Report on "The Talk"

Talk with S went very well.  I was able to express the deep hurt and also the anger, and he heard it and felt things I wanted him to feel like guilt and compassion.  I understand more of his side of the fence--the main new information being that he was thrown both when I broke up with him and later when I said I didn't want to be friends.  He expected a reaction but not to that level.  He thought we would still go to Oregon.  Also, he thought I would come around to thinking about his history with the ex and bring that more into my considerations.  I reiterated how it felt like he emotionally broke up with me prior to me formally taking that action.

There were things he said that I want to know more about, like how he sees he has a pattern of "setting a trap," referring to the situation with me and his ex.  I want to know more about his feelings when he said that yes, he was going ahead with his plans despite how I felt and how I said I couldn't handle it.  I know some of the thought process, but I want to know the feelings.  Part of me still feels pain thinking of that moment and that decision on his part.  He said he felt dizzy and sick to his stomach when he got the email about me not wanting to be friends, and I admit that felt soothing to hear.  We acknowledged the sadness that we didn't get more help from resources in our community and the many connections we have.

We are going to talk again soon.  At the end of our talk, we held each other and ended up kissing.  I won't lie; it felt really good.  More warmth and tenderness mixed in with the passion part.  Who knows what that means.  I'm just trying to stay focused on myself as we talk through things that have needed talking for a long time.


  1. I am glad that you got to talk with him face to face and go over some of the things that upset you.

    I agree that continue to focus on you and what you need said and understood, and let the chips fall where they might. It is possible that the whole shock of the break-up has made him realize that your feelings count and more importantly you are not willing to stand up for yourself - that that is good for him to know.

  2. Oops I meant to say -- you ARE willing to stand up for yourself :-)

  3. It sounds like you two had a very good talk and that it might have been healing in some way. I think it's great that you can both talk about this in a mature, respectful manner with each other as you try to work through your emotions.

  4. Sounds like a great talk that was a long time coming. I think it's great that you two could sit down and have this talk - hopefully, even if it doesn't mean a reconciliation, it will help you to both not make the same mistakes in future relationships. Good job!!