Long Overdue Update

I apologize for the dearth of updates.  The last cycle did not work.  It ended - or the next cycle started, depending on how you look at it - very oddly.  I had two days of very dark spotting, one day more of increased dark spotting - almost a light flow - then into a very heavy period.  I'm not sure if something started to happen and didn't take?  Or maybe it was related to the Chinese herbs I had begun that month?  In any case, it was very strange and like nothing I had experienced before.

That was 13 days ago.  My OPKs this cycle tried to confuse me with several light lines, sometimes a bit darker, but always significantly less than the test line.  Finally, I saw a dark line on Thursday morning and went in for the IUI yesterday.  This is cause for celebration!  I finally got an IUI in on a "bump cycle," following a medicated cycle.  There was a lot of psychological weight around that for me, for whatever reason, and it helps me feel like we made our best effort to conceive with my own eggs.  Other things I'm doing right now to give a best effort:

• Added Fish Oil and Wheatgrass to my load o' daily supplements (currently: DHEA, COQ10, vitamin D3, L-Arginine, prenatal, baby aspirin).

• Seeing a "real" acupuncturist every week or so, which includes electro-stimulation, heat lamps, and lots of needles.

• As mentioned above, I have also added Chinese herbs under the care of my acupuncturist.

• Listening to hypnotherapy fertility meditation at night, as I go to sleep.  Just started this one.  Thanks Honesty for the tip!

I will try and do better with posting updates over the next couple of weeks.  S and I head off to the big Transition/Permaculture conference next weekend, so I'm gearing up for that and preparing to lead the Saturday opening circle.  S will be moderating a political panel.  We had a rough time this week but, after some open talking and a counseling session (for him) today, we are in a good place.  Having some adult time today was wonderful - and helped with the ttc efforts, as well!

Happy Beginning of Fall to Everyone!

Seeking Simplicity

Oh Lord, why can't things be more simple?

I have been testing twice a day since Saturday, still no positive on the OPKs (doing two types - no smiley face and no darker second line).  My body, on the other hand, seems to be telling me I ovulated yesterday morning.   My breasts have been sore for the last few days - they never normally get sore before my ovulation, but I understand this can happen.  I had a headache all day yesterday.  On an odd side note, I had a double dose of my normal sexy feelings on Friday/Saturday.  Lastly, my temperature went up a couple of tenths yesterday and a fraction of a tenth again today.  It seems like my hormones are still a bit revved up from the medicated cycle last month, but there seem to be indicators pointing to ovulating yesterday, don't you agree?

We were trying to avoid a lot of monitoring this cycle, but I concede the picture is much less clear without it.  I just wanted a simple positive OPK-do the trigger shot-go in for an IUI the next day cycle.  Is that too much to ask?  Yes, apparently it is.

We leave for our trip tomorrow mid-day.  If I don't get a positive OPK this evening, then we will forgo the IUI and hope for the best.  If I get a positive, then I'll do the trigger shot and we'll go for the IUI right before driving to the airport - which would be a bit crazy but worth it to bypass by difficult cervix and give things more of a chance.  S and I have been covering the bases with BDing, so if they can fight their way through...

On a more positive note, the talk with the NVC support person went well.  She suggested I might choose to celebrate the intense relationship I had with R in my early 20's, in which I was able to feel such excitement and abandon (which may lead to some letting go).  Considering how poorly things went in our second try a few years ago, these feelings are clearly more specific to that past relationship and who I/we were then, versus any lasting reality.

I can also continue to ask myself whether I can be present in my relationship with S and fully experience love with him, allowing all of who he is, including faults, and all our relationship brings to my life.  Am I able to open to that kind of love right now, in this moment?  Maybe not, but I hope that I am.

On his part, he had a realization that he was subconsciously testing me in certain ways, and he thinks that our honest conversation last night may well help tone down the fighting we can fall into.

Coming Out - plus TTC Update

Before I get to my ttc update, I wanted to share what's been going on in another area of my life...

Sooo, the last few months I've been working with a Coach, who is helping me reach out to potential clients as an independent Career Counselor.  My idea is that I will continue working with a community college or colleges, and have a few independent clients, as well.

Working independently versus under the umbrella of a school or an organization, feels newly liberating.  I had three independent clients at the end of last year/beginning of this year and worked with a few people when I lived in San Luis Obispo, as well.  When I met with them in independent counseling sessions, it allowed me to truly focus on the their current needs and allow the trajectory of their process to guide us in our work.

