So my birthday is coming up, next Sunday the 16th. It's a big, scary one: 50. I do not feel 50, and I like to think I don't look or act 50 either. But 50 I will be, like it or not.
If I had to say how old I feel, I think it would be around 43 to 45. I'm sure the fact that I am in the process of donor egg IVF/FET and hoping to become a mom soon contributes to my not feeling like 50 is my appropriate age. Also, I've never been married and will likely be doing so next year, which is a life event that often occurs (at least the first time) at a significantly younger age. Thirdly, my sister and brother are 7.5 and 9 years younger than me, respectively, and they both are married with two children - the youngest being 4-years-old. My partner, RC, is 10 years older than me, so that should help me feel older, but it really doesn't. He's excited to have a child together, and says he doesn't feel his age at all, either.
My sister wrote me today and asked if I would like to have a family Xmas/birthday gathering on my birthday, since they will be in California with her husband family over the holiday. I have mixed feelings about this. It was always a big deal when I was growing up to keep Christmas and my birthday separate. My parents wouldn't get a tree until after my birthday, usually, and made an effort to focus just on birthday celebrations at my special time of year. So, maybe subconsciously that plays a role, although I'm all about starting Christmas early at this point, and we got our tree the first weekend of December.
I did want to do something a little "different" if we gathered for my birthday this year, maybe a karaoke machine or dancing and/or sharing memories. Something memorable. RC said he was going to try and plan something, but he hadn't really taken any action on that prior to my sister contacting me. I'm sure he'd be happy to have it off his plate.
Part of me would like to skip it and ignore I'm turning 50, and part of me wants to feel special and celebrate it in a memorable way. What you would do if you were me? Have you had any big birthdays which brought up mixed feelings?
My feeling about your celebrating your birthday is coloured by my own experience, so take it for what it's worth! :)
ReplyDeleteReading your post made me think of my late sister-in-law. I wouldn't say that her life began at 50, because she'd already been leading a full and active life. But 50 brought about a whole new, wonderful adventure for her that she had given up hope of ever happening. She met and married my brother, who turned out to be her soulmate. As you know, she died suddenly a short time later. And I can't help thinking of all the celebrations we've missed out on with her over these past 5 years. So I've become that person who rejoices in growing older, because it's a privilege that many are denied.
It seems that 50 is going to be a big, amazing year for you as well and I think that's definitely worthy of celebration. But it all comes down to a question of how you would like to celebrate it, whether it's a big birthday/Christmas extravaganza, or a quiet, contemplative evening with a handful of people. :)
Thank you, Jenny. I so wish you sister-in-law was still here. It is a good reminder to appreciate growing older because many don't have that chance (my birth mom, too). Hopefully I'll get both the quieter experience with RC or just a few, as well as the bigger family gathering. :)
DeleteHappy 50th!! Hope you have a fabulous one.
ReplyDeleteI turned 50 in Aug, and had planned a weekend away with my parents and Beanie. But unfortunately it went awry with Beanie having pneumonia. It was frankly the worst birthday ever since I was so worried. We did celebrate it a few weeks later. Just a small party with family, but I would have loved to do something like a trip away.
Karaoke sounds great! Just something different would be nice to remember the day. Enjoy!!!!
Sorry your bday was tough this year. :(
DeleteThanks for the good wishes! I'll let you know how it goes...
First off, happy birthday for Sunday!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the idea to keep your birthday and Christmas separate. My sister's birthday is the 20th, and we always treated them separately.
I wasn't thrilled about turning 40 OR 50. But by my 50th, my husband and I had already established a tradition of having a big trip for a major birthday, and so I was in South Africa when I turned 50. I can tell you, it helped! You can't ignore it - because sometime soon, someone is going to ask how old you are, and you'll have to say the number. So you may as well have a celebration - of survival as much as anything - on your birthday, but in the way you would like, and that is special to you. Don't feel pressured to celebrate in any way you wouldn't like, or with people you wouldn't choose to be with.
Have a lovely day!
Thank you! I think RC has something planned for us on Saturday so looking forward to that. :) Sunday will be fun, hopefully, we'll see. I just want some bday-focused time (and some singing :).
DeleteA karaoke party sounds really fun by the way! My birthday is on Christmas eve so it often ends up getting overshadowed by Christmas itself. And it's such a busy time of year that it's hard trying to plan a party
ReplyDeleteThanks! I hope some karaoke or at least singing happens! I can imagine Christmas eve would be really tough.
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