FET process and sounds like it really focuses on relaxation, stress relief, and empowerment during the post-transfer wait, which was anxiety-provoking and challenging for me last time. I found a few meditations in my meditation app, but I'm not yet sure of their production quality.
Lastly, we talked about getting out of town during the two-week-really 9-day-wait... maybe going to the coast and staying at an air bnb location for two or three days. When we were in the Sacramento hotel for a day and a half after the transfer, I felt like we were in a nurturing bubble. I felt close to RC, relaxed and cozy. I hope all these changes will improve our chances and support our embabies to implant!
9/19/2018
Cycle Update 5
And, just like that, despite our great odds, this cycle is a bust. Or more specifically, a "chemical" pregnancy - the most ridiculous name I've ever heard for a very early pregnancy that stops developing.
When the three home pregnancy tests we took came back negative, my anxiety shot through the roof. It was, as they say, not a good sign. But we held out hope that maybe one or both of our embryos were late implanters and looked towards the Beta test that Friday.
The Beta test came back at 12, which, if you are familiar with Betas, is extremely low. They (as in your doctor and nurses) like to see it at least 30, preferably 50. But I did feel excited for a little while, just knowing I was pregnant; that something had started after so many tries with IUI before where nothing started at all. So, we hoped upon hope that it would double properly for the second Beta test on Monday.
On Monday, we drove to the lab, where they told us that the results hadn't been finalized or something. It was very confusing, but when we called the processing center, they faxed over the required confirmation paperwork to my doctor. So they could confirm they are my doctor. Even though the order said the doctor's name and had their signature at the bottom. Argh!
When that happened, they finally sent the results to both my doctor and the lab, and my nurse beat the lab to the punch and called right away. My nurse, who has been super helpful along the way, did not have a positive tone so I guessed even before I heard that the Beta had only risen to a 17. Disappointment does not describe the feeling. It's like a punch to the chest.
RC was immediately super sad, whereas I think I just went kind of numb. I think, too, that what I read about Betas, had indicated that it was extremely uncertain that there would be a positive ending. We decided to drown our sorrows that evening. It was effective, but now we are picking up the pieces and regrouping for a Frozen Embryo Transfer. I have stopped all medication and am waiting to bleed. Once that starts, I let my nurse know and we create a calendar for the FET cycle. We are super fortunate to have great quality frozen embryos to use.
Apparently, my clinic has a committee that meets to discuss cases that did not succeed, so we will be on the agenda. I look forward to hearing how they might want to tweak my protocols and medication. I definitely think I should start with more estrogen, since my lining was thin in the initial check and then barely reached the minimum level before starting progesterone. I think it was close to 9mm. I'd also like to check my progesterone shortly after transfer to assure it's where it should be.
On the two-week (well really 8-9 days) side, RC and I talked about getting out of town for a few days to help mediate my anxiety. Especially on days he worked, it was super challenging for me to get through those last few hours of the afternoon/evening before he got home. He's going to take a day or two off work, and I'm also going to pre-plan some fun and uplifting activities on the days we are in town. I also want to do some hypnobabies meditations - have any of you used those?
I guess we've turned the corner and are looking ahead to the new cycle, but I still feel a little lost and empty at times. We both got attached to the "perfect" little embabies that were transferred this cycle.
When the three home pregnancy tests we took came back negative, my anxiety shot through the roof. It was, as they say, not a good sign. But we held out hope that maybe one or both of our embryos were late implanters and looked towards the Beta test that Friday.
The Beta test came back at 12, which, if you are familiar with Betas, is extremely low. They (as in your doctor and nurses) like to see it at least 30, preferably 50. But I did feel excited for a little while, just knowing I was pregnant; that something had started after so many tries with IUI before where nothing started at all. So, we hoped upon hope that it would double properly for the second Beta test on Monday.
On Monday, we drove to the lab, where they told us that the results hadn't been finalized or something. It was very confusing, but when we called the processing center, they faxed over the required confirmation paperwork to my doctor. So they could confirm they are my doctor. Even though the order said the doctor's name and had their signature at the bottom. Argh!
When that happened, they finally sent the results to both my doctor and the lab, and my nurse beat the lab to the punch and called right away. My nurse, who has been super helpful along the way, did not have a positive tone so I guessed even before I heard that the Beta had only risen to a 17. Disappointment does not describe the feeling. It's like a punch to the chest.
RC was immediately super sad, whereas I think I just went kind of numb. I think, too, that what I read about Betas, had indicated that it was extremely uncertain that there would be a positive ending. We decided to drown our sorrows that evening. It was effective, but now we are picking up the pieces and regrouping for a Frozen Embryo Transfer. I have stopped all medication and am waiting to bleed. Once that starts, I let my nurse know and we create a calendar for the FET cycle. We are super fortunate to have great quality frozen embryos to use.
Apparently, my clinic has a committee that meets to discuss cases that did not succeed, so we will be on the agenda. I look forward to hearing how they might want to tweak my protocols and medication. I definitely think I should start with more estrogen, since my lining was thin in the initial check and then barely reached the minimum level before starting progesterone. I think it was close to 9mm. I'd also like to check my progesterone shortly after transfer to assure it's where it should be.
On the two-week (well really 8-9 days) side, RC and I talked about getting out of town for a few days to help mediate my anxiety. Especially on days he worked, it was super challenging for me to get through those last few hours of the afternoon/evening before he got home. He's going to take a day or two off work, and I'm also going to pre-plan some fun and uplifting activities on the days we are in town. I also want to do some hypnobabies meditations - have any of you used those?
I guess we've turned the corner and are looking ahead to the new cycle, but I still feel a little lost and empty at times. We both got attached to the "perfect" little embabies that were transferred this cycle.
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