I was in a really good mood.  I had a facial today, which I never do but now can say I very highly recommend.  A little work got done, I went on a walk, I had a good conversation which resolved some tension with sh/cm, I drank a glass of red wine. . . and then he called.

He called to tell me his ex had asked him for a ride to this talk he's giving tonight.  A talk hosted by the group they are mutually part of and facilitated by her.  A talk I had found peace with, despite the somewhat emotionally-laden circumstances, and was prepared to attend with my supportive bells on.

But then he called.  And I got triggered into an upset place again, a place I did not want to go.

I just can't believe that that he blithely agreed to give her a ride considering the stress and conflict we've had around the situation recently.  I even spoke with him about it earlier today, mentioned I was feeling a little vulnerable around it, and specifically asked to both have a clear plan for what we were doing afterwards and not end up doing something with just us and his ex.

We made plans to get a drink, and he said he would protect me from an uncomfortable situation afterwards.  Ha!  By giving her a ride there, it meant he would have to give her a ride home - putting us in the exact situation I sought to avoid!

Well, I did go to the talk, though I thought about ditching.  SIF, if you're out there, I actually thought of your phrase "classy class."  Even though it doesn't fit exactly in the context I'm using it, for some reason it came to mind.  I thought to myself, "I'm going to attend because I'm classy class, and I don't back out on something important I've committed to because I'm upset."

In retrospect, I'm glad I went, but it was kinda hard being there. . . and I left immediately afterwards.

I'm not sure I want to see him tomorrow night.  We have plans but I'm feeling pretty blech about things.

We need to get to a better place around this stuff and, as they say, "fill the well" of our relationship.

Because right now, it's pretty darn depleted.


  1. I"m sorry you're having to deal with this. It is like reading a history of my relationship with my husband in the early days. Honestly, I eventually had to tell him to choose because her presence was hurting our relationship - obviously he did the right thing. In his words "well, she's my ex for a reason, so I don't need her to be part of my life". I hope you guys can work it out. It is possible to move past this, we did... it can be fixed.

    stay strong girl!

  2. Aaaargh! is right. I really feel your frustration.

    I'm wondering if he has trouble saying no to people and that's why he agreed to give his ex a ride. It sounds like he needs to grow a backbone and set some very firm boundaries with her if he hopes to protect his relationship with you.

    I hope you can work things out. *hugs*