Community Considerations

 I’m coming off yet another Zoom call where I spent tons of time listening to other people and did not feel seen for the whole last half. I dearly wished that the facilitator would have facilitated and structure things a bit more. As awkward as it can be, you have to step in and stop people from talking sometimes. People lose track of time, myself included, when they are venting or sharing things they feel strongly about. For the good of the whole group, which includes the speaker, I think you have to be a little flexible, but then move things along. Unless it’s a deep, wound type of share, which might get more leeway. 

Anyway, argh! So frustrating. I asked a couple questions at a certain point and people jumped in and started answering. I commented on one persons share, as it grew into a conversation, but never got a chance to answer. Anyway, oh well, just had to vent about that. 

The call was a social for families who are members or exploring becoming members of a cohousing community. We are exploring and taking steps to join - very exciting but also scary! The community won’t be built for another year. You have to prequalify for a loan, which we’ve done, and then come up with 20% down, which we cannot do. We are talking to folks about a payment plan and gathering resources that we can come up with. Lots of older members but now families starting to join or consider joining. Thinking of all the benefits for Ellie. 

Anyway, more later, but this is big, and I do wish the call today had been more connecting. Do any of you live in a close-knit community?

Easter Trip to Bend

Haven't posted in quite a while...we just got back from a trip to Bend and took some good pictures, so I thought now would be a good time. :) 

RC's bday was at the beginning of our trip, on the 31st. We packed and drove over that day, so it was kind of tiring. Once we got there we initially planned to go to a cool, new brewery, but it was packed and super busy, as well as being mostly outdoor, casual-type seating. Too much going on and not what we pictured! But we ended up having a nice, yummy dinner, once we found a restaurant downtown that had availability. I had a gluten-free cake made for Rich and bought and wrapped a few gifts and cards from me and Ellie. He seemed to enjoy himself, and his middle son, who he hadn't heard from in a while, called after dinner, which was nice. 

To be honest, some of the trip we had some conflict and difficult conversations. I think we needed to have them though, so the feelings weren't continuing to fester under the surface. I think everyone who gets married brings there own wounds and "stories" into their marriage. A big one of mine is that I need and appreciate certain types of communication from my partner (tuning in to me, asking questions, being excited for me when I have insights or things go well). RC is not a super talkative person. He's an introvert, and he goes inside himself often. I'm an introvert, too, but I like to check-in and have meaningful conversations with my partner regularly. He doesn't seem to need that as much. When I try and ask him to tune in more or ask me questions - show interest and support in specific ways - he feels frustrated and acts defensively, like I'm not accepting him for who he is. 

We both need to let go of some of our "stuff," I think, but we don't totally know how, yet. Through our conversations, however, we did breakthrough, feel closer, and recommit to working on our trust and remembering we love each other and want to be married for the rest of our lives. So that was good, but there were stress and some tears getting there.

On a happier note, Easter was so so fun with Ellie. We weren't sure if she would, but she quickly picked up how to hunt for the eggs we hid for her and was so excited when she found them. She carried around the soft pink bunny basket I bought her on Et$y and placed each egg inside the basket as she found it. She loved the peeps, though RC was watchful that she didn't eat too much (I tend to be a little more laissez faire about eating treats than him), and we put her yogurt disks in some eggs, too. She was too adorable trying to take a bite of the chocolate bunny ears; she clearly loves dark chocolate like her mom and dad! I also found her a wooden 3-car train pull-toy, with a mama duck, baby ducks, and little wooden eggs sitting on it. She pulled that thing all over the house for the rest of the trip. 💗

Our favorite part of the trip, though, was our visit to the High De$ert Museum. We've gone almost every time we come to Bend. To me, it's a perfect blend of outdoor and indoor, cultural information and environmental/biological science displays, interactive exhibits, and real, live creatures, from turtles and reptiles, to raptors, to otters (viewing above and below water) and a porcupine. Plus, they have a cafe with sandwiches, salads, chips, and more, for when you need to sit down and refuel. Ellie was able to walk some of the time this trip and loved exploring and seeing all the interesting habitat and animals.

Now that we're back, there are some interesting developments to take my focus, including the possibility of joining a Cohousing community here in Eugene. We explored this community back before Ellie was born but were then swept up in the tornado of new parenthood and the huge life changes inherent in becoming a family. We definitely were not in a place to move forward financially, then, either. We could still be in a better place, but...we are still exploring the opportunity because: 1. The housing market in Eugene is super tight, with an extremely low inventory; 2. We both love the idea of living in Cohousing, in which you have your own private unit but share a common house (like a community center), garden, some land/resources, and eat regular meals together; 3. Especially as introverts, having a structured, intergenerational community is wonderful, as it can be hard for us to put ourselves out there and build a larger community on our own; and 4. We are bursting at the seams in our current two-bedroom townhouse, and I would like to move somewhere where we can buy and settle in long-term. I love the idea of raising Ellie with a loving extended family, too! We will see what happens.

Lastly, we are finally scheduled to receive our vaccinations! Yay! The rest of my immediate family has already managed to get them, so we are the last in our pod. It will be great to be done with them and feel a little more comfort in getting together with everyone. Hope you are all hanging in there with the Covid scene and are already, or soon will be, vaccinated. Our parenting group is finally meeting up in person, again, at a local playground at the end of this month, so the timing there is great, as well!