Sub-Par

I would like to apologize for my bad attitude ahead of time.  

This job stinks.  

Looking back, I spent much of today scowling at 13-year-olds chatting gaily with their buddies, as our guest speaker valiantly soldiered on.  I also said, "Listen up!" and "Shhhh" about a million times and walked around the room motioning and cajoling them to, "Pay attention."  Fun stuff.

I hate classroom management, and what's more I'm not great at it.  Yes, I can do it now, better than I could when I started 10 or 11 weeks ago, but I'm still at most sub-par.  I don't like the feeling of doing just an okay job.  I want to be doing work that truly fits me, and at which I can excel.  

I've always been more of a creative project design and one-on-one counseling person, as well as self-development theatre/creativity-based workshops for older youth/adults.  But not teaching classrooms of 40 amped-up middle school kids.  This might fit more in the category of "my worst nightmare."  

How did I end up here?  Oh yeah. . . . the money thing.  What's that you say?  I've posted similar blog entries before?  It can't be!

All this leads me to say that I am going to jumpstart my work search again and also put energy into the collaborative educational workshop idea with sh/cm, which has juice for me.  I'm hoping a meeting tomorrow with a friend, who mentioned conspiratorially that she has an idea she wants to run by me, may hold promise, as well.

This concludes todays regularly-scheduled bitch-o-rama.

p.s.  I did have one contribution this week of which I'm proud:  I designed a clear and colorful handout with introductory exercises for our career exploration software program.  I guess even if I leave this program in the near future, I can contribute in a lasting way on that level.