We are sitting in the SF Airport, making our way through a five-hour layover. Because of my delayed start to the progesterone, we have a full day in Sacramento tomorrow with absolutely nothing planned. If only we were in Paris with the same problem. lol We did bring our computers so we are able to get some work done.
Then, we head to the clinic on Wednesday at 11am for the transfer. I’m starting to feel excited! And am feeling hopeful that the lovenox will be the necessary component for a sticky bean. Taking meds this time has a familiarity to it, like, “Oh yeah, I’m more sleepy again, that’s probably the estrogen,” and, “Oh wow, who woke up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning, must be the progesterone.” The FET meditation tracks have definitely been helpful in providing a touchstone and nurturing aspect to the process.
On another note, RC had three recent interviews, the latest on this morning, and should hear back in the next week. I’m applying for postings outside my normal career trajectory, as well, as we want to get some more money coming in ASAP. Then, we can continue to work towards our true job goals; which for me is advising/ counseling work at the U of O, as well as several career counseling clients.
Back to playing the waiting game at the airport...I’m going to try and find a book or magazine. La te da. Please send good thoughts for Wednesday morning! 💕
Showing posts with label embryo transfer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embryo transfer. Show all posts
1/28/2019
9/19/2018
Cycle Update 5
And, just like that, despite our great odds, this cycle is a bust. Or more specifically, a "chemical" pregnancy - the most ridiculous name I've ever heard for a very early pregnancy that stops developing.
When the three home pregnancy tests we took came back negative, my anxiety shot through the roof. It was, as they say, not a good sign. But we held out hope that maybe one or both of our embryos were late implanters and looked towards the Beta test that Friday.
The Beta test came back at 12, which, if you are familiar with Betas, is extremely low. They (as in your doctor and nurses) like to see it at least 30, preferably 50. But I did feel excited for a little while, just knowing I was pregnant; that something had started after so many tries with IUI before where nothing started at all. So, we hoped upon hope that it would double properly for the second Beta test on Monday.
On Monday, we drove to the lab, where they told us that the results hadn't been finalized or something. It was very confusing, but when we called the processing center, they faxed over the required confirmation paperwork to my doctor. So they could confirm they are my doctor. Even though the order said the doctor's name and had their signature at the bottom. Argh!
When that happened, they finally sent the results to both my doctor and the lab, and my nurse beat the lab to the punch and called right away. My nurse, who has been super helpful along the way, did not have a positive tone so I guessed even before I heard that the Beta had only risen to a 17. Disappointment does not describe the feeling. It's like a punch to the chest.
RC was immediately super sad, whereas I think I just went kind of numb. I think, too, that what I read about Betas, had indicated that it was extremely uncertain that there would be a positive ending. We decided to drown our sorrows that evening. It was effective, but now we are picking up the pieces and regrouping for a Frozen Embryo Transfer. I have stopped all medication and am waiting to bleed. Once that starts, I let my nurse know and we create a calendar for the FET cycle. We are super fortunate to have great quality frozen embryos to use.
Apparently, my clinic has a committee that meets to discuss cases that did not succeed, so we will be on the agenda. I look forward to hearing how they might want to tweak my protocols and medication. I definitely think I should start with more estrogen, since my lining was thin in the initial check and then barely reached the minimum level before starting progesterone. I think it was close to 9mm. I'd also like to check my progesterone shortly after transfer to assure it's where it should be.
On the two-week (well really 8-9 days) side, RC and I talked about getting out of town for a few days to help mediate my anxiety. Especially on days he worked, it was super challenging for me to get through those last few hours of the afternoon/evening before he got home. He's going to take a day or two off work, and I'm also going to pre-plan some fun and uplifting activities on the days we are in town. I also want to do some hypnobabies meditations - have any of you used those?
I guess we've turned the corner and are looking ahead to the new cycle, but I still feel a little lost and empty at times. We both got attached to the "perfect" little embabies that were transferred this cycle.
When the three home pregnancy tests we took came back negative, my anxiety shot through the roof. It was, as they say, not a good sign. But we held out hope that maybe one or both of our embryos were late implanters and looked towards the Beta test that Friday.
The Beta test came back at 12, which, if you are familiar with Betas, is extremely low. They (as in your doctor and nurses) like to see it at least 30, preferably 50. But I did feel excited for a little while, just knowing I was pregnant; that something had started after so many tries with IUI before where nothing started at all. So, we hoped upon hope that it would double properly for the second Beta test on Monday.
