First co-parent meeting went down last night. This was "Candidate #1," the Chinese, gay college professor/researcher. He was attractive, smart, and kind. But. I didn't enjoy aspects of communicating with him, and, considering we would be communicating a lot and he will be communicating with the child as well, I wonder if that is a negative.
Basically, he doesn't respond when I'm speaking in terms of any of the non-verbals or warmth/affirmation. And, in general, he didn't verbally acknowledge what I said either, other than to comment on his own experience. I often felt "on the spot" and kind of insecure, like I was trying to keep his attention and work hard to get through to him. He says he's lived in the U.S. for half his life (he's 44), yet he still had a strong accent and didn't get some of the nuanced references I made, so maybe that's part of the issue? He did ask me a number of questions, which showed interest.
On the more positive side, he doesn't seem to be a control freak or possessive and had no problem with the child spending more time with me in their early years, unlike the co-parent I talked to a year and a half or so ago. He's in excellent health and is interested in theatre, opera, art, literature, and tennis/swimming (he teaches/researches literature). We left the meeting saying we would email and talk again soon.
I'm speaking to the older guy from the East coast later this afternoon and will post another update after that.
Quick question for those of you who have taken DHEA: I've only taken it for three days and my breasts seemed to get some internal soreness right away and my bbt went up several tenths - did this happen to you? I remember my temps went up in the luteal phase when I was on it before, but this seems really fast.
Showing posts with label dhea. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dhea. Show all posts
4/07/2012
4/03/2012
Moving forward?
I went to the Kai.ser RE doc yesterday. It started out in frustration, as he gave me the "your old and your chances are low" speech. :-( Yeah, after several years of trying, and researching, and reading other people's journeys, I'm well aware of that doc.
He did the antral follicle account and it hadn't changed in almost two years, so I guess that's positive. The number wasn't great though: about 9 follicles.
I expected him to strongly recommend IVF, but he didn't. He did say it had the highest chances, but that the chances were so low for me at this point that I may not want to make that level of financial investment. I think it was around 15-20%. I'm counting myself in the 40-42-year-old range because my tests are generally good, I've lived a healthy lifestyle, and I'm still in the first half of my 43rd year. He said he didn't think I would qualify for shared-risk programs.
In any case, I can't move forward financially with IVF on my own. So in discussion, he thought the best option for me would be a flare protocol medicated IUI. I found this information online:
"GnRH agonists (lupron®) have been the standard for ovarian stimulation in IVF for the past 10 years. However, traditional "long" protocols where the agonist is administered for 10 days or longer, followed by gonadotropin stimulation, may be a poor choice for the poor responder. This initial pretreatment with agonist may remove endogenous gonadotropins from the system and "suppress" the response of the ovary so that adequate stimulation is impossible. Problems with this long protocol led to the so-called flare protocol whereby the agonist is started on the menstrual cycle concurrent with the use of gonadotropins. Unfortunately, standard doses of agonist result in elevated levels of androgens, LH, and progesterone, in the follicular phase, before ovulation. These effects are detrimental to oocyte quality and endometrial receptivity. A modification of the flare protocol by pretreating patients with birth control pills and lowering the doses of agonist to "microdoses" has eliminated the negative effects of the flare and resulted in a better recruitment of oocytes and indeed significant improvements in pregnancy rates."
The Resolve link for this article written by a well-known doctor in Colorado, School.craft, is here:
http://www.resolve.org/diagnosis-management/infertility-diagnosis/poor-responder.html
This is talking about IVF, but I guess it's similar for medicated IUIs? I want to bring up the modification part to my doctor but am hoping he's aware.
So assuming that where we're headed, he wants me to take these next steps:
Using S as the source would be the easiest, since he is listed as my partner. I was partially honest with the doctor by telling him that we have been fighting and things are uncertain. S may consider giving a last "donation." But this would not be emotionally healthy for me at this time, and I don't want to parent with someone I don't trust.
Next option is donor sperm. Less chances of success, more expensive, but, still, I'm grateful to have that choice. The doctor is on board with that too.
