It's the last couple of days of my Fundrazr campaign to receive donor embryos through California Conceptions and achieve my long-held dream to become a mom. The campaign has raised $1474 so far, which helps a lot, and I feel grateful!
I was hoping to get closer to $3000, but I think I would need a much bigger contact sphere to get there. I was not willing to put the campaign out to my entire several hundred person FB page because there are many people - professional contacts, people I know vaguely from high school or extended family, like my sister-in-law's mother, etc. - that I don't want to share with at this level. I shared with a sub-group of closer friends and family on FB, through my campaign email list, and on this blog and 25 people have donated, which feels so supportive and encouraging.
I have decided to create an email list of the people who have donated and maybe a few others to whom I will send periodic updates on my continuing journey to become a mom. These will sometimes parallel my blog posts but other times include more specific information about decisions and treatments, etc. Let me know if you would like to be included on the list.
I am posting this campaign link one more time here on this blog:
Help Kristina reach her dream of motherhood
If you have not had a chance to donate yet, will you consider donating today if you are able? Any amount is helpful and means a lot to me.
Here is my guest blog at The Lambton Worm if you want to read more specifics of my story:
Hello! Jenny is generously sharing her blog space today so that I can
tell you about my campaign to finally fulfill my dream to become a mom.
Thank you, Jenny! Before I tell you about the campaign, I’d like to
share the story about how I came to believe this path was right for me…
I always saw motherhood as part of my life and who I was meant to be. I dated a lot in my 20s and into my... continue reading
With appreciation,
Kristina
Showing posts with label campaign to become a mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label campaign to become a mom. Show all posts
6/30/2016
5/29/2016
Only the Lonely
I'm having another lonely holiday weekend. It's really not so awful and I shouldn't complain. I just, well, feel lonely sometimes. Luckily, I'm an Introvert so I don't need to be social all the time, but then sometimes I think it holds me back because I don't want to go out into crowds or busy places by myself and find them draining.
I did get out yesterday to our local tap house that I've come to frequent (meaning go there once every week or two) and stumbled into watching the Warr.iors game. Half of it anyway; I have a hard time getting through an entire game when I'm watching by myself. Anyway, it was a pretty exciting game and really, they should have lost, but they pulled it out in the fourth quarter. I'm sure you're relieved and excited to hear that. :) Anyway, that was my social time.
S is visiting his daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter, and I can't help but feel sad I'm not part of that. Ah well. My excitement for today, now that I've finished my mediocre book, will be doing a couple of loads of laundry and moving my couch in the living room. Once I get the TV connected - which I'm not rushing to do since I have Hu.lu and it's nice to take a break - it only makes sense to move the couch to where my housemate's couch was.
Speaking of housemates, I got a bite on the available room from a woman who is a friend of a friend and sounds perfect. Please send good wishes for our conversation tomorrow night! The only thing that might get in the way is that her internship is in Oak.land, which is a 35-minute drive from here. It's right on the line of doable and inconvenient. I make the drive a couple times a week myself right now for client appointments but honestly, I'm hoping to get more clients closer to home so I can start using my new office and not drive so much.
My campaign to finally become a mom has stagnated so it could use some good wishes, too. I'm hoping and praying to get some donations this week, which is officially the last week. There is "extended time" on the site that I will likely use, but I guess I was over-ambitious with my goal. In my mind (the site won't let me actually change it), my goal is now half of what I started with - $3K vs $6K - but I'm currently just about one third of the way there. Honestly, I thought a few close family or friends of family would donate who haven't. But of course, I have to let go and trust that if it's meant to be, I will find a way forward. On the other hand, many SMCs have donated and shared my campaign, which feels so supportive and kind - thank you so much!
For those reading who have thought of donating but haven't had a chance yet, if you are feeling called today or you've been thinking of donating, will you consider making a donation today at a level with which you are comfortable? Or if you've been thinking of sharing the campaign, will you do so this week? I would really be grateful and any amount is welcome and feels so encouraging to receive. Thank-you! Here's the link to share: http://fnd.us/help_kristina_become_a_mom?ref=sh_42BUxc or you can share directly from the fundrazr site.