On Monday, we drove to the lab, where they told us that the results hadn't been finalized or something. It was very confusing, but when we called the processing center, they faxed over the required confirmation paperwork to my doctor. So they could confirm they are my doctor. Even though the order said the doctor's name and had their signature at the bottom. Argh!
When that happened, they finally sent the results to both my doctor and the lab, and my nurse beat the lab to the punch and called right away. My nurse, who has been super helpful along the way, did not have a positive tone so I guessed even before I heard that the Beta had only risen to a 17. Disappointment does not describe the feeling. It's like a punch to the chest.
RC was immediately super sad, whereas I think I just went kind of numb. I think, too, that what I read about Betas, had indicated that it was extremely uncertain that there would be a positive ending. We decided to drown our sorrows that evening. It was effective, but now we are picking up the pieces and regrouping for a Frozen Embryo Transfer. I have stopped all medication and am waiting to bleed. Once that starts, I let my nurse know and we create a calendar for the FET cycle. We are super fortunate to have great quality frozen embryos to use.
Apparently, my clinic has a committee that meets to discuss cases that did not succeed, so we will be on the agenda. I look forward to hearing how they might want to tweak my protocols and medication. I definitely think I should start with more estrogen, since my lining was thin in the initial check and then barely reached the minimum level before starting progesterone. I think it was close to 9mm. I'd also like to check my progesterone shortly after transfer to assure it's where it should be.
On the two-week (well really 8-9 days) side, RC and I talked about getting out of town for a few days to help mediate my anxiety. Especially on days he worked, it was super challenging for me to get through those last few hours of the afternoon/evening before he got home. He's going to take a day or two off work, and I'm also going to pre-plan some fun and uplifting activities on the days we are in town. I also want to do some hypnobabies meditations - have any of you used those?
I guess we've turned the corner and are looking ahead to the new cycle, but I still feel a little lost and empty at times. We both got attached to the "perfect" little embabies that were transferred this cycle.
9/09/2018
Cycle Update 4
Sorry I haven't blogged since I got back from Sacramento. I'm just getting to it now after pretty much being obsessed with being PUPO for the last few days.
Everything went great with the transfer. It was AMAZING to see the little "swoosh" on the ultrasound when the embryos were transferred to my uterus. It was uncomfortable holding my pee, especially since they were a half hour late (!), but the nurse let me release a little bit so it was tolerable. The catheter did hurt going in, but nothing else about the procedure hurt. We were given pictures of our beautiful Grade 1 embabies and have them on our wall now. I was pretty blissed out about having them inside me for the first day or two...
Yesterday, though, I felt so anxious, I ended up crying to RC when he got home from work. Today is not much better. I'm trying to distract myself but it's not working very well. I do think I have some classic infertility PTSD from the many previous unsuccessful cycles I did, and also, we have invested SO much into this IVF that I feel terrified of it not working. Somehow the 80% chance of success is not comforting me, even though I guess it should. I've had various symptoms, including:
We are probably going to test late tonight, even though it's on the early side. Since we transferred at 11am on Wednesday, tonight would be on 5dpt of 5-day blastocysts. I'm not clear when people say it's best to wait until 5dpt, it means *after* five whole days or on the fifth day? Anyway, at this moment, I think we're going to start testing tonight. Fingers and toes and everything else crossed.
Everything went great with the transfer. It was AMAZING to see the little "swoosh" on the ultrasound when the embryos were transferred to my uterus. It was uncomfortable holding my pee, especially since they were a half hour late (!), but the nurse let me release a little bit so it was tolerable. The catheter did hurt going in, but nothing else about the procedure hurt. We were given pictures of our beautiful Grade 1 embabies and have them on our wall now. I was pretty blissed out about having them inside me for the first day or two...
Yesterday, though, I felt so anxious, I ended up crying to RC when he got home from work. Today is not much better. I'm trying to distract myself but it's not working very well. I do think I have some classic infertility PTSD from the many previous unsuccessful cycles I did, and also, we have invested SO much into this IVF that I feel terrified of it not working. Somehow the 80% chance of success is not comforting me, even though I guess it should. I've had various symptoms, including:
- A hot flash two days ago (7th). I've never had one before and wow, it was intense.
- Feeling absolutely starving recently around 11am and *needing* to get food ASAP. Initially, we had leftover moo shu chicken (yum), the next day it was an In-N-Out hamburger and fries, and today it was a deli turkey and cranberry sandwich and jalapeno chips.
