6/18/2016

Someone... interesting

I met someone... interesting. I am of course not completely over S yet, but I got back online for fun and connected with someone I've had a few phone conversations with and am watching the basketball game with on Sunday. I enjoy talking with him and feel comfortable with him on the phone. The thing is, he's not quite normal. I'm not sure *what* the issue is yet, but these are some of the ways I would describe him:
  • Detail-oriented, to the point of sharing mundane details that are not really necessary. 
  • Naive and almost child-like at times.
  • Kind and patient.
  • Cute, at least in his pictures.
  • Smart? He has a Masters degree in social work. And yet, he seems not super sharp.
  • Father was an alcoholic so made the decision to never drink and has kept to that.
  • Asks a lot of questions (which I like).
  • Listens. But doesn't respond a lot with affirmations that he's hearing me or statement of understanding, so sometimes I feel "out there" on the phone after sharing something.
  • Available. Wants to be a father/parent.
  • Has never been married or had a relationship longer than a few months and he just turned 52. 
  • Didn't go to college until he was 35 and got his Masters when he was in his late 40s. Calls himself a "late bloomer" and a "diamond in the rough"
  • Worked as a social services eligibility worker for the last 15+ years and worked as a bank teller for 10+ years in his youth. Works out religiously. Takes pride in his reliability and dependability.
Something is definitely different about him, but I'm not sure if it's a mental or emotional issue or if he's just been sheltered and chosen the "safe" road throughout his life and that's reflected in how he thinks and communicates. He says he has done counseling and obviously if he has his degree in social work, that would involve some introspection and growth. I have had this sense that he's not all there or he's a little "off." But at the same time fun and sweet and I like talking to him. I guess more shall be revealed... It's really nice to be on the same page when it comes to goals in life and having a child.

8 comments:

  1. Kind of sounds like h might have high functioning autism/Aspergers. It is very possible that he was never diagnosed because of his age, but it would fit for the detail oriented, naive, and not responding with affirmations. It might also be confusing to figure out if he is intelligent or not because there could be discrepiences between his IQ and EQ.

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    1. Oh dear. I had that thought that too but was hoping not because of the challenges. If all three of you are thinking that, then it's likely true. darn, well, I'm SO emotionally focused and into processing I don't think this will work. But I'm going on the date and I'll talk to him about it.

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  2. I agree with Ali, sounds like high functioning autism. I would advise proceeding with caution. My step daughter has similar traits and as much as I love her (and I do!) she can be the most stubborn/unreasonable person on the planet. She also has trouble relating to others on an emotional level and does not really like physical contact. She hugs spontaneously on occasion but it's a rare occurrence. Not sure how important physical contact would be to you or his level of comfort with it obviously.

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    1. Thanks, Catie. He actually asked if I am affectionate and says he likes affection - hugging, etc. - so that part isn't true for him, it sounds like.

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  3. I agree with the high functioning autism. I'm a school psychologist and some of the coolest kids I've met have been "on the spectrum." We're all quirky in our own way - hang out with him a few times and see what you think. You might end up with a new friend if nothing else...

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    1. Thanks, Sylvia. You are probably right, though I'm disappointed to think that because emotional depth/processing is very important to me as a counselor. But I agree we all have our quirks and challenges. I could see being friends. I'll go on the date and talk with him further.

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  4. I don't know that you can diagnose him without ever meeting him. He could be on the spectrum or else he could be shy and introverted. Maybe he has some baggage due to his Dad. He could be a really great guy who just hasn't met the right person. I agree there could be other possibilities but I would at least go in with an open mind and see what happens.

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  5. It sounds like he is lucky to have met you. Even if no romantic relationship grows from your meeting, how awesome is it to meet someone so interesting and for him to meet someone who is really interested in understanding him. Dating is so crazy, right?

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