5/21/2016
Weekend Updates
Wanted to share an update after my dinner with S last night... In a nutshell, it was good but sad. We got into talking about some things about how things evolved in our relationship, even though the main focus was on what we want now and how we might be friends.
From what he said, it's clear that he was, from a fearful place, building a case against me (again), as he set up "tests" of sorts for me to prove myself. To some extent, I guess we all do that in relationships - try to figure out if the person is someone we could be with long-term and whether you are a good enough match to survive the challenges of life together.
The problem is, when you are "testing" someone, it changes the dynamic of the relationship and it gets in the way of love and intimacy. The other person - in this case me - will feel that they are being tested, will be able to sense an added urgency or behind-the-scenes agenda and will rebel or react in ways they would not have otherwise reacted.
Also, as S kept tally of these fears and worries about me, they accumulated into quite a list and ended up coloring any interaction we had with resentment. In a way, I feel really sad for him because he lived in this state, but I also feel angry because I experienced the pain of being on the other end of that behavior - wanting to connect and feel close as we had before but receiving judgment and anger instead. I know I have been guilty of fear or anxiety-based judgments, but I don't keep a tally or strategically test someone over time.
In any case, it seemed last night that, for what it's worth, he recognized the dysfunction in this behavior and was able to empathize with my side of it to some degree. We shared we both still care for each other and want to try to be friends, though it feels a bit tenuous or risky. It's worth it to try; at least I feel that way at this point. And the primary reason for our break-up is still our difference around wanting - or not wanting in his case - to become a parent, which feels like a very good reason that, in the end, makes this the right thing to do.
Going forward, I'm going to focus on what I want in my life, as a friend suggested in a comment on my last post, and that's finding a nice roommate, increasing my income via my business and part-time college counseling, and working on finances to move forward with the California Conceptions program to finally become a mom.
With regard to the latter, I wanted to share two more blog posts on my campaign that were recently posted by friends, Michaela and Jenny. Thank you both so much! If you write a blog and are willing to share my campaign or invite me to guest post, please let me know in comments or through the campaign page, and I'll follow up. I've been moved by recent donations by SMCs and friends from the blogging world - it means a lot coming from women who understand my experience. Will you consider making a donation at whatever level is comfortable or sharing my campaign in other ways? I'm hoping to raise $85 more before tomorrow to reach my $200 goal for this week. You can read about my long ttc journey in one of the blogs below...
A Single Journey: With a little help from my friends
Lambton Worm: Guest Blog - Kristina
I'm also planning to apply for a loan through my credit union in the near future and am in the process of applying for a grant. Hopefully, everything will come together and be enough to move forward in the fall, fingers crossed.
From what he said, it's clear that he was, from a fearful place, building a case against me (again), as he set up "tests" of sorts for me to prove myself. To some extent, I guess we all do that in relationships - try to figure out if the person is someone we could be with long-term and whether you are a good enough match to survive the challenges of life together.
The problem is, when you are "testing" someone, it changes the dynamic of the relationship and it gets in the way of love and intimacy. The other person - in this case me - will feel that they are being tested, will be able to sense an added urgency or behind-the-scenes agenda and will rebel or react in ways they would not have otherwise reacted.
Also, as S kept tally of these fears and worries about me, they accumulated into quite a list and ended up coloring any interaction we had with resentment. In a way, I feel really sad for him because he lived in this state, but I also feel angry because I experienced the pain of being on the other end of that behavior - wanting to connect and feel close as we had before but receiving judgment and anger instead. I know I have been guilty of fear or anxiety-based judgments, but I don't keep a tally or strategically test someone over time.
In any case, it seemed last night that, for what it's worth, he recognized the dysfunction in this behavior and was able to empathize with my side of it to some degree. We shared we both still care for each other and want to try to be friends, though it feels a bit tenuous or risky. It's worth it to try; at least I feel that way at this point. And the primary reason for our break-up is still our difference around wanting - or not wanting in his case - to become a parent, which feels like a very good reason that, in the end, makes this the right thing to do.
