Thanks to everyone who weighed in on the discussion about the line between romance and reproduction. I definitely related to the experience many of you shared about choosing a donor based on attraction (or whether you could see having sex with him :). I do think there is something primal about creating a child and joining genetically with someone.
In my real-life co-parent considerations of the moment, it is a bit of concern to me that I don't really feel a strong primal attraction to the East Coast guy, at least not physically. I'm sure part of it is his age, as he is significantly older than me.
But I think I'm feeling a lot along the lines of what Sunflower wrote in the comments about personality, getting along well, and being pleasant looking - plus there's this very strong resonance or "on the same wavelength" factor that makes it very easy to imagine co-parenting with him successfully. Financially, he is in the middle of a career transition and not as strong in that area as I would like. But he has an impressive (to me anyway) career history and is actively moving toward future opportunities. Also, he is married and has a wonderful "homestead" living situation including land, growing his own food, chickens, etc.
All this to say, I'm moving forward to the next step with him! He is flying out here in a couple of weeks to spend a few days, mainly with me but also with friends he knows in the area. I'm nervous! I'm still not sure about the wisdom of choosing an older co-parent. I wonder if this will affect my abilities to conceive. I know it increases the risk of autism, which is worrisome, as well.
But, as you probably know if you've been reading for a while, I have a strong spiritual side, and this situation just keeps flowing forward. It "feels" the most right at this point and seems to have a life of it's own, if that makes any sense. I'm not having to work to move it forward.
Sooo, we were clear this trip is about getting to know each other better and in-depth, discussions about co-parenting details and issues. It does not indicate a decision to move forward; that decision is still up in the air. But it still feels like a big decision!
Hope it goes well, and glad that you are not putting too much pressure on the meeting and having to make a decision ASAP.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yes, it was important to me that the visit not have that kind of pressure.
DeleteSO happy to hear that there is some progress being made on a candidate. I'm loving the process - I hadn't heard about co-parenting until you started blogging about it. :) Yay! So happy for you. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sunny! Glad you're following along and appreciate your support. :)
DeleteI'm very curious about the logistical part of co-parenting. How does that work if you are on opposite sides of the country (for getting pregnant, and raising the kiddo)? Also, what role would his wife play in all of this? The whole process is so interesting, thanks for sharing your journey with all of us!
ReplyDeleteHi Ali - Weeell, logistically it really wouldn't work well, which is why I believe something would need to change if I become pregnant. That change would most likely mean me moving out to Vermont, which is crazy to think of but it's a pretty great place from what I know. Also, he's mentioned that his work is flexible and sometimes mobile, and he could potentially spend a month or more at a time out here. We've talked about being on Skype/phone a lot for decisions/support and also he would provide some financial support. That's as far as we've gotten.... Oh, his wife apparently supports him in doing this and would be an involved aunt; I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet.
DeleteThis is very exciting!
ReplyDeleteLike the other ladies who have commented, I'm very interested in how this part of your journey turns out, especially since co-parenting was an option I might have taken if things had turned out differently on my path.
:-) Thanks! I'm curious to hear how far you got in considering co-parenting - were you researching or looking at candidates?
DeleteBeing on the same "wavelength" is huge. Co-parenting has the potential to be emotionally volatile, it would be nice to have a partner who gets you, without lots of extra effort to make yourself understood.
ReplyDeleteMoving though, wow, that's another huge step!
I totally agree. You really are in each other's lives (in terms of communication) weekly if not daily and it sounds much more appealing and positive to be good friends with them. I know - moving is really not the great part but I'm just going forward a step at a time based on what I'm feeling and the information I have and seeing where the journey leads. :-)
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