8/30/2012

I want my mom...

It's been an interesting week...

Today was my second day back teaching middle school career exploration classes.  The teacher is great to work with and very engaged, which makes all the difference.  I'm still getting my teacher legs back under me and feel pretty exhausted, especially after Tuesday when the exhaustion was coupled with a headache.  We did mock graduations today, as part of a lesson about how college degrees are connected with higher earning potential.  I still have Pomp and Circumstance circulating in my head.

Then, I went to my first monitoring appointment for this cycle yesterday.  Thanks for your supportive words about scheduling.  It was stressful but the doctor ended up reassuring me that coming in on day 5 was fine.  So, all this week, I've felt kind of weepy and vulnerable and needy.  You know how you feel when you just want your mom, if you had a mom and she was kind and nurturing?

And I wasn't finding anyone to give me the mom energy; not my housemate, not the nurse on the phone, and certainly not the nurse practitioner who did this first monitoring.  She was perfectly skilled in her nursing abilities, but not very warm, and kept chattering away about how local businesses were closing and her favorite quilt store closed, etc.

And then, when we were done, she gave me some papers and told me I needed to walk over to the nearby pharmacy to get the Femara... oh and by the way, I only have 10 minutes to get there.  Great, thank you!  I wanted to sit down and have a calm, relaxed discussion about my protocol, and instead I get ushered out the door and told I need to rush over to the pharmacy.  I'm not proud to admit it, but I cried a little on the way out of the building.

Maybe I'm expecting too much handholding from these people.  As mentioned, I want my mom, or else I want a partner to hold and comfort me.  But it would help if the nurses and nurse practitioners were a bit more kind and patient.   Not all of them, but two of them have been quite harsh.

In any case, without any meds in my system yet, I had about eight or  nine follicles that stood out.  There were other smaller ones but eight or nine she measured: five on the left and three or four on the right.  I'm on my second day of Femara.  I'll take five days, and then do two days of two vials of Meno.pur before my next monitoring appointment on Wednesday.  Fingers crossed!  Despite the frustrating people interactions, I'm feeling hopeful.

13 comments:

  1. I don't know why they can't find more sensitive staff. It shouldn't just be a job. It's not handholding that you needed and deserve, it's compassion.

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  2. I also think my RE staff forgets how stressful this can be. My first real sympathy or caring came with the miscarriage. As for work, give yourself a chance to get your "teaching legs" back under you. "Being on" all day can exhaust you.

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  3. That's a great follicle count! I hope you get a couple of good eggies out of the lot. :)

    I'm sorry that the nurse wasn't more nurturing and understanding. I'm sure to them it just becomes a job, but it would be nice if they could remember WHY women are coming to see them. I would have been there to hold your hand if I could have. *hugs*

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    1. Thanks, Jenny, I appreciate it.
      I didn't think the follicle count was that great - I guess it is pretty good for my age? Yes, hoping for a couple good eggies! :)

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  4. Sending lots of <3 your way. :) I know how you feel... I never really received the kind of nurturing and patience from my mother that I needed, and almost nothing can satiate that crave, even now.

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    1. Yeah, that's it. It can definitely feel like a craving, like I'd do anything for a soft place to fall. Thanks for the <3, sending lots back to you.

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  5. I recommend talking to your RE about the rude nursing staff. I had a talk with my RE about the tech who always draws my blood (it's like she stabs me rather than the normal prick of the arm). It felt good just to get my concerns out in the open. I also plan to address how the nursing staff rarely answers the phone and I always have to leave a message. I think someone actually answered the phone once.

    And I can totally relate to wanting your mom. My mom passed away from breast cancer 7 years ago and I wish I still had her around to hold my hand through the hard days of IF.

    Thinking of you.

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    1. I'm glad you told your doc. I did tell my doc that the first nurse wasn't very friendly.
      I'm sorry about your Mom. Wish she were here to hold your hand through IF and wish my mom was here for me. Sending supportive thoughts to you.

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  6. That is an awesome follie count on Day 2 of Femara. I am sorry the nurses were rude and not kindly as one would expect them to be. (Hugs)

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    1. I realized I wrote it in a confusing way, but I didn't start taking Femara until right after my appointment. But I was on Day 2 the day I wrote the blog post, if that makes sense. Thanks for the hugs, I need them this week. :)

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  7. Yay for a great antral follicle count!

    Considering so many of us pay cash for all this, you think they'd have the resources to hire great nurses. Sending you hugs and good thoughts!

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    1. Thanks, Shannon! Yeah, no kidding. Appreciate the hugs and thoughts. :)

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  8. I'm so excited for you this cycle! That is a great antral follicle count! Come on Femara and Menopur, pump those eggies up!
    Aww, and I know what you mean. I wish there would be more caring people - especially in the medical field. You would think they would be a lot warmer than what they are. Big hugs!! xoxo

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