The third choice is a co-par.ent. I don't know if I've talked much about my adventures in that realm on this blog. A year and a half or so ago, I explored co-parent.ing with a couple of people from the co-paren.ting website. I really like the idea of parenting with someone else and sharing the responsibilities on all levels: emotional, financial, logistical, etc. It's a more doable option for me, all things considered. So there are three people I've connected with this week:
So if I can move forward cycle after this coming one, likely starting the second week of May, then that is what I plan to do. There are factors yet to be determined, but I'll keep moving forward if at all possible.
* Brief request for donations: I have some donated medicine, but if anyone has extra gonado.tropin (folli.stim) or ago.nist (lu.pron) medication, I would really appreciate it.
He did the antral follicle account and it hadn't changed in almost two years, so I guess that's positive. The number wasn't great though: about 9 follicles.
I expected him to strongly recommend IVF, but he didn't. He did say it had the highest chances, but that the chances were so low for me at this point that I may not want to make that level of financial investment. I think it was around 15-20%. I'm counting myself in the 40-42-year-old range because my tests are generally good, I've lived a healthy lifestyle, and I'm still in the first half of my 43rd year. He said he didn't think I would qualify for shared-risk programs.
In any case, I can't move forward financially with IVF on my own. So in discussion, he thought the best option for me would be a flare protocol medicated IUI. I found this information online:
"GnRH agonists (lupron®) have been the standard for ovarian stimulation in IVF for the past 10 years. However, traditional "long" protocols where the agonist is administered for 10 days or longer, followed by gonadotropin stimulation, may be a poor choice for the poor responder. This initial pretreatment with agonist may remove endogenous gonadotropins from the system and "suppress" the response of the ovary so that adequate stimulation is impossible. Problems with this long protocol led to the so-called flare protocol whereby the agonist is started on the menstrual cycle concurrent with the use of gonadotropins. Unfortunately, standard doses of agonist result in elevated levels of androgens, LH, and progesterone, in the follicular phase, before ovulation. These effects are detrimental to oocyte quality and endometrial receptivity. A modification of the flare protocol by pretreating patients with birth control pills and lowering the doses of agonist to "microdoses" has eliminated the negative effects of the flare and resulted in a better recruitment of oocytes and indeed significant improvements in pregnancy rates."
The Resolve link for this article written by a well-known doctor in Colorado, School.craft, is here:
http://www.resolve.org/diagnosis-management/infertility-diagnosis/poor-responder.html
This is talking about IVF, but I guess it's similar for medicated IUIs? I want to bring up the modification part to my doctor but am hoping he's aware.
So assuming that where we're headed, he wants me to take these next steps:
- Start taking DHEA again, dose of 25, three times a day.
- Get my thyroid tested again on my new dose in about a week (giving it a month to alter levels). *He feels my levels were really wacked out (5.7 or something) when I was tested in December, which was not the message I got from my doctor at the time. I remember feeling really lethargic in the fall and this explains a lot. My levels were better when taken a few weeks ago (3.8) but still significantly higher than they want.
- Figure out the sperm source.
- Take another one-time injectables class.
- Returning to heightened fertility diet consciousness.
- Taking baby aspirin.
- Taking Vitex.
- Going back to taking a prenatal vitamin.
- Maybe taking iron. *I tend to be low on iron and I understand this is important to fertility. Anyone know about this link or have a good source of information?
Using S as the source would be the easiest, since he is listed as my partner. I was partially honest with the doctor by telling him that we have been fighting and things are uncertain. S may consider giving a last "donation." But this would not be emotionally healthy for me at this time, and I don't want to parent with someone I don't trust.
Next option is donor sperm. Less chances of success, more expensive, but, still, I'm grateful to have that choice. The doctor is on board with that too.
