Easter Trip to Bend

Haven't posted in quite a while...we just got back from a trip to Bend and took some good pictures, so I thought now would be a good time. :) 

RC's bday was at the beginning of our trip, on the 31st. We packed and drove over that day, so it was kind of tiring. Once we got there we initially planned to go to a cool, new brewery, but it was packed and super busy, as well as being mostly outdoor, casual-type seating. Too much going on and not what we pictured! But we ended up having a nice, yummy dinner, once we found a restaurant downtown that had availability. I had a gluten-free cake made for Rich and bought and wrapped a few gifts and cards from me and Ellie. He seemed to enjoy himself, and his middle son, who he hadn't heard from in a while, called after dinner, which was nice. 

To be honest, some of the trip we had some conflict and difficult conversations. I think we needed to have them though, so the feelings weren't continuing to fester under the surface. I think everyone who gets married brings there own wounds and "stories" into their marriage. A big one of mine is that I need and appreciate certain types of communication from my partner (tuning in to me, asking questions, being excited for me when I have insights or things go well). RC is not a super talkative person. He's an introvert, and he goes inside himself often. I'm an introvert, too, but I like to check-in and have meaningful conversations with my partner regularly. He doesn't seem to need that as much. When I try and ask him to tune in more or ask me questions - show interest and support in specific ways - he feels frustrated and acts defensively, like I'm not accepting him for who he is. 

We both need to let go of some of our "stuff," I think, but we don't totally know how, yet. Through our conversations, however, we did breakthrough, feel closer, and recommit to working on our trust and remembering we love each other and want to be married for the rest of our lives. So that was good, but there were stress and some tears getting there.

On a happier note, Easter was so so fun with Ellie. We weren't sure if she would, but she quickly picked up how to hunt for the eggs we hid for her and was so excited when she found them. She carried around the soft pink bunny basket I bought her on Et$y and placed each egg inside the basket as she found it. She loved the peeps, though RC was watchful that she didn't eat too much (I tend to be a little more laissez faire about eating treats than him), and we put her yogurt disks in some eggs, too. She was too adorable trying to take a bite of the chocolate bunny ears; she clearly loves dark chocolate like her mom and dad! I also found her a wooden 3-car train pull-toy, with a mama duck, baby ducks, and little wooden eggs sitting on it. She pulled that thing all over the house for the rest of the trip. 💗

Our favorite part of the trip, though, was our visit to the High De$ert Museum. We've gone almost every time we come to Bend. To me, it's a perfect blend of outdoor and indoor, cultural information and environmental/biological science displays, interactive exhibits, and real, live creatures, from turtles and reptiles, to raptors, to otters (viewing above and below water) and a porcupine. Plus, they have a cafe with sandwiches, salads, chips, and more, for when you need to sit down and refuel. Ellie was able to walk some of the time this trip and loved exploring and seeing all the interesting habitat and animals.

Now that we're back, there are some interesting developments to take my focus, including the possibility of joining a Cohousing community here in Eugene. We explored this community back before Ellie was born but were then swept up in the tornado of new parenthood and the huge life changes inherent in becoming a family. We definitely were not in a place to move forward financially, then, either. We could still be in a better place, but...we are still exploring the opportunity because: 1. The housing market in Eugene is super tight, with an extremely low inventory; 2. We both love the idea of living in Cohousing, in which you have your own private unit but share a common house (like a community center), garden, some land/resources, and eat regular meals together; 3. Especially as introverts, having a structured, intergenerational community is wonderful, as it can be hard for us to put ourselves out there and build a larger community on our own; and 4. We are bursting at the seams in our current two-bedroom townhouse, and I would like to move somewhere where we can buy and settle in long-term. I love the idea of raising Ellie with a loving extended family, too! We will see what happens.

Lastly, we are finally scheduled to receive our vaccinations! Yay! The rest of my immediate family has already managed to get them, so we are the last in our pod. It will be great to be done with them and feel a little more comfort in getting together with everyone. Hope you are all hanging in there with the Covid scene and are already, or soon will be, vaccinated. Our parenting group is finally meeting up in person, again, at a local playground at the end of this month, so the timing there is great, as well!

Happy Easter! and family/work updates

I'm not sure if this post will be cohesive, but wanting to share some happenings, so here goes...

