Back on the TTC Bandwagon

Sorry for the long absence.  To begin with, I wanted to report that the idea of a third party in our relationship somewhere down the line, a strategy the scared part of me came up with to deal with fear of commitment with a capital C, did NOT go over well with S.  We had some very tough conversations heading into New Years.  But I kind of think those conversations needed to happen.

We're continuing to go to counseling for help with these "stuck" places in both us that have roots way back in our teens or childhood.  It sometimes seems our issues are interrelated... like I wonder if my fear of capital C commitment is related to his reluctance to give up friendships with exes (also a door closing of sorts).  It's amazing and a bit scary to me how deep my feelings are around the latter issue.

Some hope is rising around it though, and we will continue to talk about it tomorrow in our session, focusing on strategies to move forward and build necessary trust.  *Sidenote: last week, we had a sweet New Year's ritual in our session where we lit a candle and named an intention to have a perspective of "Oy vey" versus "Oh Shit!" when conflict or challenge comes up. :)

The other topic I want to talk about in this post is our renewed efforts towards conceiving.  I had my first "new doctor"'s appointment yesterday.

S's sp*rm analysis came back pretty stellar, which he was excited about in a typically male way. :)  On a more downer note, when she saw my AMH results, and considering my age, she emphasized again how low our odds were.  She said she had never seen someone conceive at my age during her time at that medical clinic.... except when they were taking DHEA.  So, it looks like, despite my hatred of the side effects I experienced last time, I am going back onto DHEA but also taking Metformin, which is supposed to somewhat mediate said side effects.

My mood was lifted just a bit, when she did the ultrasound and exclaimed, "Your right ovary looks GREAT!"  Especially considering she was a very low-key, non-exclamatory type person. 

Other actions we're taking or have taken:  I got another HSG (Historosalpingogram) test yesterday, which came out well, and I am also going to get a saline sonogram or something similar (I forget what she said but it's above and beyond a saline sonogram) to check for any abnormalities on the uterine wall that might interfere with implantation.

Then, we might do our first IUI in a few days.  It was too late to start injectable meds this cycle, but everything might be in place to at least do an IUI.  Though the odds are so very, very low, I kinda want to do one because I just had the HSG (which has been shown to help odds a bit) and, afterall, she said my right ovary looked so GREAT. :)  Do you guys think I should?  Or should we just chill and wait until next cycle with the meds.  I'm hoping to connect with the doctor about this later, as well.

Guess that's it for now.  Not any huge expectations over here, just gratitude to be trying and just a tad of hope mixed in.

* Oh, and in the spirit of International Blog Delurking Week, would you please take a moment to say, "hi," in the comments, as well as anything else you would like to share about yourself?  I would love to know who else is out there, in addition to my regular commenters.


  1. I can't help but think there's something to taking DHEA, especially for "older" women. I had no success, even though I ovulated every month, until I took it. (I was also taking CoQ10 and melatonin, which may also improve egg quality.)

    Why not go for an IUI this month? It would be a shame to let that great right ovary go to waste. :)

  2. I know there is a cost factor here, so please don't think I'm being insensitive, but if your odds are so low, why not go straight to IVF? Over time the amount I paid for IUI's worked out to one IVF in addition to the one I actually did.

    1. Right... but you have to come up with 12-15 grand all at once. I'm not a in a place to take out a loan right now, and since he was recently laid off and is working free-lance, he's not either. Plus the odds are quite low for me, even on IVF - it would likely take at least two rounds and maybe not work at all. If I had this money saved, I would definitely go forward with an IVF, but I didn't make the decisions previously in my life that would give me that option. Thank you for wanting success for me; I do appreciate it. :)

    2. Yes that is true, I would have had to take out a loan, but I was lucky and sold my house at the right time. Its just so fustrating. It's not like we have a bunch of years to save. Good luck!

  3. Fingers crossed for a successful cycle! I say go for the IUI, with your newly freshened tubes, it might be just the thing you need!

  4. I say absolutely go for the IUI -- sounds like it is a low stress cycle so who knows -- stranger things have happened! Wishing you all the best!

  5. Fingers and toes crossed for you!

  6. Metformin was a big help to me! I totally attribute that to being successful :-) And booo to AMH levels...mine have been so low and have fluctuated over the past few years. They told me I was going into menopause, but they were wrong! :-) Keep hanging in there girl. I say go for it this cycle!!

  7. Metformin has also been the big helpful thing for me. I can't tell you how glad I am never going to go through the stress of TTC again. Good luck!