The only hitch to doing more of this work is that I needed to actually generate more of this work!  Marketing is not my forte, nor something I enjoy doing.  I am a bit shy with people I don't know, and I prefer deeper conversation to making small talk - a label which I think applies to most efforts to sell yourself or promote your business.  Handing out my business card to everyone I meet?  Ack, sounds incredibly awkward.  Can't people just find me by telepathy or osmosis or something?

Anyway, I've been working on developing confidence and overcoming my anxiety, which tends to block forward momentum.  In the last three months, I have scheduled meetings with my coach every couple of weeks.  My experience has been that in between our meetings, things tend to get done, even if I end up cramming and getting them done the day before.  Accumulating these successes had helped to build confidence.

Today, for example, I put the finishing touches on my "Coming Out Letter."  I hope I don't insult anyone referring to the process this way.  I know it's not nearly as life altering and potentially terrifying as coming out as gay (I saw a couple of my friends go through this and it was a huge life event), but it does feel vulnerable and like I'm exposing this new part of myself that is raw and sensitive.

We also did a visualization exercise, in which I connected with my "Captain," the part of me that is unconditionally loving, compassionate, clear, confident, and supportive.  Not surprisingly, another part of me that I call my "Sabateur" came up and tried to figuratively shank my Captain with negativity and judgments lol, but some significant insights and guidance came out of the process.  *As a side note, my Captain looked like a non-blue female Avatar, wearing animal pelts.  She was pretty cool.

In any case, I committed to send my letter out to at least a dozen friends, and I thought I might share my letter here with this community, as well (see below).  I would love to hear your thoughts before sending it out later this weekend.  Please also feel free to pass it on to anyone you know who needs career counseling.  I work over the phone, as well as in-person, and can be reached through this blog.  I have a website I can then share with people, too.  Thank you for your help!

Dear Friends,

I am writing to let you know that I’m doing it: I am hanging out my shingle as a Career Counselor!  I’m excited to announce that I’m accepting new clients. I would like to offer you - and anyone that you refer - half off your first session.

As many of you know, my background includes over a decade of working in community colleges and non-profits as a Career and Academic Counselor.  My favorite part of the job has always been working with people to figure out what they most love to do and then helping them focus and use these passions (and package their related skills) in the work they do in the world. 

I wanted to share a little about what turns me on most about working independently... Working with people on my own allows me more freedom and creativity than when I work under the umbrella of a college or organization!  When I work with clients through my business, I feel that “magic” can happen as I follow insights and their inspiration to the next step, and the next, as they pursue their dreams.  Also, we are not held back by any government or grant requirements, and can set goals together based on their priorities and needs.

The clients I’m looking for include:

• Recent Graduates
• People in career transition needing guidance and someone “on their team.”
• People wanting more independence or inspiration in their work life

In a bit more detail, my services include:

• Providing assessments like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and the True Colors assessment to help my clients see and appreciate their strengths . . . which are then integrated into a dynamic counseling process connecting them, not just to their next job, but to their calling.
• Experienced guidance repackaging and adding to a client’s work experience in order to launch them in a new, more inspiring direction.
• Job search tips and strategies to save time and increase employer responses.  Includes resume review and editing.
• Increasing client’s personal resiliency through building multiple income streams and a broad awareness of diverse skills and talents... as well as how these skills and talents can be combined to meet market/community needs.
• Green career counseling:  Providing information and guidance on careers that help people and our planet thrive.

My session fees are reasonable and include a sliding scale fee structure.  In addition to the introductory offer mentioned above, for the next three months, I will also offer 20% off the total if clients sign up for three or more sessions.  Due to the cumulative effect of our work together, and depending on a client’s goals, I suggest a minimum of three sessions, and up to 10 or more for longer-term transitions and support.  I’m also happy to meet with someone one time, as well. 

If you need support and direction in a career transition, or if you want to feel more inspired in your work, please contact me.  Also, will you consider sending this note on to anyone you know who might be interested?  I really appreciate your support. 

Heartfully,


Kristina B., MA
Career Counselor


TTC UPDATE:
I'm on Day 9 of my current cycle, in which I took Femara again Days 3-7.  As mentioned in a previous post, S and I decided to try Femara again because I had such a good response to this dose last time.  I have purchased the Ovidrel trigger and the progesterone supplements, as well.