The third choice is a co-par.ent. I don't know if I've talked much about my adventures in that realm on this blog. A year and a half or so ago, I explored co-parent.ing with a couple of people from the co-paren.ting website. I really like the idea of parenting with someone else and sharing the responsibilities on all levels: emotional, financial, logistical, etc. It's a more doable option for me, all things considered. So there are three people I've connected with this week:
- A 42-year-old man, I think Chinese, who works for a well-known local university, has his PhD, and seems like a nice, balanced person. He is gay and after a 12-year partnership broke up, he decided having a child was his highest priority. I'm meeting with him on Friday.
- A psychotherapist (around 50 I think), partnered but his partner (female) does not want a child but looking forward to being an aunt. He's quite short at 5'4' but I don't think I care about that. He seems very intelligent and thoughtful but perhaps somewhat controlling - like he wants things to be exactly even. One of my previous co-par.ent candidates was like that and it didn't work for me at all. We are in the process of setting up a meeting.
- A 60-year-old on the East Coast; has a female partner, lives in intentional community. I know, he's probably too old (sperm health, parenting longevity) but we share values/worldview and I could totally see it working. Except he lives on the East Coast... This really doesn't make sense, does it?
So if I can move forward cycle after this coming one, likely starting the second week of May, then that is what I plan to do. There are factors yet to be determined, but I'll keep moving forward if at all possible.
* Brief request for donations: I have some donated medicine, but if anyone has extra gonado.tropin (folli.stim) or ago.nist (lu.pron) medication, I would really appreciate it.
1/06/2012
Finally, a Good Mood
I've been in a good mood today, believe it or not. The first true good mood in several weeks, if not longer, it seems.
Possible reasons include cutting back on the supplement DHEA, which I think may be helping. In addition, I'm on what I call my "hormonal upswing," a few days into my cycle, and I had a really big, ugly cry on Monday (and a smaller one yesterday), which released some grief.
During my Monday cry, I became clear that I'm aching to fully love someone - that I hadn't been able to do that with S and felt deeply sorry about that fact. It sounds fairly simple but felt like a significant insight and shift from feeling despairing and wounded. I still have sadness and am constantly getting triggered by memories and seeing emails or event announcements for things we did together in the past. I looked at his Facebook page today. So, clearly I'm still thinking about him, but the feelings don't seem as raw.
As a result of talking about my insight with my housemate, he ended up loaning me a copy of the book he's working through with his (sort of) girlfriend, called Undefended Love. It's about the balance between the polarity of deeply connecting with yourself and deeply connecting with another person. And about true intimacy coming from directly facing your fears/vulnerability and being present with whatever is happening, versus automatically reverting to old, well-worn defenses that feel safe and familiar. I guess there are some exercises further along in the book. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I mention I rejoined Mat.ch.c.om? Initially, it was a move to soothe my ego and gain some equilibrium in the situation with S. Maybe some of that is still true, but I'm also feeling like it's a healthy thing for me to be "out there" interacting with people. I've only been on the one date so far before Christmas, which didn't have much chemistry. . . and I was still pretty deep in the grief at that point too.
In the last few days, I've been emailing with a recently retired (he retired early to receive his full pension or something; he's only a few years older than me) cop from a nearby town. I like him a lot and he's funny, but he still seems to have some grief going on of his own from his divorce. Maybe we're perfect for each other right now! lol
Finally, school started back up this week. I'm teaching two days a week, covering my co-teacher's (who quit) days, as well as my own. This is supposed to be the "worst" school, but I'm generally liking it so far, knock on wood. The teacher is very supportive of our program and involved with activities, so that's making a huge difference. There's the one rowdy period, of course, who get on my last nerve, but it's not intolerable so far. We're not sure if we have a school lined up after this one, so my fingers are crossed. I'm skating on financial fumes after the holidays and cannot wait until payday on Tuesday!
I have been reading other blogs and appreciating hearing others' feelings and experiences as the year turns. It makes me feel less alone. I truly wish that you all receive the dreams of your heart (and more) in 2012!
Possible reasons include cutting back on the supplement DHEA, which I think may be helping. In addition, I'm on what I call my "hormonal upswing," a few days into my cycle, and I had a really big, ugly cry on Monday (and a smaller one yesterday), which released some grief.
