Since it looks like I'll be putting some energy into dating, as well as ttc, this summer, I guess I'll be writing some posts on that topic, too.
The date I mentioned in the prior post was a little bit older guy I met on Mat.ch.com. He looked cute in his pictures, but there were no close-ups of his face. When we met, I was a bit disappointed. We had a couple doozy phone calls, where the energy was crackling and it seemed we had tons of chemistry. I was actually imagining a relationship, and he was saying things along those lines, as well. But I think he was being overly accommodating and giving himself a bit too much credit in the personal growth/consciousness arena.
Have I mentioned that I feel I've truly limited my relationship prospects through all the self-awareness/counseling/communication stuff I've done? In a way, I think it makes me a good partner because I can take more responsibility for my own issues, but on the other hand, I don't have a lot of tolerance if they don't meet me half way.
In any case, after I adjusted to his true appearance (vs. what I'd imagined - a risk of online dating), he gave me the flowers he brought and I handed over a bag of fresh apricots from our garden. But the flowery romance ended there. His expression was kind of intense and surly, where he didn't sound that way on the phone. Also, he kind of had this flat affect, and, considering I'd had the super hard conversation with the doctor earlier that day, I was wanting a little more warmth and kindness.
So, I think I responded a bit harshly to a less than compassionate question he asked, and the situation spiraled down from there. He got defensive, I felt sad, he shut down and scurried us out of the restaurant, I shut down, he overreacted to that and got more defensive... ach! I guess in a broad stroke view, we just weren't a good in-person match!
Two odd things about it, though: One, I normally don't connect that well with people on the phone at first; and two, we seemed to have that smell chemistry I've spoken about before, which made me really wish we were on the same wavelength in other areas! Oh well, onward and upward....
In a rather odd turn of events, I'm going hiking next Saturday with my brother's friend, T. When my brother, his wife, and T went out the other night for drinks/dinner prior to our family Ta.hoe trip, I may have gotten a little tipsy and asked T what he thought about the idea of being a donor/co-parent. Ooops!!! For God's sake, not appropriate, woman! But, yes, I did it.
See, T and I have always had this "energy"... well, the few times I've hung out with my brother and him over the past few years. We are both pretty liberal and open-minded and like to brainstorm and explore different "off the beaten path" topics. My brother has even kind of hinted he thought we might get along, despite the fact I'm quite a bit older than him.
Also factoring in: I was just coming off this Sky.pe relationship with a guy in Britain because - uh oh, here is is again - he didn't smell good. I don't think I talked a lot about that on here. In brief, it didn't feel real in a way because it was just Sky.pe, but we did talk every day for about three weeks. He was talking about coming out to visit. So, knowing myself, and how important chemistry is to me, I wanted to assure that we had some before he flew halfway 'round the world. So, I asked him to wear a t-shirt and send it to me. Unfortunately, it wasn't a match. :( Bummer.
This had just happened before the evening with my brother and wife and T, and, in one of those weird slightly tipsy conversations about things, I ended up smelling T. Guess what? He smelled really good. Not a great reason to ask someone to be a donor? No, probably not. I guess I wasn't thinking too clearly.
Anyway, he actually said he didn't think he could just be a donor and not be involved as a father, and so I briefly mentioned co-parenting. At this point, we were talking privately, but then we were all seated for dinner and the conversation ended there.
After I got back from Tah.oe, we actually talked about it again on the phone. Basically, he really wants to be a dad but wants the "whole package" of a wife and family and doesn't feel a strong sexual attraction to me. I totally get that. I am almost 10 years older than him, plus he hasn't had many relationships and his last one (about 10 years ago) was with someone several years younger than him. He still has hope that he's going to experience that hit you over the head, love at first sight thing. Who am I to burst his bubble? I guess it does occasionally happen with someone who might be an appropriate partner. *For those of you in partnership, did this happen to you when you met?
But the awesome thing is that we talked through things, and we're going hiking next weekend with his dog in tow. I'm kind of excited just for the fun of it and getting out for a summer hike. We'll see how it goes.
And on a final note to this long saga, I connected with a cute, single guy at my dance group on Sunday (cute, single guys never come to my dance group!) and we hung out after dance and got a little cuddly. He's coming to my Inter.Play class tomorrow night, and hopefully we'll hang out a bit after. Wow, that almost sounds normal! Well, one out of four isn't bad, right?