Active versus Passive Part II

To finish my summary introduction about the journey that brought me to this blog and what I intend this blog to be about (which may change): I left off at the juncture of losing my Bay Area job a few months ago just as I was about to get insurance and begin ttc (trying to conceive) again. Since that point, I have spent time evaluating my career strategy and focus and getting more clear about what I want in my next job and work environment (a better fit for my strengths of counseling/training/creativity, as well as greater transparency, progressive consciousness, and supportive work culture - see 4.0 Career, while ttc has taken a back seat, AGAIN. . .

. . .though I did spend a couple of months exploring a co-parenting possibility with a local man. He was attractive, gay, responsible, caring, practiced sports medicine at a local college, all good on paper and yet. . .when we spent time together and talked in greater depth about who we were and what we wanted, it became clear that our personalities/values/vision were too disparate. The nail in the coffin was the fact that he wanted EXACTLY equal time sharing of the child from DAY 1 (as in newborn), which meant we would need to live together and I was very clear that did not sound appealing.

I would still love to find a co-parent, actually, but through this experience have learned what it would take (for me: someone caring and responsible but also easy going and flexible, wants active parenting but not hung up or needing control over exact percentages, etc. and the key point being compatible personalities), and frankly I am not optimistic I will ever find that situation. Almost as hard as finding a great ROMANTIC relationship! lol

Which brings me to now and this blog and beginning to share my journey. I want to make mention of the title, "It's MY LIFE," which has to do with authenticity in the world and creating my own life, even when where I feel called to go diverges from family and mainstream approval and expectations. Part of the impetus for this blog ironically came from my father. When I went back to Oregon for Christmas, my father and I had another exchange which was particularly devastating for me (must learn not to go to stone for water) but which I'm beginning to see as a catalyst for a final shift in accepting who I really am and following my heart and soul.

What do I hope will happen from here? My goals now include finishing my current round of "great fit" organization research, then contacting them for meetings/interviews or applying as appropriate, as well as continuing to search and apply for posted positions. Continuing to date (will explore this in another post), build and contribute to local grassroots community organizing/change (another post), and pray my fertility holds out until I can start ttc again!

I look forward to hearing from you about these topics, as well.