Cycling Decision

I'm feeling the pressure to decide whether I'm going to cycle with injectables for this coming cycle, starting in six or seven days.  I'm talking to the doctor tomorrow.  The reasons I want to go forward with it now include:

  • I feel like I've been building up to it.  I've had my tests, have a general plan, and have been taking the supplements at least the minimum amount of time they recommend.
  • I have wanted to go to this next level of injectables for a couple of years now, but have been thwarted by one reason or another.  I feel like I should do at least one cycle now, when I can.  
  • I haven't been talking about this, but I may have to switch to a lesser insurance at some point.  I'm not sure when that will be and want to take advantage of the better coverage while I can.
  • I'm dating and, with the one guy I went out with last weekend, I see potential.  I know if I get close to him, it will get harder to go forward and continue to try.  This may be the worst reason ever.  But I just want to push forward and get this higher level effort completed.  If I get pregnant, I will be okay with whatever happens on the dating/relationship front.  If I don't get pregnant, at least I know I made a solid try, which may take a little pressure off for a month or two if I want to see where things go.  * This goes back to my previous post.  In an ideal world, as many of you advised, I would not give up my ttc efforts.  I would continue to date and ttc in parallel.  But in reality, I just don't know whether that is possible for very long, except in very special circumstances.  At a certain point, something has to change.  I know this guy wants to have a kid or kids.  Why would he go along with this plan, considering my age and that I want only one biological child? (or, note to Universe, I would welcome twins too).  And I would want him to fulfill his dreams of fatherhood, as well.
  • Co-parenting.  I've put quite a bit of time and effort into researching and meeting with potential co-parents over the last month or so  - added on to months of time investigating this altogether over the past two or three years.  Part of me wants to strike while the iron's hot on this front.  This reason may be worse than the previous one!

Okay, so the good news is that, through writing this post, I see how I'm letting fear pressure me and push me forward.  I don't want that.  I want to stay grounded, take things a step at a time.  Okay.  So, the next steps are seeing what the doctor recommends and getting more clear on protocol and expenses for an injectable cycle.  Spend time with the co-parent who is coming into town next week and see if it strengthens my desire to move forward with him.  Right now, honestly, I am distracted by the new guy I went out with last weekend.  We have another date tomorrow night...

And, finally, just stay present to how I'm feeling as things unfold.  Be true to my desire to ttc (with injectables) soon.  And pay attention to what path forward feels most right.  Trust, trust, trust the process.  Easier said than done, but I'm going to try.


  1. I can understand you feeling pressured and wanting to move ffd but still wanting to see how things go with the new guy. Your plan of taking it one step at a time seems the best approach - meet the doc, check out the protocol and finally meet the co-parent next week. That meeting may just turn out to be the deciding factor. Good luck with it. And enjoy your date.

  2. You have a lot on your plate. I agree that moving forward a step at the time seems like the best approach.

  3. I did two cycles with (relatively) low dose of Gonal-F and Femara together. And it worked really well, since I got pregnant both times - the second time with Finn. I think the injectables just make sense at this point.

    And hooray for another date!

  4. I completely understand the feeling of being pushed into making a decision based on fear. I know, though, that you'll end up making the best decision for yourself.

    Let us know how the doctor's appointment went!