- Some light pressure-type cramping two days ago (7th) over an hour or hour and a half.
- A wave of feeling really surreal/stony/out of it that evening. It felt like I was on something. I didn't want to lie down. I just walked around feeling whacked out. lol
- Today, I've had a couple episodes of feeling light headed
- Boobs got a little sore yesterday and a little more sore today, but not sharp jabs or stabs like people describe, but did get nipple sensations yesterday like blood flowing in for a couple seconds. Does estrogen or progesterone medication build up over time in the body to create more symptoms? I've been on these same doses for a week and a half and didn't feel much the first few days/week.
- A really intense shooting feeling in lower, right pelvis area yesterday evening, and a lesser one following a couple minutes later on the left side.
- Some fatigue in my right arm today, like when I'm holding a fork or a pencil, they feel too heavy to be holding up. Never heard of that symptom, have you? strange...
We are probably going to test late tonight, even though it's on the early side. Since we transferred at 11am on Wednesday, tonight would be on 5dpt of 5-day blastocysts. I'm not clear when people say it's best to wait until 5dpt, it means *after* five whole days or on the fifth day? Anyway, at this moment, I think we're going to start testing tonight. Fingers and toes and everything else crossed.
8/25/2018
Cycle Update 2
I don't do this often, but if you read regularly, would you consider leaving a comment on this post? I appreciate each comment, especially right now when I'm "in the thick of it" with this cycle. Thank you!
Sooo, three days until my lining check on the 28th! Time continues to creeep by, but our first of two trips to Sacramento is now right around the corner. Since my last post, I have lowered my daily lupron dose from 10 to 5 units and have begun my estrogen patches, changing them out every other day. Those that have done the patches know they leave a lovely trail of gummy outlines across your torso that only come off when I scrape them with my fingernails (rubbing alcohol was ineffective, but if anyone knows how to easily remove these, let me know!).
I investigated and decided I'm going to do an acupuncture treatment the day before transfer to help with blood flow to the uterus. There is some research to support this. Acupuncture has not been an enjoyable activity for me in the past, so I debated some on this decision. In the end, several people on my Cal IVF FB page felt it was helpful, the research seemed to specifically support receiving a treatment within 24 hours prior to transfer, and I decided to visit RC's acupuncturist here in town before we drive over to Sac. He said she does Japanese-style acupuncture with thinner needles, so fingers crossed.
We have continued our lively discussions about whether to transfer one or two. It seems that an individual's risk tolerance represents a huge factor in their opinion of what we should do. My brother has a very low tolerance for risk, and he had a conniption fit when I mentioned we're considering transferring two. The nurses at the clinic also seem clear in their opinion that they would recommend one. Several other people we have asked say something to the effect of, "You're putting so much into it, you should transfer two and get more bang for your buck." RC and I are currently in a two-day experimental period during which we are mentally choosing to transfer one and seeing how it feels and what comes up.
This experiment has already borne fruit in the form of inspiration to look up the specific statistics on the increased risk of preeclampsia, diabetes, and pre-term birth. After reviewing some reputable studies and websites yesterday, my current understanding and belief is that, while there is an increased risk of these issues surfacing, especially preeclampsia, if the 45-year-old+ embryo recipient is generally healthy (blood pressure, weight etc.) prior to transfer and is monitored frequently, the overall outcomes are positive and don't differ significantly from singleton pregnancies. I don't know why I didn't look up the specific details and statistics earlier, but I think maybe I was protecting my desire to transfer two. When we undertook this two-day experiment of planning to transfer one, it opened up willingness to investigate these issues further. In any case, I'm glad I did it and it yielded some useful information.
When I (finally!) had my first local obgyn appointment yesterday, she was very nice and encouraging but didn't have a clear opinion on the one versus two question. She just brought up pros and cons on either side. Same scenario when RC asked his friend and chiropractor. Both said it's not a question with a clear answer, and we need to discuss and decide as a couple. I guess they're right, and we are trying, but we are not there quite yet. Being established with a local doctor feels great, though, and at least I can get local orders for tests and monitoring now.
One more aspect I want to share about this two versus one decision... for many people, it would be a no-brainer: 70% chance of success with one vs. 80-85% with two, plus a 50% chance of twins if you transfer two? Transfer one of course! But when you have gone through many years of trying and failing, including 7 IUIs, which each had maybe a 10-15% of working tops, 10-15% is not a negligible number. 80-85% sounds a LOT better to me, and I would MUCH rather have twins and take all the risks that go along with them than have NO BABY. So yeah, I acknowledge that I bring some history to the table on this decision. What would you do if you were me?
