The day before Halloween... no big plans this year, except dressing Zoey in a taco costume (hehe), handing out some candy, and going out in our small downtown for a drink. This will likely take place with S, but honestly, we have had a bit of a rough week. We tried contacting our previous couple's counselor for support around communication in conflict, and some stuff came up about how S saw her over a year ago to deal with the anger that came up in his relationship at the time (which he shared with me and said was part of what made him work on it and realize how badly he had treated me those last couple months we were together).
That's not the issue, however. The issue is that apparently he tapped into a really vulnerable place, then abruptly ended his work with her and didn't show up for his next appointment. So, before she was willing to work with us again, she said she needed to see him individually a final time to have closure and talk about what happened to make him stop so suddenly. Initially, we both thought that was a little weird - like she wanted to work out her own feelings on his dime. But after talking to her a bit more, we both felt okay with it and an appointment was scheduled for yesterday.
Shortly after that, though, he had feelings come about something I said about a past lover. When I said it, we were both sharing in a lighthearted way, and after my share, he told me something about one of his exes, as well. So, it seemed like his jealousy pattern surfacing, which made me nervous. We talked about it but it wasn't completely resolved, then we had a difficult phone conversation where I wanted him to be more present and he was frustrated that, in his view, I was trying to script the conversation. He did have a point, but the way he spoke to me sucked. Instead of just saying what he thought, he started trying to make a case how no one he had been with before had ever acted like this and asking me if anyone I had known had done this, etc. Blech. You don't need to try and make me feel messed up to make your point. I already know I'm messed up! lol And so are you!
Anyway, I wish I/we could have had humor at that moment, but the call ended badly. He's been distant and unavailable the last couple days, now he says he's clear and wants to reconnect and talk tonight. But why should he get to call all the shots like that? Is this setting a precedent for his behavior? I am feeling the need more than ever for ground rules and accountability around communication, whatever that may look like. We were generally communicating really well until this week, so I did joke that contacting our past counselor unleashed something evil and unholy. Wish us luck.
In other news, through a lot of hard work and talking to several people in my business program, I made headway on defining the types of clients I want to work with through my career counseling business. I'm refining my wording and maybe I'll share the finished product in my next post. The idea is you want your ideal client to be crystal clear to people, so they can think of clients to refer you.
I'm still not sure when I'll be visiting Oregon, but I am missing them and especially my nieces and nephew. My sister sent an email this morning giving an update about our cousin's husband who is having brain surgery today; his second one in five years. She said he is having his entire frontal lobe removed. I'm wondering how he will function? I am sad and have been sending prayers all day for the best possible outcome. Makes you realize how precious life is, and I think that is making me want to see my family more.