Reproduction vs. Romance in Another Context
In this post, I'm going to describe the dates... then consider whether dating is simpatico with pursuing co-parenting.
The first one, a breakfast date, I completely forgot. He emailed as I was still in my pajamas and thinking about going for a run. I waffled for a minute, but then hurriedly threw on my running clothes in case I wanted to go afterwards, brushed my teeth, washed my face, put on a touch of mascara, and ran out the door. Not my prettiest look. I did warn him.
Anyway, once I arrived at the cool little breakfast place near Lake Merr.itt, we started talking and gradually warmed up into a fairly good rapport. He has beautiful eyes and a very nice smile. I was feeling a bit self-conscious but it helped once we warmed up and started laughing a lot.
After breakfast, we walked down to the nearby Farmer's Mar.ket and cruised around talking. Two highlights: he loves Ore.gon and his father lives there; and he initiated touching our hands together at the end under the pretense of showing me an exercise he did in a workshop. We agreed to meet again this week.
Oh, and one caveat: He said in his profile he wants to meet women 28 to 35 (he's my age), I imagine because he also says he wants kids. I flirted first with a comment on one of his pictures, then he initiated communicating.
The second date I actually had in my calendar. We met, oddly, at another restaurant near Lake Merr.itt for their afternoon happy hour out on the deck. When I saw the guy, my first thought was, "He does NOT look like his pictures!" I went back and looked at the pictures again afterwards and see the resemblance, but they definitely place him in a super positive light.
So I'm thinking, "No," right off the bat, but we can still have a pleasant drink and chat.
We ended up having two drinks, as it was such a perfect summer-like day to be hanging out in the sun, and he was easy to talk with. At the end, I found myself considering going on a second date, but, in retrospect, I think it was the wine talking!
Quite an unusually full day...
Later, I found myself imagining how these guys, especially the first guy, would feel if I told them about my co-parenting plans. They clearly stated in their profile that they want kids. And if, by God's grace, I become pregnant, I only want one biological child. *As I write this, I see it's similar to dating when trying to become an SMC in other ways, as well.
Also, considering the idea through their eyes, this clearly complicates the family constellation and would affect our lives as a couple. It may just be too unusual and complicated for them to understand, let alone accept.
I'm not sure how or when I will communicate with someone I'm dating about my co-parenting plans. I think I'm in the camp that I will tell them when it organically comes up and feels important to share. Because I don't want to live life from a place of trying to control all the "what ifs." Who knows what may or may not happen in any of these scenarios?
I do feel strongly that I want to try a few times this year, as my window is closing (if not already closed). I want to give one more whole-hearted try, adding injectables to the mix. It doesn't feel good to think about putting these plans on hold.
How would you handle things if you were me?