Today is the day. R arrives at 7:30 this evening. I feel like this blog has become very focused on this situation but honestly it's the main thing on my mind lately!
My hopes for this visit include: noticing how it feels to be around one another now; exploring past and present experiences more fully in-person; discovering whether we have any potential for a future with one another-similar goals and enough in common etc.; and having fun! I feel excited.
The common goal most in question came up a couple days ago. I had mentioned there was a big topic I wanted to talk about when he was here and of course, as anyone including me would do, he started thinking a lot about it and guessed correctly. I felt really vulnerable, even though he did not react badly, just said he thought we should talk about it in person and that he had some things to say about it.
The next morning we talked on the phone, and I was surprised at a wave of sadness that came over me. We talked about it and at first I blurted out that if he didn't want to come that was okay, we could take a huge step back, that I didn't feel good about talking about it and it was too early but partly I brought it up because of some of the serious things he had said so it was his fault too. Yeah, did I mention I was feeling vulnerable? sheesh!
He was cute and asked, "You don't want me to come?" in a sad way. I admitted it was a reaction to thinking of HIS reaction and that he might be freaking out. He said no he wasn't and encouraged me to talk to him if I have these thoughts instead of letting them build and that we should have a rule that we have to do that. Cute. I felt happy and warm to hear this and we got of the phone in a good place, refocused on the visit seeing how things are between us. So anyway, I am looking forward to his arrival and will let you all know how things go.
In other, less compelling news, I went to my Interplay Theatre class last night and had a fabulous time. Big group of people, many different exercises and partner matches. Lots of movement and movement paired with short story telling. My body and soul feel happier when I leave.
Also, I am going running for the seventh time (yes I am counting) this afternoon. Thanks again to R and my brother's wedding providing motivational energy. I can't tell a huge difference yet but I do feel more toned, which will hopefully translate into a bit more confidence for the big meeting tonight!