It feels like more time has passed than actually has since Christmas. Still a little freaky that S and I actually broke up. I did not see that coming (before finding out about the ex living with him for a month, that is).
Never expected to be back on the ridiculous site known as matc.h.c.om. Ridiculous, yet so enticing for us introverts. You mean I don't have to go out and actually meet and make small talk with people? Awesome. Of course, eventually you do need to meet the person and take things offline.
Which is precisely where I am with the former officer of the law: just prior to meeting. Honestly, I'm not sure I really should. We are sooo different, and he's way less open and self-aware at this point. He says he wants to grow and learn in that area. On the other hand, he is quite spiritual and analytical: I think I mentioned he was a hostage negotiator and also led a youth mentoring program for quite a while.
So he's got some depth but he's also a pretty well-constructed external shell, as you might imagine he would, thinking of a stereotypical person in law enforcement. Also, though he's been broken up with his ex-wife for a year, their final papers are just now going through and he's still feeling some pain.
One more facet of our connection: we've had these crazy "energetic exchanges," I guess you would call them, where we're on the phone not talking but feeling as though we are physically connected in a yummy cuddly type way. It feels really amazing and kinda trips me out. . . We're supposed to get together Sunday, so we'll see.
On other fronts, teaching the little hellions two days a week is okay so far, knock on wood. My supervisor is interviewing and should hire someone soon. I'm planning to ask the head of our department if there are any other grants on which I might assist, in addition to this one. Funding is always uncertain but they have a big variety of grants, and I understand they may need some help.
And then I have my Transition Heart and Soul meeting tomorrow night. A group called "Green Sangha" will be coming to lead meditation and discuss consciousness / meditation / sustainability / green principles. Fun stuff!
Saturday, I'm planning to attend the opening of a local Peace and Justice Center here in Oak.land and a Non-Violent Communication Workshop on navigating interpersonal conflict in the afternoon. I see on Fac.ebook that S is signed up to attend the opening, as well. It may be our first community "run in," which is a bit scary.
I actually wrote him an email yesterday asking if he would be willing to have a more closure-type relationship talk, now that some time has passed.
Waves of sadness and missing him come and go now, but they're smaller and a lot farther between (I can't say the cop hasn't been a distraction). Anger still colors my view of our demise. I'm not sure how I'll feel if I run into him at this event. Imagining it will be awkward.