3/30/2012

One too many times.


I'm doing remarkably well, all things considered.  I think it's because a line has been crossed in my deepest core.  One can't necessarily predict where that line will be, but they know when it's been breached.

I can't say that I didn't try, because I most definitely did.  And I gave him the benefit of the doubt many times over (my sworn statement not to try again with him until he had worked on himself taunts me now).

I will say that after he said the words about breaking up again, I did have thoughts of killing him.  I was in shock.  I was enraged.  I got some answers out of him that I may talk about at some point.

But today, instead of despair or longing, I guess I would say I feel a real clarity that I do not want to be with him.  He shot so many holes in my trust that it couldn't hold water now if I wanted it to.  And honestly, I just don't respect him at this point.  He's deceived me, jerked me around, made agreements he didn't keep.  One too many times.

I'm still going to my doctor's appointment this week.  I'm not sure what I'll do with the information, but I want to find out what I can.
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9 comments:

  1. AliMarch 30, 2012 at 8:56 PM

    Please stop letting him hurt you, you deserve better. I'm not sure what the situation was, but I'm send you a hug!

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    Replies
    1. KristinaMarch 30, 2012 at 9:45 PM

      Thanks Ali. Yes, I'm fed up. Thank you for your support and your hug! I'm thinking of you and your family and sending support and hugs to you too.

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  2. SurlyMamaMarch 31, 2012 at 3:35 AM

    You've put so much in to making it work with him and it hasn't so I say it's time to let him go and open up the space for something better. So sorry. {{Hugs}}

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  3. Navigating The RapidsMarch 31, 2012 at 5:37 AM

    Oh you so don't deserve this. We give these asses too much credit in thinking they will act with honour and honesty when they prove over an over they won't. Next time he calls, tell him you're going to give him a swift kick in the ass. Hugs.

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  4. AnonymousMarch 31, 2012 at 6:12 AM

    It sucks, but you are right. It's time to move on, actually past time from his treatment of you. I know that it's hard to be alone sometimes, but it is so much better than being used by someone who does not appreciate you. You deserve better!!!

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  5. SunflowerMarch 31, 2012 at 6:52 AM

    To echo what MN said above, its better to be alone, than be unhappy and stressed with another person. The reality is that they never change, despite all assurances to the contrary. I have been there so I know. You deserve much better and he is repeatedly showing you that he is not worthy of your love.

    I am glad you are going to keep your Dr appt and get your FSH and AMH values as well...so at least you have the information.

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  6. JennyMarch 31, 2012 at 8:43 AM

    I'm very sorry, Kristina. You deserve so much better than this.

    I'm glad you're keeping your appointment. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that you get some positive information out of it.

    *hugs*

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  7. KristinaMarch 31, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    I appreciate your support, everyone - it means more than you know. Yes, I have put so much into making it work with him, and it is time to let go. He has shown himself untrustworthy and unable to treat me with love and respect. Thank you for reflecting my worth; I'm reflecting it back to you!

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  8. ShannonMarch 31, 2012 at 7:30 PM

    Oh yuck. I'm so sorry, Kristina. He definitely doesn't deserve you.

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