Looking at the number of comments, I wonder if people are getting sick of reading about my relationship analysis. I don't blame those of you that feel that way. It has been a lot. But it helps me to understand. I've always been that way. Maybe because my dad was so internal and uncommunicative, and I never knew what was going on with him. Or maybe it's just my personality (ha! there I go analyzing again). And I do like to have a record of the process to look back on.
After the email exchange in the last post, I texted S to ask if he was attending a party I knew we were likely both invited to this weekend. He wrote back no, and we ended up texting/emailing a bit over the weekend. It's helping me a lot to know he cares and feels pain, as well, and to know more about where he's at right now. Clearly, from his communication, he's avoiding really facing his feelings. I can't force him to do so or to talk to me in person. I know we will talk eventually, though, and that helps to let it go for now.
Believe me, I still have a lot of anger about the choices he made, but it is tempered somewhat by remembering my own feelings and choices and how they affected him throughout the relationship.
I went out with a friend yesterday afternoon to an art party. It fed my need for beauty. The artist (someone I know from my community work) does amazing drawings, and works with Batik in deep, vibrant colors. I bought a small batik picture of a bridge, waterfall, and forest in an area of Washington called, "Five Step." Growing up in Oregon and living in Seattle for so many years, I still feel a deep connection to the Northwest, and this picture brings that alive. I can't wait to hang it up.
Afterwards, I went to a healing and expressive arts gathering. When I walked in, they were doing a blessing of different directions. I've done this before, but walking into it not knowing anyone, I felt awkward. From then on, however, the meeting was fabulous. We did some EFT and Franklin Method activities, and I led an Image Theatre visioning exercise for the group (picture below). We will be meeting monthly, and I'm optimistic about where this group might lead for me personally and professionally.
All in all, a not-so-bad weekend. Hope you had a good one, too!
P.S. I realize I never concluded the Cop saga: as you might have guessed, it's over-and-done-thank-God. A bit more texting silliness and word from him that he was once again immersed in drama with his ex, and that was the final straw I needed to say, "bye-bye." Safe to say, I think that whole situation may have been a bit of a rebound thing. . .