11/03/2011

Aaargh!

I was in a really good mood.  I had a facial today, which I never do but now can say I very highly recommend.  A little work got done, I went on a walk, I had a good conversation which resolved some tension with sh/cm, I drank a glass of red wine. . . and then he called.

He called to tell me his ex had asked him for a ride to this talk he's giving tonight.  A talk hosted by the group they are mutually part of and facilitated by her.  A talk I had found peace with, despite the somewhat emotionally-laden circumstances, and was prepared to attend with my supportive bells on.

But then he called.  And I got triggered into an upset place again, a place I did not want to go.

I just can't believe that that he blithely agreed to give her a ride considering the stress and conflict we've had around the situation recently.  I even spoke with him about it earlier today, mentioned I was feeling a little vulnerable around it, and specifically asked to both have a clear plan for what we were doing afterwards and not end up doing something with just us and his ex.

We made plans to get a drink, and he said he would protect me from an uncomfortable situation afterwards.  Ha!  By giving her a ride there, it meant he would have to give her a ride home - putting us in the exact situation I sought to avoid!

Well, I did go to the talk, though I thought about ditching.  SIF, if you're out there, I actually thought of your phrase "classy class."  Even though it doesn't fit exactly in the context I'm using it, for some reason it came to mind.  I thought to myself, "I'm going to attend because I'm classy class, and I don't back out on something important I've committed to because I'm upset."

In retrospect, I'm glad I went, but it was kinda hard being there. . . and I left immediately afterwards.

I'm not sure I want to see him tomorrow night.  We have plans but I'm feeling pretty blech about things.

We need to get to a better place around this stuff and, as they say, "fill the well" of our relationship.

Because right now, it's pretty darn depleted.

2 comments:

  1. I"m sorry you're having to deal with this. It is like reading a history of my relationship with my husband in the early days. Honestly, I eventually had to tell him to choose because her presence was hurting our relationship - obviously he did the right thing. In his words "well, she's my ex for a reason, so I don't need her to be part of my life". I hope you guys can work it out. It is possible to move past this, we did... it can be fixed.

    stay strong girl!

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  2. Aaaargh! is right. I really feel your frustration.

    I'm wondering if he has trouble saying no to people and that's why he agreed to give his ex a ride. It sounds like he needs to grow a backbone and set some very firm boundaries with her if he hopes to protect his relationship with you.

    I hope you can work things out. *hugs*

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