I had a great birthday, though I can't say I'm excited about turning another year older! The day started with brunch at an English pub. S and I met a friend I know from my dance group. She had actually organized the brunch, cancelled when not many people could come that day, then went ahead with it when she found out we would be coming, which was totally cool. Her husband was originally going to join us but could only stop by for a minute. We had a good time, though, and then another interesting couple dropped by for breakfast and a chat.
At the end of brunch time, my friend and I broke away for a half hour to talk. We had been trying to connect for the prior week, as she wanted to discuss motherhood issues coming up for her around a family member becoming pregnant. She reads this blog and knows my feelings and efforts in this area, so wanted to connect with me about it. Her husband doesn't want kids, but understandably she hoped this might soften over time. I feel for her and hope that something in the situation might shift as what she wants draws into clearer focus. We discussed how, while it's not foolproof, sometimes it seems that one person's position can change when the other person becomes really clear about their own needs or desires. Or maybe something will shift in her own feelings.
Anyway, I really enjoyed the morning of good food, good company, and meaningful conversation. We headed off from there to watch "The Hobbit" movie. I enjoyed it! I guess it's described as "cartoon" violence, and this violence doesn't tend to bother me in the same way. The science fiction, other-worldly aspect is fun... and I love Gollum! He's such an interesting character from a psychological perspective - so broken and delusional. We all have Gollum within us! ha
Finally after heading back to my place for some Zoey care, S and I went to a very nice dinner in our favorite neighborhood. The same restaurant we chose for his birthday a year and a half ago!
* As a side note, this is one example of many "do-overs" we're experiencing, which feel quite healing. Opportunities to experience something similar but from a radically different (and happier, healthier) place. My whole birthday and hopefully the rest of the month including Christmas are actually "do-overs" in that sense, as we broke up at the beginning of December, casting a pall on the entire month last year (as many of you might remember).
But back to dinner... we actually had a lot of deep conversation over wine and delicious food, including talking about our possible paths to parenthood: we both still feel a desire for a biological child, could also imagine adopting, and can even consider the possibility of living child-free, though this is not either of our preferences. It's amazing to me I am able to even try that last one on, but I have done so, as I think I've shared here, entirely separate from him.
We ended with a yummy tart with ice cream and chocolate cake dessert split. He gave me presents of chocolates, a book, and a trip to wine country, but I swear, going out to dinner makes me as happy as anything. Eating out more often is definitely one of the perks of dating someone, in my book. I'm laughing at myself! Ah well.
I need to wrap this up and head to bed. I did want to share that we've had two counseling appointments, and this is going remarkably well. So far, we are able to maintain closeness and not become adversarial, which I was a bit worried about. Also, we are getting to the heart of some of the issues that affect us, including his responsiveness to intense sadness or other strong emotions I may feel, and my grief and anger (yes I still have some anger) about the shock and pain of our break-ups.
And lastly, it took me longer than anticipated, but I did eventually rev up into the Christmas spirit. My little tree is decorated (see below), gifts bought and sent, cookies made. Really looking forward to going to a couple of friend and family events on Christmas and having S with me. Glad to not be leaving the Zoester either. I miss her when I don't see her for two or three hours; whole days are brutal! Here are a couple fairly recent pics of my sweetie pie. :)