I was going to go out of town this weekend for S's nephew's graduation in San Diego, but if I would have gotten my LH surge on Saturday or Sunday, I would have had to go to a random fertility clinic in So. Cal.  Doable but awkward.  Also, we decided we wanted to save our money for ttc and a trip we're taking to DC to see his daughter at the end of July.  So, I'm on my own this weekend, with plans to meet a friend Saturday for lunch and go dancing Sunday morning, but the rest of the time plans to work on creative projects, read, and lay in the sun.

Starting today (Friday), I am testing every morning with my new digital OPK.  Wow, I will say it IS a lot easier with that little circle or smiley face reading.  Very clear.  When I get the positive, then I call Pac.ific Fertility Center and go in for an ultrasound.  If I don't get a positive until Monday (or later), I definitely go in mid-day Monday for my scheduled ultrasound.  I will likely do the trigger shot that day, with IUI to follow on Tuesday.  S is nervous about the IUI.  He's trying to follow all the rules to prepare and asking me about timing etc.; it's cute.

Finishing this post up on Saturday, Day 10.  No smiley face this morning, which is a good thing.  The earliest we would do the IUI is Monday, so S will not be at risk of cutting his family visit short.  I hope tomorrow is a negative, as well, so I don't have to go in for a monitoring appointment tomorrow morning by myself. 

We are definitely excited to be trying some new things this time.  I don't think I mentioned, however, that I went in for the first monitoring appointment last weekend and the doctor saw what he thought was a cyst on my left ovary.  Damn left ovary.  But he thought it would likely resolve, and that there was no health risk to going forward, so we decided to keep on keeping on.  I hope the risk pays off, but there is a chance the IUI will be cancelled if the cyst interfered with ovarian stimulation.  Fingers crossed!

...and God Laughs

Thanks to those of you who shared supportive comments towards doing the IUI.  I wanted to do one,  but you know what happens when we make plans...

Yeah, we ended up trying naturally because my OPK turned positive over the weekend.  Plus, one of S's necessary test results had not come in yet.  I saw the OPK surge yesterday afternoon.  We tried day before yesterday and this morning, so I think we covered our bases.  This morning's temperature showed a halfway rise, so perhaps ovulation had just happened.

It's strange... sorry for TMI here, but the lovely "egg-white cervical mucous," of which everyone speaks so highly, seemed present day before yesterday, even though the ideal time according to OPK/ovulation timing was yesterday or today.  Well, I guess everything doesn't always line up like clockwork.  Hopefully the HSG "clearing out the tubes" boost will still help us. :)

Another possible hitch in the plans for next month:  My doctor wants to do a Hysteroscopy (to confirm no adhesions/pre-polyps on my uterine lining which might interfere with implantation), but to do that, we would need to skip trying next month.  I was clueless, but apparently a Hysteroscopy requires you take birth control pills to thin your lining, and then has to be done a week or so into your cycle.  If the doc feels it's worthwhile, I think we will go forward, but I wish we didn't have to take a whole cycle off! 

Anyone have experience they are willing to share about Hysteroscopies or know if there's a positive boost associated with them, like with the HSG?

Post-Holiday Gratitude

Well, my updating intentions flew out the window!  Sorry for my unkept promises; I'll try to do a three-in-one post.

Spending time with sh/cm's family was remarkably comfortable and easy.  Though different than me (she's a pediatrician) and profusely talkative, sh/cm's brother's wife, L, and I get along great.  She's very family-focused, and we talk a lot about her boys, their family trips (they've been all over the world - and to most of the National Parks in the greater U.S.), my relationship with sh/cm and her relationship with her husband, D, and various social issues and ideas.  She's a few years older than me but so are a lot of my friends.  

Sh/cm's dad was not the easiest person with which to connect, but he was very kind and welcoming to me. He and his wife, sh/cm's step-mother, have a traditional relationship, and there's definitely a "head of the household" mantle he carries around with him.  One example of the traditional gender-role culture in their house occurred after Thanksgiving dinner and involved me and L in the kitchen scrubbing and drying dishes, while the step-mom bustled around cleaning the rest of the kitchen, and the menfolk sat at the dining room table relaxing and reading the paper.  Grrr.  Sh/cm heard about that one later, for sure!

