Actually getting together tomorrow in-person with S to talk about our relationship and it's demise. I still struggle with wrapping my head and heart around his decision about the ex at the end, and how he could have held the idea of her coming out and staying with him in his head our entire relationship. So hopefully I'll find a bit more peace with that whole thing.
The dark side in me that I want to forget, which I've shared a lot about in previous posts, revolves around my doubts around our chemistry and my judgments of him, as well as my tendency to want to force things to be what I wanted them to be at times. I honestly think our two sides are connected. It doesn't make it okay, but it helps explain the disconnect that might open the door for him to consider such things.
The confusing thing about relationships is that everything - all the issues and feelings - are wrapped around each other and interconnected like jungle vines. Trying to dissect and unravel "my part" and "your part" can be an exercise in higher emotional math. But, yes, I enjoy higher emotional math more than most!
Shout out to all you who've been enduring the sick lately. I've been under the weather since a week ago last Tuesday with this cold/cough crud that's been going around. I'm grateful there wasn't any severe congestion, knock on wood (this thing has had so many phases, I wouldn't be surprised if another one rolled around), but the coughing has been a real joy. Not so much.
I'm kind of warped in my sense of humor sometimes and would tease certain more rowdy kids with threats I was going to cough on them. hehe Maybe that's really inappropriate; I'll probably get a call from a parent. In my defense, I never actually DID it. :-)
Brief side note: I confirmed that there will be no hours for me for at least two or two-and-a-half months this summer = increase the urgency in search for added income sources! I also talked to the Dean of our department, and she said there are no additional grant hours available. And even if there were, I could only work a total of 16 hours a week per a specific District rule. Disappointing. She also said supportive things about my value to the team and gave me some positive guidance, so that felt good.
Looking forward to my Heart and Soul community meeting tonight and the Dances of Universal Peace being led by another member. The creativity will continue tomorrow morning when I attend the Mosaic class my brother gave me for my birthday. Their class description said we will all leave with a completed mosaic art piece; very cool! Seems like good energy to move into my talk with S. . .