I'm back

Sorry for disappearing!

I was pretty down about the cycle not working for a while.  And the conversation with the doctor sure didn't help, in which he quoted statistics I've heard a million times.  The "worst case" statistics from the "42 and older" category.  At first he said even chances with IVF are low, but then seemed to remember I had responded fairly well to the stim drugs, and by the end of the conversation was pushing IVF like a used car salesman.  He thinks I should go to the free orientation sessions at local clinics and said there is no benefit to going to Kai.ser (they don't do IVF at his location in SF but offer it at the Fremont location) because everything is out of pocket.  I'm not sure I believe that, since it seems like some of the testing and medication would be partially covered, but maybe I could get those through Kai.ser anyway?  I don't even know why I'm debating it, since I can't afford it right now.  I thought about looking at the funding options again, but I'm not optimistic.

So, as of now, I'm still looking forward to connecting with another Kai.ser doctor in Fremont in mid-August and likely doing another injectable cycle before then or at that time.  As my friend reminded me:  at least one out of twenty eggs is still good, so there's still a chance!  A positive viewpoint!

My absence was also due to taking a trip to Lake Ta.hoe for a few days over the Fourth of July with the whole family.  It was really nice.  I hadn't been there in a long time.  We went out on the boat a few times, had a few drinks, laid out on the dock, ate good food, that sort of thing.  A rough life... ha!  AND I got to play a lot with my niece and nephew.  My niece and I had some really lovely drawing/project sessions - so fun to draw in parallel and consult one another on design choices, comment on what I liked about her drawing, etc.  Totally the way I imagine playing with my kid one day.  All three of us also played a lot of matchbox car games, where we enacted different imaginary scenarios and the cars were often humanized.  Pretty interesting.  They got very attached to their assigned cars, too, let me tell you!  My nephew actually carried around a ziploc bag full of cars and would take one out or put one back, then ask you to, "Close it."  Very cute.  Instead of a security blanket, he had a security "bag of cars"!

It's nice to be back now.  I had a date and also have a story to tell about an odd, yet in the end positive, exchange with a good friend of my brother, who lives in SF (we have plans to go on a hike next weekend), but I'll share more in the next couple days.  I'm going to chill out tonight and go to bed early.  I've been following along with blog posts but not commenting much, as I did not have internet reception at the lake (just iPh.one).  But I'll get back into commenting now.  I'm continuing to wish good things for people.


  1. I glad you had a good time on the family trip. :-)

  2. I'm glad you felt better and could enjoy the 4th of July weekend with your family. From my personal experience, nothing is as healing as being with the people you love, especially when you are undertaking this shitty journey by yourself. Wanna hear about that date!

    Hope the new doc can tweak your injectables protocol some...sometimes its also a trick of figuring out what your ovaries respond best to.

    1. Yeah, I'm hoping she'll tweak it a bit too. Also wondering if I should have the uterine biopsy procedure, as they say this can increase chances. They tell me they could see polyps on the ultrasound if I had them, but is it weird that I'm thinking it would be good to just take a good look around in there?

  3. Good to hear from you and glad you had a wonderful vacation with family to take your mind off things a bit. You seem to have a plan to go forward which is always comforting, knowing that there are options including trying the new RE.

  4. Welcome back from your holiday weekend! Looking forward to hearing about your date :-)