Well, it's official...

... he is borderline Asperger's. In my last post, I described his bahaviors. When these behaviors continued on our walk - after we were settled at the pub where we were watching the game - I asked him about it. He confirmed this diagnosis and said he didn't even know until he was 50! He now sees a therapist and I am the first woman he has told about it. He also shared how his (alcoholic) Dad hit both him and his mom sometimes :( which I'm sure affected him emotionally, as well.

I like him and I like hanging out with him, but it's hard to imagine being in a serious relationship with him. I feel like he should date someone more like himself, as should I. There are people who do not have Asperger's who are much more thinking-oriented and less feeling-oriented, who wouldn't have the same needs for depth of connection and empathy that I do.

I will say that, although he didn't look quite the same as his pictures - he like many other people put younger pictures up - I did feel some attraction for him and it felt good hugging him at the end. It may sound funny, but I wish I could make his dream come true of a wife and family or at least a long-term relationship. I don't want to be yet another rejection for him.

Another thought... I honestly wonder if S was borderline autistic. He joked about it before. He did have obsessive behaviors and he did have trouble connecting emotionally and empathizing. But he seemed capable and able to at times, so it seemed more of an emotional block combined with his personality type. I think that's probably true. But he did "act" autistic at times, which may have, in a way, desensitized me to some of this new guy's behaviors.

I would really like to find a guy who is deep and emotionally intelligent, with whom I can share intimacy on all levels.


  1. I read your previous post and Asperger's was my immediate thought, even before reading the comments. I once had a therapist suggest to me that my husband might be on the spectrum because of his severe empathy handicap. I often wonder if she was right. I'm like you and emotional intelligence is very important to me, so my relationship is a daily struggle. :(

    Where do you think you'll go with this? Do you think you'll try to develop a friendship with him or make a swift end to it?

    1. Hi Jenny, I hear you about the struggle... I've experienced that with S, too. It can be confusing because autism symptoms overlap with other issues. Here are a couple links I found today on trauma and bonding:


      I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. I know I experienced "big T" trauma with losing my mom. I know S experienced traumas, as well.

    2. Oh, and regarding whether I'll see the guy again...I'm thinking no. Because he understandably wants a relationship and if I just want friendship I think that will not work or be fair to him.