The Blahs

Checking in from Oregon.  Like many other folks out there, I've had a mixed emotion Christmas, tinged with melancholy.  

It's been wonderful to spend time with my niece and nephew, of course, and I'll be heading over to my sister's again in a little while for a last dinner and visit.  Watching them open and play with presents yesterday and goofing around with them was priceless.

But today, my mood has been hovering in the crabby zone, likely in part because I drank (along with my brother, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law) quite a bit last night - for me, at least.  I haven't felt hungover, just kind of blah and sad.

Not surprisingly, I'm also feeling melancholy about my relationship situation.  I wish I weren't, but I am.

We were sending some emails back and forth, continuing to process stuff, but I decided I need to step back emotionally.  We started talking as if we may get back together, but I can't go there while his ex is still staying with him.

And even then. . . I know there are no guarantees, but I need to have more faith that he will value my feelings in his future decision-making.  The way this whole things went down was super lame, and I'm still angry and hurt about it.

On my side of the fence, I need to decide if I can accept him and his imperfections enough to fully step over the line into commitment, and I'm not there yet.  So I emailed him that I needed to emotionally step back for now, considering our current context, and I hope he understood my perspective.

Which was the right thing to do for me.  But I'm still sad.

Ending on an up note:  I got an iPhone for Christmas, yippee!!!  And some extra money to cover the additional data plan cost for a few months!  Yay!  The phone ships on January fourth, so I have a wait a couple weeks, but I'm excited.


  1. The way you guys talk to each other, e.g. "emotionally step back"...sounds very formal. Is that a self-protection thing?

    Congrats on the iPhone!

  2. antropologa - yes, it is! I feel very vulnerable with this whole ex situation. I did also tell him how I was feeling (sadness and discomfort).

  3. It is good that you are looking out for yourself. That is something I am not always good at doing, and it's a good reminder when someone like yourself is an example to follow.

    I am having the blahs as well, I can relate. I hope your New Years is at least a notch up. Love to you.

  4. Thank you, Sunny. I hope the same for you. I arrived home after a long drive to find a most horrible email. I'm disgusted. I've come to have a very low view of his character. :(