Going forward, I'm going to focus on what I want in my life, as a friend suggested in a comment on my last post, and that's finding a nice roommate, increasing my income via my business and part-time college counseling, and working on finances to move forward with the California Conceptions program to finally become a mom.
With regard to the latter, I wanted to share two more blog posts on my campaign that were recently posted by friends, Michaela and Jenny. Thank you both so much! If you write a blog and are willing to share my campaign or invite me to guest post, please let me know in comments or through the campaign page, and I'll follow up. I've been moved by recent donations by SMCs and friends from the blogging world - it means a lot coming from women who understand my experience. Will you consider making a donation at whatever level is comfortable or sharing my campaign in other ways? I'm hoping to raise $85 more before tomorrow to reach my $200 goal for this week. You can read about my long ttc journey in one of the blogs below...
A Single Journey: With a little help from my friends
Lambton Worm: Guest Blog - Kristina
I'm also planning to apply for a loan through my credit union in the near future and am in the process of applying for a grant. Hopefully, everything will come together and be enough to move forward in the fall, fingers crossed.
5/12/2016
Holding Up a Mirror
Another amazingly supportive post, this one from Laura at Our Surly Life. Reading it, I felt moved and really "seen," as well as a strong sense of belonging.
She also held up a mirror that I don't really think about that often - which is that I am the only one of my circle of mostly SMC bloggers to not yet have become a mom. I think part the explanation for that is that my blog is not just about ttc or becoming a mom, but also about relationship, career, self development, and just plain "life," and those are things we all share. But it's true that I have been "left behind" in that arena.
But honestly I haven't dwelt on it and have genuinely enjoyed hearing about their children and family developments. Sometimes the thought would cross my mind that I was learning from all their experiences and this would benefit me when I had a child.
In any case, I highly value this community of smart, courageous, and talented women and I'm grateful to be part of it! Thank you for your generous and compassionate post, Laura!
p.s. I went to doctor today my physical/check-up and also gave blood for a series of required tests for the program. :) Feels good to take steps forward. The bad news is that I gained more weight than I thought, and I need to lose 10 pounds to qualify for the refund. Argh
She also held up a mirror that I don't really think about that often - which is that I am the only one of my circle of mostly SMC bloggers to not yet have become a mom. I think part the explanation for that is that my blog is not just about ttc or becoming a mom, but also about relationship, career, self development, and just plain "life," and those are things we all share. But it's true that I have been "left behind" in that arena.
But honestly I haven't dwelt on it and have genuinely enjoyed hearing about their children and family developments. Sometimes the thought would cross my mind that I was learning from all their experiences and this would benefit me when I had a child.
In any case, I highly value this community of smart, courageous, and talented women and I'm grateful to be part of it! Thank you for your generous and compassionate post, Laura!
p.s. I went to doctor today my physical/check-up and also gave blood for a series of required tests for the program. :) Feels good to take steps forward. The bad news is that I gained more weight than I thought, and I need to lose 10 pounds to qualify for the refund. Argh
5/06/2016
TTC Story in Guest Blog on The Lambton Worm
In hopes of getting the word out about my campaign to become a mom, I shared a long version of my ttc journey as a Guest Blogger on Jenny's blog, "The Lambton Worm." Jenny is awesome and a dear friend in the blogging world. Please go visit and check it out! Here is an excerpt:
I always saw motherhood as part of my life and who I was meant to be. I dated a lot in my 20s and into my 30s, but most relationships ended after a few months. I’m one of those women who decided when I was in my mid 30s that it was time to stop looking at every guy I dated as a potential father and co-parent. I had lived with two men and I think marriage was possible with a couple (different ones than those I lived with, oddly!), but I wasn’t mature enough at the time. Later, it just seemed like I had trouble meeting guys...read more
I always saw motherhood as part of my life and who I was meant to be. I dated a lot in my 20s and into my 30s, but most relationships ended after a few months. I’m one of those women who decided when I was in my mid 30s that it was time to stop looking at every guy I dated as a potential father and co-parent. I had lived with two men and I think marriage was possible with a couple (different ones than those I lived with, oddly!), but I wasn’t mature enough at the time. Later, it just seemed like I had trouble meeting guys...read more
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