Lastly, I hoped we would hear from the clinic yesterday about our donor's follicle count, but my nurse there said it will be next week. I'm dying to know! She did tell us that her baseline and all initial tests came back with no problems, and she received and started the medications. I have been thinking of her and sending positive energy, and a few days ago I went on Ets-y and found a cool Celtic gratitude necklace/pendant to give her in appreciation. We share Celtic/Irish heritage (along with English and French), so I thought that was meaningful.
I'll post again after the lining check; hopefully with good news!
Sooo, three days until my lining check on the 28th! Time continues to creeep by, but our first of two trips to Sacramento is now right around the corner. Since my last post, I have lowered my daily lupron dose from 10 to 5 units and have begun my estrogen patches, changing them out every other day. Those that have done the patches know they leave a lovely trail of gummy outlines across your torso that only come off when I scrape them with my fingernails (rubbing alcohol was ineffective, but if anyone knows how to easily remove these, let me know!).
I investigated and decided I'm going to do an acupuncture treatment the day before transfer to help with blood flow to the uterus. There is some research to support this. Acupuncture has not been an enjoyable activity for me in the past, so I debated some on this decision. In the end, several people on my Cal IVF FB page felt it was helpful, the research seemed to specifically support receiving a treatment within 24 hours prior to transfer, and I decided to visit RC's acupuncturist here in town before we drive over to Sac. He said she does Japanese-style acupuncture with thinner needles, so fingers crossed.
We have continued our lively discussions about whether to transfer one or two. It seems that an individual's risk tolerance represents a huge factor in their opinion of what we should do. My brother has a very low tolerance for risk, and he had a conniption fit when I mentioned we're considering transferring two. The nurses at the clinic also seem clear in their opinion that they would recommend one. Several other people we have asked say something to the effect of, "You're putting so much into it, you should transfer two and get more bang for your buck." RC and I are currently in a two-day experimental period during which we are mentally choosing to transfer one and seeing how it feels and what comes up.
This experiment has already borne fruit in the form of inspiration to look up the specific statistics on the increased risk of preeclampsia, diabetes, and pre-term birth. After reviewing some reputable studies and websites yesterday, my current understanding and belief is that, while there is an increased risk of these issues surfacing, especially preeclampsia, if the 45-year-old+ embryo recipient is generally healthy (blood pressure, weight etc.) prior to transfer and is monitored frequently, the overall outcomes are positive and don't differ significantly from singleton pregnancies. I don't know why I didn't look up the specific details and statistics earlier, but I think maybe I was protecting my desire to transfer two. When we undertook this two-day experiment of planning to transfer one, it opened up willingness to investigate these issues further. In any case, I'm glad I did it and it yielded some useful information.
When I (finally!) had my first local obgyn appointment yesterday, she was very nice and encouraging but didn't have a clear opinion on the one versus two question. She just brought up pros and cons on either side. Same scenario when RC asked his friend and chiropractor. Both said it's not a question with a clear answer, and we need to discuss and decide as a couple. I guess they're right, and we are trying, but we are not there quite yet. Being established with a local doctor feels great, though, and at least I can get local orders for tests and monitoring now.
One more aspect I want to share about this two versus one decision... for many people, it would be a no-brainer: 70% chance of success with one vs. 80-85% with two, plus a 50% chance of twins if you transfer two? Transfer one of course! But when you have gone through many years of trying and failing, including 7 IUIs, which each had maybe a 10-15% of working tops, 10-15% is not a negligible number. 80-85% sounds a LOT better to me, and I would MUCH rather have twins and take all the risks that go along with them than have NO BABY. So yeah, I acknowledge that I bring some history to the table on this decision. What would you do if you were me?
Lastly, I hoped we would hear from the clinic yesterday about our donor's follicle count, but my nurse there said it will be next week. I'm dying to know! She did tell us that her baseline and all initial tests came back with no problems, and she received and started the medications. I have been thinking of her and sending positive energy, and a few days ago I went on Ets-y and found a cool Celtic gratitude necklace/pendant to give her in appreciation. We share Celtic/Irish heritage (along with English and French), so I thought that was meaningful.
I'll post again after the lining check; hopefully with good news!
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