Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving!

I drove up to Oregon last weekend to meet my new niece, Vivi and see the rest of the family.  I would have liked to go for Thanksgiving but my brother, wife, and the new niece planned to be out of town this weekend, so I went a week early.  Which left me a bit high and dry for the holiday.

Luckily, my friend Elizabeth came through with an invitation to join her and her family, including a darling five-year-old granddaughter who was very smart and creative and gave me a hug when I left (so sweet!).  We had a lovely time, even though they are vegetarian and I missed out on the turkey!

So, not only have I not been blogging much lately, I've been cut off from email as well, due to my hotmail account being blocked.  The whole situation has really highlighted how much I depend on email to communicate and stay connected to people.  It was like dropping into a void.  Has this happened to any of you?  I've tried looking up how to deal with it and jumping through all their hoops to no avail.  I'm using my g.mail account now and trying to get my new address out to people.  What a pain!  But maybe a blessing in disguise as I was on SO many lists and now I get to start fresh.  If only I can retrieve the saved messages and information in all the files...

In other news, S and I have continued to move closer.  We've had many conversations about the past.  For instance, he recently admitted that he distanced himself (not consciously) from me by maintaining a kind of arrogant stance that he was better than me in some ways, like had a lot going on with activism etc.  This may sound like he's a big jerk, but it was honest and vulnerable, and I appreciated his insight. He said he doesn't feel like that now.  I told him I thought it was human and we all judge one another and think we're better at certain things, but that I wanted to be with someone who overall felt that we were equal and thought I was awesome.  He affirmed that he did feel this way. :)

Anyway, we're having lots of these types of conversations and also working on researching and deciding on a couple's therapist to see.  As mentioned, initially this was to help him understand the impact of his actions and help us trust one another enough to at least be friends.  But it's progressed into working on some issues in the context that we might move forward as a couple.

I'm excited AND nervous.  I love him.  I feel closer and closer to him, as we share at this new level and talk through difficult things.  I have a sense that the opportunity may be close at hand for me to choose to accept him, flaws and all.  To decide that he's "good enough" and step over the line into acceptance of him and of our relationship.  I have done this before in another relationship, so I know it is possible to move into a mental and emotional state of being where I'm not constantly judging and evaluating the person - my defense against intimacy and vulnerability.  I think if we decide to get into a fully committed relationship again, that will be the time.  Last night we talked about not dating other people, so we are definitely moving forward.

For those of  you who have been reading about our relationship and break up(s) this last year, I could definitely understand if you feel concerned or skeptical about this turn of events.  I probably would myself.  A couple of months ago, I never would have imagined things taking this turn.  Life can be very strange.  People do change when they are ready and really want to, right?  He certainly seems to be much more self-aware, "real," and able to take responsibility than before.  I guess time will tell.  But I am feeling hopeful at this point.


  1. Happy belated Thanksgiving!

    You have absolutely no judgment from me about giving your relationship with S another chance. My relationship with J didn't progress in a smooth, straight line, either. We had a couple of breakups and after the second one, I couldn't possibly see us ever getting back together. But, as you say, people change and the dynamics between them change. Our second breakup seemed to soften and humble J, and to make him realize that he had been taking me for granted. Time away from him also softened something in me and made me realize that he had very serious things going on in his life and it wasn't all about me. I'm sure some people were worried when I got back together with him, because all they'd ever heard from me were the bad things about our relationship.

    I think it's great that the two of you are looking into couples counseling. I wish you nothing but the best. :)

  2. Happy Thanksgiving! Glad you had a nice time!

    I don't know the whole story about him, but I think it's wonderful that you are having such open, honest conversations! As long as you can keep that going, I don't see any reason to put aside your feelings. The way you talk about him, makes me think your heart is in it. Plus, you've been cautious and smart about it. So go for it :-) I'll be behind you! Good luck!

  3. Happy Thanksgiving,, Kristina. Glad you had a nice enjoyable time with family and friends.

    I have to echo what Jenny said. Relationships are very had to view and comment on from the outside. They are almost always complicated. I too was in a relationship/marriage which had lots of twists and turns, with me swearing it was over and then working through it. I am glad that S is willing to share and is being more open about his feelings. It sounds like you both want this to work which is wonderful. Thinkink good thoughts for you.

  4. No judgements here. I only hope that his growth allows him to see what a gift you are and to treat you with the respect and care you deserve. I'm glad you were able to spend some time with family and with friends. Enjoy the rest of this weekend (and I hope you get the email situation straightened out).

  5. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope the work with S leads to a good and lasting relationship. How wonderful would that be for you both?