It's Easter weekend, and I'm feeling a little sad not to be spending it with a little one. I told S that I wanted to spend this Easter with a child - my nieces and nephew or his grandchild - but it's not working out unfortunately. His daughter and son-in-law did make the move out here. She has a job already, and he has been interviewing and is close to landing one. They sent their one-year-old to her grandma's house in another state during the transition, which I don't think that I could do, but it sounds like she's happy and thriving. The grandma has been a caregiver for her since birth, so that does make it easier. She should be arriving in a week or so - can't wait! - but we're missing Easter with her.

Instead, I'm meeting S to watch the UO bball game (go Ducks!) this afternoon out at a sports bar somewhere, then going to dance tomorrow morning for the first time in over seven months - my knee is doing great with daily use and working out but I'm planning to take it easy - and meeting S afterwards for Easter brunch. Looking forward to our plans, but I'd still rather be with my brother's kids right now dying eggs!

S and I have been doing pretty well. We hit a bump in the road a week or two ago around his jealousy rearing it's head again and my frustrated attempt to set a boundary which then triggered him, but have moved through it in part thanks to the NVC couple's group we've been attending. We still plan to see our counselor to work through it further but are feeling close now. He's in his last round of chemo treatments and doing well so far, but we still have a few months to get through. As a reward for getting through it all, we plan to travel to Ireland in September! His step-son is getting married near Dublin. Woo hoo! It will be my first time traveling there, though I do have some roots in my ancestors, the Dunlavy's.

We have also had further conversations about becoming parents and made headway. We talked about different options, and I think he's coming around to donor embryo or foster adoption, but it's another thing we plan to discuss with our counselor. He's understandably worried about finances and the long-term responsibility piece. He makes a very good salary at this current job and honestly I'm not sure where it all goes and why he can't save more than he does. I know he has some credit card debt, but as I'm writing this I wonder if he's paying alimony to his ex-wife. We have had some money conversations but haven't gotten that far, yet.

My business continues to build slowly in fits and starts. I have a couple more career consultations this week so wish me luck. I'm also still waiting to hear back about two college counselor applications I submitted. My ideal is still to land a part-time counseling gig and continue building my business. There is a chance that I could be re-hired and given hours at my previous college for summer/fall, so I'm keeping an eye on that, as well. My marketing/client attraction program just formally ended with the final intensive last weekend, but I'm assisting at the next event in April and plan to stay connected, hopefully doing their speaker and leverage programs in the near future. I would definitely love to publish an e-book and get some videos or a home study program online! I officially joined my BNI local networking/referral group last week and am super excited about the potential there to get a steady stream of new clients. We are meeting for a second time next week.

Still waiting to see what happens with my housemate/living situation, but she couldn't pay rent on time this month, and I'm wondering if she might be on her way out. Considering that factor plus negative responses from the college district nearest S, it looks like it might be a good thing for S to eventually move in here. More shall be revealed soon, hopefully, on that front. Guess that's all the news for now...Hope you have a very Happy Easter weekend!

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to Everyone!  For me, it's a pretty normal day because my family is all in Oregon.  I am going to go get a pizza later this afternoon, so that will be my Easter fun.  Seeing pictures of my nieces, nephew, and little cousin is fun, as well. 

Looking forward to seeing them next week, though feeling somber about my mom's memorial.  Went through some pictures today and sent them to my sister who is creating a nice slideshow.  The show will be accompanied by songs that were special to my mom and dad.  There will also be three songs sung live, and it looks like I will end up speaking and saying a poem.  I wasn't sure I was going to, but now I'm feeling I should and want to, even though it will be hard.  My dad, sister, and brother will also be speaking, and I think we will have some coffee and cookies afterwards so people can talk. 

I was hoping my landlord would give some flexibility on my moveout date, due to my mom's passing and traveling to Oregon, but he left this kind of sh*tty voicemail (after I initially asked and he initially said no but then seemed to be considering it) saying - in an apologetic tone that didn't match what he was saying - that he needed me out by the 29th, and that he had been helping me and had given me "an extra 30 days."  What?  His "help" was giving me a sheet of local house listings that were way above my range and passing on a couple business referrals that never responded to my emails.  I appreciate the referrals but I sent him the email template and he passed it on to them.  And when he said "extra 30 days," I guess he was referring to the legal requirement to give me 30 days notice?  This is countered by the fact that he initially said this would likely be a longer-term living situation, and that if anything changed, he would give me a few months notice. 

