Start... and Stop

So. As you guys know, I am not currently ttc, and the possibility of ever doing that again in a realistic way is uncertain. At my age, the way that would look would involve donor eggs. Right now, the priority is S getting through treatment and recovering from his illness. He is done with the first round and surgery will likely be at the end of January or beginning of February. It will be nice to have a respite over the holidays.

Despite all this, and somewhat remarkably I think, during the last couple months, we have been sexually active and consciously not preventing any sort of miraculous conception that might have an ever so slight chance of occurring. Basically, both of us would be happy if this miracle should transpire. This last cycle, I feel something happened along those lines and then stopped. Here are the main signs below... what do you think?

1. The main sign was light spotting and cramping at around 8 dpo for just a half a day or so, which then totally stopped.

2. I was unusually moody for a significantly longer and more intense period.

3. I experienced sinus headaches the days prior and then a huge tension headache on Thanksgiving, along with slight nausea.

4. My period came in really weird with light spotting and no cramping after sex, which then totally stopped for another day before my period slowly began.

I know how low the odds are, but part of me still can't help hoping. And I am giving that part of me a little bit of room to have fun, but this month I got a little too attached and was bummed when it ended. :-(


  1. Can't say much about your cycle and if it's a sign of something... Just wanted to pop in and comment about the growing bond you seem to have with S. Good for you! In sure he appreciates you being there for him to during his treatments.

  2. I hope it works out w/ S, but I'm always concerned when I see a woman changing or putting her plans on hold when a man comes into the picture. (I've been there and done that myself - came to regret helping others to my detriment.) It seems to me that there's been a shift in the focus of your blog from your needs to those of S, and if you really want kids, that should come first rather than keep getting postponed. You seem so nurturing and caring, and I'd hate to read in a year's time that you're still waiting to make your heart's desire happen. Again, hope it works out...

    1. Thank you, M. I can hear that your comment comes from a real place of caring and I really appreciate it. It feels good to hear your reflection of me as nurturing and caring. I am determined to keep moving forward on my motherhood dream.