Longish Check-In

Saturday check-in...  It's a foggy day in Oakland.  I'm trying to get some work done with these monthly reports I have to submit on my international students.  This month, there are a series of questions that must be answered by the student, school, and parents, so it's more of a pain.  The website just cut out for "maintenance," so I thought I'd blog for a while instead!

*Interesting side note:  I attended my first parent-teacher conferences yesterday as these kids "guardian" here in the States.  It was fun being in that role and discussing the kids and their school performance with the teachers; brainstorming ways to help them succeed.  This role may be the only one I ever take on in terms of parent-teacher conferences (guardian versus ever being the parent).  I'm trying thoughts like this on regularly lately...

Zoey's snoring away in her crate but will be up soon and wanting to play again.  I'm looking for some new, interesting and interactive dog toys - any of you dog moms out there have ideas for me?  I got her the Kong toy, which is great, but more interactive with herself.  It's perfect when I need a little time to check email or do something while she entertains herself.  We play fetch and rope tug.  And the training is fun - now she knows how to sit and then go down on her belly when I say, "Down," which is great.  Training is going to continue to be a fun thing between us, I think.  But even with all these things, our choices seem limited sometimes with play activities.

I think I shared about the Greater Bay Area Transition Conference we had on October 6th, didn't I?  I'm pretty proud that our committee planned and executed it successfully, and we had over 100 people when we thought we might just get 50 or 60.  I want to dig my teeth (uh oh, I've been hanging out with Zoey too much! :) into the next project to keep Transition growing in the Bay Area.  Our local neighborhood in Oakland needs to have a next Initiative meeting, also, to work on local neighborhood carbon and energy use reduction and community building stuff.  It's gratifying, and yes "meaningful," to see tangible positive impacts of my efforts.

Last but not least, this week, I spoke with my ex, S, in an effort to continue finding closure and a manageable comfort level in community circles.  Well, we got so "comfortable," we ended up kissing!  What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks!  

A big part of the reason things ended up there was that the conversation was quite open and caring, and I felt like he was able to be more honest - and hear more of my honesty - than he ever has before.  He's doing some "work" on himself, which he feels is dissipating his tendency to compartmentalize things (such as the impending visit from his ex, knowledge of which he withheld from me for several months).

Speaking of withholding, however, I also found out from him that, when she was here at Christmas, they made plans for him to visit her earlier this month (though they were not romantically involved while she was here).  The purpose being to both wrap up work stuff but also see each other, perhaps evading the ultimate "good-bye."  It's so strange: Who plans trips that far in advance!

Anyway, when we started considering getting back together in March, I think that would have been good information to reveal, right?  So basically he did the same old withholding crap he'd done before, and this apparently contributed to his decision to break up with me at that time as he didn't want to go through all the trauma of the first time he'd withheld information like that.  He also said, and truthfully I think this is more of the reason, that he had made a previous judgment that we would not work out together that he then couldn't let go of.  As mentioned, he feels the growth he's done since that time makes him less likely and less able to compartmentalize and withhold like that.    

I'll share more later, but don't want to go on and on right now.  Basically, I'm trying to figure out what I want and also what he can do to make amends for these choices he made previously, as he says he's willing to do what it takes to help me to forgive him.... so that we can reconnect as friends, which I think is all I want.  But things get confusing!


  1. Your job with the Intl students sounds really interesting. Glad you are enjoying it.
    And you seem to be making good progress with traning Zoey. That is awesome :-) Do you take her to dog parks or is she still to small to be around other dogs?
    Reg S, you are right, relationships are so confusing :-(

    1. Thank you, Sunflower - No, I don't take her to dog parks yet. I heard there's one for small dogs, so maybe I'll take her there someday. At this point, we're venturing out to take walks around our neighborhood, now that she has all her shots.

  2. Your situation with the international students does sound interesting. I generally enjoy my international students. They can add so much to a classroom. As for dog "toys", my friends have this ball which they fill with small treats or dog food. The dog retrieves the food by rolling the ball and it doesn't come out with every push, so the dog keeps rolling/ playing.

  3. Yikes! That does sound confusing! I don't even know where to start with offering any words of wisdom on this one. Maybe just take your time to figure things out with him. And if you're planning to only be friends, kissing probably isn't a good idea. Good luck!!