Anyway, overall it was a nice trip.  Other highlights included:  seeing sh/cm connect with his half-sister's  three boys, especially the oldest one (watching/listening to them play the game of Life was sweet, and I loved seeing sh/cm's patience and care); traditional Thanksgiving dinner of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, green beans with bacon, cranberry jelly, rolls, and pecan pie with ice cream - OMG; a gorgeous forest hike above a local Sacramento river with kids, parents, and an elder all looking out for one another and conversing amicably; finishing the weekend playing laser tag with sh/cm, his father, brother, and several nephews (I was a fun target as I could not help screaming as I ran away).

The other side of the our time near Sacramento involved sh/cm and my stay in a historic downtown Placerville hotel Wednesday and Thursday nights.  We had some amazing talks throughout the weekend about our family histories, the future of civilization, family dynamics and issues (processing our visits with his family worked much better than when we were in Eugene with my family for some reason), AND we managed to fulfill our efforts at trying to conceive in what seems to be perfect timing and flow.   

I forgot my bbt thermometer, of course, so I don't know for sure when I ovulated, but the OPK was negative Wednesday morning and positive Thursday - and I'm pretty sure I felt the famed Mittelschmerz twinges on Wednesday later in the day and on Thursday.  When I got him Friday night, I took my temperature and it indicated there had been a rise that morning/day, and this morning was clearly in the higher post-ovulation range.  I'm glad we had separate accommodations those evenings!  

TMI alert:  I stayed with my hips raised for a while each time, as well, which I don't always do, and we also practiced the "have an orgasm afterwards to draw the sperm up into the uterus" technique on our last night.  I'm feeling quite optimistic about our efforts.

We got back into town around 8:30 p.m. last night.  I'm spending the day by myself at my house (currently sitting in the sun at the kitchen table drinking a pineapple/orange/banana smoothie) and he at his, then we will be reuniting for a date night tonight.  Feeling post-holiday gratitude for my relationship with sh/cm.

TTC Check-In

Just a short ttc (trying to conceive) post tonight, then off to bed.  

No ovulation in sight after testing today and yesterday.  Historically, this is very early in my cycle to test, but I had that one cycle with ovulation on Day 10 recently so I'm playing it safe.  

I didn't take Femara again this cycle and haven't heard back from the doctor's office as to whether they received my records/labs yet.  I will follow up tomorrow and either schedule some lab tests or make an appointment.  

All things considered, I guess we are trying harder than last month in that I'm tracking ovulation more closely (and thus we're timing our tries more accurately).  

But it still feel like a mellow, "in limbo"-type month.  

Ups and Downs

Brief ttc report:  several tenth temperature rise this morning, so it looks likely that ovulation occurred yesterday.  I saw a light line on the OPK (you know, the one I wasn't going to use?) on Friday and an even lighter one yesterday morning, so the LH "surge" likely happened late in the day Friday.  I only tested in the morning, though, so I'm not sure.

Bad news report:  my car was towed from the BART parking lot yesterday afternoon because of an event held there.  There were definitely no signs there as warning, and from talking with other people during the ordeal of getting our cars out of the towing lot to the tune of $400 (extortion!), there were no signs until an hour or two prior to when they started towing.  This sounds illegal to me!

Anyway, one of the unlucky folks in our predicament gathered all our names and says she will be filing some sort of legal action.  I'm definitely going to follow up as this is beyond unjust.  If sh/cm hadn't been there to help me, I would not have had the resources to bail my poor car out of the pokey and would then have continued to be charged a fee each day until I could do so!

Halloween Weekend

I'm writing this post from the couch, where I can periodically look up and through the French doors to where my candle-lit pumpkin sits grinning at me slyly from the back deck.

Weekend plans include:

• Eat dinner with sh/cm's brother and his brother's wife (and his step-brother), in town for their two boys' water polo tournament (done).
• Make yummy breakfast tomorrow morning, including blueberry pancakes and eggs with kale from the garden.
• Go running and color my hair.
• Sunday morning Farmer's Market and dance/workout, followed by, later that afternoon, a movie on the Keystone XL Pipeline situation (big action in DC on November 6th!).  
• Then, finally, a pumpkin carving party at a friend's house that evening.

Looks like my LH surge is barely beginning this morning, so my plans may need to incorporate a bit of "trying" in that arena, as well!