During my Monday cry, I became clear that I'm aching to fully love someone - that I hadn't been able to do that with S and felt deeply sorry about that fact. It sounds fairly simple but felt like a significant insight and shift from feeling despairing and wounded. I still have sadness and am constantly getting triggered by memories and seeing emails or event announcements for things we did together in the past. I looked at his Facebook page today. So, clearly I'm still thinking about him, but the feelings don't seem as raw.
As a result of talking about my insight with my housemate, he ended up loaning me a copy of the book he's working through with his (sort of) girlfriend, called Undefended Love. It's about the balance between the polarity of deeply connecting with yourself and deeply connecting with another person. And about true intimacy coming from directly facing your fears/vulnerability and being present with whatever is happening, versus automatically reverting to old, well-worn defenses that feel safe and familiar. I guess there are some exercises further along in the book. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I mention I rejoined Mat.ch.c.om? Initially, it was a move to soothe my ego and gain some equilibrium in the situation with S. Maybe some of that is still true, but I'm also feeling like it's a healthy thing for me to be "out there" interacting with people. I've only been on the one date so far before Christmas, which didn't have much chemistry. . . and I was still pretty deep in the grief at that point too.
In the last few days, I've been emailing with a recently retired (he retired early to receive his full pension or something; he's only a few years older than me) cop from a nearby town. I like him a lot and he's funny, but he still seems to have some grief going on of his own from his divorce. Maybe we're perfect for each other right now! lol
Finally, school started back up this week. I'm teaching two days a week, covering my co-teacher's (who quit) days, as well as my own. This is supposed to be the "worst" school, but I'm generally liking it so far, knock on wood. The teacher is very supportive of our program and involved with activities, so that's making a huge difference. There's the one rowdy period, of course, who get on my last nerve, but it's not intolerable so far. We're not sure if we have a school lined up after this one, so my fingers are crossed. I'm skating on financial fumes after the holidays and cannot wait until payday on Tuesday!
I have been reading other blogs and appreciating hearing others' feelings and experiences as the year turns. It makes me feel less alone. I truly wish that you all receive the dreams of your heart (and more) in 2012!
11/14/2011
More Thoughts on DHEA
I wanted to share more side effect information about DHEA, which I don't think I've shared fully.
In retrospect, I feel I was a bit cavalier in my attitude when I first started taking it. I only took in the positive benefits I was reading and didn't look deeply enough at the potential side effects.
For me, I believe 75 mg is too high a dosage. I started at 50 and went up to 75 about a month ago because this was the dose used in the successful oft-quoted fertility study (the only major study done so far, I believe, so it's not been shown that high of dose is needed). And part of me was also probably just wanting to increase my chances any way I could, after several months of BFNs.
But my body did not like the higher level. This was the worst month of PMS I've ever had, and I've definitely been more tired and irritable even outside of that. Acne, yep, increase in that too.
So, I'm lowering back down to 50 and plan to talk to the doctor about it as soon as possible. I don't want to stop and lose the gains I've built up the past three months, but I want to respect the impact it has on my body. The higher pregnancy/lower miscarriage rates are nothing to sneeze at but neither are the side effects:
One of the more common side effects of DHEA supplements is acne. Other side effects includeinsomnia, fatigue, oily skin, abdominal pain, hair loss, nasal congestion, rapid or irregular heartbeats and heart palpitations.
DHEA supplements may alter liver function, so people with liver disease shouldn't use the hormone. People with mood disorders (such as depression) should only use DHEA under the supervision of their healthcare provider, as DHEA supplementation may worsen mood. High levels of the body's natural DHEA has been associated with psychotic disorders, so people with or at risk for psychotic disorders shouldn't use DHEA unless under the supervision of their healthcare provider.
Since DHEA supplements may influence the production of male and female hormones, acne, greasy skin, facial hair growth, hair loss, weight gain around the waist, a deepening of the voice and other signs of masculinization may occur in women.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)