No Regrets

So, I guess my actions sometimes show pretty clearly that I'm a risk taker.  One of the bloggers I read wrote a post recently about how frustrated she felt that a young woman was planning to become an SMC when she was in serious debt.  My debt is not bad (except for my student loan), but I'm not on as strong of financial footing as I would like to be when trying to conceive.

I'm working on that.  Just submitted another resume today and sent my resume to a couple of people I respect for feedback.  As mentioned, I'd like an up-to-half-time job with some benefits to add to my current job; then I would be in an exceptional place financially. Right now, I'm getting by but it's not enough to save much, which I need to do if I'm going to be a mom.  And I want more choices.  Choices mainly, at this point, about ttc, but also other life and personal/professional development choices.

I haven't heard back yet as to how many hours I can expect to be working this summer through my college.  Possibly less than I've been working, which is concerning.  It's ironic because I want to provide "sustainable" career counseling that includes helping people to create multiple revenue streams, so they are not overly dependent on one employer.  I've watched so many people (including myself) get the rug pulled out from under them when they lose a job, and it seems to me that employers can wield far to much power over people when they are their sole source of income.  

But I haven't managed to create that for myself, so how can I counsel others in how to create it?  Perhaps as I succeed in gaining my own footing, it will lay the foundation to help my clients follow the same path.  

Which leads me to my current ttc efforts... I'm thinking about going forward with one injectable cycle next month.  I've been scouring some different sites for leftover donated or discount medication and have procured a decent amount.  

I've been waiting more than two years to move to this step and have experienced major set-backs.  I would wait for a few months and focus on employment - maybe I should do this? - but I'm scared to let go again when I'm on the verge of this next step.  

I promised myself I will try a few last times this year, and I want to honor that promise.  And I do know, I have a deep belief, that I have the resources and the ability to respond to what is needed in the moment.  I will do what it takes to provide a good environment for my child.

Ideally, yes, a partner or co-parent will manifest in rapid fashion.  This is definitely what I would prefer.  But relationships end.  Co-parenting is extremely complicated.  I'm on a short timeline here, people.  

So my way forward is definitely not set in stone.  But there is a voice inside me saying, just do it, just make that leap and trust that what is meant to be will be.  Don't have regrets.  Don't let the opportunity pass you by.  

As they say in 12-step programs, more shall be revealed.


  1. I understand being scared as you are on the brink of a new step. I also understand the idea of not having regrets (or at least minimizing them). I think that is the reason I am pushing these needles even as I worry what comes next. I can't stand the thought that I never tried.

  2. When I started ttc, I was not in the financial place I would have liked to have been. I do have a fair bit of debt, and there were some moments of guilt about trying to bring a child into my life when I wasn't well off. But I knew I couldn't wait until I was debt free. Maybe some people would say it's irresponsible, but like you, I couldn't live with the regret of not trying. I won't be able to hire a nanny or send my child to private school (if I have one), but I know that I'll be able to provide the basics and a whole lot of love.

    I'm glad you're going for it. Our situations are rarely ideal and if we wait for the perfect time, we'll likely end up letting life pass us by.

  3. Agree with Sprout, there is never an ideal time.

  4. Thank you for the feedback and support. :-)

  5. I agree with others...waiting for the "perfect time" can often mean missing the opportunity (and sometimes with ttc you don't get that many!).