The main thing is that I have been unexpectedly dealing with my mom's passing - it would have been very difficult to jump into house searching in the initial weeks of grieving, and traveling to Oregon takes further time away from what is a very difficult search in the Bay Area. 

So that is my lament, but there is nothing I can do about it, so I am just sucking it up and going for it, doing the best I can to find a place.  I applied for an affordable studio/one-bedroom I haven't heard back from yet and went to see two places yesterday.  They both are okay/do-able except for Zoey.  The first one is very rugged with lots of construction projects going on all around the house, and the yard is not enclosed.  The second one was great, except her dog - a sheltie/collie mix - barked sharply at something outside for much of the time I was there and tried to nip me once when I was petting her.  The woman said several times that her dog liked to have a "deputy to boss around."  Well, I'm sorry, but I don't want Zoey "bossed around" all the time, and I don't think Zoey would take to that either. 

So, the search continues... Thank God my good friend has offered a room for me to stay as a last resort, if needed, until I found a place.  It's not ideal, since her nephew is currently staying there, as well, but I'm grateful to have a safety net.  Tomorrow, I will schedule the moving container drop-off and pick-up and send an email about a packing party.  sigh.  I think I'll have a glass of wine with that pizza.

Happy Easter! And updates...

This is going to be a bit all over the place.  I haven't posted in a while and want to give updates on a few things.

I finished my Leadership program!  Yay!!! Six months did seem to go by quickly.  Such a blessing to go right into that program from my breakup with S.  I made some major shifts in awareness of patterns in my life and am working on changing those patterns, including not abandoning myself and staying aware of my needs when I'm working and in social situations.  And not "crashing into unconsciousness" when get home and overeating.  I'm exchanging career counseling for health coaching with one of my cohorts in the program, K (he's so sweet and very attractive - and young and engaged with a baby on the way :), which is exactly what I need and such great serendipity.

Also, I had my first Social Change Theatre Troupe meeting yesterday!  There were four of us and we did several theatre activities together and THREE of us led them!  This is so amazing to me because I've always longed to be part of a group in which others could lead, and it didn't always fall to me as it has in the past.  Woohoo!  The downside is that two of these folks are limited in their time commitment... but they still want to be involved and I'm going to continue reaching out to others and plan on meeting monthly to start with.

In other good news, I will have lots of work this summer!  Part of me wishes I could just take the summer off (I do have a couple trips planned), but I need to keep the money coming in and am grateful that we can actually work more hours than normal in the summer.  Maybe this will allow me to actually build a more solid reserve.  My financial aid is clamoring to begin payments, but I'm hoping I can defer a bit longer and will find out about that tomorrow.  I didn't get called in for an interview with one of the jobs I applied for - I didn't really expect it since I applied last minute and I know a lot of people were going for the job.  I'm still waiting to hear about the full-time job at the college where I work now but the situation is similar with lots of more experienced folks also having applied.  A co-worker told me of a few more open positions yesterday so I plan to check them out.

On a related note, I find it really interesting that most people I've talked to say that the most important thing in single parenting is having flexibility and TIME, not money.  Did I already talk about that here?  Not that I'm pursuing that track right now, but thinking of the future... And also, flexibility and time is just a general indicator of happiness.  I'd like to continue to build my career counseling clients (I have two right now) and continue my activism work.  That said, part of me is a bit torn about starting a full-time counseling gig... but I'm ready for a greater abundance of cash flow and life choices and am open to how that might happen.  Do any of you have advice based on your own experiences?

As far as I know, I will still need to move in July... my theatre friends who were here yesterday mentioned a place opening up in their building so I am going to follow up on that.  It would be so wonderful to live near close friends, and I have other friends in that neighborhood, as well.

Happy Easter to Everyone!!!  Hope you get some treats today.  I'm going dancing and then was invited last minute to a friend's house for dinner.  There will be a few little kiddos there, so that will be fun.  No hot dates lately, but an attractive Latino man expressed interest in me yesterday online. :)